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How flexible are you?

If you’ve ever been on a date with an uptight, straight-laced person, then you already know how much fun it is to be around them.  It seems as if these individuals are not always aware that they come across as uncompromising and inflexible.  I’m not the type to turn into some doormat for a man.  Believe me, I can speak up and express my opinion without hesitation.  However, I am also able to go with the flow and relax too.

I think that while dating around,  you absolutely have to be able to keep a good attitude.  If you go around with hard and strict rules about every single thing then you are bound to run off a potentially great match.  How flexible are you in dating?  How do you handle sudden plan changes?  What do you do when you don’t get your way on a date?

Have you ever dated someone who was stubborn and set in their ways?  Is there a point where you have to either accept them for who they are or call them on it and ask them to bend a little?

I think when you have been single and on your own for a long time, your compromising muscle seems to atrophy a bit.  What is a good way to exercise it a little?

495 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
8:41 am

First, for the most part I truly accept a person for who they are and don’t try to change them or their activity. I would hope for the same in return but that is not always the case. With my profession I am very flexible and accommodating and it spills over to interactions on dates….Not a push over but truly respects on space…..I have dated stubborn men and down right mean and set in their ways and for the most part it goes no where….I have a sudden flashback of my childhood and just keep it moving….it isn’t that serious and we are just not compatible…..I do find myself becoming more se in my ways and just wanting what I want without much instruction given to the other side….your either down for me and with me or you not…..the barriers can’t dictate human interaction I don’t think….so it really boils down to ok I like you and I want to get to know you more and I like all of you not just a portion……sigh…..it is what it is with dating…..

Rell unplugged

March 25th, 2010
8:48 am

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
8:48 am

If you’ve ever been on a date with an uptight, straight-laced person: This comment makes me think the person is 100% comfortable around the other person and I have totally felt that and seen it from certain actions…..I guess certain people are not people persons or they find out after the fact they don’t want to be around you per se……we are some funny acting creatures when it comes to our space…..most or some just aren’t willing to share their space or only share it on their on terms and times and that is when you have to know to keep it moving…..lol

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
8:52 am

At this very moment? Barely. I slept on balled up on the couch last night and every muscle in my body is tense. LOL That hot shower I took helped a little but not much.

Now on the topic, this entire entry is wrong on so many levels. LMBO

Now on the real topic, the ability to compromise is one of the most vital traits to possess if you are going to be in a relationship. Being unyielding gets you nowhere. Having standards and holding to them is one thing. But being so freakin rigid and not willing to try it or consider the other person’s way just makes one unattractive. You have know when to hold them and know when to fold them.

Life is so much more enjoyable when you lend to a little bit of flexibility.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
8:53 am

raqi great post and feel better!

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
8:56 am

and raqi it is soooooooo draining to be the only one compromising…..just had another flashback…..”It takes 2 to make a thing go right”

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
8:59 am

just wanting what I want

LadyJ, there is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. However we have realize and consider the fact that sometimes it takes yielding a little to get that thing. We do it in so many other areas in our life.

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
9:00 am

How flexible are you?

Well, I can do the splits and put my leg behind my head.

Wait, that’s not the topic? :oops: :lol:

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:02 am

Thanks LadyJ. I just need to stretch a bit more.

And I agree with the compromising factor. Both parties have to yield to find a happy median. I know from just being married many matters calls for us both putting our ideas on the table and coming up with something that works for the both of us and better yet that works for the good of our relationship.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:03 am

Raqi I agree really I do but when you are meeting the needs of others compromising and it is not returned is when you have to step back and review the interactions……trust me I don’t go into it all about me and being the center….NEVER…..I sometimes go out of my way of compromising and still get nothing in return so with that a bit of selfishness is setting it…..be right or wrong you just get tired of the mind games really…..

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:06 am

my brief flashbacks raqi are regarding my brief marriage…….there was not compromise and I am sitting here smh @ the thought…..just thinking back on it we both were two selfish children fools calling our self in love……lmao….you live and learn and die and forget it all….I have learned trust you have to give and take and one person may be doing more giving than the other but there have to be a balance really or you become a doormat!

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:13 am

the goal is not to become a bitter, cold, catlady, not giving a damn by 40…..At the moment I am smiling remaining positive through my misadventures at dating….it is getting better and the dates are imporving a bit….the bs detector works more but still it gets old…..lol

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
9:13 am

I can admit I can be rigid. I am a “planner” and like to know what’s going on.

However, I’m not so inflexible that I am demanding about what’s done. For instance, if I know we’re going out, I’m not gonna harp on what we do, what restaurant is picked, etc.

The current is NOT a planner… I know I’m gonna see him every weekend, but that’s usually all I know. So when there is something I really want to do, or something I’m into, I let him know it’s important to me so he can think about it. That worked really well for Valentines Day he put the whole weekend together and it was one of the best ever.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:14 am

I sometimes go out of my way of compromising and still get nothing in return

LadyJ, we all feel that way sometimes. And sometimes it is true. But I realize that sometimes the return is not immediate but it does come.
When you find yourself always being the one that has to bend you are with the wrong person. I person like that could never make it with anyone a step above a doormat. And even a doormat will trip you at times.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:16 am

LadyJ, I am laughing at you and your flashbacks. LOL

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
9:19 am

we both were two selfish children fools

LOL @ selfish children fools.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:19 am

ARed I am a planner to I was just having a battle in my head about planning and spontaneity ……like should I be more free spur of the moment type chic…..but that just isn’t me….occasionally SURE but I love to plan and even looking into even planning as a hobby……lol

Raqi thanks for understanding my POV….

Happykitty not SlimOne

March 25th, 2010
9:20 am

Happy Tickle, Tempt, Tease Me Thursday! :oops:

I’ve gone out with a dude like that and it was a painful 2.5 hours of my life that I can never get back. Having standards is all fine and dandy but if it’s at the expense of you having a heartbeat or personality, just slit your wrist & keep it moving. That way i won’t have to waste my breath telling you to kick rocks later. :lol:

Melo

March 25th, 2010
9:22 am

Well, I can do the splits and put my leg behind my head.

:lol:

@Raqi..why sleep on the couch?? did u and Mason fight or was Elizabeth restless during the night?

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:24 am

Raqi it is NOT my daddy’s fault with how my life turned out….I made some selfish self centered decisions and it is consequences to good and bad choices however my childhood set the tone and having a not so stable father to show you what you should have in a man doesn’t help….Yes I am a grown ass woman now and a mother and I turly know better though mistakes made but I am just saying you can’t pick your family and when you find yourself attracting men like your dad it is scary…..a bit….but the theme is YELLOW IS THE COLOR OF SUN RAY—–KEEP ON MOVING DON’T STOP!!!!!!! :)

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:26 am

Amazon, Planning does not make one rigid, actually it’s a good thing. I plan also. But for me planning is just giving myself a starting point with my ideas or wants. I know where I want to go. I know what it is I want to do this weekend. Or for the rest of my life. I have a plan. But that plan leaves room for necessary adjustments.

An example of being rigid and unyielding to me is, if I plan to go to dinner at a certain restaurant that does not take reservations, but I get there to find that the place is packed instead of just going somewhere else I would sit there for 3,4,5 hours waiting to get a seat. That’s time wasted IMO.

AmazonRed™

March 25th, 2010
9:29 am

Planning does not make one rigid

Raqi. I didn’t say that. That’s why the “I can be rigid” was a stand alone sentence.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:30 am

Melo, after I got home last night I couldn’t sleep. So I wouldn’t disturb Mason I went downstairs and end up falling asleep after a few hours. I don’t remember falling asleep but all I know is he was waking my up at 5am. It feels like I had just closed my eyes. My eyelids barely touched and it was time to get up. I hate that. LOL

PrincessNIk

March 25th, 2010
9:33 am

I’m not the type to turn into some doormat for a man. Believe me, I can speak up and express my opinion without hesitation. However, I am also able to go with the flow and relax too.

That would be me also, ya gotta let go a little so things can flow.

@ Lady J the bs detector works more but still it gets old

yep i agree

@ Raqi When you find yourself always being the one that has to bend you are with the wrong person

Preach!

Melo

March 25th, 2010
9:33 am

It feels like I had just closed my eyes

@Raqi??

dont worry,friday tmrw and the weekend is here, and u will have time to put ur leggs up and take a rest.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:36 am

I have to add this to my comments. There are somethings that I just will not bend to. Period. But still that does not make me inflexible. I choose my battles wisely.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:40 am

Heck Melo, imma try to get my relaxation on this evening. Early evening at that. Tonight Mase is going out with his friends, imma go home and whip up something real quick and easy for the baby and the boy, try to be in and out of the tub by eight and in the bed by 8:30pm. Yep, shole is.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:44 am

“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves”—–A thought……

Last week I was killing Alexander O’Neal’s song Sunshine—–”Ohh….Cloudy was the day when sunshine came into my life And made it brighter”

now on the flip side “You know, sometimes sunshine turns to rain”

Life!
HA!

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:45 am

No one person call the shots in the relationship. It’s called a union for a reason.

Professor

March 25th, 2010
9:46 am

Hola!

I am a bit stubborn…I like planning, and I love having my way. However I know the world does not revolve around me, and life is give and take. It took me a while, but I pretty good at being flexible. In fact I like it when things flow and move forward without me tampering with it.

@Lady J you made some great points
@Melo, thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

PrincessNIk

March 25th, 2010
9:47 am

lady J

in order to get something, you got to give something
~Betty Wright
:lol:

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:48 am

“You know, sometimes sunshine turns to rain”

LadyJ, me and mine live each day in Spring time. Sunshine, rainfall, flowers blooming, clouds gathering, birds singing, storms brewing, bees making honey.

Melo

March 25th, 2010
9:49 am

In case the Topic is as boring to u as it is to me..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEGGUQ3yiCg&sns=em

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:52 am

Raqi that is cute but I am sitting here sneezing @ spring and I can’t stop coughing….going to Emory very soon for that allergy shot! lol But truly happy for you sistah!!!!:)

PK—-Betty Wright is the truth that reminds me of the hole in the walls in SC on a sunday evening while a softball game is going on…..silly me!

Thanks Professor!

Melo

March 25th, 2010
9:53 am

No one person call the shots in the relationship. It’s called a union for a reason.

@Raqi!??

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

1.. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you’re right, shut up!!

(original author, divorced but still in the nba!!)

:lol: :lol:

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:53 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
No-one else can make me feel the colors that you bring,
Stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day inspringtime.
‘Cause loving you is easy ’cause you’re beautifull,
And every day of my life is filled with loving you.
Loving you, I see your soul come shining through,
And everytime that we, oohh…
I’m more in love with you.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
9:54 am

raqi that is a cute spring song!!!!!

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:56 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪La la la la la, la la la la la…

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:56 am

LadyJ, I love that song.

kimmie

March 25th, 2010
9:56 am

Morning folks!

Yeah Melo, this topic is boring.

I’ve dated stubborn, set-in-their-ways dudes before and they have no age limit. These are the ones that are usually very controlling, so it’s their way or the highway. Even a suggestion from me that we try something different is seen as me trying to change them.

I’m a flexible planner – like making some plans, but they are not etched in stone. I can bend.

I had one guy who said he didn’t like to plan. Come to find out it was because he knew with me I would be expecting him to follow thru and he wanted to be able to flake out when he wanted. So he would always try to call at the last minute for things. And he wondered why we didn’t see each other much and I kicked him to the curb!

Actually I’ve found a lot of guys do that – don’t want to make plans too early in advance because they want to keep their options open. Fine, just can’t do that with me.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:57 am

Melo, you know that advice is directed toward men don’t you? LOL

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
9:58 am

How flexible are you? I am sitting in my chair indian style. LOL

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:00 am

it may be boring but in the single world single people are selfish and stubborn and there is a need to discuss letting that guard down and just dating…..lol….compromising being single should be ongoing but it is not per se…..in my opinion…..

DreamsMaterialize

March 25th, 2010
10:02 am

Morning
I’m very flexible, and sometimes it can be frustrating to be around people who aren’t. I’ve gone on dates with women like that, and it’s the worst for me. I can understand being upset when the plan doesn’t unfold the way you expected, but at that point you can do one of two things. You can harp on the fact that things didn’t go your way (which just makes you more angry) or you can start formulating the next plan.

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:04 am

LadyJ, we all are selfish and stubborn to a degree.

I will turn the baby monitor off when I don’t want to get up at 3am to go see what is wrong with her.

I have turned the monitor off in middle of coitus heading for the big one so the baby’s moving around or crying doesn’t get my attention.

I have turned the monitor off when the hubby goes in to change the baby and she has really messed her diaper and he is calling me.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:07 am

DreamsM wonder if that falls into controlling behavior….imo so what the plans didn’t go as we planned…..meaning dinner moive night was altered a bit do I cut the damn fool and go off or go with the flow….geesh it ain’t that serious to be right and on top all the freakin’ time….that is selfish to me…..lol

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:07 am

Selfish and Stubborn: I will take my time getting dressed when I don’t want to go somewhere knowing that if we are running too late the marido will go ahead and leave me or just not go at all.

Lady J-Lioness

March 25th, 2010
10:08 am

we do raqi but in a relationship and you already stated this it is a balance on how we flex and not felx is really important…..the verbals and non verbals say alot…..if you freeze up bc ish is not going your way and it is mino ish I mean really….pick and choose your battles…..

lurker

March 25th, 2010
10:09 am

I just want to jump in and ask a rhetorical question. What’s up with men and why are they bruised when you don’t stroke them? Seriously are you kidding me?

Raqi

March 25th, 2010
10:10 am

“It’s my way or the highway”??? Then it looks like you are going to be taking your journey of life without me.