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It’s not working

I can imagine that the “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement has found its way into most of our lives.  Whether or we planned it or not, FWB doesn’t really have a long shelf-life.  I’m starting to think that this is probably for the best.

I wonder when is it a good idea to pull the plug on it though? When it stops working for you, what do you do? Are you stuck (ew, no pun intended) with them or do you think it’s legal to cut things off and back off?

I’ve heard some of my married friends say, “Girl, if I were single, I would be having a great time with that arrangement!”.  Yes well, I have a wonderful time being single, but getting an ideal friends with benefits arrangement started is about as complicated as getting a good relationship off the ground.

You have to find the right person who is trustworthy and drama-free. Then it helps if they are really hot and attracted to you too.  If I actually manage to locate this person, I’m not suggesting FWB status.  I’m looking at him in disbelief and wondering what I can cook him to impress him! Is it just me? Are there people you meet that actually make a good candidate for no strings attached hook ups?

If you get the Friends with benefits arrangement in place, when do you decide it’s a wrap? Would it take something drastic? Do you just outgrow the situation?

473 comments Add your comment

C3 Gary from canton

April 7th, 2010
9:54 am

I am a Pastor and I have many FWB that are part of my church. All is well till the rest of the church finds out and then the party is over. Time to start a new church.

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:55 am

abc

April 7th, 2010
9:53 am

WOW!!!! Pretty damn judgemental this morning aren’t we????

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:56 am

Once again, I am just being inquisitive at this point. But do you date for awhile before you start to have sex with a FWB. Or do you just lay it all on first contact?

IDK..part 2

April 7th, 2010
9:58 am

A$$- no analogies here buddy, as u said, we’re humans, not a damn flavor of ice cream or breakfast food. thankfully you know your weak but weakness is not an excuse, neither is being bored. why not be real and tell your wife what you have done and how you feel? maybe she’ll realize her selflessness and beauty can be truly appreciated and valued elsewhere and leave you. then see how many FWB you’d have. its very bothering how many women only want a man when is he unavailable.

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:58 am

Are normal people typing under different names today?

Or is an FWB someone you were interested in genuinely, then it turned into a FWB situation and then limit was set?

kimmie

April 7th, 2010
9:59 am

Dig, I think we all at one point may have been in this type of situation, if only temporarily, we just didn’t put a title on it. With that being said, it just was not for me then & would never be for me now. Seems like a lonely situation.

I’ll come back when the topic changes & the trolls leave.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
9:59 am

All on the Eyes – Quit dating your ish.. The Blog does it for you..

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:59 am

A$$, would you be mad if your wife were doing the same thing?

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
9:59 am

FWB wasn’t tripping because he wasnt interested in a relationship,

DITTO. See when I was in college I didn’t have the time for a relationship and for a while after I just didn’t want one…so I had FWB and it worked out fine. Wise Dive had a post one day about the “boy/girlfriend experience” and that’s what I got. If I wanted to go out to dinner and a movie or whatever it was that’s what I got…no strings attached…we knew what the other wanted(and didn’t want) and ran with it like that. I always made it a point to stay in my lane and he in his.

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:59 am

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:56 am

You start as friends….thing evolve along those lines. At some point you have the conversation and there you have it….

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:00 am

My bad that should’ve been DIVA :oops:

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:00 am

But do you date for awhile before you start to have sex with a FWB

C-Lo
usually its someone already in your circle, not necessarily someone you have dated, but that could happen too. you don’t typically set out to find a FWB it kinda happens.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:01 am

Just say the persons name and reply.. Youre killing me..

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:01 am

Are normal people typing under different names today?

I think so….some still read the same regardless of the moniker.

M. (pronouced M dot)

April 7th, 2010
10:02 am

Good day.

Its funny how the regulars are using new and fake names to express how they really feel lol.

“If you get the Friends with benefits arrangement in place, when do you decide it’s a wrap? Would it take something drastic? Do you just outgrow the situation?”

Guys never really can win with a FWB situation because no matter how cool she APPEARS to be with it; It will only be temporary and three things will happen that will throw everything off track:

1. She WILL catch feelings. Some women have the disposition that if men can do it women can do it to…Sometimes, we just cant do the same things.

2. She WILL want more of your time and GF things. She will want to hang out and do stuff with you outside of your place or hers, and outside of the 10pm-3am timeframe.

3. She WILL eventually want more and if you dont, she will find someone who wants more with her. Thats when the situation will end for a guy. A guy will only cut a FWB if she is crazy, displaying to much emotion, or demanding to much from him.

Tip for the ladies: If we are FWB; lets keep it that way. What guys dont respect is when you try to make it more than it really is.

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
10:03 am

Fair enough.

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:03 am

Harpo, who these here people??

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
10:05 am

If I were out there, I would rather have just different woman rather than the same FWB over and over. Since I am single, I would enjoy switching it up.

IDK..part 2

April 7th, 2010
10:06 am

why yall “regulars” act like you own this blog or something? you do realize it is on the ajc…front page. whomever wants to chime in certainly can. be nice…welcome new fonts. wow @ some of yall…

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:07 am

Look now here goes.. If you grown you can do what ya like.. If thats what you want to do then do it.. If it gets all complicated then you cant do it.. Friends with Benefits is just that.. The companionship without the relationship drama.. Me I dont want to get married again.. I would love to have a lifetime relationship with someone that is beautiful than a boring marriage. In essence like Sheryl Crow said “If it makes you happy, then it cant be that bad” but then agian there is more to that song just like there is more to life than just being friends with benefits..

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:08 am

It will only be temporary

@M. isn’t that the point?

The whole “how do you end a fwb” issue, goes back to communication. Ya’ll need to have a talke before diving into this situation. Me personally I can check my emotions about FWB, sometimes yea the urge for more may have come but i knew what i signed up for cause we discussed it. You gotta go into it eyes wide open. And never go into it thinking you have the power to change the other persons mind about how far it will go.

Melo

April 7th, 2010
10:09 am

Wise Dive is good name, fitting in nicely with the topic today!

:lol: :lol:

FWB…..??

U dont even have to be friends to get ur groove on.

But being friendly helps,at least she will want to cuddle after u get ur pump dry! :lol: :lol:

Luvbug

April 7th, 2010
10:09 am

Harpo, who these here people??

LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:11 am

IDK – You know me and you got beef cause you on here swagger jackin my name… ;-)

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:11 am

Luvbug

I couldn’t resist LOL.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:13 am

I would rather have just different woman rather than the same FWB over and over.

That’s what rotations are for.

M.dot I’ve had several FWB situations where we did things together and all was well…also had situations where we only talked when we had a “meeting” planned and after a while theywere the ones that wanted to make it last forever..not me. Please don’t think you guys can’t get caught up cause it happens more than you probably want to admit…and it’s okay boo boo ;)

anonymousella

April 7th, 2010
10:14 am

duh: you pull the plug when you realize that you want more that what the FWB is offering. FWBs are downright amazing between relationships when you want physical intimacy, but not emotional intimacy. my return FWB was awesome post-breakup. our first go ’round, he used me because he wasn’t happy in his life situation. second go ’round, i used him and he knew it.

i think the problem is that most FWB arrangements start off as attempts at relationships. one person’s expectations are off from jump. the key is to be honest and *detached.*

abc

April 7th, 2010
10:14 am

Now, yall come in talking about jumpoffs and FWB, and when I call slut you claim I’m judgmental? That’s ridiculous. Surely, you recognize the behavior of a slut, male or female, no? If not, then it’s no wonder that the blog is full of descriptions of disappointment in love and relationships. Talk about clueless.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:15 am

You gotta go into it eyes wide open. And never go into it thinking you have the power to change the other persons mind about how far it will go.

Sho’ll cain’t so ride the waaave.

abc

April 7th, 2010
10:16 am

I’ll try this again, the last was apparently quarantined.

If you don’t recognize jumpoffs and FWB as the behavior of a sa-lutt, male or female, then it’s no wonder that there are so many descriptions of disappointment in love and relationships in here. Talk about clueless!

Tired of BS

April 7th, 2010
10:17 am

Not no but HELL NO! You nasty men carry your nasty ass disease to some other skank. Any woman who participates in this type of relationship, don’t complain when you get his nasty ass funk.

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:17 am

abc you going hard today

lurker

April 7th, 2010
10:18 am

I can imagine that the “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement has found its way into most of our lives. Whether or we planned it or not, FWB doesn’t really have a long shelf-life. I’m starting to think that this is probably for the best.

Not everybody. Not snotty, don’t judge others that engage (in this type set-up) but this is something that doesn’t work for me. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around engaging and doing what I believe should be naturally done within the confines of a relationship. To me, and I know it’s my rearing, it’s getting something for nothing. I know for two people to engage in the physical act of sex brings both parties enjoyment but somebody’s gonna get duped. Men seem to and will always be in the position in these type situations of getting in, getting it, getting out and on with their lives while women get in, get it catch feelings and what then? While it seem like FWB is an arrangement almost inevitable (according to the Diva’s post) for most, I don’t buy it.

K

April 7th, 2010
10:20 am

Why is this even a topic in the news paper?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:21 am

Whoa this is a polarizing topic today.. People are screaming already at 10 in the morning.. Good ole Prude versus Wh0re conversation.. Good versus evil. Black versus White.. Skywalker vs Vader… Batman vs The Joker.. All I have to say is this… Why so serious???

IDK..part 2

April 7th, 2010
10:22 am

@ Infamous – all hail the King! you have it, i got part 2 ;-) beef…its whats for dinner…not what we got, we got a luv thang! (whether u like it or not!) haha :-)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:22 am

heaven’s missin some angels….

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
10:23 am

DK

i was wondering the same thing!

kick off wet wednesday i’m sure it’ll thin out ;)

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:24 am

IDK – Youre right..

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
10:27 am

@kimmie- I feel you mama. This actually was my life. Eventually we all grow up and I know how I am and I started to develop a different mind-set and a lot of women began telling me that I made it hard for them to begin a real relationship because they start comparing these potentials to me and it wasn’t a comparison. Even tho we were still friends I had to start backing out because that was never my intention, and when emotions takes us past our arrangement then I had to do the responsible thing and disappear somewhat or tone down. But like lurker said when they catch feelings then its a whole different ball game.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. THROWED

April 7th, 2010
10:29 am

IDK – You are a girl right.. Cause I cant have a love thang with no dude.. I mean if thats youre thing and all but me… I likes the SC… The SUper Coochie

Casanova

April 7th, 2010
10:32 am

The girl must be waxed correctly. I don’t like un-shaven snatch.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:33 am

and when emotions takes us past our arrangement then I had to do the responsible thing and disappear somewhat or tone down.

Yeah that takes the fun out of it….for me anyway. Back then I enjoyed my freedom waaay too much to be tied down….and frankly just didn’t want to.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
10:34 am

The SUper Coochie

A.K.A that THAYOW ;)

Casanova

April 7th, 2010
10:35 am

Sassy I bet you are a black girl.

IDK..part 2

April 7th, 2010
10:36 am

@ Infamous, LOL!!! funny! yes, I am a Lady..all day, everyday! SO blessed us Women we are. :-) I would comment about the SC but I am a Lady so I’ll refrain…

Hank Johnson

April 7th, 2010
10:37 am

I’m really more concerned about Guam tipping over and/or capsizing than I am about ‘friends with benefits.’ I am also really concerned with people in Miami – if too many jump at the same time down there, Miami could turn into a diving board and send all the people into the Atlantic. Thanks again to all the wonderful people of Dekalb who voted me into office!!

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
10:40 am

I read it is going to rain tomorrow.

The "preaching" Professor

April 7th, 2010
10:42 am

Hmmm this is not my thing and I have never tried it. Everything is not for everybody I guess I am more conservative with my mind, body and soul.

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
10:42 am

@Sassy- I was so allergic to being tied down that if a woman even asked where I have been I would mean mug like I know you wasn’t in my bizness. LMAO!!!