What just happened?
It is so perplexing when men are attracted to you one minute and the next they act all weird and distant. I can understand when someone doesn’t want to pursue things. I get confused when they come on so strong and then start to backpedal. Are women guilty of doing the same thing to men?
I’m usually not the type to come on too strong because I have that cautious nature that puts the brakes on. Even when I feel like I am plunging into the “new man” haze head first, I remain cautiously optimistic until things start to progress. Sometimes there is a shift in attraction. You figure out that the person who once made an impression on you really isn’t that compatible with you after all. What is your next move?
What are ways you can tell you are attracted to someone? Let’s go beyond the obvious, “I want to see them naked” barometer to test how strong your attraction is; how can you determine that your attraction is significant enough to compel you to focus on just them?
How do you handle it when you are attracted to someone unexpectedly? Just because it catches you off guard, does that mean you won’t pursue things?
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658 comments Add your comment
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:11 am
A guy on here got a BJ from his babysitter?
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:11 am
wonder why dudes start pulling back when they feel themselves really getting into a chick…what’s that about
@Slim??
commitment butterflies…its kinda the same way some women feel when the nuptials are approaching and the gravity of what shes entering into gets inot her head!
For guys,its that feeling that my rotation is gon be reduced to just 1…am I prepared for it??
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
10:11 am
The “Good Book” sets a great example of both what a man and woman should be.
Carlito, you are preaching to the choir telling me that. I know this already. However some men will say that a woman should not say what a man should or shouldn’t do or be. I beg to differ. While I can’t tell you how to think or what a man should feel, I do know the basics of how to recognize a man.
I think the disconnect is when men and women both act differently and justify it be saying that you can’t tell me. Everything has a basis.
And then on top of that every time you open a magazine or turn on the television you hear men want/need XYZ…until it benefits them to have it differently.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:13 am
Did anyone watch “24″ last night?
and now, you’ve graduated, and now bloggin’ about TV shows….Is this the same person the last time i was here that said “blogging would be counterproductive, if i found a chic that indulged”?…
Lito You’ve been changed for the long haul….
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:14 am
Raqi, I am simple. LOL I do not tell a woman how to be a woman. When a woman asked me that type of question. I tell her I can not tell her that and to go read Proverbs 30. And she usually knows she can not tell me how to be a man. I understand what you are saying. We have our filters set to weed out those who are not up to standard of what we expect, if we let them sift through it is our own fault. IMO
Leggs
March 30th, 2010
10:16 am
Good morning!
@Raqi ~ here I is!
I have recently SMDH wondering what happened with the “prospects” I met in the past few months. So much interest was shown, phone calls exchanged, lots of laughter and interest shown by both of us only to hear a resounding THUD. I know it’s me cuz when I steer away from sexual talk right of the back, no return calls do I get (LOLOLOL).
Dang, 99 comments to read.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:16 am
Cemeeli, yes I am bored and all of my other websites are blocked. This place is really interesting and I like it. No work to be had here at the moment.
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
10:16 am
Raqi – Thanks for your comments. Folks won’t change unless they want to, or they find a person worthy enough to. Guys have gone ghost on me, so I didn’t feel bad about going ghost on them til I met someone who demanded more and was worthy of it.
We’ll learn…or die lonely.
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
10:16 am
DK Re: 10:10
I think women start the mental process of a break-up long before the actual act of leaving it to be sure they are comfortable with the decision they are about to make. Not at all saying it is the proper thing to do but it is what it is. I can only speak for myself, but I will definitely make it known whatever it is I feel i’m not getting from the relationship prior to just packing up to dip. So if it falls on deaf ears then it really isn’t a surprise when i’m gone right? Dude can play that ‘I had no clue’ game all he wants but don’t look crazy when you see home girl got tired of yo shiznit. lol But in same token, i’ve never just moved out or anything w/o the person knowing what was up.
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
10:18 am
Cemeeli, yes I am bored and all of my other websites are blocked.
That’s what brought me here too.
Then, MIA got blocked.
Thank goodness for the new job!
THE INFAMOUS DK
March 30th, 2010
10:18 am
Raqi – The point is we all think we know what a woman/man should or shouldnt be. Honestly if we knew we wouldnt be here trying to figure out the opposite sexes. The thing is no one fits a mold. To a pimp a wh0re is the perfect example of what a woman should be to him. Im sure there are women in Mase’s past that would call him a shady nothing a$$ lil boy but to you he is king d!ng-a-l!ng.. A man is a man to the woman that accepts him for who he is and likewise.. Oh and there is always a time when the younger sibling takes the lead position in the Fam and this is one of those times, so sit back and learning from you lil bro..
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
10:19 am
I can only speak for myself, but I will definitely make it known whatever it is I feel i’m not getting from the relationship prior to just packing up to dip. So if it falls on deaf ears then it really isn’t a surprise when i’m gone right?
Slim – I’ll co-sign on this too. I think it’s safe to say that we women tend to do this.
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:20 am
thanx Carlito!
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:20 am
One, what “good book” there are a number of them,
Two, we are each individuals responsible only for/to ourselves, no book, person, or anything else has power over me that I don’t give.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
10:20 am
Instead of saying.. Baby this aint working Im moving out or Im leaving you on this date..
Infamous, but many of you all don’t listen. You all think you have the upper hand in this thing. The relationship I was in before Mase died a slow long death. Before leaving it I told the guy, ‘look this is what I need to stay in this relationship’. I told him this time and time again but it was like I was talking to a brick wall. He wasn’t hearing it because he came right back with the same stuff. So yeah it was over long before I said my goodbye. And from what I hear and have heard that is quite the norm in some relationships. The woman states her needs but many guys count it as nothing.
Hence, you men need to stop telling women what we need to feel and not feel.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:21 am
Sweetheart, you don’t have to post explanations…some lurkers that “oppose” the forum are our hardest bloggers whether they wanna admit it or not…new monikers are not…
It’s all good.
Leggs
March 30th, 2010
10:22 am
@Dan, when ppl say read the “good book,” pretty sure they’re talking about The Bible!
kimmie
March 30th, 2010
10:23 am
Morning Gang!
I have gone out with a guy a few times & things seemed to be going well, only for him to disappear. The few times it has happened, they end up resurfacing months down the road. Of course, I totally ignore them. You don’t owe me an explanation, but neither do I why I ignore your calls.
I have 2 single friends that are experiencing a lot of the disappearing dude acts lately, I don’t know why.
If you are a “real” man or woman, you are just that. You just are. And you don’t get bent out of shape all the time thinking that someone is trying to tell you how to be. But then, that rarely happens to you, because folks usually KNOW a real man or woman when they come across one, easily.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:24 am
Could be the Torah, could be the Koran, could be the Bagahavita
Everybody don’t believe what you do. Assume nothing
SexyCool
March 30th, 2010
10:26 am
Three Words Daily – Never stop hoping.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:26 am
Dan, more power to you. The “good book” is the Holy Bible to me.
Melo, No Problem.
AmazonRed,
I want to ask, which one is the most lowly. The man who just breaks contact after 3 or 4 dates and vanishes. Or the woman who is gone and the man is the last person to know?
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
10:26 am
@Raqi – women are ‘nesters’ by nature so we will tend to stay in a situation exploring all options to keep the nest together & in tact before dipping out. But once we feel no resolve is being attempting, you have to just pick up move on. Yeah it’s hard due to our emotional invested nature to consider starting all over…but in certain situations, that’s just what has to happen. Unless a chick is really guarded emotionally, I can’t see her leaving w/o at least an attempt to state whatever needs she feels the relationship is lacking. Long story short…I agree with your 10:20
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:26 am
@ ARed – You’ve been blogging forever. Com’ on now.
btw – Does the new beau like, or want kids one day? What the news there?….a couple of use lady bloggers have been lining up Shower dates…Anything you need us to put on the calendar?
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
10:27 am
Man, I haven’t heard this in a while…
You’re my lady…You’re my lad-dey…I can tell they’re looking at us
cbsradio – streaming – AOL neo-soul
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:28 am
And some will burn in hell and some won’t. We shall see who was right one day. Free will is wonderful. Nobody can still your peace when you know what you know.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:28 am
still= steal
abc
March 30th, 2010
10:28 am
I didn’t read through the comments, so sorry if I’m duplicating — but I’d wager that if a guy seems interested and then all of a sudden disappears, it’s because he met someone he likes better. Same thing for chicks.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
10:29 am
Infamous, I think where I went right with Mason is I saw the man before I saw the mate. A man being responsible, accountable, loyal and trustworthy as a friend first. Then the other part came.
And I don’t doubt that there are women out there that has nothing but bad to say about him and rightfully so stemming from his interactions with them.
However, there is a fundamental definition that describes every man and woman. And in that being we all have the right to call the other out if it is lacking.
Can you deny seeing something on the news or hearing something and stating “a (wo)man doesn’t act like”. Just because you are not a woman doesn’t mean you don’t know what a woman looks and acts like. How would you know how to seek one out if you didn’t know what you were looking for? I am not talking about the character traits that make us individuals but I am talking strictly male and female. There is only one of each. Particulars of character comes second.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:30 am
Carilto, miss me with the sermon homie.
Unless you’ve been there, how do you know if there is a Heaven or Hell.
I dig that you have beliefs, but this aint the forum.
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
10:30 am
We’ve established we can’t assume that when we meet someone that they haven’t been talking to others. So I wonder if it would be inappropriate to ask how far along they are with any other potential datees? Anyone i’ve been dating has asked if I date other folks, to which my answer has been yes. But often times, I think that disappearing act is probably because they have already been far off in where they are in the other chicks they date…so you come along, it’s exciting for that short period of time, but on the other hand they are way more invested/serious than you two. Just an idea…Hmmmm?
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:30 am
@ kimmie – waving. How are my Tea Cups doing? You and your cute family! Love it !
2 months of school and the 2 hour homework will subside…finally!
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
10:30 am
@ ARed – You’ve been blogging forever. Com’ on now.
Cemeeli – Duh. Where did I deny that?
As for shower dates, why you asking bout kids when the ring has to come first?
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:32 am
Leggs, Hello
SexyCool
March 30th, 2010
10:32 am
Yeah. I have dated guys and come to realize that he really does dress like that *all the time* or that he really does think he knows everything or that he has the table manners of an orangatan or that his feet stink or that his kisses are sticky or that he really can’t kiss or that he is thumb sized or that he is a hump-hump-come or something else equally horrid and unacceptable.
And I would be out.
However, I have gotten better about giving them the Chuck Woolery line – This is NOT a Love Connection.
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
10:34 am
abc- I agree.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:34 am
Dan, you are the one who is pipping up about what I posted, This is a blog I said what I said you popped up a response and I responded. If you don’t want the feedback don’t say anything, my friend. No ill will towards you at all, I will pray for you anyway, if you believe what I believe or not.
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:34 am
Its just hard telling somebody, a stranger, what u really feel about them and ur deepest thoghts. Whats the point..??
Like DK is eloquently saying,u dont owe that person a thing and she dont either. I think it wld be fair to explain if uall sleep thgether at least but without that,really there is no need.Even after sleeping tgether, ive personally flaked out.
Slim is dating 2 1/2 dudes right now,if we half count the Italian guy.
If dude no1 were to meet Slim in town,all nice nice with dude no2,accidentally, but after no1 had a dinner date with Slim the previous nite,im sure no1 wld feel kinda slighted or wondering why?? after spending such quality time the previous day with her. See..??
He wld think that Slim owes her an explanation?? I dont think so.. altho it hurts!
That chance encounter just made no1’s exit much quicker and swift!
So what doi u say Slim??
(sorry to use ur situation as a guinea pig)
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:36 am
Where is that chile at with his “bust downs comment?hehehe
kimmie
March 30th, 2010
10:36 am
Slim – That is a possible reason, but really I think several reasons could be possible – they met someone else, they saw something in you they did not like, they like you but you want something serious & they don’t or vice-versa, they’re married, they’re into an alternative lifestyle, etc.
It can just be a little mindboggling why someone would up & disappear with no explaination when things SEEM to be going well.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:37 am
Oh, well Ared…that’s it. Let us know when that bling is in then.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:37 am
Carlito, I say what I want, when I want.
Perhaps I should rephrase, there are others that believe as you do, and those that don’t. But typically, we don’t discuss religion, or more specifically, faith. Not that’s it’s taboo, it’s just been beaten to death and not really a topic for discussion.
As for praying for me, thanks.
SexyCool
March 30th, 2010
10:39 am
Dan – says who?
We discuss whatever we want to.
Dude – stop it.
Mo (aka Moeisha - aka Grouchy Smurf)
March 30th, 2010
10:39 am
Mawnin ya’ll…..okay yeah so my sinuses are off da gyot-dayum chain…..and Im supposed to be heading out of town this weekend…UGH!!
So how is everyone and are we still on topic??
Cemeeli – today may be a pepsi day…I can break since this is right before Easter right??
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:40 am
typically, we don’t discuss religion, or more specifically, faith.
@Dan??
u kidding right??
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:41 am
Mo – What’s the latest on Badu running/walking naked down some street in her latest video?
Where you going this weekend?
SexyCool
March 30th, 2010
10:43 am
Mo – maybe the pollen count will be lower at your weekend destination.
DreamsMaterialize
March 30th, 2010
10:45 am
Morning
Women flake just as much as men, but so what. If you suddenly don’t answer my calls after the 4th date, then I stop calling. I don’t need an explanation or closure or anything else. I’m not going to chase you down to ask you why you don’t like me anymore. It is what it is.
In terms of men acting like they’re “all in” and then disappearing, maybe he was giving the “all-in” face to the other two chicks he was dating too. Eventually he chose one to really be “all-in” with, and it wasn’t you. Move on.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:45 am
Lito – i can always use a lil more prayer.
…wait…is your name Isaiah Mustafa? lol
kimmie
March 30th, 2010
10:46 am
Sister Cee – The tea cups are doing great, with their cute selves! Girl, I’ll be kinda glad when school is out too! That homework can be a booger sometimes!
Found girl teacup a cute Easter dress last night & boy teacup some polo’s.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:46 am
I saw that Erykah badu video. I want the version where I can see her without the nudity blurred. She has a nice rearend in those panties.