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Dating the IQ?

Most people think that being smart, extremely smart, or brilliant is a trait that most people are attracted to.  Ask anyone to list “must-haves” for potential mates and chances are intellect will rank rather high. I imagine that “intellectual stimulation” has been used countless times in dating profiles and personal ads. But do we really want to be with someone who is extremely intelligent?

Would you have problems dating someone who was a lot smarter than you?  I remember a guy friend telling me that his father always advised him to marry a woman a lot smarter than him.  Is this something a lot of men are told to do? Why would that be beneficial in a relationship?

I have seen some really intelligent men in relationships with “intellectually challenged” women. It seems that men are more forgiving on IQ.  Ladies, would you be willing to give guys a chance if they appeared to be less intelligent or educated than you?

618 comments Add your comment

kinderbabe--34 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 31st, 2010
8:24 am

i think when people get over themselves and cut some judgement and superiority, the dating world will be just fine. everyone possesses some form of intelligence and education. it’s just a matter of if it’s something you want to know more about or not…lol. for instance, i may know a lot about teaching but am dating someone who knows a lot about cars. there is no real measure on how intelligent we each are b/c the subjects are useful in different ways. to me, it’s all a matter of compatibility and if the experiences of another are compatible to your current interests and lifestyle…not so much “intelligence.”

Like the old song says...

March 31st, 2010
8:25 am

…if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife…so, yeah, I guess you should end up with a woman smarter than you…

Sorry, ladies, but men are just pigs, no matter what their IQ…

Jeff

March 31st, 2010
8:26 am

There is a statistical relationship between a man’s intelligence and his income. There is also a stiatistical relationship between a man’s income and how attractive women percieve him. Do the math.

KJ

March 31st, 2010
8:48 am

What if you’re not smart enough to do the math :(

AmazonRed™

March 31st, 2010
8:48 am

Morning all! Laker game TONIGHT. Yes!!!

He doesn’t have to have a fancy degree and letters after his name. He can even be a college drop out. But he HAS to be intelligent.

Smart guys are so sexy. I’m pretty bright, but I love when a man can break down something for me. Or we spend all night talking about issues and both of us can keep up with the conversation.

AmazonRed™ - Go Lakers!!!

March 31st, 2010
8:49 am

What if you’re not smart enough to do the math

:lol:

I can’t risk having any dumb kids either. :lol:

AmazonRed™ - Go Lakers!!!

March 31st, 2010
8:54 am

I got stuck in several meetings yesterday:

DK – Thanks for answering the background question.

JtJ – Glad you got your tickets. I can see your point about the lawn!

Jeff

March 31st, 2010
8:55 am

Don’t get me wrong, an intelligent woman is sexy too, if only because a stupid one is such a turn off.

RelldaRake

March 31st, 2010
8:55 am

the smartest man cannot outwit the dumbest women – diary of a tired black man

mytw♥cents ~ team cerebral

March 31st, 2010
8:56 am

I can’t imagine many men wanting to be with someone much more intelligent than them b/c lots of them seem to feel women throw everything back in their faces when they have any kind of perceived advantage. Perhaps their chosen women have, and if so it’s probably something they could’ve weede out thru a better selection process. However it definitely baffles me when dudes go to the much less intelligent end of the spectrum. Sometimes I can see their ears bleeding but they’ve decided the trade off is worth it.

Also, I think more claim to want intellectual stimulation than truly do. When it’s uncomfortable or something they disagree with, they don’t value it. But if it’s provocative enough to stimulate my thoughts, especially in a new direction, that’ll et and hold my attention. Plus the in order to be a witty mofo, you gotta have the smarts. Can’t be clever & a dummy….

JEFF, you’re just Jaded. Like Aerosmith. Ponder selection Process commmentary, above.

Mr_NYC

March 31st, 2010
8:56 am

Intelligence is definitely attractive on both sides. Though, I’ve observed and experienced potential partners be “dismissed” because of an individual using a degree or other arbitrary standard as the measuring line for intelligence.

Mr_NYC

March 31st, 2010
8:58 am

@amazon — good morning, there was a comedy date flick out recently where the pretty girl didn’t want to be with the average dude because she said their kids would come out dumb and she couldn’t have that

i'm swiss

March 31st, 2010
9:05 am

In terms of making a relationship work, I would imagine the ideal scenario would be to find someone who has about the same level of intellect as yourself. Who wants to feel dumb all the time? And what really smart person want to stuck with a simpleton? I don’t put much stock in the bible, but what’s the phrase — “equally yoked?” In this case, I’d say that’s good advice.

Oh, and morning, everybody!

If the man's IQ...

March 31st, 2010
9:06 am

…is lower than the size of his johnson, then you ladies have a real dilemma to overcome…

i'm swiss

March 31st, 2010
9:07 am

“I can’t imagine many men wanting to be with someone much more intelligent than them b/c lots of them seem to feel women throw everything back in their faces when they have any kind of perceived advantage.”

Stupid women do this, too. Their arguments are just less coherent. ;-) :lol:

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:09 am

We all possess some level of intelligence. I have kicked it with many a woman Ph.D and still found them dumb as box of rocks but still fine as all outdoors, then my I have (for lack of better terms) dumbed it down and still had a great time. My criteria is a bit skewed tho. It is sad to say but I used to play with this chick years ago that made me laugh, finest and prettiest peach in GA, but she wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but we used to have a ball, sometimes I didn’t even know if she could read a damn grocery list. Good thing she had a trust fund. LMAO!!!!!!!!

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:10 am

Good morning all

Professor

March 31st, 2010
9:14 am

Hola!

I will say this I like a man that can hold his own. However, the biggest turn off to me is a dumb man pretending to be smart trying to debate. I have met men that wanted to debate about anything as if that makes them smarter, and it is always the dumb men that does this. Gentlemen, do you all have the same problem with women?

kinderbabe--34 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 31st, 2010
9:15 am

@digthat…i agree that we all possess some level of intelligence. i said the same in my post.:)

Dan

March 31st, 2010
9:17 am

As KB stated, intellect (ie the capacity to learn) can be found in numerous circumstances.

Growing up “book smart”, I spent a lot of time with cats that were “street smart” and I can tell you that they are different. My experiences taught me to respect and appreciate those differences as well.

As for dating, I think swiss hit it; it’s part of being “equally yoked”. I can’t have but so many conversations about popular culture without feeling as if time is being wasted, likewise; I can’t expect everyone to want to speak about economic and geo-political circumstances. So for me it’s a balancing act.

I work on “small” talk, but I definitely pepper in thing to a conversation to gauge capacity and concern for issues that I think/care about as well.

Good Morning

abc

March 31st, 2010
9:18 am

Average IQ in the U.S. is 96 or 98; in Georgia, the average is 92. That’s only 22 points higher than the threshold of retardation. 1 in 20 drivers on the road have an IQ around 55.

The takeaway: when you exclaim that a bad driver must be retarded or something, they probably are. When you say the same thing about your date, they probably are.

SlimCoo-Coo

March 31st, 2010
9:22 am

Good morning ya’ll….it’s sale day so won’t be able to be in for long. Just stopped by long enough to scarf down this yogurt before I pass out.

I have known folks with letters behind their name and a numerous degrees that had no common sense…One of them are related to me. LOL! Have also met folks who don’t have any degrees but are intelligent beyond belief. A degree is not necessarily a ruler of intellect. Anyhoo, never really dated anyone I deemed stupid, dumb or airhead-ish…guess I just haven’t been attracted to that type of dude. But with regard to dating, I love to be taught about things from other people just as long as it’s not done in a condescending way. Who likes a Know-it-all that thinks their sh!t don’t stink??? At the same time, I hope that they can learn from me also.

DreamsMaterialize

March 31st, 2010
9:25 am

Morning
I won’t compromise on intellect. I’ve done that before and regretted it. If a chick is way smarter than me, it’s no problem…just means I have to step my game up, and I surely will. Your counterpart is supposed to inspire you to be better anyway.

Cemeeli

March 31st, 2010
9:28 am

…good morning…

in order to be a witty mofo, you gotta have the smarts. Can’t be clever & a dummy…

…from the mouth of babes…

Hmmm mytwosense I would say, it’s reasonable to be a clever gal and thwart intelligence at/with “same level” folk. But it’s more pleasurable when people think you’re average…common…simpletons…regulars…until you elevate their mental with guerilla wit.

…ummm why do I wuv you?… :wink:

RelldaRake

March 31st, 2010
9:28 am

@abc…i believe we have alot of mildly retarded men/women out here…both in intellect and social skills

Cemeeli

March 31st, 2010
9:29 am

but still fine as all outdoors,

@ Dig – hehehe…you know who i thought of when i read that right?

RelldaRake

March 31st, 2010
9:30 am

If you’re in a relationship right now, and you’re not quite happy, don’t try to blame your partner for your unhappiness. It’s not their fault. They’re already sharing their love with you through the frequencies where you’re compatible. If that isn’t enough for you, then don’t try to squeeze more juice out of your partner. Instead, acknowledge the areas in which you’re most compatible, and enjoy them. Then acknowledge the areas in which you don’t connect as well, and let those areas go; you can easily find someone else to connect with you in those areas, and it will be a joy to do so.

Letting go with love isn’t about kicking a partner out of your life. It’s about acknowledging the energetic frequencies in which you’re most compatible and choosing to connect in those areas primarily. It’s also about choosing not to force a connection in the areas where your compatibility is weak.

AmazonRed™ - Go Lakers!!!

March 31st, 2010
9:31 am

However, the biggest turn off to me is a dumb man pretending to be smart trying to debate

Professor – Lawd yes! They try and use big words and pronounce them all wrong or in the wrong context.

Terrible.

East Point's Own

March 31st, 2010
9:32 am

@Professor Yes I have definitely encountered women who want to argue every little thing, whether they know any facts about the topic or not.
Just last week I was dicussing the Healthcare Bill with a woman who claims to have a Master’s in Healthcare Admin. but who has not read a single line of the bill, yet she wanted to argue points that she had not read. She claimed that because of her degrees and her years of experience in the health admin field that she did not need to read the bill. I might add that she was having this discussion with myself and another man who have both read a good portion of the bill for ourselves.

http://hispointofview.com

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:33 am

Some of the most intelligent characters are in prison and so I have learned more to rely on applied intelligence rather than adaptive intelligence.

DreamsMaterialize

March 31st, 2010
9:35 am

and it is always the dumb men that does this.
Professor clowns will always demand the spotlight; it’s their job. I find this is true of women too. This is why I can’t stay too long at certain functions. It’s hard for me to stand around and listen to people talk like scholars when they really don’t know what they’re talking about.

RelldaRake

March 31st, 2010
9:35 am

If you find yourself in such a marriage situation, acknowledge your intellectual and emotional compatibility, and aim to do more of that with your partner. Then acknowledge your lack of sexual connection, and aim to seek out other partners that fill this need for you. That isn’t a betrayal of anyone. It’s just an intelligent way to meet your needs.

Maybe you have a friend that’s really fun to hang out with socially, but intellectually he’s a dud. So go out and have fun with him, but don’t try to get into a deep intellectual conversation, as that would only frustrate you.

RelldaRake

March 31st, 2010
9:37 am

When frequencies are incompatible, you get resistance. When frequencies are compatible, you get this beautiful sense of flow and joy. If you’re stuck on the resistance side, you may not even be able to imagine how good the flow and joy side feels. It would seem unfathomably easy because you’re so used to struggle and effort to get your needs met.

WOW…

Luvbug

March 31st, 2010
9:38 am

I agree kinderbabe. No one has the market on all types of smart.

DreamsMaterialize

March 31st, 2010
9:38 am

Yes I have definitely encountered women who want to argue every little thing, whether they know any facts about the topic or not.
Can you say Spelmanite? lol

LURKER (The most interesting LURKER on The MIA blog)

March 31st, 2010
9:38 am

@ Women Lurker…..Did not get back in time to respond to your question yesterday!

Action is worry’s worst enemy!

Start by doing what’s necessary then what’s posible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

We find in life exactly what we put into it!

Also your own upward climb and accomplishments are an inspiration because you always give GOD the glory, honor and praise!

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:39 am

@Cemeeli

I know you talking bout my homeboys. When I was young the first money I ever invested was in the Dungeon. I am not surprised you caught that and it is so appropriate.

Professor

March 31st, 2010
9:40 am

They try and use big words and pronounce them all wrong or in the wrong context.

EXACTLY!

@EPO…Dayum…Why would she not read the bill that should be down her alley? She should have kept that mouth closed considering the fact that she did not read the bill.

@DreamsM “clowns will always demand the spotlight; it’s their job.” Well said, now I need to remember this when I see a clown at work doing their job…lol

Professor

March 31st, 2010
9:43 am

LURKER~You are here a little early today. Are you playing hooky today or something?

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:46 am

@East Point
That is funny. I went thru the exact opposite. My MS is in Health Care Management. I have never used the degree, but was at a bistro I go to sometimes with “uppity negroes” that think they know me and was really trying to bait me in their discussion about the bill and was mad because I really wouldn’t participate. The whole time I’m thinking that damn degree don’t make me an expert and at the time I had not read one line of the bill. What sense does that make?

kinderbabe--34 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 31st, 2010
9:47 am

@luvbug…thanks. i think the danger in thinking that one type has the market is that other types of intelligence are under or unappreciated. when conversations like this come up, i automatically think about my kids.:)

Cemeeli

March 31st, 2010
9:48 am

yet she wanted to argue points that she had not read.

^^^Dead give away…When a person argues an issue, instead of stating what they know, and what is…they’re just for “show” not for sure. When people are mentally acquired…they listen…speak…take note, and let it be.

…and….

on the subject of love and intelligence…I have never found anyone that falls in love with a person solely based on they are the most intelligent, or have highest IQ…i think we love who we love, because of the quality of love itself.

Professor

March 31st, 2010
9:49 am

Question: How do you all weigh the following: common sense, book sense or street sense? Do you prefer one to the other and why?

Cemeeli

March 31st, 2010
9:51 am

@ Dig – @ 9:39…duly noted.

Angel

March 31st, 2010
9:52 am

Intellect is self serving….there must be character along with it!

Cemeeli

March 31st, 2010
9:52 am

kinderbabe i automatically think about my kids.:)

Trix love the kids. ….awww….

Dan

March 31st, 2010
9:53 am

@EPO

Ah yes, the “talking points” debate. I hate those.

@Dreams

Leave the Spelmanites alone or you will find your name in “the book”

Dig That

March 31st, 2010
9:55 am

You and me both Dan. And especially when I am out trying to have a good time.

abc

March 31st, 2010
9:58 am

Common sense is most important; book sense next, because if you don’t know anything you can get pretty boring; street sense last, because I tend to avoid scenarios where it’d be important.

kinderbabe--34 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 31st, 2010
10:01 am

@cemeeli…lol. you know i love my babies.:)i have to appreciate them for the various learning styles they bring to the table. they are all bright in my eyes.:)