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How flexible are you?

If you’ve ever been on a date with an uptight, straight-laced person, then you already know how much fun it is to be around them.  It seems as if these individuals are not always aware that they come across as uncompromising and inflexible.  I’m not the type to turn into some doormat for a man.  Believe me, I can speak up and express my opinion without hesitation.  However, I am also able to go with the flow and relax too.

I think that while dating around,  you absolutely have to be able to keep a good attitude.  If you go around with hard and strict rules about every single thing then you are bound to run off a potentially great match.  How flexible are you in dating?  How do you handle sudden plan changes?  What do you do when you don’t get your way on a date?

Have you ever dated someone who was stubborn and set in their ways?  Is there a point where you have to either accept them for who they are or call them on it and ask them to bend a little?

I think when you have been single and on your own for a long time, your compromising muscle seems to atrophy a bit.  What is a good way to exercise it a little?

495 comments Add your comment

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:53 am

Raqi – You’re right…no need to cop a ‘tude with me. I ain’t his woman. Gheesh! I just think he’s use to having cheerleaders. Funny all the white chicks were making such a fuss when he walked in…”OMG OMG OMG…that’s so and so..he’s so goodlooking” Reckon that’s what he expects from me. Oh, get this, he said to me a couple of weeks ago, “I don’t want you to idolize me.” Say what say what now?! I was like honey if you ain’t Jesus Christ, trust no worries there.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:53 am

lurker, that seems to me to be more than looking for ego stroking. He wants you but you didn’t take the bait early on. Now he is trying to make you feel it. JMHO.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:54 am

lmao lurker! those egotiscal bastards amuse me and they are out there!

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:54 am

Raqi – ding ding ding…and there you have it. He’s sulking today, his door is closed. Sometimes men are so dang predictable.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:55 am

And lurker I would stay so far from him it would feel like you are on separate continents. He probably goes thru women like he goes thru underwear.

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
10:56 am

I’m kinda not understanding the dynamics of the relationship here.

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
10:57 am

hey Lady J…i am fine. busy but good.:) how are you?

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:57 am

And lurker I would stay so far from him it would feel like you are on separate continents. He probably goes thru women like he goes thru underwear.

Igg zackly…Lady J and Raqi

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:59 am

SexyCool, are you talking about lurker and her ballplayer???????

IMO the guy is probably used to “ordinary” women lining up to sit on his stick but now he has run up on one that isn’t interested. She didn’t acknowledge his history status. LOL

Melo

March 25th, 2010
10:59 am

@Lurker

maybe luker just doesnt like the former bball’s co-worker’s vibe coz of how he carries himslef.But these two aint dating,so the feelings of strokking etc has to be taken with a pinch of salt.(who sang that ,wld like to stroke ur ….?? that 80s song)..Changing faces?? :lol:

Maybe bro is trying to feel lurker and lurker aint returning the favor,while bro persists,which persistence results is in a toxic feel.

@Kimmie??

those types who wont come outa their comfort zones are so close minded. But u know one thing i know too is, going around town on ur own as a single lady or guy can be expensive too. Not smething u can do week in and week out! And it costs money to order sme u dont particularly know,eat and then find out u didnt enjoy it and then order something more to get a feel of yhaving had a decent meal!

So in some ways, i can undderstand how pple get rigid with their tatses.

No wonder chics with boyfriends/hubbies who can splurge on them are so lucky coz, smetimes,they(chics) cant do it by themesleves!,all the damn time! :lol: (no wonder the song/cry..Iam tired!.. :lol:

Thats why cobwebs lead to mental angsts and frowns and :arrow: ……………we back to that Carlitto smile thang of yeaterday! :lol: :lol:

PrincessNik......supastar

March 25th, 2010
10:59 am

Say what say what now?! I was like honey if you ain’t Jesus Christ, trust no worries there.

:lol: :lol:

lurker

March 25th, 2010
11:00 am

Yep, thanks Raqi.

Rell unplugged

March 25th, 2010
11:00 am

…”Sooo, where have you been?” “Who did you go with?” “Where did ya’ll go?

- dude is emotional and needy….cut off communication..he is moist between the legs…and the “female” behavior you just listed is not manly at all…you will not be dating a man..you will pick up an extra girlfriend with this dude

lurker

March 25th, 2010
11:01 am

Rell – I agree

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
11:02 am

Maybe I should go back and read more attentively.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
11:03 am

lurker – LOL!! :) If he only knew how ridiculous he looks! Takes away whatever external attractiveness might be there in my book. One of those types that thinks the sun does not shine until they get up! I’ve worked around that type before. The thing is, he’s eating up inside because you are putting the ig on him, unlike the usual adoration he’s used to.

He won’t come around though. He’ll end up hooking up with somebody that will worship his dirty drawers. And he’ll cheat on her too.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:04 am

KB I am better go figure….lol….class tonight, midterms approaching….spring break is near..lil lady been with her dad all week (the break was unexpected but needed)…I won’t complain…..the stat of this week was slow…..lol

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:05 am

meant start kb…..lol

Carlito

March 25th, 2010
11:05 am

Speak life into others, a good attitude is infectious :)

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
11:05 am

@Kimmie, I read that too! I was a lil shocked. Didn’t see that trouble brewing but you never know with celebs. Look how Sandra Bullock came to the Oscars w/her hubby and all…they were in the middle of a crisis. I wonder if it can be worked out. Eva and Lance are both young. Maybe their egos got in the way.

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
11:07 am

@LadyJ, glad to hear things are going well. I know that you are enjoying a break. Gives you time to regroup and have some “J” time.:) Does she have a soccer game this weekend? I think that’s great she’s playing a sport.

Carlito

March 25th, 2010
11:07 am

Affection is a learned behavior, respect should be a given.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:07 am

kb did you read the ajc article whre MoNique told Sandra to call her if she needed someone….that was nice……stars are human too and everyone needs someone…..friends are dear when they are true……

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
11:07 am

SexyCool, you know how when that guy approach you that think he is all that and a slice of pie and you don’t bite he resorts to calling you a biotch as he walks away? LOL That seems to be what’s going on with lurker and ballboy. How dare she not want him? LMBO

Tazzee - 50 days til Mrs.

March 25th, 2010
11:08 am

Morning Folks!

I’m pretty flexible for most things – but most think I’m not because I’m such a planner and time conscious. So when things don’t go as planned, some are looking at me like I’m going to blow and I’m like ‘Ok, what’s next’

Actually I enjoy the little hiccups when dating – it helps to see how both folks deal with it. Early in our relationship I went by my boo’s house after church. It was Easter Sunday and he was going with me to the Sears Outlet to look at refrigerators. I wanted to ride in his classic car on this beautiful Sunday morning so we set off. I don’t know if the gas gauge wasn’t working or what – but as we were riding down the street, the car just stopped – it was out of gas, LOL. I felt bad for him because he was embarassed but I was cool with it. He pushed the car into a parking lot and we headed to the gas station. We had a nice walk until my feet started hurting (coming from church) – the we hailed a cab, got gas and were on our way.

It was wild because as he was pushing the car, we were walking, etc – we kept seeing people he knew. Folks he used to work with, clients etc and they all stopped to speak and tried to help. I was thinking that he had a pretty good reputation around those parts.

When I finally made it to Easter dinner with my friends they were all giving the gas face when I recounted the story. Saying things like ‘Who doesn’t know how much gas they have in the car, etc?’ But I took it as a cute little adventure.

Now if I had to be somewhere by a specific time – I probably would have been upset.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:09 am

yes she does KB!!!!! I even get a free pass from soccer practice fri he is doing it so I will see the lil chile friday night and sat it is game time!!!!! KB I feel asleep yesterday early evening without evening knowing it…..I did need the mental break from it all and my bedrrom was my escape! lol

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
11:10 am

Sassy
We’re on our own in the sense that we don’t expect a pat on the back, especially for things we’re supposed to be doing anyway. No one else is responsible for our emotional fitness.

Leggs
Men are socialized differently than women. From a young age we’re tought to “suck it up”, “man up”, “fix ya face”, “don’t whine”, “handle ya business”. For many men, the first time you go against these teachings you’re reminded in a hard way why you were taught them to begin with. While we might desire that ego stroke from time to time, we have learned not to expect it.

If you have a woman that does not fulfill those emotional needs, that you aren’t suppose to have (LOL), you need a better woman. She ain’t the right one.
Raqi Right now “she” is a blank. I’m game for filling in the blank if you know the right one. ;-)

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:10 am

GA GOP is going gansta! smh!

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
11:10 am

So…they are not dating *or anything*? This is just a dude in the office *acting crazy* cause she’s not audtitioning to be his number one fan?

Dude, gone with that.

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
11:10 am

@LadyJ, i thought that was nice too for her to offer her support. in the back of my mind i was thinking that MoNique may try to convice Sandra to have an open marriage like her…lol.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
11:11 am

Melo – The easiest solution is associating with people that have similiar interests! Works every time. Or folks that have an open mind.

Some of the folks I am speaking of Melo won’t try an 89 cent taco if they’ve never had one, much less an expensive 5-star meal of cuisine they’ve never tried. I brought one of those close-minded friends to another friend’s buffet dinner. The best time to try something new is at an all-you-care-to-eat buffet, especially at someone’s house where you did not have to pay!LOL!! You can get a taste and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to feel like you are wasting a lot if you throw it away. With this friend, no dice! It also costs nothing to broaden your horizons by listening to a song on the radio that’s not hip-hop or R&B.

See, there are ways to be introduced to new things that are not a stretch financially if you open your mind. But some folks don’t want to do that!

Melo

March 25th, 2010
11:12 am

…”Sooo, where have you been?” “Who did you go with?” “Where did ya’ll go?

@Lurker!

dude is feeling u but u aint biting,thats all!

Luv and attraction turns to hate quickly with some kids guys !

:lol: :lol:

PrincessNik......supastar

March 25th, 2010
11:12 am

Carlito

I see you are on the inspiration tip today LOL

lurker

March 25th, 2010
11:13 am

Raqi – that’s what he projects.

SexyC – Yes, a coworker. Actually he was one of the ones that interviewed me and then he was a bit..ummm, what’s the word when you’re full of yourself? Yeah, that.

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
11:13 am

@LadyJ…i know that! nothing like a mental break! girrrrlll, i can’t WAIT til spring break. i have one more week til my week of rest and relaxation. i’m not even going anywhere. i’m just going to stay here in Atlanta.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
11:15 am

Yeah SexyCool. He is an ex pro ball player I think she said. What woman doesn’t want him? LOL

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
11:15 am

lurker – he funny. Play the game his way. Keep ignoring him and not letting him see that you see him acting out. He will come around soon.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
11:15 am

kinder – I knew Eva & Lance’s days were numbered because I heard she went off on him a few months ago, thinking he was cheating.

Carlito

March 25th, 2010
11:15 am

PrincessNik, I think if we break it down to the simple things we will do better with greater things.:)

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

March 25th, 2010
11:15 am

Enter your comments here

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
11:16 am

me too kb that is why I am glad midterms is next week….I may have class during spring break but i will play in the city Sun Mon Wed Fri and Sat trust me! lol can’t wait! not too hard though have a paper due at the end of april but I am going to go to some new places….can’t wait!

Living Life

March 25th, 2010
11:17 am

Good Morning!! You all have some valid points on the topic. It just seems to me and most of my friends we are extremely flexible, but of course we don’t get it in return. In my marriage I’d always compromise, but he didn’t seem to think he needed to. I guess this goes back to we should not have gotten married if he was not ready. So now on the dating scene again and I have to watch out how flexible I am. I don’t mind being flexible but it depends on how much.

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
11:17 am

PrincessNIK
I got you on the merlot. Be careful with that old Carl Thomas though…might get into something. Matter of fact, come sit by me in front of the blog fireplace. lol

Tazzee - 50 days til Mrs.

March 25th, 2010
11:17 am

Morning folks!

looks like the blogosphere ate my first post so I’ll just say that I’m pretty flexible.

29 days til my bachelorette soiree!!!

Leggs

March 25th, 2010
11:17 am

@DreamsM ~ I still disagree with you. The examples you gave are those of either “manning up” or be a “punk.” Ego stroking is praise for whatever it is you’ve accomplished, the love you have for me and I for you. Ego stroking is a part of the wave that propels the relationship to continue to advance.

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
11:18 am

@kimmie…i didn’t even know! wow, i guess they were on their way to breaking up for a hot minute then. what do you think?

Melo

March 25th, 2010
11:18 am

Melo – The easiest solution is associating with people that have similiar interests!

@Kimmie…?? there u have it there!

u wasting ur time with those who wont try the 89c taco or free buffett coz there are 89 cents tacos themeselves!

:lol:

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
11:20 am

SCool/lurker – I don’t think he’ll come around at all. I’ve seen that type before. He’ll end up getting with someone that worships his dirty drawers. She’ll probably not be his equal in exterior attractiveness because he won’t want to share the limelight. He’s just another ex-athlete that does know how to function in the everyday world, away from the glory & the groupies.

Hillarious and kind of sad at the same time.

lurker

March 25th, 2010
11:21 am

SexyC – That’s what I’m thinking. When he’s done licking his wounds and sulking, he’ll be alright. Maybe he thought some of us would use this conference to cut loose. Not my style. I don’t mix business and personal life. I was up out of there each time the dinner/the meeting ended. Cause ya’ll know folks were getting drunk and what not.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
11:22 am

kinder – Yep, it was the begining of the end I believe.