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Date Jesus

Atlanta’s own Chilli (of TLC fame) is the focus of a new dating reality show on VH1.  This is the same network that brought such shows as Tough Love, Rock of Love, and now What Chilli Wants.  Well, according to the trailer, what she wants is too much, which is why she has had problems finding the one.

I’m sure in some bizarro world of reality television, Chilli Photo: Gossip on This could actually have a problem with a dating relationship.  I’m curious enough to watch just to see if she struggled with some of the same hangups many of us had and may still have.  Finding random and nonsensical reasons not to give someone a shot.

Watching a few scenes from the show made me laugh out loud, especially when Chilli’s friend, music producer,  Missy Elliot said she should just “Date Jesus”.  Clearly she was implying that no person walking the earth could meet any criteria that is totally unrealistic.

However, for argument’s sake, if anyone could pull off having a firm grip on a dating checklist, why couldn’t she? The woman is beautiful, famous, and probably has a pretty sweet personality.  Why shouldn’t she have her bar set pretty high?

Would someone that was not in the limelight actually handle dating her with finesse and class?

I’m just wondering, is it about settling for someone you don’t want or dating Jesus? Isn’t there another door or A new option that we don’t talk about: staying unmarried?

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards? Is  waiting for  as long as it takes to find the one a selfish and unrealistic decision?

528 comments Add your comment

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 8th, 2010
8:46 am

Morning peeps!

Morrus

April 8th, 2010
8:58 am

Vote out the incumbents and start over

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 8th, 2010
8:58 am

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards?

No, not all of them. If you don’t have some standards you could end up with a real problem. However, i think its healthy to re-asses some things to determine what your real deal-breakers are, what is a need vs a want.

Morning Everyone

SlimCoo-Coo

April 8th, 2010
8:59 am

HAPPY THUGGIN THURSDAY!

I think Missy’s comment was right on point…no one is perfect and if you have a long football field length checklist, then you might as well hang up dating altogether. And think about it, even if a miracle happened and you met someone with everything on your list, does that guarantee that it’s going to work out? I think not.

DreamsMaterialize

April 8th, 2010
9:00 am

Morning
and probably has a pretty sweet personality.
This is a shot in the dark. We really can’t assume this at all.

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards?
We should always be reevaluating our standards, whether we’ve met the one or not. It’s just a part of growing. There is a balancing act though. Do you stick to your “standards” at any cost, do you find a mate at any cost, or is there some optimal combination that would bring you happiness. Sometimes we think we know exactly what we want until we get it.

Willie Dynamite

April 8th, 2010
9:05 am

Morning All,

All I know is that even Jesus would have some MisAdventures round these parts.
First of all, He’ll have to do something bout them Sandals. We all know one of the first things most Women look at is the shoes.
Secondly, He will definitely have to get a fresh cut. That scraggly wooly hair just aint gon work.
Thirdly, He might get a few points with the Wine trick but he’ll have to switch it up every now and then. We know how most Women just love them some Margaritas.
Last but not least, This dude walks everywhere and we all know that aint gon cut it in the A.

just jokes people lighten up!!!

SlimCoo-Coo

April 8th, 2010
9:07 am

Dreams To add to your point about thinking we know what we want until we get it…often times, it’s totally different than what we sought out. They say love is the result of a happy accident. ;-)

czBrat

April 8th, 2010
9:07 am

GM All

ditto Nik’s post. be aware not only of what you seek but also what you offer. as you change and grow, so also what you want in a mate will change. i see no reason to lower your standards or expectations just to widen the pool of potentials.

ok. time to go play in traffic =)

PrincessNik..Grinning & Glowing

April 8th, 2010
9:10 am

just jokes people lighten up!!!

^^^^^^

:lol:

Willie Dynamite

April 8th, 2010
9:14 am

On Topic: What I’ve seen is that alot of times people mix up standards with preferences. For me as time went by, not that I was actively looking for the One I found someone that truly made me happy. As I look back she didnt fit into my stated preferences. I do believe if I was looking for the One I probably would not have even given her the time the One.
Be back later to chop it up with you folks.

Kym

April 8th, 2010
9:22 am

Morning All,
Happy Friday Eve..Hmm..I don’t think the whole not getting married is a new option..but more of a default option. Granted marriage is not for everyone, but I think some folks(myself included) look at the prospect of forever single as a default to actually admitting that maybe,,just maybe we are our own worse enemy and problem when it comes to dating.
I don’t think a person has to reconsider all their standards..but you do have to be realistic in our thinking. I mean there is no perfect man or woman..there is someone or several someone’s who may be just RIGHT for you..but certainly not perfect. I mean even if you meet said man or woman of your dreams that person will come with flaws and there will be things that you will have to compromise on in order to make it work.

**I hope my post made some sense..its early yet..**

SlimCoo-Coo

April 8th, 2010
9:24 am

Willie – Love it! :lol: Especially about the walking everywhere part…I highly doubt He’d want to walk all the way to Conyers. lol

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 8th, 2010
9:25 am

First, for the record, the gal in the drive thru at McDonalds here in Whitehaven England has not grown any new teeth since my last report several weeks ago.

Re the topic…

Selfish…nahhh, you may be robbing yourself, but selfish to others, no way. I can’t speak for others, but if I am not what a woman is looking for, or she is not what I am looking for, it cannot and will not work in the long run any way. As a wise woman told me a long time ago, “if it is not right for ONE, it is not right for EITHER”. Hurt when she said it, but she was right.

Unrealistic…now that is something different. If you look like you’ve been beaten with an ugly stick, and are bigger around than you are tall, chances are you are going to have a hard time attracting a dude who looks like he just walked off a page from “Esquire” magazine. Hot guys look for hot girls and vice versa. Regarding attracting someone with money, success, etc., that is a tough call. How many of the bimbo’s on Tiger’s cell phone got anything other than a “ride”? I’m guessing that a bunch of them were not “in love” but were attracted to all he could offer…which made it easy for him to crook his finger and say, “give me your best shot”.

My point is that one has the right to stay unattached as long as they want…but remember that it ultimately takes two and you have to meet each other’s expectations, not just your own.

Jeff

April 8th, 2010
9:27 am

Seems like Sandra Bullock and Elin had all these things going for them as well………..

I’ll repeat it again; If decent men NEVER show up at your door, there’s a small chance you might need to pissibly, maybe, potentially look in the mirror.

And, yes, it works both ways, so save the typing.

IDK..part 2

April 8th, 2010
9:27 am

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards? Is waiting for as long as it takes to find the one a selfish and unrealistic decisions?

Happy Beautiful Thursday Folks!
Part A, nope. Part B, hell no! Patience. From the clips I’ve seen on Ms. Chili’s show, her list is like wow. No No No’s…I, as a Woman was even like ummmm….? But that is her, what she wants. I am no judge. As a single Woman, I have my wants fa sho…but I’m not out here looking….I can wait until he finds me or we meet. Call me old fashion but ain’t that how its supposed to go? Man >>> Woman not Woman >>> Man?

IDK..part 2

April 8th, 2010
9:28 am

I hope I see my Luv Thang font today…

DreamsMaterialize

April 8th, 2010
9:39 am

Willie D
You know he’s gon have to trade in the gown for some pants too. Otherwise he might get accused of some unspeakable preferrences.

This dude walks everywhere and we all know that aint gon cut it in the A.
Man you tellin’ me chicks wouldn’t even ride MARTA for Jesus?!? Dang.

Brings up an intersting question for the ladies though. Consider everything you imagine about Jesus (character, personality, disposition, wit, intellect, idealogies, etc). If that man were available to you right now, would you be interested in him? For example, if you imagine him as a teacher, would you be cool with him always hitting you with a quote or telling you his philosophy on things?

Jeff

April 8th, 2010
9:40 am

IDK, it don’t disagree with you, but some of us men hesitate being old fashioned since alot of women stopped being ladies.

Mr_NYC

April 8th, 2010
9:41 am

@Willie D — great comment on the difference between standards and preferences.

Never lower your standards that you have embraced; especially if you have done so after careful thought. If you review them and find that they are “unreasonable” or perhaps “unrealistic” YOU and only you may choose to re-evaluate and make some adjustments.

Preferences of course are flexible and don’t fall into the deal breaker category.

Nothing like waiting for what you want and being blessed with that gift of a woman when the time is right.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 8th, 2010
9:46 am

Yeah Im not in the limelight and I believe I can handle it. Chilli get at me Boo!

Melo

April 8th, 2010
9:46 am

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards?

NO! Not really! hehe Good morning!

A lot of times it is not the standards.

It is YOU!

You are incapable of being dateable.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 8th, 2010
9:49 am

Hey Melo

I’m flying over to Paris for the weekend next week. Think I should tape a 100 Euro note to my forehead and walk near the Seine?

Jesus Christ

April 8th, 2010
9:49 am

Chilli? Meh.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 8th, 2010
9:51 am

The thing about standards and preferences… They change. If you are seeking continuos growth..

kimmie

April 8th, 2010
9:53 am

Good mornting Gang!

I heard about Chili’s list. I think that’s just for tv. But I do think she would probably be better off dating a secure guy that is not in show business, unless it’s a purely “behind the scenes” role.

As for all this standards/preferences stuff, the media loves to give sisters mixed messages on this. You know, black-women-who-can’t-find-a-decent-man are the flavor of the year right now. Either our standards are too high or not high enough/non-existent. How about we all use some good old-fashioned, common sense(horse sense as my mom used to say!)? You should KNOW when your list is totally unrealistic, given the pickings you’re coming across. So you should KNOW when to tweak that list a little to something more managagable. You also should KNOW when you’ve just totally reached into the gutter to have a man just so you can say you have a man. If you really want to stick with unrealistic expectations, just be prepared for the likely consequences! It may take you a little longer to find Mr. Right, if ever. But you have that right. Your life is yours. The only thing I would call selfish is if you don’t choose wisely and you have kids. Don’t expose your children to just anybody!

The "preaching" Professor

April 8th, 2010
9:54 am

Hola!

This is funny, because I was reading an article last night where this lady 5′10 met a “guy” 5′5 and the “guy” that was born
female–>transgender is now the “one” the author said she never saw it coming and how she loves her man.

As I ponder for a moment I wonder how many of us including myself overlook good people, because they are not a certain height, or their BMI is not what we are looking for. Maybe “the one” was wearing those busted Nikes and we always want Stacy Adams. Or we judged them on what they were driving instead of what was driving them. Just maybe we were concerned about what was on their head instead of what is in their head.

kimmie

April 8th, 2010
9:54 am

Randy – Oui oui!!!

CoolShadow

April 8th, 2010
9:56 am

Do you think that every single/uncoupled person who has not met the one should reconsider all of their standards? Is waiting for as long as it takes to find the one a selfish and unrealistic decision?

I think you should reevaluate your standards occasionally, especially when you’re not finding what you’re looking for. But that should be natural because we do evolve as individuals. My standards at age 18 evolved and were not the same at age 30. Waiting is a personal choice but be aware of the pros/cons of balancing the reevaluation of standards and maintaining the inflexibility of them. Oftentimes we’ll look all over the world when the first place we should look is at ourselves when we need to reassess our standards, and reevaluating them doesn’t mean necessarily lowering them.

If Chilli is trying to date Jesus, she might end up chasing ‘Waterfalls’ because she won’t find ‘No Scrubs’ she thinks is worthy of her ‘Red Light Special’.

Kym

April 8th, 2010
9:59 am

@Professor..I have been saying this for awhile. I love to read and I know the cover on most can be doctor up to make you think you are getting a great read, exciting , mystery, drama..but when you open it..the book is dry boring and there is no character or plot development. Same with people. Great to look at..full of crap.

The "preaching" Professor

April 8th, 2010
10:01 am

****waving at Randyt*****

I’m flying over to Paris for the weekend next week

***SHOUTING I WANT TO GO***

Melo

April 8th, 2010
10:01 am

Maybe “the one” was wearing those busted Nikes and we always want Stacy Adams.

Prof!!

Hey teacher…I mean,if there are grown women who do what u posted up there,i wld be really amazed at that foolishness.

Now as to this,Or we judged them on what they were driving instead of what was driving them, it depends.

The outside looks may be an indicator(not always) of good drive(in the head) and a certain level of success but u still have to sift thru the garbage in order to understand the person,once u wooed and u succumb.

Problem is most will get snared emotionally and vaginally,then scream, :evil: when the ball has been to the hole cpple of times!

Kimmie and Kym had some good points!

SexyCool

April 8th, 2010
10:02 am

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 8th, 2010
10:02 am

@ Prof

Interesting post. I met a lady on line recently who put her occupation as “lion tamer” and during her spare time she “herded ducks”. Last night she “embarrassingly” admitted that she taught college students to be engineers and scientists…and put “ZZZZZZZZZ” after it and said wasn’t lion tamer more interesting. What she did not know is that I am attracted to educated, intelligent women and especially ones with a unique sense of humor…and she was apologizing for it. She was apologizing for doing something that she thought was unexciting, while that would have been something that would have actually attracted me.

The "preaching" Professor

April 8th, 2010
10:02 am

@Kym~ So true and that was a great analogy! I completely agree.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 8th, 2010
10:05 am

Hey Prof

I was wavering between Amsterdam (cheaper and closer) or Paris, and thought “ahhh what the H…”. One more line I can cross off my “bucket list” and I am excited. Still need Italy though.

SexyCool

April 8th, 2010
10:07 am

Mr. Dynamite – MAJOR co-sign on the preferences v. standards post.

If I had measured TheDude by my preferences and not judged him based on my standards, I would have overlooked him. We wouldn’t be together and I would have missed out on having a really awesome person in my life.

As to the *list* of it all, it is just as crazy that there are those to not have a list at all than those who have lists longer than all 66 books of the Bible.

If you don’t have some sort of idea of what you are looking for in a mate, you are liable to slip and fall on the next knucklehead that runs across your path.

Melo

April 8th, 2010
10:07 am

I was wavering between Amsterdam (cheaper and closer) or Paris,

@Randyt!

I suggest u hit the red light district in Amsterdam.

God fun!

lurker

April 8th, 2010
10:07 am

I would image a shifting/tweaking of the list naturally happens as we get older, grow and evolve. I don’t think anybody should remove or deplete the things you desire because it’s what you want. However, what we held as chart toppers and uber to attain at the tender age of 20 or so, would naturally shift over time since experience teaches us what priority and how to prioritize. Heck who didn’t use being fine as a measuring tool? Superficial won’t hold under the pressure or makings of a real relationship and vice versa….vice versa being those things that we may not have honed in on at such a young age, we come to know those qualities are needed to sustain and maintain endurance, love, life, lessons, etc.

The "preaching" Professor

April 8th, 2010
10:08 am

@Randyt~that is amazing I believe with everything I am that we need to be who we are. In fact trying to be something you are not makes you lose the person that you are. Why all the extra when it is not really who you are???

@Melo I have seen women flock behind the mind with a BMW 745 because of the car, and long story short there was a Pars Cars decal on it so we already know there maybe credit issues there. These things happen.
What about the dude that drives the nice car and lives at home because he cannot afford the car and shelter. You are right you have to sift through a lot of things…that is why I like looking at the person and taking it from there.

Melo

April 8th, 2010
10:10 am

Ur preferances result from ingrained standards,dont they??

Why uall making it look like they are opposites??

How can u have these nice,lofty but reasonable standards(from a dating perspective) then go ahead to prefer and choose something totally opposite and gutter??

Dont make sense to me!

Luvbug

April 8th, 2010
10:14 am

Though I’ve seen it own TV, I’ve never met a person who has expressed rigid standards (a list of what they require in a mate). I think many people don’t have a rigid list b/c we usually remain in circles that are comfortable to us. Your “being” attracts/detracts on its own, which marks off a lot from even an imaginary list, so you end up choosing based on preference.

On the other hand, some map out a plan to be in other circles and make it happen. It’s still not a rigid standard in that you don’t completely get everything you want…it’s just a way to be “comfortable” in another circle.

Especially when it comes to wealthy people and/or celebrities, I am always curious about how people met. Who ended up in whose circle?

S/he just happened to be back stage…happened to know my friend (who happened to introduce us)…happened to work in my industry…happened to need my professional services…happened to always be a shoulder to cry on…happened to always be in my line of vision.

SexyCool

April 8th, 2010
10:15 am

Melo – my preferences have more to do with physical descriptions. For instance:
6′2″ or taller
Light skin (Loves me a light skin man)
Physically fit – (read thin)

The dude is *none* of that.
He’s 5′11″ to my 5′10″
Caramel Brown
A bit chunky

But my standards of how I want to be treated and loved, his personality, his beliefs (and I could go on), he fits all of those to a tee.

kimmie

April 8th, 2010
10:16 am

And I know it’s politically correct to say that you shouldn’t choose or count out a person based on the superficial such as looks. But lets be real now. While it is shallow to be totally hung up on looks, at the same time I don’t think you should settle for someone you just are totally not attracted to either. That only create problems down the line. Yeah, maybe they could lose weight, but do you really see them losing 100 pounds if they are not already motivated to do it now? Like what you see coming out of the gate, don’t try to mold into what you really want.

Dig That

April 8th, 2010
10:20 am

Good Morning

Standards can alway use some adjustments and then how many of us actually have our “must have” list in our pockets when we are out and about on the dating scene. Life is change and it is constant so shall we have to be as well. Let things flow and trust yourself. There is no perfection in a mate and none in us so have fun and trust your instincts. Being confident in yourself and true to your soul will guide you to having the strength to choose what you think is best for you and the courage to remove the people that are not.

lurker

April 8th, 2010
10:20 am

Everybody wants someone attractive or to your liking but as a be all to end all past 30 is stupid. Attractiveness or what you call such coupled with sustaining qualities is more on target for someone that’s growing and evolving. Cute and dumb as a box of rocks won’t hold up.

Kym

April 8th, 2010
10:24 am

I always laugh when I see folks getting excited over cars..well look on the roads now folks..no matter the cars value and cost… they are all yellow now..pollen the great equalizer.

mytw♥cents

April 8th, 2010
10:25 am

Cute pic…Any dude would do alrihgt as long as he remembers that at the end of the day, she’s just a woman and she reminds herself that he’s only human. Which, given Missy’s assessment, may slip her mind from time to time. He has to find her to be worth the effort and she’ll need to be open to the possibilities. Overall, I don’t see why she wouldn’t encounter the same ol’ obstacles as everyone else, if not moreso. Folks who have a higher visibility probably feel like they have to be more cautious.

I think everyone should re-evaluate whether it’ll really take someone meeting a million “wants” to actually supply their actual needs. When it comes to single/uncoupled people totally revamping standards, this is another thing entirely and I don’t recommend that. It’s often a patience thing. What I’ve found many times is that we’ve not been selecting by our standards in the first place, and that’s why we’re still unfulfilled. I’ve compromised what I wanted and/or not necessarily communicated what those things were. And that’s no one’s fault but my own.

WILLIE Thanks for the chuckle. You’re right, even He would have a heck of time as hard as some of us are. And I’m not hardcore with it, but even I’d need him to hit up that Barbershop on the way over…

Luvbug

April 8th, 2010
10:25 am

Willie D- LOL

Melo

April 8th, 2010
10:26 am

Attraction is a must be4 u discuss a lot of stuff.

Otherwise u bound to cheat on him/her down the road if u not attracted.

kimmie

April 8th, 2010
10:27 am

I always laugh when I see folks getting excited over cars

Kym – Okay!!! I knew folks that would date Godzilla if he rode up in the right car! And sometimes, he was living out of his car almost!