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It’s not working

I can imagine that the “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement has found its way into most of our lives.  Whether or we planned it or not, FWB doesn’t really have a long shelf-life.  I’m starting to think that this is probably for the best.

I wonder when is it a good idea to pull the plug on it though? When it stops working for you, what do you do? Are you stuck (ew, no pun intended) with them or do you think it’s legal to cut things off and back off?

I’ve heard some of my married friends say, “Girl, if I were single, I would be having a great time with that arrangement!”.  Yes well, I have a wonderful time being single, but getting an ideal friends with benefits arrangement started is about as complicated as getting a good relationship off the ground.

You have to find the right person who is trustworthy and drama-free. Then it helps if they are really hot and attracted to you too.  If I actually manage to locate this person, I’m not suggesting FWB status.  I’m looking at him in disbelief and wondering what I can cook him to impress him! Is it just me? Are there people you meet that actually make a good candidate for no strings attached hook ups?

If you get the Friends with benefits arrangement in place, when do you decide it’s a wrap? Would it take something drastic? Do you just outgrow the situation?

473 comments Add your comment

Elliot Garcia

April 7th, 2010
8:25 am

Why end a good thing?

a$$play

April 7th, 2010
8:26 am

Well that is an easy answer…. after she gets pregnant! DUH!

wrap it if you tap it

April 7th, 2010
8:29 am

you dont want her getting pregnant. then you’re stuck w/her forever. best use protection, you dont know where shes been.

j-mike

April 7th, 2010
8:35 am

FWB has its moments. As long as both people are cool with it and don’t add drama to the mix. sometimes, people just need that release, ya know??

barneyb

April 7th, 2010
8:42 am

This whole concept is disgusting……….

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
8:45 am

FWB, F-Buddy. I can give you my sex but I can’t give you my heart. Hate to get off topic so early, but why put yourself in that position to be a FWB in the first place, if you can deal with the benefits you should be able to deal with the relationship our be able to exercise some self discipline. And folks wonder why the STD rates are at 48% with women, 52% with men in between the ages of 14 and 49. Better to masturbate and be safe than having a temporary fix.

IDK...part 2

April 7th, 2010
8:48 am

Barney im with you. Although (unfortunately) I have been in a FWB situation…but it’s quite disgusting if you ponder it 4 a moment. If yall are FWB…whom else are yall FWB with? it is very unsafe health wise, bc if yall are just FWB..how well do you really know that person? quite well in between the sheets…but in most cases thats it.

eww. GOOD WEDNESDAY to you all!

Ga Dawg

April 7th, 2010
8:48 am

What a disgusting topic to read this morning! The answers are even worse. Why would this “arrangement” not be discussed for what it is: people who are weak, selfish and shallow might like this. People who have no belief inside themselves that they are special enough to wait for the right person. So, later down the road, why would a potential forever partner find anything remotely attractive about you? You’d have to be a real loser and nothing underneath of merit to go for this mentality.

Morrus

April 7th, 2010
8:49 am

Vote out the incumbents and start over

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
8:51 am

I have been a strong supporter of FWB for many years ( even before it had a name:>)….There are two keys to a great FWB arraingment: First don’t exercise the benefits clause to often. Focus on the friendship and not the bennies. Second, never sleep over after sex. When i have with my FWB and there is no sex we sleep over all of the time, But when we do the deed, the visitor always goes home!! Slleping over after sex is to much like a relationship and thats where things get complicated…

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
8:54 am

And my fingers are moving faster than my eye!!! ( sorry about the grammer, Its early!!! ;)

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
8:54 am

So sleeping over is to much like a relationship, but having sex is NOT like a relationship? Interesting, to say the least.

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
8:57 am

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
8:54 am

To be sure, this is not for everyone, just as there are some that have no interest in being married. If a FWB situation is not for you then great, find your soul mate and live happily ever after..But for some this is a choice that fits thier ( our) lifesyles….

A. Nusman

April 7th, 2010
9:00 am

It ended when her husband caught us at their mountain cabin. I’m on probation for beating him because he just had to fight me.

a$$play

April 7th, 2010
9:08 am

I wish it was acceptable to have FWB while you are married. MY wife doesn’t seem to understand the close frienship I have with my coworker. Yeah so we slept together and had an affair… So now I have “Elin” going through my phone and work email… One day I will get the 9 iron across the face.

CMS

April 7th, 2010
9:09 am

Can’t beat FWB! But if you’re contemplating what you can cook to impress him that just shows your heart is in the right place:)

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:11 am

All in the eyes, I am just sharing my view. I know it is different strokes for different folks. Question, how do you break it of with the FWB if you find someone that you really like?

IDK...part 2

April 7th, 2010
9:13 am

a$$hole..i mean play…why did you have an affair? glad your expecting a 9 iron…hopefully you’ll get it! expecting = want right?

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
9:18 am

Good morning everybody.
This is a topic I know plenty about and it was always an easy concept for me. Things have changed and I choose not to be so plentiful with my women as before. Maybe that is why I understand Tiger so much, minus the millions of course, but my buddy Carlito’s point is probably more of why I have made such a change. You just don’t know what is out there these days and I am not so willing to find out.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
9:20 am

Question, how do you break it of with the FWB if you find someone that you really like?

lito in the beginning of said FWB situation there needs to be a discussion about expectations and boundaries. If/when one of the “friends” meets someone else and likes them and chooses to pursue it then out of respect, the other person deserves to know.

A FWB situation is definitely NOT for errbody.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
9:21 am

a$$hole..i mean play…

:lol: :lol:

Y’all startin’ early…good

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:29 am

Dig That, What’s up. :) It’s a dangerous game out there.

Sassy, i can see it working with boundaries, maybe. Do you keep it a secret with the new person though when they ask? Even though you are ending it or what if the new person is not as good in bed as the FWB?

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:29 am

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:11 am

I agree with Sassy… keep your “Friend” in the loop and don’t be afraid to just say whats going on if there is a long term situation developing. If the friendship portion is strong then you are good…If some drama starts to develope, then end the whole thing.

i'm swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:30 am

Seems to me like FWB is an even trickier balance than an actual relationship. I mean, you’ve got to find someone who:

1) You like — but not too much, otherwise you might catch feelings

2) You find attractive — but not too attractive, or else you might get mesmerized by her beauty

3) Is good in bed — but not too good, or else you might get mesmerized by that booty

Oh, and by the way, she has to have that exact same delicate balance of feelings toward you, otherwise it doesn’t work.

I think about the only way it could work for me would be if it were some sort of long-distance FWB situation, where we don’t see each other that often & just get our groove on when we do…

2CPTG - Mr. homie, LOVER, friend

April 7th, 2010
9:32 am

sup y’all…..somebody said shallow thinking? Well, for a society that ain’t gettin married, and alot of children being born out of wedlock, it’s shallow to think these types of situations don’t exist! Somma y’all wanna-be politically correct saps need to get your heads outta the sand; If you are friends with someone, and on occasion you happen to derive an extra benefit, look at it for what it is….no need to trip when he/she finds someone they actually wanna settle down with. Hell, y’all were just friends anyway.

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
9:33 am

@Sassy- Absolutely it requires a discussion and understanding. Even though women tend to forget that discussion fairly quickly and I wind up telling them to get a man because I probably won’t be him. And I used to wish that I was in a better place because these were good women that would make any men adore them. As fate would have it though the one they fall in love with is the one that they couldn’t have the way the way they wanted. Always friends though.

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:34 am

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:29 am

If the new person should inquire, then tell them you are friends. As for keeping it a secret, I currently have two FWBs, and I / we choose not to discuss anything other than our friendship with anyone. Our Benefits arraingment is just between us…..

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
9:34 am

a$$play

April 7th, 2010
9:36 am

NO excuses here.. I am weak. Look What Tiger gave up and Jesse. Hello… I believe that humans are not monogamous beings by nature. And what is absolutely crazy??? I get it ALL the time from my wife and she is beautiful and selfless… I just get bored.

Question: If you worked at Baskin Robbins and you favorite ice cream was say… Chocolate mint… wouldn’t you fancy maybe another flavor or would you eat the same for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next say ohhhh….8 years?

Think about it…

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:39 am

Seems like the best way for a FWB to work is if you are married, then that person will always know their role.

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:40 am

i’m swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:30 am

I think you are overthinking this….All it takes is a friend… There is something about every female friend that I have that is attractive enough for me to want to be friends with them. There are some that I find physically stunning, others that challenge me mentally, and still others that are just easy and fun to be around. The Key is being able to enjoy them for who they are…..The bennies are just that….

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 7th, 2010
9:41 am

Do you keep it a secret with the new person though when they ask?
Some do and some don’t but I still think it’s only fair to let a new person you’re dating(and contemplating becoming serious with) that you’re seeing someone else….regardless of “how” you’re seeing them. Please keep in mind that not all FWB situations are the same….some
only and ONLY involve the midnight booty call and others could be like the boy/girlfriend experience…meaning there could be dates,movies,dinner and great sex. As I’ve said it’s not for everbody.

Even though you are ending it or what if the new person is not as good in bed as the FWB?

Then as an adult YOU have to make a decision…sex is an important part of a healthy relationship but does not comprise the whole thing. Do you care enough about the new person to help them get their sex game up i.e. be the teacher to their student or are you gonna bolt out of the door? And if you did bolt then how much did you care about the new person to begin with?….and how selfish then does that make YOU. It’s all about choices…to each his/her own.

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:41 am

All fine and dandy until you find out your wife or husband/SO has a friend with benefits as well. LOL

i'm swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:41 am

“Question: If you worked at Baskin Robbins and you favorite ice cream was say… Chocolate mint… wouldn’t you fancy maybe another flavor or would you eat the same for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next say ohhhh….8 years?”

The difference is that chocolate mint ice cream is an inanimate object, not a human being, who you supposedly love and to whom you have made a vow. If you really are incapable of controlling your desires & you know this about yourself, then you shouldn’t have lied & said “I do.” JMHO

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
9:43 am

FWB, ahh been there done that, sometimes it works the way you want sometimes it doesnt. I agree with Swiss on the characteristics he listed :lol:

Question, how do you break it of with the FWB if you find someone that you really like?

For me it was easy, i just told the dude i had met someone else, FWB wasn’t tripping because he wasnt interested in a relationship, this i knew from day one, so instead of me trying to change the rules in the middle of the game i took that for what it was and didnt’ turn away from someone who was offering me what i was looking for at the time.

CMS

April 7th, 2010
9:44 am

OK dude I don’t know you from Adam…but I gotta question your handle a$$play…for real its a$$play? A$$play?! Its your bussiness, but assplay first thing in the morning?

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:44 am

Hey I am not knocking it, it is just not for me. I just am of the mindset that if you spread yourself thin how do you get good with whats important. But some people are great multi-taskers. :)

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:45 am

I’m Swiss, FTW!!

i'm swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:47 am

Carlito — FTW? Sorry, but I don’t know that one? Stands for…?

Jerilu

April 7th, 2010
9:48 am

a$$play: what’s the point of getting married if you dont’ want to be monogamous? Or is your wife okay with it?

FWB works best if you live in different cities and just get together every so often. Keeps it more interesting, and less likely one friend wants it to turn into something else. It’s not that complicated, really. PLUS, when one friend finds somebody special, it dies out… at least until both are unattached again.

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:48 am

What is the difference between a jumpoff and a FWB. And why do people call those who just want sex a “farm tool” when in reality they just want multiple FWB’s?

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:49 am

FTW, For The Win :)

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
9:50 am

<—Great Muti-tasker

i'm swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:51 am

Carlito — Ah, gotcha… Thanks.

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
9:51 am

What is the difference between a jumpoff and a FWB

A jump off is somebody you probably don’t even hold a real conversation with outside of the bedroom or getting them to the bedroom.

FWB is someone you can actually hold a conversation with and possibly spend time with as well as screw when necessary.

i'm swiss

April 7th, 2010
9:52 am

Alright kids, I’m off to conduct a day-long training session… Hate to miss the fun; seems like it’s going to be a fun day…

abc

April 7th, 2010
9:53 am

FWB == sex without emotional interest == sluts on both sides. Get your sheott together, please.

A chick that plays FWB would never be a romantic interest of mine. I’m not interested in sluts. Of course, a chick would never admit to it after the fact.

Dig That

April 7th, 2010
9:53 am

@Princess- Wassup baby

All in the eyes!!!

April 7th, 2010
9:53 am

Carlito

April 7th, 2010
9:48 am

By definition, My FWBs are actually my friends…I won’t have a Jumpoff as I can’t be sexual with someone that I am not cool with.

PrincessNik..T.G.I.F.Thank God I'm Fabulous

April 7th, 2010
9:54 am

Hey Dig! It’s Wednesday Boo a downhill slide to the weekend