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Too predictable

Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here it goes: You’ve become predictable.  I know, it’s hard to hear. I spotted this on Twitter the other day: “Men don’t know how to throw curve balls anymore, they are so predictable.” quipped Amber Jolie a fellow blogger.  I think she is referring to those good curve balls! That thing men do or say that really shows he’s in it to win her heart.

Women aren’t hard to please! Just as you guys are simple creatures, so are we..well we can be, sometimes. When the moons are aligned just right and you have managed to keep us smiling all week long.  Seriously though, I think women are easy to please in the sense that we love to see gestures and efforts by the men we date.  When a man does something out of the ordinary (see Friday’s post!) it adds to the attraction a great deal.

To be fair, women have moments of predictability too.  Men can sometimes hold preconceived notions about what they consider to be typical woman behavior.  Sadly, we end up affirming these and it becomes negative reinforcement.  This is when women constantly call or text, worry about where the relationship stands every other minute.  It’s something I don’t think a lot of women keep in mind when interacting with men.

Why do you think being predictable can be such a drag on a potential relationship?  How  could men and women avoid being too predictable?

435 comments Add your comment

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR FLAT SHOALS PUBLIX

March 29th, 2010
8:25 am

Mornin Folks!!!!

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
8:27 am

Good Topic WiseDiva.

Good Morning Blogland.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
8:28 am

Hey Infamous.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR FLAT SHOALS PUBLIX

March 29th, 2010
8:29 am

Hey Raq Dogg!!

Jeff

March 29th, 2010
8:30 am

So women want a man who’s NOT predictable? I thought they wanted a man who is stable, holds a good job, doesn’t have alot of drama, you know, that list thing.

I’ll say it again, make up your minds and THEN get back to me. ‘Til then, I’m sure you can understand why I’m not taking you seriously.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR WHAT THE FRENCH, TOAST?

March 29th, 2010
8:41 am

Everybody is predictable now a days. Lazy dating reigns supreme. Ok we go to dinner 2.5 times, talk on the phone 4.2 days, have sex for 8.6 months and then its on to the next one.. The art of conversing and relating to one another has been lost in the microwave society..

The reason dudes are predictable because no one requires a dude to be anything else. You want him to have a job, take you out and then beat ya like you stole something. Soooo who’s predictable.. I think both..

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
8:49 am

Being predictable has its good and its bad.

There are certain areas that I am glad my husband is predictable. I can rely on him to say or do a certain thing when it comes to certain matters. There are areas that he is not predictable and that adds much spice to our lives. And then there are times when he is predictable that I wish he would not be. And he probably feels the same about me.

Friday night we had an unexpected visit from some of my maridos cousins and their s/o. One of the guys is very adventurous. He talked about the things he likes to do and the places he likes to go. He spoke about it with pride. The adventurous one. Well what he doesn’t realize is his S/O said behind his back that that is all he likes to do. Their dates especially at the beginning were quite predictable. Hiking, off roading and the like.

I doubt that he realizes his love strictly for outdoors and adventure makes him quite predictable. He probably looks at the guys that always sends flowers or any other “predictable” sentiment as being predictable compared to him showing his woman a “good time”.

Variety is the spice of life.

kinderbabe--36 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 29th, 2010
8:53 am

i will be mostly reading today. have a great one!:)

SlimCoo-Coo Rollin in on 4 new used tires

March 29th, 2010
8:54 am

Morning Ya’ll

Are we equating predictibility with stability?

It’s one thing to be stabile but that doesn’t mean you have to be boring. I agree with Infamous, if we spent more time & energy with really getting to know one another and relate, then i think it would be easier to keep things spicy. It used to be that the flat part of a courtship/r’ship didn’t come for at least 2 to 3 years. Nowadays it seems like folks are already getting antsy at the 4 month mark. Are our attention spans that short??

Off-topic – T-mobile needs to get it together this morning. All my tmobile friends don’t have any service this morning. Aarrrgggh!

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:03 am

Thanks for this topic, I always viewed women as predictable rather than men being predictable. I am going to read some more of today’s postings before I jump in.

SlimOne, I have been on hold with T-Mobile all morning, I did not know there was an outage. What I have done is switch my cell phone over to the WiFi, connection and everything is working fine until Tmobile is back up to speed. :)

SlimCoo-Coo Rollin in on 4 new used tires

March 29th, 2010
9:07 am

Carlito I am operating on my Wi-Fi. My phone appears to be working now but I called a few of my friends and their phone is still not working yet. You’ll probably be on hold for a very long time. Initiatlly when I called, the message stated there was an outage/system issues in our area. So when I heard there was a high call volume I assumed I wasn’t the only one wondering why my phone wasn’t working.

Kym

March 29th, 2010
9:08 am

Good Morning All,

I will be lurking on this one folks. I think I have the Monday Blahs!!! Have a great day folks.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:11 am

Jeff how does being unpredictable make you unstable? The two have nothing to do with each other really. Being stable IMO means that you are established and steadfast when it comes to commitment, finances, trustworthiness. But being predictable as I think we are talking today is more of the same ole thing to the point of being quite boring when it comes to dates and dating. You only go certain places and you only do certain things. Never any change up to add a bit of excitement.

It’s a difference in the two. Just because a man is established, i.e. stable, does not mean he has to be a boring predictable dater.

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
9:16 am

Hola!

Well I am going to lurk on this one…I cannot think much I have the “Monday Morning Blues.”

Mr_NYC

March 29th, 2010
9:16 am

Sometimes it depends on your partner. Suggest something different or unfamiliar too many times and you get a flat response at best or resistance at worst and you tend to stick to what works and keeps “peace.”

CoolShadow

March 29th, 2010
9:19 am

Predictability has its place in relationships and it can be a blessing or curse depending on where it sits. It can be a positive when it relates to reliability and consistency in good behavior. Conversely, it’s a problem when the relationship has hit a plateau and is flatlining.

Nobody wants to go all out for a person only to have them minimize or not appreciate their efforts, especially in a relationship. It’s just as much a problem when you have women who complain about predictability yet they bring no creativity to the dating and forget that dating is an interactive event, not just an event to impress or charm her.

CoolShadow

March 29th, 2010
9:21 am

Correction: “to the dating table”

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:22 am

The reason dudes are predictable because no one requires a dude to be anything else.

Infamous, I agree with that. If you expect nothing you get little. One way to require more is to present your own ideas.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:24 am

CoolShadow, I agree with you also. Being predictable in some areas is a good thing. Being with a person you need to know that they are steadfast in certain areas that matters a lot. But then when it comes to “dating”, which you have to maintain for the life of the relationship, you need be so predictable.

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:25 am

Ladies, can you give me some examples of a guy being predictable? Are you all meaing the same pattern daily or something else?

Jeff

March 29th, 2010
9:30 am

The definition I was going with was that men who have stable lives appeal to the security traits of women. Those same men are usually predictable in their day to day lives. Men (and women) who are all over the place day in and day out, by definition, are not as reliable. Routine is reliable (predicatble).

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:31 am

Reread, I am tracking the topic correctly now. My “chi” is off this morning.

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:32 am

Jeff, that is what I took from it as well. I think the topic is more on the lines of keeping “spice” in the dating with your woman.

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
9:34 am

Hey Carlito here is my list…

Predictable

1. Monday we talk on the phone about the same thing
2. Tuesday we make plans to meet up on Wednesday along with a text or two
3. Wednesday we watch tv (insert ballgame or reality tv show)
4. Thursday we talk/text about the same stuff
5. Friday we do the dinner and movie thingy
6. Saturday we talk on the phone eat breakfast together head out in differt directions and meet up later that night.
7. Sunday we chill (insert ballgame or tv shows) and fold clothes

Now multiply this by 52 and you have the same schedule…never a surprise walk in the park, concert or a single rose. Shoot sometimes the convo never changes…

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
9:35 am

Carlito, how was your weekend? Did Ms. Julia finally get here?

kyle

March 29th, 2010
9:38 am

You can be stable, hold a good job, and do those things. BUT…that doesnt mean you have to be boring. Be a man. Be cocky. Make her laugh and you’ll have women begging you to take them out.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:38 am

So Jeff dinner and a movie every single weekend is the portrait of a man that is stable?

You know how my husband portrays his stability, he gets up every morning, goes to work, make an honest days living, pays the bills on time, comes home, spends quality time with his family and his friends. Yet he is not hardnosed predictable when it comes to the things we do as a couple.

Even before we married he was stable in his life when it came to working, being dependable and all that. However our dating life was not a bore. Yeah there are things in dating that I knew to expect from him because it how he who he is, however he was and is full of surprises.

Even if some of those surprises take us to the same place. LOL

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
9:39 am

Carlito,

I will go a step further with the predictable thingy…I have known guys that refuse to allow a certain amount of changes occur. I think that is when you have to make the changes similar to what the guy likes. For example, I love sports and I dated a guy that loved sports too…well we would always watch at home. So I bought tickets to a sporting event to change things up…he went, but later told me he does not like crowds. At that point, I knew we were not a fit, because I believe in getting out sometimes.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:39 am

Carlito, Infamous gave a good example of predictable. That same routine not just while dating but with every woman that you date.

DreamsMaterialize

March 29th, 2010
9:42 am

Morning
I’m into creativity in dating, so from that perspective I would say I’m pretty unpredictable. Now, in terms of how I address priorities, I’m VERY predictable. Some things about me are like clockwork…you can set your watch to it.

Leggs

March 29th, 2010
9:46 am

“Are we equating predictibility with stability?” SlimCoo Coo for Cocco Puffs, I was thinking the same thing.

It is true, men have more predictable than in the past, and I think women are playing the game better than the men. My case studies are only friends who come back and tell me their wild stories (lol). I agree that predictability has both positive and negatives in any relationship. Reliability (predictability) is definitely a plus!!

@InfamousD ~ honey, you took too long, my office space is no longer empty. I now have new co-workers. All offices are now occupied…phooey! :wink:

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
9:47 am

Now I will say that I am not claiming to be the depiction of total unpredictability. I need and like security. I need to feel in control in certain areas.

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:49 am

Ok so predictable basically means boring? In defense of some men, we are creatures of habit. If we know something that makes a woman happy, we will try and stick to it with little variance. Honestly, I think it is a double edged sword. There has to be an environment that promotes spontaneity .

Professor, I flew back to Atlanta this morning and came straight to work. I am so sore, this city is making me soft. :) I still work out tons, but there is nothing like farm work to hit every muscle. I need to stretch.

KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)

March 29th, 2010
9:49 am

Good morning blog fam…interesting topic!

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
9:54 am

@Carlito :grin: that is great :grin:

@DreamsM I feel you and I am the same way when it comes down to paying bills, investing, planning for the future I am stable and predictable. However on the dating scene I am a little unpredictable at times. There are certain routines that me and the SO have that are predictable, BUT we love those things and they are a MUST. I don’t need bells and confetti, but a few surprises here and there are nice.

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
9:59 am

(Off Topic) I am thinking of paying the little boy next door to water my yard while I am out of town during the latter part of this week. Think I can trust him? I think he is about 9 or 10. He has a single mom so he kind of follows me around all the time.

Leggs

March 29th, 2010
10:03 am

Yes, Carlito, let him do it….another form of responsibility! Go for it.

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
10:04 am

IMO women are more unpredictable than men. Guys really never know from one day to the next if we are going to cry or laugh hysterically. LOL One day we may chocolate and the next we may want ice cream and the next we may want sex, all to sooth the same emotional shape.

Melo

March 29th, 2010
10:05 am

but there is nothing like farm work to hit every muscle. I need to stretch

@Carlito??

are u saying working on Julia this weekend was like farm work or u were actually wrking on a farm farm?? :lol:

On topic!

I really dont understand the unpredictable thang coz i wld think its better having a stable guy who works hard than an unpredictable one. Women miss me smetimes with their constant demands. A lot of the nice unpredicatble stuff will cost u gas money and real cash $$$.
Why dont u give us ur list of some of the unpredicatle nice things u wld luv to do on a weekend that dont cost north of $50.00.Coz the moment u going above $80.00, i want that money in my savingsa/c instead.

Maybe unoredicatble wld comprise wings and fries some friday nites or a vist to the pub on others,a bouquet of roses every now and then and picnic at stone mountains the other weekend.

Does that sound about right?? :lol:

We doing an overniter at a nice midtown A hotel on Easter saturday after the overnite church service.But only because we getting a deal thru our hotel contact.At $40.00,cant complain!

Mrning folks,hope u quenched some thirst this weekend. I did! :lol:

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
10:06 am

Leggs, Good Morning. How was your weekend? I am going to talk to his mom when she gets home. Single guys she is a nice woman if you are looking. :)

Radiating Ardent & Quaint Intensity

March 29th, 2010
10:06 am

However the one thing I never not want is security.

SlimCoo-Coo Rollin in on 4 new used tires

March 29th, 2010
10:07 am

Speaking of yard work, I was impressed by two teenage boys who were driving around the neighborhood handing out flyers that they made for their grass cutting services. They were very mannerable and future entreprenuers ;-)

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
10:08 am

Raqi, thank you for saying that. I was going to but I did not feel like facing the firing squad this morning. :)

Melo, actual farm work. All those big plans and “antics”,for Julia and I did not come to fruition. But we still had a wonderful time :)

DreamsMaterialize

March 29th, 2010
10:09 am

Professor
I feel you. Every person has to decide what works for their relationships. Your 9:34 actually sounded like my grandparents’ marriage, at least as far back as I can remember. So, many might have considered their marriage predictable, but on the other hand they’d traveled to more than 50 countries. I guess they preferred predictability in the everyday routines, but spice in their travels. Hope you’re getting over those Monday Blues. ;-)

SlimCoo-Coo Rollin in on 4 new used tires

March 29th, 2010
10:11 am

Carlito Met a nice looking Italian this weekend (my car salesman -lol) …never really dated outside of AA except that guy I told the blog about that was Mexican. So this ought to be interesting.

Sassy Me...Sun kissed :-)

March 29th, 2010
10:12 am

He has a single mom so he kind of follows me around all the time.

Awww ain’t that precious….

On topic: When it comes to handling my bidness(paying bills,etc) I am quite predictable b/c it helps me stay on top of what I’ve done and what needs to be done. We all have those sort of routines. When it comes to dating I like to switch it up but there are also times when I may want something familiar so it depends. What I think happens is sometimes people get too deep into a routine that they become rigid and boring. I like the element of surprise so I rather enjoy the :shock: I get when I “spring sumthing” new out of my bag.

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
10:14 am

SlimOne, get ready for the passion. :) I see nothing wrong with dating other races at all. Now a car salesman. Hmm good luck with that. J/K HA HA HA

Melo

March 29th, 2010
10:15 am

All those big plans and “antics”,for Julia and I did not come to fruition.!!

maaaaeyne..i hate that. Hope u hadnt primed urself too much coz that can leave u sore! :lol:

u still had to put up a brave face tho,no wonder :arrow: But we still had a wonderful time :lol: shes trying to really find out if u in this thing for the long hole haul! :lol:

Carlito

March 29th, 2010
10:19 am

Ladies, when you are used to your routine (paying bills, running your household etc) and you are in the LTR, or newly married. How do you let go when the man starts to take the lead on those things? Each person has strong points and I am not speaking of a dominating “male attitude” I am just talking about guy stuff besides the garbage and the yard. When do you kind of “take the training wheels off of trust” and just really let trust in all things flow. I am asking because I am sure you look for predictable traits before you do this, but if a guy is a little to unpredictable in date, would you think that he is that way in his personal dealings deep down?

Professor...

March 29th, 2010
10:20 am

@Slim…get it girl! I thought about that movie “Love & Basketball” when the two former teammates are having dinner after the big game. The lady asked what’s-her-name if she had tapped any of the Spainish guys and she mentioned she had tried out the Italian guys.

@DreamsM…yes that is how I feel some things are so predictable, but they are great and it works for the relationship. Now traveling more than 50 countries…what a beautiful union! I can really dig that. As for the Monday Blues, what time does the bar opens? j/k

@Carlito…let him handle the lawn if it is ok with his mother.

@Melo I would rather eat some wings and fries on most Friday nights and just chill, and used that money saved to do something big UNpredictable when the time is right.