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How flexible are you?

If you’ve ever been on a date with an uptight, straight-laced person, then you already know how much fun it is to be around them.  It seems as if these individuals are not always aware that they come across as uncompromising and inflexible.  I’m not the type to turn into some doormat for a man.  Believe me, I can speak up and express my opinion without hesitation.  However, I am also able to go with the flow and relax too.

I think that while dating around,  you absolutely have to be able to keep a good attitude.  If you go around with hard and strict rules about every single thing then you are bound to run off a potentially great match.  How flexible are you in dating?  How do you handle sudden plan changes?  What do you do when you don’t get your way on a date?

Have you ever dated someone who was stubborn and set in their ways?  Is there a point where you have to either accept them for who they are or call them on it and ask them to bend a little?

I think when you have been single and on your own for a long time, your compromising muscle seems to atrophy a bit.  What is a good way to exercise it a little?

495 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:10 am

meant minor ish….lol

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:11 am

PREACH lurker! I mean really!

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
10:11 am

1.. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you’re right, shut up!!

That’s for men. For women it’s

1. Whenever you’re wrong, defer.
2. Whenever you’re right, gloat. lol

Actually I’ve found a lot of guys do that – don’t want to make plans too early in advance because they want to keep their options open.
Does this really happen alot? However, the opposite may be true for women. They are quick to confirm plans in advance, and then flake out at the last minute. Guess it would be nice if people would just commit to something, and then follow through.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:11 am

LadyJ, the mindset has to exist before the wedding. That’s the thing. If you are hardnose selfish while courting that ain’t gon change just because he put a ring on it.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:15 am

yes indeed raqi!

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:16 am

What’s up with men and why are they bruised when you don’t stroke them?

lurker, how is that different from what we as women need in relationships? That’s if you are speaking about relationships.

Rell made a very good statement the other day about how we women are wired and he was spot on. So if as women needs certain things why would we think men don’t need what they need. I seriously doubt guys like doing all the stuff they have to do to caress us. But they do it knowing it gets them where they want and need to be. Why can’t we do it for them?

But is that what you are talking about?

Sassy Me...Sun kissed :-)

March 25th, 2010
10:17 am

What’s up with men and why are they bruised when you don’t stroke them?

lurker contrary to what you see/hear men have fragile egos(not all but most, even though they won’t readily admit it) and there are times when they will need it stroked. The stroking could be literal,or it could be a compliment, a hug/kiss or just some kind of positive reinforcement that lets them know they’re needed.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
10:17 am

Does this really happen alot?

Dreams – With just about every guy I’ve dated except the current.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:18 am

1. Whenever you’re wrong, defer.
2. Whenever you’re right, gloat. Lol

DreamsMat, what are you doing reading our manual?

kinderbabe--38 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 25th, 2010
10:18 am

Good Morning, everyone!:) Being a super planner has made me rigid in some cases and caused me to miss out on some fun. In other cases, it has worked to my benefit b/c I avoided some foolishness…lol. It’s all a matter of trusting yourself and knowing when to deviate from a plan. Spontanaiety is healthy and makes life interesting.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:19 am

Sassy positive reinforcement…..I truly see your POV but sometimes being speechless says it alll….you did an awesome job and I am lost for words…..often times I say thank you a million times bc I am truly thanful for the royal treatment all the way around but I do see your POV….

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:20 am

I hear ya KB!!!! How are you doing???

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
10:21 am

wonder if that falls into controlling behavior
Controlling or spoiled. It’s cool though ’cause like I said, I’m very flexible. When something doesn’t go as planned I’m already formulating the next plan. That plan could consist of doing something else to enjoy our time together or taking your controlling/spoiled azz home because you couldn’t get over it. lol

What’s up with men and why are they bruised when you don’t stroke them?
Who are these “men”? Sounds more like boys in grown bodies, still needing to be coddled. Unfortunately, it’s been the women in their lives who have made them that way. They need to take the training wheels off and growp up though.

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
10:22 am

Melo

March 25th, 2010
10:23 am

Raqi! 10.16 ^

A relationship is not a tug of war.

It is a Collaborative effort..u scratch my back,i scratch urs.

If u cannot complement each other then u dont need to be tgether.

Behind every successful man,there is a woman and the woman is the #1 cheerleader!

(I didnt coin that last phrase,I just apply it better!) :lol:

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:23 am

Preach DreamsM! lol hmmm spoil didn’t register ha—-sorta spoil am I but being spoil and single gets one anywhere…….lol

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
10:24 am

Dreams – Yeah, I don’t deal too well with spoiled – men, kids, friends, pets, LOL!

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:24 am

Melo good post 10:23!

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:24 am

One of the biggest misconceptions that hurt a lot of our relationships is that men are hard and cold as rocks. But they aren’t. They have feelings. They need to be liked and like to be needed by the woman in their life.

What does it hurt to give them a little recognition and praise? Hell we want them to have feelings when it comes to stuff concerning us and/or ever changing hormones. Tell him he’s awesome sometimes. Praise his accomplishment. What does it hurt?

Rell unplugged

March 25th, 2010
10:26 am

What’s up with men and why are they bruised when you don’t stroke them

- one key to success is to edify others…..one key to success is edify others….one key to success is edify others

the real question is how can you let a man enter you and you not stroke his ego

how can you take a man in your mouth – and not stroke his ego

how can you allow man in your home around your kids if this applies and you not edify him

how can you spend time/money on someone you have chosen and not edify him

sometime we betray ourselves with this “stinkin thinkin”….and you wonder why we still at square one on this dating thing…smdh

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:27 am

It doesn’t Raqi….lol

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:27 am

Lady J/Lioness….I’m speaking of a coworker. Tall, handsome, former proball player…not yet 40, fairly young. Up until a few days ago, he was all peachy. Sorry just don’t have it in me to fall all over folks.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:28 am

And it’s not even all the time what you say. Just being attentive or interested in what he is doing or trying to accomplish is all the stroking he needs.

Sassy Me...Sun kissed :-)

March 25th, 2010
10:28 am

Wow thank you Lioness. I’ve learned that men have needs just like us women do but don’t always know how to relay said needs to their mates. Even then when it seems unsure what to do I just try to treat them like I’d want to be treated.

often times I say thank you a million times bc I am truly thanful for the royal treatment all the way around

See the stroking could be those simple words….thank you b/c it shows your appreciation but also lets them see that you recognize what they did. I reallly liked your post,too. That’s what’s up :)

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:28 am

I read ya Rell!!!!! lol cool son…..

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
10:29 am

there are times when they will need it stroked.
Sassy Most men have given up on this by age 6. lol We’ve since resigned to the fact that emotionally we’re on our own.

what are you doing reading our manual?
I thought the first rule of The Manual was to deny all existence of The Manual. lol I may have a stolen copy under my bed.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:29 am

Thanks Sassy!!!!! I had a cool date recently and thank you was an understatement! It was very much appreciated how dude made me smile! just priceless! lol

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:30 am

Sorry just don’t have it in me to fall all over folks

Lurker, oh that’s different. You ain’t his woman so tell him to go kick rocks.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
10:30 am

Raqi – Your’re right. I’ve dealt with some cold men before, but I never assumed for one minute deep down they didn’t have feelings, even though that’s the way they acted sometimes! What you described above I think is simply showing love & appreciation. We all as humans desire a kind word now and then. To know that we matter, even just a little, to someone on this earth.

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
10:30 am

If you surround yourself with solid people, people with character, ego stroking isn’t difficult. It’s just a way to let someone know you appreciate them or what they do.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:31 am

lurker those types exist we can’t ignore that fact either but when you have a great person on the team you show love…..I do get that folks green and al1! ;)

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:34 am

We all as humans desire a kind word now and then.

kimmie, exactly. God himself wants to be praised. And man was made in HIS likeness and image.

Sassy Me...Sun kissed :-)

March 25th, 2010
10:35 am

Most men have given up on this by age 6. lol We’ve since resigned to the fact that emotionally we’re on our own.

DreamsMat I can only speak from my experience but how can you be in a relationship and be emotionally on your own…that sounds like an oxymoron. If that were the case all men would be single… I can only speak from my experience and have yet to have the misfortune of meeting someone who feels like they’re on their own emotional island. I’m jus’ sayin’….

Melo

March 25th, 2010
10:35 am

@kimmie??

some men are just not good fun planners! Im one of them. She will ask me,”what we doing friday? and I have no idea most times.However,if she pitches an idea, i will always either agree to it,add one oor two pointers or suggest an alternative,then leave the finer details to be worked out tween us thru out the entireweek.

I have been that way, (non planner) since i was single but back then,not being a planner was also a good strategic move.Coz i didnt know if i was gon be with the 1st team or the reserves or the 3rd tier. :lol:

So its true,some single guys,if a chic calls them early in the week,will give her blanks and defer the plans coz they have not received submissions from all their teams. :lol:

Red Flag!

Sassy Me...Sun kissed :-)

March 25th, 2010
10:36 am

We all as humans desire a kind word now and then. To know that we matter, even just a little, to someone on this earth.

That made me feel all warm and fuzzy :)

Leggs

March 25th, 2010
10:36 am

@DreamsM ~ I disagree with you saying most men have given up on having their egos stroked by age 6. Grown men just about everywhere need, desire, long for their egos to be stroked just like us women. And, if you’re truly emotionally on your own, you wouldn’t need to search for a mate, a companion, a love interest.

A man’s ego is very fragile, from what I have seen. Let me rephrase, both our egos are very fragile. We float through life a little better with compliments, respect, appreciation, desire, etc. Our egos tell us that we want to be wanted. No one has given up on this!

PrincessNIk

March 25th, 2010
10:36 am

Rell Great Post

PrincessNIk

March 25th, 2010
10:37 am

Dreams M, a little later i’m going to need some merlot to go with this Carl Thomas CD i just blew the dust off of ;)

Rell unplugged

March 25th, 2010
10:38 am

@ared…cosign

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:40 am

PK how bout Eric Benet Love Don’t Love Me after Carl…..lol……Carl was a cool singer what happened???

PrincessNIk

March 25th, 2010
10:42 am

Lady J, never really got into Eric Benet except one or two songs.
But this Carl Thomas Emotional CD can ride all night long ;)

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:43 am

Heck I know when we are lying in bed and he is clinging to me it is not all the time because he likes the smell of my hair or the feel of the suppleness of my skin or he is trying to cop a feel. It’s because he wants and needs to feel wanted. It’s a human emotion.

I know that when he gets home and tells me about an awesome profitable day that he had it’s not because he likes to hear himself talk (LOL shut up LURKER) but he seeks admiration from the woman he loves and spends his life with.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
10:44 am

some men are just not good fun planners! Im one of them.

Melo, alot aren’t, some women aren’t either!LOL!! Some people are just not very creative or they are afraid to step out of their comfort zone or do something out of the usual. The key is you are flexible with Queen.

The problems come when you are both not creative and not willing to try. You miss out on so much like that. I have girlfriends that are like that. They will only eat a certain type of food, listen to a certain type of music, see only certain kinds of movies, go only certain places. I limit my time with them because they limit themselves!

SexyCool (Reloaded)

March 25th, 2010
10:45 am

The ego stroke is VERY important. Lack of *strokage* will have the unstroked party looking outside the relationship to get the need met.

Oh…and co-sign to Rell’s post.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:46 am

We’ve since resigned to the fact that emotionally we’re on our own.

DreamsMat, but you are not. Yall need better women in your lives. If you have a woman that does not fulfill those emotional needs, that you aren’t suppose to have (LOL), you need a better woman. She ain’t the right one.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
10:46 am

I just read that Eva Marcielle & Lance Gross broke up, 5 months before their planned July wedding. I kinda had a feeling that was going to happen.

Rell unplugged

March 25th, 2010
10:47 am

men are just not good fun planners

-we plan with our boys…at this age your chick should be your friend

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
10:48 am

Thanks kimmie – I meant to post that to my FB status this morning! LOL

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:48 am

Sassy, I’m so over it and not believing the behavior that I’m seeing. It seemed to have started last week when I went to lunch with a friend. I step out for lunch often but I NEVER really do lunch with folks here. Well when I came back he stopped me walking past his office. I think it came out of his mouth before he realized…”Sooo, where have you been?” “Who did you go with?” “Where did ya’ll go?” If we haven’t crossed paths around 3:00, he walks past me several times and finally says “whatcha doing.” Well, during our conference this week, some of them arrived early whereas I got there around 7:00. Walked downtown with another coworker and got dinner. Came back and they’re all sitting in the hotel lounge having drinks. We stop, do introductions and whatnots but he obviously keeps his back turned. Next morning we’re all gathered and the conference begins, during breaks and lunch, folks are doing the same, introducing and making acquaintences. Several times he checks out our table. Never speaks or anything. All the while, we’re all laughing and meeting and greeting. Later that night, dinner was at some “ole boys” club and I’m standing alone looking out at the city and I see him (without him knowing) make his way towards me. We don’t really talk though because others make their way over. About an hour later, wouldn’t you know, he comes over, kneels between myself and another worker and blatantly turns sideways..from me….seeing I’ve been sensing something a couple of days now, I say “hey there”, and he ignores me. Are you kidding me? Grow up. I asked before leaving if he wanted me to print his boarding pass (along with the rest of the group) and he wouldn’t answer…just looked at me. He went for his blackberry to get his confirmation number and while looking for a pen, I handed him one. He reached beyond that one and picked up another. Are you kidding me? Normally he comes and sits with me a couple times a week and just talk about nothing, along with his daily ritual of “good morning ms.(insert last name here). Today, walked past me and NOTHING! Are you kidding me? Oh and really put the ig on at the airport. You’re laughing and talking to all but one in a group of about 9. What the heck ever! I ain’t one for losing my cool over pettiness.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:50 am

SexyCool, VERY important.

You know I can get dressed in the morning and my husband and what he thinks about what I am wearing could be the furthest thing from my mind. But when he sees me or I walk pass him and he makes mention to how “nice” I look that just adds extra spice to my day.

Men are the same. Even when not fishing for a stroke, they need it.