What just happened?
It is so perplexing when men are attracted to you one minute and the next they act all weird and distant. I can understand when someone doesn’t want to pursue things. I get confused when they come on so strong and then start to backpedal. Are women guilty of doing the same thing to men?
I’m usually not the type to come on too strong because I have that cautious nature that puts the brakes on. Even when I feel like I am plunging into the “new man” haze head first, I remain cautiously optimistic until things start to progress. Sometimes there is a shift in attraction. You figure out that the person who once made an impression on you really isn’t that compatible with you after all. What is your next move?
What are ways you can tell you are attracted to someone? Let’s go beyond the obvious, “I want to see them naked” barometer to test how strong your attraction is; how can you determine that your attraction is significant enough to compel you to focus on just them?
How do you handle it when you are attracted to someone unexpectedly? Just because it catches you off guard, does that mean you won’t pursue things?
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658 comments Add your comment
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:31 am
Dan, I agree with you. Men are direct but our words will get twisted and heard a totally different way.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
9:32 am
Infamous, I am not trying to tell you how to be a man. All I am saying is more men need to live up to being the Man that they claim to be. I only expect from my man what I have heard and seen in my life of what a true man possess and how one behaves.
Men will easily beat their chest about what it is to be a man, yet many don’t follow thru. I only expect what a person claims to be.
And I am not talking about when two people are just meeting. Yeah that I get. I met several guys that caught my eye but were not able to get my interest. I understand that. But I am talking about the ones that leave you hanging in mid air after a few dates. Not even stating that this isn’t going to work.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
9:33 am
@Slim
In response to your question, there are a number of ways women (and men) deal with it.
Some pretend it never happened.
Some let it shake their sense of safety, self, and well being.
Some use it to keep people away.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
and if I’m really sprung, I’ll lose my appetite.
Well, darn!
Hey in here…
There’s not much for me to add on this topic. How petty are we not to let a person know if you are attracted to them or not. I would think not to waist each others time, let ‘em know. And if the moon, stars, and quasars aren’t moving in your direction when you think of this person…it’s a wrap.
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
Dan – I don’t support women saying nasty things to guys (or vice versa). If that happens, a guys should tell her firmly to not talk to him that way…even tell her the consequence if need be…cuz likewise, I don’t support punk men.
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
Dan I’m amazed at how many dudes had their first BJ by their babysitter.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
Mike P, but aren’t you menfolk better than that. Isn’t that what you all preach all the time?
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:35 am
A woman who knows her strength as a woman is very attractive. A potty mouth, always at it, woman is not attractive. Be, what attracted the man to you in the first place.
SlimOne, okay
Luvbug, a permanent plus one. LOL (Where they do that at?)
Dan
March 30th, 2010
9:35 am
@Raqi
There is no “Man” there are men that are doing there best to be the person they are, and some cats will never know.
But STOP ascribing the action of 3 dudes to “men”. You don’t know all men, so you can’t speculate about us like we can’t you.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:36 am
@ Cool Shadow – I might try that “lose my appetite” one. lol…i ain’t been there before.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
9:36 am
@Slim
I’m not.
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
9:38 am
Carlito- Nowhere is where.
I’m not looking for love right now, but I do wanna dress up sometimes…and not for no women either.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:39 am
I’m amazed at how many dudes had their first BJ by their babysitter.
Double-you-tee-eff? Britteni, I want a refund!
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
9:39 am
…and I didn’t wanna type escort
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:41 am
Babysitter’s giving BJ’s? That is different.
On another note, I think that a real man would not let a woman question his manhood. Unless he is uncomfortable with it. That is just my opinion. I am a man regardless of what she thinks.
Raqi, on the 3rd or 4th date and he just vanishes. Some men just feel that they do not owe and explanation because they are not really vested in the relationship. Good reason not to sleep with people so soon, because that introduces a whole other set of feelings into the equation. It works both ways as well, I have dated before and the woman just stopped calling or it just fizzle out. When dating in the begging there are usually more people that a person is dating as well. Maybe the other was more intriguing or something.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
9:43 am
Jeff, I did leave maybe a guy or two hanging once but I did try not to give me number to guys that I was not genuinely interested in. LOL
I was moreso called the biotch because I wasn’t chatting it up with guys that I didn’t find attractive or at the very least interesting.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:43 am
LuvBug, for a small fee I would take you to dinner. I am trying to increase my savings account anyway I can.
Jeff
March 30th, 2010
9:45 am
I’ll say it if no-one else will, a man who gets suckered in to chasing a woman’s list of what pleases her, will never have it returned in full. To put it another way, nice guys don’t get the pun-na-na. At least not as often or with as much enthusiasm as the guys who act like they don’t need it.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:45 am
I am sorry but that is sick, a babysitter giving BJ’s?
Luvbug
March 30th, 2010
9:46 am
Carlito- I’ve been warned. Julia aint having it. I wanna keep my legs.
M. (pronouced M dot)
March 30th, 2010
9:46 am
Morning.
“How can you determine that your attraction is significant enough to compel you to focus on just them?”
I determine this when they dont get on my nerves. If they are to thirsty and domineering, I am good. Everyone wants to be pursued but within reason!
THE INFAMOUS DK
March 30th, 2010
9:46 am
Raqi – If we aint slept together I dont owe you jack.. If you aint my girl.. I dont owe you jack.. If we just made out I still dont owe you jack… I have the right to walk away whenever I feel like it… Explanation or not even if we are together..
And as far as you seeing a few men that you think are men Im sure there are 5 women a piece that can tell you those dudes aint men.. Why because a woman cant tell you what a man should or shouldnt be.. Just like I cant tell you what a woman should be doing cause I dont bleed once a month and Im not an emotional creature like a woman.. Heyal its alot of things I think a woman should be but ya’ll prove me wrong everyday so I have given up on defining ya’ll and just worry about me being the best man I can be.. Heck Im not even worried about another man being a man cause as long as I am who I wanna be and take care of my BI as it pertains to me and mine Im good.
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
9:46 am
Cee I know of at least 3 or 4 dudes who told me stories of how either a babysitter or an adult family friend messed around with them when they were little. In one case the lady was his mothers age.
On-topic – sometimes it takes getting that sexual tension out of the way to really see if you like that person as much as you think you do.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:47 am
Jeff, a man should just be a man. If he starts off bending over backwards for everything. It will just continue to grow and grow. Then that woman that he was doing everything for will start to resent him for always giving her everything she wants.
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
9:47 am
Morning Lovelies – I hope you guys had a fantastic weekend. I sure did.
That backpedaling thing has always given me panic. When he starts acting funny, then I start acting funny. The next thing you know, I’m rationalizing things as “I deserve better treatment” and pull the whole disapparing act. I guess it’s that “let me leave before you leave.”
Finally, someone got me to pump my breaks.
The current had to tell me that I just can’t bolt in tough times. He’s promised if he’s ever acting weird to just call him on and it we’ll talk it through. He’s never gonna just up and leave with no explanation and I should afford him the same courtesy. He’s right. Relationships will not be rosy everyday. You’ve gotta take the good and the bad. And not all bad means break up.
CoolShadow
March 30th, 2010
9:48 am
@ Cemeeli – thankfully that it’s a rare occurence, but there have a been a couple of times where my breath and appetite was taken, but they eventually regained themselves. But I don’t think it’s a big deal now since I’m not with any of the women that caused the phenomena
Dan
March 30th, 2010
9:48 am
@Carlito
Largely: abuse in a cycle, the abused often becomes the abuser; in part because they don’t know any better – it’s normal to them.
Smaller: Who’s the kid gonna tell, plus it’s a little boy and an older (maybe lonely) woman. He certainly doesn’t know any better (given the age).
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:49 am
Infamous, you are spot on.
LuvBug, who do you think I am bringing the money home to?
SlimOne, you are a sexpot and comfortable with it. Nothing wrong with that. LOL
kinderbabe--35 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 30th, 2010
9:50 am
@Dan…intrigue it what drives me at the beginning of most relationships. if it’s not there, i’m not interested. there has to be some type of pull…something “magnetic” as you said. if not, what’s the point?
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:51 am
Lito What is up with the “let a woman” stuff? I’ve heard this said a lot lately. Not anything personal to you,I know what you’re getting at…
A man does not let a woman say/do anything about his manhood…he just is…and he just be…
Just sayin’…’cause…you know.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:52 am
Cool Shadow is not Sexy Cool?
Amazon Red,hey little sis. I had a nice weekend as well.
Dan, that is crazy.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:53 am
In one case the lady was his mothers age.
Slim I still just can’t fathom how grown folk get their rocks off on little kids!!!
Just nasty! …like Mr. Brown says…
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:54 am
Cemeeli, I listen and observe. I hear quite a few men complain, some married some are not. I just think that folks need to stop making excuses and be who the are destined to be and not let anyone challenge it.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
9:57 am
Infamous, I get that but what about is you men yourselves. Not you in particular. I have to say you are not wishy-washy on these matters from reading you. But there are more than a few that I read just here that states one thing on one topic and something quite different on another. Some boast of their “manness” but then turn around a portray flakiness on another subjects.
And yes, you don’t owe anyone anything. But keep in mind that a woman don’t owe anything by way of explanation or anything else to men.
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
9:57 am
Slim – Britenni is my son’s babysitter at times…but I’m almost certain she’s not giving any “bonuses” while on the job. My Lord…this is the first i’ve heard of the sitter handing out BJ after pizza and a movie.
Get real!
AmazonRed™
March 30th, 2010
9:58 am
Dan I’m amazed at how many dudes had their first BJ by their babysitter.
I’ve never heard that one… wow.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
9:58 am
I find it also odd that women teachers have relationships with their male students.
SlimCoo-Coo
March 30th, 2010
9:59 am
“you are a sexpot and comfortable with it. Nothing wrong with that.”
Carlito – I’m not a sexpot, I just play one on tv
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:01 am
I hear quite a few men complain, some married some are not.
I’ve seen some family memebers (one or two) that act like “it’s” been castrated, hen-pecked, low balled…all that. And sometimes they call me of all people.
to me it’s the most horrific sight, to see a man act in such a manner.
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
10:02 am
Why because a woman cant tell you what a man should or shouldnt be
Infamous, let’s talk about this statement right here that you made little brother. (I think I am older than you. LOL)
What is a woman to expect from a man? How does she know what to expect if she has not been showed or told at some point? If you expect nothing you get nothing. If we, women and men, have no idea of what a good (wo)man is you fall for anything. No one can’t tell the other how to be who they are but one should know what it looks and acts like to avoid getting a representative or a complete fake. Answer this for me little bro.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:02 am
Slim One, lol
Speaking of sexpots. I spoke to my neighbor yesterday about her son watering my yard. He is going to water it. She is awesome,I shall stay away.
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:04 am
The convo dictates how much I like you past the pretty face
@DK ^5
@Cool Shadow??
I’ll may make arrangements to approach depending on the intel that I get back as well as the source.
u male or female??
Raqi
March 30th, 2010
10:05 am
this is the first i’ve heard of the sitter handing out BJ after pizza and a movie.
Cemeeli, WTH!!!! Where they do that at? Are you serious.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:05 am
The “Good Book” sets a great example of both what a man and woman should be. I know you did not direct your question to me lil sis Raqi, but we can expect what we desire but we should not have to tell the woman/man how to be what we desire.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:06 am
Did anyone watch “24″ last night?
Cemeeli
March 30th, 2010
10:06 am
Shadow is male.
I was wondering that too, until i re-read.
Melo
March 30th, 2010
10:07 am
Women think dudes should eat ya’ll sh!t and call it a delicacy
@DK!
wow..u on a roll!
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:08 am
Melo, I forgot to email you lastnight. I just made myself a post it note.
THE INFAMOUS DK
March 30th, 2010
10:08 am
Raqi – I understand a woman doesnt owe me anything cause she is an individual and one day if she just wants to go.. She can.. Although I might want an explanation its on her to give it to me or not. Its just like if a woman leaves a man and says she has moved on.. The dude is always the last to know.. Usually he finds out after all the furniture is gone from the home.. Eventhough all her friends and Fam knows what she is doing or about to do.. The dude is always the last to know. it has been said here a million times women are gone from the relationship way before they leave and can rationalize them leaving a dude with his d!ck in the dirt as the right thing to do….. Instead of saying.. Baby this aint working Im moving out or Im leaving you on this date..
My point is this women cant expect men to do anthing ya’ll arent willing to do.
Carlito
March 30th, 2010
10:10 am
Knowledge is being dispensed, and I am listening.