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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Hennessy, we have a problem

I am not sure how many of you caught the premiere of VH1’s What Chili Wants last night.   Last week, we discussed the outrageous checklists that a lot of us have, whether consciously or subconsciously.

I was driving in to work just now listening to V103 and heard Chili mention how she did not want to date a man who drank. She doesn’t drink herself and she would like to find someone that doesn’t drink or drinks very little.

She said that if a man has to drink every day or every weekend, then she sees that as a drinking problem.  This actually struck a chord with me because I am awful at determining if a guy has a real drinking problem.

I grew up a minister’s daughter so my father never drank (well,  not in front me?) socially or occasionally.  I truly do not know what its like to be in a home when the person drinks all the time.  Personally, I am a “social” drinker, i.e. I will have, at most two cocktails (one if I am driving that evening).  During the week, I may have a glass of wine with dinner if I’m so inclined.  During my most stressful seasons at work, I have been known to find a happy hour every Friday though!

It seems it differs with men.  I have seen men who don’t go a day without drinking. Is that alcoholic?  I know a lot of men that argue that it’s not.  So how does a woman know if her guy, new man in her life, etc. has a drinking problem? What do you think is an acceptable amount/frequency?

Is it unrealistic to look for a man that doesn’t drink at all? Where are the “dry” men!?

Men, how do you know if a woman you are dating drinks too much?  Do you think it is fine for a woman to drink on the first date?

Happy Monday! How was your weekend folks?!

352 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
8:24 am

Good Morning Crew!!! this should be interesting……Lady like always while drinking socially inpublic behind closed doors or home you can drink however you feel imo at least that’s what an older lady told me….1 to 2 is about max especially if driving as we don’t want to harm ourselves or others….hmmmmm my dad has a drinking problem so I would know the signs early on from a man who drinks too much….

Happy Monday!

@ms_jones74

April 12th, 2010
8:38 am

I don’t think I want to be with a man who ‘has to have a drink’ everyday. When you hardly drink yourself, that can be hard to deal with, especially if you feel like that man is a different person when he’s had a few. I’ve personally known men who don’t or rarely drink… I think she may need to compromise on that a bit, but in no way would I completely disregard the fact that I want him to be ‘him’ the majority of the time we’re together.

Jeff

April 12th, 2010
8:43 am

I went through a phase during my marriage break up where I drank too much. It was pointed out gently by a family member and I started doing research. Turns out ALOT of men in my position encountered the same coping mecahnism. Did it turn me in to a member of AA? No. I have an occasional drink now (once or twice a month I’ll have a berr), but I have no craving or obsession.

If someone elses drinking makes you uncomfortable, don’t date them.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
8:44 am

@Jeff “If someone elses drinking makes you uncomfortable, don’t date them” That sums it up buddy! LOL!

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
8:46 am

Good Mawnin’

I drink 2 to 3 times a week…alcoholic?…I don’t think so. But to drink everyday…might be some deeper issue there, not quite sure though. Last ex used to smoke everyday..didn’t necessarily care for it but that was his thing. (Still trying to wake up)

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
8:47 am

Jeff you are also right during that dark period I founded myself heavy handed but since don’t even think twice about I need a drink to get by…..I don’t even crave the bar or I never been the one to hit up the ABC store all the time so during those dark seasons sometimes more drinks are needed but what I noticed is the problems were still there so the bottle didn’t fix it….dealing with it head on did! I like your post sir!

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
8:52 am

@Slim I have dealt with a guy you smoke everyday and I am talking white collar a functing smoker drinker….they are everywhere….I think our President is proposing all federal employees be randomly tested….that would be intersting……

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
8:56 am

Lady J – I heard they wanted to randomly drug test folks on umemployment benefits also….what are your thoughts on that?

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
8:58 am

Slim I support it….

kinderbabe--oh lord, why is spring break over?

April 12th, 2010
8:58 am

good morning all!:) i just refuse to watch the chili show b/c i think chicky poo is ridiculous…lol. she can hunker in for the long haul of being single w/so many trivial requirements. anywho…hope everyone had a great weekend.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:00 am

And it is only fair if the participants are tested the employees should be too…..When the government is apart of your life for basic assistant I feel they have the right to set the standards for recieving benefits…..as a person gets off assistance they become a private citizen per se….

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:02 am

however playing devil’s advocate drugs are illegal but the government is apart of drugs meaning the War on Drugs failed….but really it is what it is when the government is apart of your life for basic needs and wants….

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
9:03 am

Lady J – I understand the reason behind wanting to conduct the random tests….however, there is a cost for that which adds strain to the already huge deficit.

Juan

April 12th, 2010
9:06 am

There are people who do not drink. I myself have not had a drink for over thirteen years. I made a choice not to drink. No one else forced me not too. If a person has a problem with there drinking habits. It is up to them too say it. Or for that matter do something about it. This is a personal problem one has that effects those around them. I have dated women that drink on occasion. It’s no a problem for me what another person is doing. When or if it becomes a problem, then it’s over.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:07 am

point taken but it should help deter the strain system for some to get off assistance but if you have a drug problem that person will become a strain on another area of crime or rehabilitation….

CMS

April 12th, 2010
9:09 am

Personally I try to enjoy a drink once every weekend. Initially, my wife had a problem with this, but before I became married I drank more. In my opinion enjoying a drink once a week isn’t a problem. Honestly I don’t even drink once a week any more since we have a 6 month old baby. I have enough sense to maintain all my faculties in the event an emergency happens. But as a grown man I rather not be questioned if I enjoy a plate of hot wings and a 12 pack watching whatever game I want at the end of a work week.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:13 am

cms i know that is right we are grown and most are responsible with drinking….I personally haven’t dealt with a man that I question his drinking but then again I saw a man drinking growing up now I am wondering if my tolerance level is different than Chilli’s per se….I hate to same it is normal to drink everyday bc it is not but I am use to being around folk who drink period not defining the time but folk who drink per se….

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
9:23 am

I never been the one to hit up the ABC store

@ lady j your SC roots are showing ;) Welcome back chica

On topic:
I don’t really want someone who HAS to have a drink every day, couple times a day. But i grew up with a dad who always drank a beer or some other alcholic beverage every night while he watched tv. He never turned into a “different person” so that’s not a problem for me. I drink socially mostly but sometimes i’ll have a glass of wine while i’m watching tv or soakin in the the tub.

DreamsMaterialize

April 12th, 2010
9:25 am

Morning
I don’t see a problem wanting someone whose drinking habits are similar to yours. I don’t smoke, so I generally don’t date women who do. As adults, we ought to know our drinking limit. No dude wants to be the one that people pull aside and say, “Hey man, I think you need to get your girl.”

President is proposing all federal employees be randomly tested….that would be intersting
About time. I worked for the department of defense with an active secret clearance, and I was never tested, not even when I got hired.

however, there is a cost for that which adds strain to the already huge deficit
Is this more than what it cost to give weekly benefits to people who have no real intention of working and who use the benefits to fund their drug habit?

julian

April 12th, 2010
9:30 am

*CMS* “a plate of hot wings and a 12 pack”?? Sounds like you have a problem. 12 beers is a crazy amount.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:30 am

LMAO @ you PrincessNik!!!!!!! Thanks Chica glad to be back!!!!! I am dying laughing @ you calling me out! LOL

i'm swiss

April 12th, 2010
9:31 am

Ahhhh drankin’… a topic close to my heart… :lol:

Seriously, I would echo what Jeff & some others have said — if your SO’s drinking is a problem for you, then don’t be with them.

But for me, I think it’s less about how often you drink than how you drink. I could have a beer every night when I get home & never feel even the slightest buzz. How is that a drinking problem? On the other hand, if I’m out getting wasted every every weekend (or really with any regularity as an adult), then there may be a problem.

Now, I will say that when I was going the the split with my ex (at the same time that my mom had just died & my father needed round-the-clock care while still recovering from a stroke), I did drink much more heavily & more often, just to cope with all the BS that I had to deal with at that time. But once life got back to normal, so did my drinking habits.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:32 am

@PrincessNik my dad did that is why we knew he had other issues and the alcohol was his escape then it brought out an even darker side…..so no I haven’t dealt with that as an adult as to which my mother did with a man drinking…….partying, socially, dinner, sure

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
9:37 am

Lady J

I had to call you out on that one because when my bro first moved to ATL from SC, he called me one day saying he had been driving around looking for the red dots! when i say i bout passed out laughing at him!!! :lol: I was like ahhh yea we don’t do that in GA.

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:40 am

I have since got used to calling it the liquor store! But My 1st experience in south GA going to a drive in liquor store blew my country mind!!!!!! I never in my life seen that and I was floored! HA!!!!!! LOL Every country has their thing and I will always know it as the ABC store!!!!! LOL

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
9:43 am

Lady J, my brother had the same experience, i laughed at that nut for about a whole year as he adjusted to GA living. Just like he laughed at me my first year in SC.

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
9:50 am

“Hey man, I think you need to get your girl.””

Dreams – you are so right….been around when some dudes girl was all over the place drunk…backing her booty up on all his homeboys…shoes off, dirty feet, falling all over the place, then be the chick wasted on the VIP couch. Now you gotta escort her azz out to the car and every now knows she’s with you. LMAO

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
9:52 am

DreamsM as always great post!!!!!! Howdy!

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
9:54 am

SLIM

Now you gotta escort her azz out to the car and every now knows she’s with you.

:lol:

JtJ

April 12th, 2010
9:57 am

Morning All,
Coming from a family history of crazy alcoholics who drink themselves to an early death bed, I made the rational decision to not drink for long time and when I did, I knew what my limit was. Alcohol has never had a “craving” affect on me, so I guess that is key indicator when there is a problem. When a person craves it and can’t make it through a single day without a drink. I have uncles and cousins who are dying slow and horribly, because the craving for alcohol is greater than their desire to eat.
I can see where drinking for some who don’t drink could be a problem. I cannot stomach the smell of beer, but my fiancé drinks beer when he watches football, I just let him know he won’t get a hug or a kiss until after he brush, floss, and rinse his mouth.

I, too, cannot stand to see someone who can’t “hold their liquor”!! The person who get s sloppy drunk and has everyone almost ready to beat them up for saying and doing stupid ish!!

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
9:59 am

Morning lovelies!!! A wonderful weekend for me. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and it was beautiful. My honey got to meet my crew and their fellas and everyone loved one another. Then the two of us shut the dance floor down. Fun fun.

As for the topic, I want my man to drink. I’ve met PLENTY of men who do not, and ironically my girls and I all drink and a couple of them have ended up with guys who don’t…and it’s caused some awkward situations.

Of course, I don’t want my guy to have a problem, but see nothing wrong when done in social settings.

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
10:02 am

I don’t know what “normal” is but it seemed like in old tv shows the husband came home and had a Scotch ready for him upon entering. I don’t know how bad a drink a day is unless he can’t handle it or become violenet.

I went to a party this weekend for a couple who had gotten married the day before. There were a few guys who were newlyweds, and they were ALL pissy falling over drunk. Now, they drank like that before they married, and I thought it was too much. Other than some close calls with trying to keep them from driving and such, I don’t know how deep the problem is or if there is a real problem. I guess only time will tell. But everytime I see them in social settings they are double and triple fisting…

Carlito

April 12th, 2010
10:02 am

I had a great weekend. I could not be with an everyday drinker or smoker. To much of anything makes you an addict. I support the drug testing for those on unemployment. The test are only $17 in cost, that should come out of the person’s benefits.

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
10:03 am

I’m sure almost everyone has had their “drank-too-much” incidents (I know I have)…but if it’s a reocurring theme then, Houston we have a problem. Alcoholism runs in my family so I have to mindful of that…I dated a dude who didn’t drink at all and it was a buzzkill for me. I don’t want to try to enjoy a nice cocktail or two or three and have Mr. Narc asking me to blow into the breathilizer every hour on the hour…just not a match made in heaven. LOL

CoolSexy

April 12th, 2010
10:03 am

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
10:10 am

Normal for me growing up was no drinking in the house. My dad was seventh day adventist and he didn’t have drinking or smoking while we grew up. My mom is a smoker and could only do it outside. Hanging around my extended family, I finally saw drinking. They drink for any and every occasion. :lol: Now that we’re grown, my mom can keep alcohol in the house. I almost had a heart attack the first time she offered to make me an apple martini!

CoolSexy

April 12th, 2010
10:11 am

I avoid anyone who gets pissydrunk at my age. If you have to drink to excess and cannot function, that’s a turn off, a no-no, a no-go, a warning sign, a stop sign, a rinse and do NOT repeat.

However, I find a man who can responsibly enjoy an adult beverage or three kinda sexy. I like kisses that taste lightly of a mixed drink and tipsy sex is rather enjoyable.

And if you don’t drink, that’s cool too. And as long as you don’t have a problem with me doing so, we’re good.

Carlito

April 12th, 2010
10:12 am

When I mentioned smoking I meant “veggies”. A cigarette smoker, I could not deal with at all, even if it were sporadic.

JtJ

April 12th, 2010
10:13 am

Hey Ared!! As beautiful as it was this weekend, I am sure that wedding was beautiful( if it was in GA).

We went to an FSU Spring game in Tallahasee, it was FREE!! so yeah it was fun! The starters and rookies played against each other. They had a flag football game with old FSU alumns, including some that went on to play pro ball. There were a lot of future alcoholics there!!!lol

Lady J-Charge it to the game like Visa

April 12th, 2010
10:16 am

coolsexy that tipsy smell mix with some good smelling cologne is a turn on too! Something grown man about that after a hard day at work! LOL not sure the name but puff’s fragrance is nice and a slight of grey goose!
LOL

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
10:17 am

I dated a dude who didn’t drink at all and it was a buzzkill for me. I don’t want to try to enjoy a nice cocktail or two or three and have Mr. Narc asking me to blow into the breathilizer every hour on the hour…just not a match made in heaven. LOL

Slim – Amen. :lol:

And although the non-drinking guys my friends are with are cool, there is this cloud that kinda hangs over when we’re all social together and they look at their girls like “so…you’re having another one eh?”

CoolSexy

April 12th, 2010
10:19 am

LadyJ – We are so >>>here<<<.

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
10:20 am

Hey Ared!! As beautiful as it was this weekend, I am sure that wedding was beautiful( if it was in GA).

JtJ – It was! It was outdoors in a garden in Buckhead. Even though the weather was PERFECT I am officially vetoing outside weddings for me. Cuz once you stop worrying about the wedding you have to worry about noise! There must have been some incident going on in the city and police sirens were going by every 5 minutes it seemed! The mic wasn’t very loud so the guests couldn’t hear the ceremony at all. And the wind was blowing so the Unity candle wouldn’t stay lit!

Too much for me. :lol:

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
10:22 am

I avoid anyone who gets pissydrunk at my age. If you have to drink to excess and cannot function, that’s a turn off, a no-no, a no-go, a warning sign, a stop sign, a rinse and do NOT repeat.

I agree!!! Drinking is one thing, getting totally drunk with reckless abandon is a whole other ballgame.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR.

April 12th, 2010
10:22 am

Yeah I grew up with a functioning alcoholic.. My Dad was the worst.. Coming home and not even being able to get out the car but he could drive the wheels off that thang… I remember many a nights my Mom would ask me to go out and get your Dad so we wouldnt have to be embarrassed by the neighbors seeing him in the driveway.. Dont know why they would see him because he drove a van abd would just lay on the floor of the van but you know.. My sister and I have always made a decision to not let the alcohol take control of us.. Un fortunately I too have fallen victim to the divorce drinking too much deal.. I remember waking up in car halfway in the yard and halfway in the driveway and not even remembering how I got home. That situation scared me to death and just remember sitting there looking thru the sunroof like God help me and at that moment of me being at my lowest something came over me. I made up in my mind that I was done feeling sorry for myself and I wasnt gonna allow my divirce to turn me into an alcoholic.. I truly believe things happen for a reason and it took my dumb a$$ waking up in my yard to bring me back to my senses reminding me of my Dad.. I didnt want my son to ever have to come and get me out of the car like that so I got it together.. Now do I drink.. Yes but I’ll mix it up on ya quick and getting to drinking water with a lemon in a glass to keep te party going.. As for my Dad he did recieve AA help and I truly respect him for changin his life completely and giving up his major vice.. He has been sober for 17 years now.. For a Man to have drank all his life pull himself up shows his fortitude and I love the old man for that.. His Father died of alcoholism so the curse stopped with him and I will never even let my son see me put a drink to my mouth. If I drink I dont do it at home nor do I keep alcohol at teh residence cause one of the signs you are drinking to much is when you willingly drink alone.. Sorry for the long post..

SlimCoo-Coo

April 12th, 2010
10:24 am

Ared – you ain’t neva lied…it just makes you become self-conscious about how many drinks you have even if you aren’t overdoing it. To a non-drinker I’m sure two is pushing it. I was in NC this weekend at my family’s house and they love to party. We are all doing karaoke and in walks my aunt with a tray of shot glasses, lemons, salt and a HUGE bottle of tequila…so I’d hate to know what a non-drinker would think about that. LOL!

BlackMagicWoman

April 12th, 2010
10:26 am

Well I would like to say I come from a long line of functioning alkies! You know the ones who seem to do everything just fine after a drink or too. :lol: Now I only drink when I go out on weekends. So I know I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a very high tolerance….a good and bad thing I guess. I like to do shots with the guys….or wine with the girls. So I do not mind if a guy is what I call a Weekend Alkie….as long as he can handle his liquor and does not get the Jesus Juice Amnesia the next day. I hate to see people so drunk that their friends have to babysit them. I will NOT babysit a grown arse woman/man! Know your limits and stick to them. I have told my friends..if you get so drunk that you barf…you will NOT be in my car. In fact I will put you out if you barf in my car! You are too old for that.

But I like a man who can hang out and enjoy his drinks from time to time. Now if he drinks everyday…Houston we may have a problem.

Professor

April 12th, 2010
10:27 am

Hola!

Personally I am not much of a drinker. I have gone two and three years without a drink and was fine with it. Nor do I have a problem with others drinking. If I want a glass of wine, sangria or an ice treat from Wet Willies I will do that. For me it is about balance, don’t try to push me to have a drink and I will not stop you from drinking. If you ask me that should be simple.

AmazonRed™

April 12th, 2010
10:27 am

I do keep alcohol in the house but it’s for company usually. I went to Puerto Rico in 2004 and brought back some Grey Goose from duty free. I just finished off that bottle a few months ago. :lol: I am trying to have more social stuff at my house but don’t like the responsibilty of letting folks who have been drinking drive home.

I will have a glass of wine alone in the house, but it always gets flat before I can polish off the bottle so I throw it out.

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 12th, 2010
10:28 am

Slim

your 10:24, that’s how my friends from K-12 and i do when we hang out together, and its always understood that everyone is invited to stay overnight or at least till the alcohol wears off. I usually have a cup of water after every drink or two.