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Nice girls finish last too?

We hear all the time that nice guys finish last, but does the same ring true for super nice girls? Do they get glanced over as well?  Yes, super nice girls are out there, men.

I find it so fascinating (and by fascinating, I mean annoying) when I am super nice to some guys, they try to take my kindness for weakness.  Then I have to show the feisty side when I am challenged.When this happens, why does this often turn the guy on more? Is it because he’s lame and should be left alone?

I don’t like acting like a witch, but I always learn a lot about a guy when I’m in one of those modes.  It’s not about that “cute when you’re mad” excuse, either.  Challenging women attract a particular type of man. The question is, would I want that kind of man for my own?

Do you think that when you date someone new, you go through a phase where you are seeing what kind of boundaries the person has?

Is it true that nice girls finish last? How do men interpret a nice girl’s behavior? Do they test her to see how nice she really is?

Ladies, do you find that being nice on the dating scene works best for you? Do you think being harsh with men is a defense tool women use as emotional protection?  Does that actually work?

Do nice girls finish last?

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448 comments Add your comment

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 13th, 2010
10:20 am

Good post Melo.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 13th, 2010
10:20 am

Good morning! ♥

SexyCool

April 13th, 2010
10:21 am

mqew

April 13th, 2010
10:23 am

Melo – EXACTLY! They old as hell! Or not really old, but definitely to old for THAT mess! He’s 40, so she’s probably around the same age. (I’m going to ask to Friend her on FB to see if she has her HS graduation year)

Leggs

April 13th, 2010
10:23 am

@mqew ~ I already don’t like your brother’s gf. Classless, but did laugh at the 0-80.

I have a dilemna and need help. Will wait until 12:01 before changing the topic.

kimmie

April 13th, 2010
10:28 am

Morning All!

Leggs, to echo what Randyt said, you most certainly did not “lose” a thing to that guy!

I’ve seen plenty men do themselves a grave disservice by shunning the “nice” girl for the spicy one. Then later, they are looking crazy and bent after dealing with all the spicy drama. You got EXACTLY what you asked for. Just like a lot of dudes claim they want the “natural woman” who does not wear makeup or perm her hair, but chase after the chick with 2 tons of makeup & weave on. Same when women go for the “bad boys”. We all get what we ask for.

Yes, I’ve had my kindness taken for stupidity and weakness plenty of times. I’ve had my limits tested severely by some men. These men actually helped me weed them out as the game-players they were. I am not about to change who I am – a naturally kind person. But please don’t push or underestimate me. You do so at your own expense.

How about we all strive to be BALANCED? Kind to our fellow man, but strong and confident and no pushover?

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 13th, 2010
10:30 am

Girls can still be sassy and nice at the same time.

Yes we sure can..it’s a fine line,though.

“which kind of gals do they “hit and run” and which do they keep”?…Might not be the same answer.

It might and then again it might not….every situation isn’t the same and the unfair part about it all is the generalizing,blanket statements being kicked around thus far. We can’t apply what we (dis)like to everyone else’s situation or look down our noses at what we may think is (un)acceptable, or lady like or whatever. At the end of the day it’s up to us to choose WTF we want/like or what works best for us. You’ve got some guys that do marry the jump off and there are some that marry the nice girl so it’s a mixed bag.

SexyCool

April 13th, 2010
10:30 am

I think of myself as a nice girl with *b!tch tendencies.*

If you keep showing me your nice guy, I will keep showing you my nice girl.

If you act an ass, the b!tch in me will show you the door and keep stepping.

Life is too short to deal with a$$holes.

mqew

April 13th, 2010
10:31 am

MDot – I just always see ignance in yours hon :-)

Your audience – women on this blog, so no, not that general.

It seems I need to repeat myself. Just get some years dude, that’s all…..

Peadawg

April 13th, 2010
10:34 am

Well said SexyCool @ 10:30.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 13th, 2010
10:34 am

I meant in the aspect that they try to test their boundaries and to see how far they can go and what they can get away with.

And men don’t….seriously?…

Even as children we seek boundaries so why wouldn’t that also apply to a relationship…maybe the analogy was a little skewed by the use of the word kids….I’m jus’ sayin’….

SexyCool

April 13th, 2010
10:35 am

Leggs – spill it. I don’t wanna wait.

And in other SCool news – the Atlanta Track Club cashed my check for the Peachtree Road Race. I AM SO IN THERE, BABY!!! Gotta get serious about my training. I plan on coming in under two hours.

Peadawg

April 13th, 2010
10:35 am

“Yes we sure can..it’s a fine line,though.”

A little sass is kinda sexy sometimes. But too much gets annoying.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 13th, 2010
10:37 am

If you act an ass, the b!tch in me will show you the door and keep stepping….Life is too short to deal with a$$holes.

OKAY?!

Plain and simple, no need for drama just break.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 13th, 2010
10:40 am

But too much gets annoying.

Yeah it’s definitely not for everybody….some want it but can’t handle it when they do get it and some take it in stride like it’s nothing and aren’t even phased in the least. ;)

kinderbabe--31 days and counting! woohoo!!

April 13th, 2010
10:42 am

@sexycool…congrats! i too will be there.:) this is my 2nd peachtree and i’m excited! i am participating in a 6K this weekend. i did a 5K last month and want to do maybe one or two more 5/6Ks before july. can’t wait til the pollen clears so i can get back to more outdoor runs. how will you be training for the big day?

Carlito

April 13th, 2010
10:44 am

Make peace, respond to strife or make peace. That is the decision we face when we get into it with our SO. Making peace can be responding with a kind word, or it could be just leaving your SO if you can not find peace together. Don’t go to bed angry :)

SexyCool

April 13th, 2010
10:50 am

kb – This is my very first PRR. I am uber-excited.

I plan on doing at least two 5k’s between now and then. Right now, I am run/walking a 5k route in my neighborhood at least two mornings a week. (I’m at about 48 minutes total route.) I am on the elliptical another two mornings. For past three or four weekends, I have either gone up Stone Mountain or around it.

I’ve got to start getting more runs in though and increase my distance. Not sure how I’m going to fit it in. My coed softball league starts tonight. And this year, I’m going to play in the women’s league on Wednesday night. Thursday and Friday are supposed to be my *real cute* days when I wear my hair styled and not *curly sue* but it looks like I’m going to have to give that up so that I can add in some more runs.

*Enough about me. LOL*

abc

April 13th, 2010
10:53 am

You get what you pay for. If you pay in niceties such as a calm demeanor, generous spirit, and kind heart, that’s what you’re likely to attract and keep. If you do it by being so-called feisty, challenging, temperamental, and generally self-absorbed, that’s what you’re likely to attract and keep.

Nice girls finish first, but to some it seems like it takes them longer to get to the finish line, since patience is a virtue nice girls must possess. Just the same, the prize they win is greater.

M. (pronouced M dot)

April 13th, 2010
10:54 am

@mqew

Take it how you want. There is no ignorance. The thing is you think dating is like it was in 1950 when you were on the dating scene. It’s a different game in 2010 and I was giving you the perspective of someone who is actually out dating not someone living through a Tyler Perry movie and Steve Harvey Rose Colored Glasses.

kimmie

April 13th, 2010
10:54 am

I think the whole definition of “nice” is subjective. It just does not mean the same to everyone. Some folks take nice as being kind & thoughtful, while to some, especially in the context of a relationship, it means doormat, pushover, boring, uncreative. Sometimes when describing a person to someone as being nice, it means you’re really trying to say they are unattractive.

A lot of times people see a man and just because he is neat & clean, has a steady job & a car & his own place, goes to church, he’s deemed “nice” or “good”. Yeah, he looks good on paper. When he doesn’t do well with the ladies, folks criticize the ladies & say “yall complain about not being able to find a good man, well you’re passing this one over, he’s right under your nose. He’s a good man, but keeps getting passed over & it’s the women’s fault. When all along, he could be an absolute monster to get along with, a ho, a functioning addict or alchoholic, a stalker, violent & mean, in poor health, or be just a plain bore. But yeah, he’s SUPPOSED to be NICE!

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
10:56 am

good post abc!

kimmie

April 13th, 2010
10:56 am

abc – I like your 10:53.

CoolShadow

April 13th, 2010
10:58 am

In trying to be a nice person, it’s a thin line that separates the zone of being thoughtful and considerate and the zone of being used as a simp and doormat. People often abuse that privilege of generosity and cross that line are then shocked when the ‘nice’ person pushes back. Folks who claim that someone is/was “too nice” are really people who had someone digging them but they weren’t digging back but tried to exploit the situation or got exposed and privileges cut. Ever notice how users like that usually will boomerang back into your life for a second chance? Sometimes folks don’t know they had til it’s gone.

Most guys I know say when they are pushed they know they have to get away..what’s that Chris Rock says, “I may not hit a woman but I will shake the *** out of her!”
Everybody’s got a flash point and you have to know yours… it could mean the difference between moving on to the next chapter or getting ready for arraignment in an orange jumpsuit.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
10:58 am

Well stated abc.

SexyCool

April 13th, 2010
10:59 am

Great post, abc.

“since patience is a virtue nice girls must possess”

I especially needed ^that this morning.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
10:59 am

good post CoolShadow. It is a fine line.

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:01 am

People often abuse that privilege of generosity and cross that line are then shocked when the ‘nice’ person pushes back.
AMEN Cool Shadow!!!!!

Professor

April 13th, 2010
11:01 am

Hola!

I am not going to say nice girls finish last, because I feel there is a difference in being nice and naive. Hell, I have seen some women that were wet behind the ears, and of course that makes them easier for the games, lies and hustles.

@Lady J you said it best it takes a lot to keep giving those alter egos power. At this point in my life if I have to do all of that I am going to put DNA in my phone as your name and drive off into the sunset. I refuse to act trashy day-in-day-out.

@mqew 0-80 is funny, but it is also sad as hell.

@Kimmie all that natural talk that men and women talk is a bunch of junk if you ask me. I think Marie Claire did a shoot with Jessica Simpson wearing no make-up. And, Jessica looks great! Make-up will only enhance what is there if it does that at all. I get more compliments without my make up than when I wear make-up. We hear all this natural talk, but I have seen very few natural wo/men in my lifetime…push-up bras, weaves, s-curls, cutting split ends, haircuts, parfum (you don’t really smell like that), arching eyebrows, wearing clear nail polish (your nails are not that glossy) lip balm (let the chap show), shaving legs and other parts, girdles (sp), lifting weights (your muscles would not be that big), dieting (you are not that small naturally), contacts, clothing (let the rolls show), facials to get the skin glowing, implants etc.

And you know this....MAAAN!

April 13th, 2010
11:02 am

I’m nice, very nice, until I shouldn’t be and then I’m mean….VERY mean. I think most men I know have appreciated this because its a behavior they can RELATE to. The greatest fear men have it to be considered a punk…so in the end, they don’t always respect punk-girls either. So you can be nice, but when that fool steps out of line, hit it hard and with no worries because he already KNOW he deserve it. I find that this gets me a lot of respect in all aspects of my life, not just in dating.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
11:03 am

@ abc

Your post begs to question something that puzzles me sometimes. Why do people sometimes try to jump onto every train that comes by, knowing that it willnot take them where they really want to go…i.e. the lady that “wants” the nice guy, but falls for the latest “Bobby Brown” imitation? Is it just a confidence thing, are they just afraid to wait for the right “pitch” before swinging?

kinderbabe--31 days and counting! woohoo!

April 13th, 2010
11:03 am

@sexycool…that’s great! you will really enjoy the PRR. the energy is awesome! it feels good to be out there in a crowd…it’s energizing. you are making great time on your run/walks. keep up the good work! go on the atlanta track club website when you can. they have a list of all of the upcoming 5K/10K events for the rest of the year. the one on sunday that i’m doing is called the dow-run for water. registration closes on the 15th (thursday). it is a 6K at 8:45 a.m. you still have time to sign up. there is another event in decatur that i can’t think of the name of. i know it’s on may 15th (it’s a 5K). if i here of anything else, i’ll keep you posted.

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:04 am

Everybody’s got a flash point and you have to know yours… it could mean the difference between moving on to the next chapter or getting ready for arraignment in an orange jumpsuit.

Cool Shadow you brought back memories!!!!! Boy are past makes us better people!!!! I don’t do jail for no man or relationship!!!! I have never had the pleasure of busting out windows but heard a story of spring break from a dear friend how she just got off probation…..the most of my antics back then was cussing and fussing just raising hell! Now I have learned silence is golden and not passive silence but that I am not entertaining what you are selling!

Great post Cool Shadow!

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:05 am

Thanks Professor!!!!!! I killed her dead really and buried that heifer she was becoming ruthless!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
11:05 am

“The best revenge is to live well”

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
11:08 am

Living well is the best revenge because it empowers us to take control of our lives and not allow ourselves to be controlled by the past and the hurt

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:10 am

amen randy folk are amazed when you do when they have seen you raised the roof!

mqew

April 13th, 2010
11:10 am

Mdot –

I’ll KISS —–> Keep living!

Martiqua

April 13th, 2010
11:11 am

Let’s be real here. It’s all about what the chica looks like. Ladies if you are carrying around a booty the size of the SS Concorde or if you are a buttahead, or even worse, you ain’t got the body OR the face, heck yeah, you’re gonna finish last because that’s all the dudes care about. You can have the stankest attitude but if you’re a dime piece, all is forgiven so there’s the connection: The chicas who are real fine are so spoiled and so used to the dudes stepping to them & giving them everything, yeah, of couse they’re gonna have that attitude like their shyte don’t stank so in a nutshell, that is why nice girls finish last. The chicas who don’t got the looks & have to depend on their brains & personality quickly learn they ain’t gonna get anyplace in the world of dating & romance. The dude might be willing to hit it & quit it if the woman is nothing to look at but he won’t want anything more. And I’m not being sexist, I AM a female

Carlito

April 13th, 2010
11:14 am

Any thoughts on Goodell, if he does not punish Big Ben?

BlackMagicWoman

April 13th, 2010
11:14 am

I am a very nice person…sometimes too nice. I mean if you are a friend or more…I will bend over backwards to help you even if it puts me out…without even thinking about it! And I have been taken advantage of for it. Well no more Miss Nice Girl! I am in the “I just don’t get &^%$” mode now. I was always told I should not be that way. And every time I went against myself and listen to other people….I got stepped on. So now I am back to doing the stepping. But moreso I just keep to myself. I meet guys but I keep them at arms length. I just hang out with my girls and do my own thing and I seem to enjoy life a lot more. I just do NOT trust people!

Leggs

April 13th, 2010
11:19 am

@Melo ~ I’ve searched and I’ve searched….I have no record of your b-day…I is so sowwwy.

Everyone has a nice side to them and everyone has a bytchy side to them. One should definitely override the other. Whichever one you present first is the one that will forever be dealt with accordingly!!

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 13th, 2010
11:20 am

LOL! if you were a SUPERHERO and had a SUPERPOWER, what would be your SUPERPOWER??? mine . . . hmmmm. *giggle*

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:22 am

@Beautiful i want Bewitched powers!!!!! That is a funny show!

mqew

April 13th, 2010
11:22 am

RandyT – Living Well indeed

Leggs – Did you spill it yet?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 13th, 2010
11:23 am

@ Martiqua

i agree that a man will not often give a butt ugly woman a second look…you have to have some chips to sit at the table. I would suggest though that men will dump a dime piece too (after the hit and get it) if she is a biotch. He will cry, and biotch, and moan about the piece he left behind but there is only so much shyte any man will take.

Written on a bathroom wall somewhere in VA…”remember, no matter how beautiful she is, there is some guy somewhere out there that is sick and tired of taking her shyte”. I try to remember that when the little head wants to drive.

Carlito

April 13th, 2010
11:23 am

I would want my superpower to be a peacemaker in all situations.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 13th, 2010
11:26 am

mine is similar to yours Carlito! i would want to zap some common sense into folks!!!

Leggs

April 13th, 2010
11:27 am

@mqew ~ LOL…I just looked at the clock. Guess I can spill it now. It may seem like nuttin to some of you, but it’s a first for me! Here goes:

My dilemma:

I’ve been out with this guy 3x. He’s a very nice person and says my corniness is appealing. Thumbs up to him!!! Anyway, he shared with me a medical problem he’s going through. He needs Viagra to do “the do.” Must be honest, I was surprised, but don’t think I showed it. I was taken aback because no man has ever told me he needs the “blue pill” to perform. If and when I do decide to do the do, and not saying it will be with him, I don’t want no broke dyck that needs a pill to stand at attention! I don’t know the side affects of Viagra, if any, and not sure that each time we do the do, if we do the do, he has to pop that blue pill. I’m a vibrant, older woman and don’t want to give anyone a heart attack…..blue pill, alcohol, riding him hard if I should do the do with him, makes me nervous!

Anybody here ever messed with a man that had to resort to the blue pill? Sure, I may be making a mountain out of a molehill since we aren’t even dancing between the sheets. I’m curious about this blue pill.

Lady J-Lioness

April 13th, 2010
11:27 am