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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Need better matches?

After enduring some dating disaster or meeting a host of strange creatures, single people have to get proactive.  We can’t sit by and continue to let bad dates happen to us!  The thing is, it’s not necessarily difficult to attract people to you.

I could probably write a book about how to meet men who are handsome but know it and are arrogant.  I could teach a course on dating men who want all the perks of relationships and marriage but mention the big M word? They disappear faster than Tiger Wood’s sponsors.

The big question is: How do you attract the right people to you? The people you actually want to date past two weeks. The people that want what you want, when you want it.  Impossible? I don’t think so. Challenging? Definitely!

What are ways we can improve our chances of getting better matches?  If you aren’t online dating, you have to meet people more organically.   Is it possible to meet “The One” in a bar?

When you think about your last great date that developed into something substantial, where did you meet? Do you believe that the way you met and how you met made a real difference?

578 comments Add your comment

dan

March 24th, 2010
10:38 am

“This feeling of things happening ‘to you’ is crap. Complete and total bs. You’ve created the life you’re leading (good, bad, or ugly) by the choices you’ve made. Accepting that as fact, own those choices and decide to make better ones. Bad dates don’t ‘happen’, you choose them.”

Amen brother! People named Dan always have great things to say.

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:38 am

Kimmie, :) lol

On the topic of choosing, and how men choose.

1. He pursues you relentlessly until you give in. = He choose to pursue you and not give up, you choose after awhile to give in. (He basically wore you down, but he CHOOSE to endure that path)

2. He made the first step. = He choose to speak to you.

3. You made yourself approachable.= He saw you and Chose to accept your willingness to approach. You think that he was the only guy to see you out there in the open, putting out the “bat signal”?

4. Some women approach men first, so just to save face on my 3 earlier points. Umm, he choose to listen. LOL

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
10:39 am

the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn……a thought….

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
10:39 am

kinderteach Is the count for that last day celebration? Now if you’ve been “booked” go head and tell us…and who booked you? …baby or your man.

I’m planning showers..and the last day to book is today! :lol: :)

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
10:40 am

Princess, that’s my point. That bi-oth attitude probably leads her to only want certain type of guys. We can say all day “if given the chance” but that’s the key to the whole thing, we all are not in our lifetime giving chances to certain people. Under any circumstance.

SexyCool - Project170 in full effect!

March 24th, 2010
10:41 am

Okay. What you said, what YOU said, what You said and what u said.

I concur.

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:41 am

Cemeeli, I have the best job in the world. I am at home today :)

Dan

March 24th, 2010
10:42 am

@ARed

Where I’m from a beautiful woman is less so when she’s booted, and an average woman is enhanced when she smiles.

“Stop frowning” is a compliment like “you’re too pretty to make that face”.

Why would you dislike a compliment?

kimmie

March 24th, 2010
10:42 am

Raqi – I remember an old boyfriend I got into a discussion about dating a celebrity or out of one’s normal traveling circle(league). At the time, he had finished law school, but had not passed the bar & was temping in DC & renting a house with 2 other people. So needless to say, he was not exactly rolling in money(still isn’t, never passed the bar). Anyway, I was in lust with Grant Hill at the time. I thought he was fine and even though I’m not into athletes, I knew he was intelligent and could play the piano. I said I thought he was just the perfect man! Well, I looked & boyfriend was getting kind of jealous & his buddy was looking crazy. I asked him why he was tripping. He & his buddy said they liked Halle Berry. I said “so”, still bewildered. He said when men mention they like a woman in their heads they are actually making plans on how to meet up with her. I fell out on the floor laughing. I said, like either of you po-as-a-church-mouse dudes actually have a chance at Halle Berry! I said I thought Grant Hill was hot, but I don’t actually believe when he rolls thru town Imma hook up with him & he’ll think I’m any more than 1 of the other countless groupies trying to get up in his face!! They were serious, but I had a good laugh!

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:42 am

Divine order, anyone?

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
10:43 am

Lady J

great thought!

Mr_NYC

March 24th, 2010
10:43 am

The choosing is mutual. Otherwise brotha be running a woman down and be called a stalker.

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
10:43 am

- second round

Now ain’t that something?!? Where..oh where are you going to bring back sexy? Cause Round 2 gon’ send you to Crawford Long! That’s INSANE!!!

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
10:43 am

passive agressive isn’t kool either….mental note….

Monroe Burbank

March 24th, 2010
10:43 am

Regarding the first poster, Jeff. I would think that any man who’s first goal of the day is to be the first to post a blog, then announce he’s first via another post, probably has no option but to go online to find a GF.

Some rules of thumb: 1. Every time you’re in public, you should look impeccable. Impeccable doesn’t mean expensive or non-casual. My wife looks impeccable wearing clothes she buys from a Chadwick’s catalog. You should be dressing this way because you’ve got too much self-respect not to, not because you’re trying to dress to impress. 2. Sound smart. Most of us want to be in a relationship with a person who has a good head on his/her shoulders. If you butcher the English language in conversation or when you blog, you’re on your way to not making a very good first impression. Again, it’s about self-respect. Do you want to sound like an idiot or be someone who can carry on an engaging conversation. 3. You don’t need a game plan. If you see someone you’d like to meet, go up and introduce yourself – regardless of where you are.

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:46 am

Monroe Burbank, excellent points.

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
10:46 am

I dont know Raqi,

maybe we are saying the same thing from a different view (if that makes sense) Who/What is for you, IS just that FOR YOU

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
10:47 am

Carlito – Are you at home working tho?…i’m here but i ain’t doing Jack! The system is down…so i’ve been called to blog and then the Mall in about 30-40 minutes… :razz:

Better!

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:47 am

Sexy Cool, How are you. I thought about you the other day when I told Julia I was thinking about buying a chopper. She said, she is to old to be riding on the back of a motorcycle all day long. :)

Dan

March 24th, 2010
10:47 am

@Monroe

I’m with you on 2 and 3.

As for the dress impeccably, that’s a matter of taste. The D is about function, not fashion; comfort, not style. If the colors match, that’s about as much as I worry about it.

Great post on the other part.

kimmie

March 24th, 2010
10:49 am

Dan, the whole “stop frowning” or “smile” is irritating. I know exactly what Amred is talking about.

I have a naturally serious-looking expression on my face when I don’t consciously smile. It’s not a scowl by any means though. I get that “stop frowning” from dudes all the time when I’m just going about, minding my own business. There’s a security guard here at work that I had to stop from saying that to me all the time. I’m AT WORK with WORK on my mind here. I’m not walking around with a stupid grin on my face like Suzy Sunshine all day. When he sees me in the hall headed to a meeting or my desk or just to the breakroom, unless I consciously smile, which in greeting folks I usually do, I look serious. It’s just my natural face. Leave me alone.

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:50 am

Cemeeli, are offices are being moved to the track, finally. I do not have to go to work physically until Monday. No more cubicles for me :)

I am just bugging the heck out of folks back home and excited about visiting there this weekend honestly.

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:50 am

Anotha Brotha

March 24th, 2010
10:50 am

” I remember the times when you could just happen to be somewhere, just happen to be doing something and just by chance meet a great person. ”

This is the knucklehead fantasy of today’s women. That she is too preoccupied with her job at Wachovia and what not to be worried about men. She is not looking for a man, rather the man will “find” her. Or somehow they just magically bump into each other at Kroger. I see (daily) women desperately trying to appear like they are not looking for a man. It’s deception at its finest. But I simply oblige and don’t open communication. See how that works :)

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
10:53 am

oh where are you going to bring back sexy?

Cemeeli, what are you talking about? Sexy is already here, you see me don’t ya? LOL

Kym

March 24th, 2010
10:53 am

Okay I think I am caught up..I just read about the Jazz Fest Lady-J!! Thank goodness!!! I will defintely have a outing plan..love spring and summer. Wednesday winddowns are making a comeback too!!!

SexyCool - Project170 in full effect!

March 24th, 2010
10:53 am

Hey, C! All is well. I like Julia more and more every time you mention her. Sounds like a sensible chick.

Dan – stop referring to yourself in the third person. :)

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
10:53 am

@Cem…p90x is just boot camp lite to me..i worked harder in the corps…ran more lifted more endured more..i enjoy the high i get after a good workout…i have the regular p90x and i just purchased p90x+ so when i get done with this round i will swith to plus..lifestyle change not just for the sexy but for the healthy..i dont want to be 40 and the equipment stops working or worse i look down and cant see it anymore…lol

Anotha Brotha

March 24th, 2010
10:53 am

I wish guys would stop with the “Smile, girl!” routine. It’s still giving her attention. Best way to get today’s women to fix their little attitude is to STOP APPROACHING THEM! Male Attention is the life blood of women. And they will conform to get it :)

Dan

March 24th, 2010
10:54 am

@Kimmie

I usually go with a “I bet you have a beautiful smile, you should show it more” if nothing else than to get one.

I have a ’serious’ face too, even a frown of my own. But the vibe off the D is too casual for anyone to think I’m mad. I’m just saying, you can’t help your natural expression, but that vibe (esp. if you’re single) will drive away some really good people.

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
10:54 am

lmbao geesh…

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
10:55 am

@ Carlito – Where is home?…Are you riding a horse backwards?

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
10:55 am

yes indeed kym…. ;)

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
10:56 am

@ Raqi lol :lol: …auiight maam.

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
10:57 am

@ Kimmie I used to have a thing for Grant Hill too LOL

SexyCool - Project170 in full effect!

March 24th, 2010
10:57 am

“I bet you have a beautiful smile, you should show it more”

Yeah..that works fine until she opens up and has a YuckMouth.

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
10:57 am

But I simply oblige and don’t open communication. See how that works

@ab…you not opening your mouth does not solve everything..and every women with the “serious” look is not mad…thats the funny part..i bypass all that bench shield stuff and stick in my bid

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:58 am

Cemeeli, home is Minnesota and yes I will be riding horses this weekend. Now look at me look at your man…LOOK AT ME!!! Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me, sadly he isnt me. Just kidding :)

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
10:59 am

Carlito

i’m cracking up :lol:

Dan

March 24th, 2010
10:59 am

@AB

It’s less about her and more about the energy around me. If I work with, come into contact with, or deal with a chick that rocks that boot; the D (ha! SC) has to fix it.

I’m not that pressed about life in general, so why would I allow you to ruin my easy mood with boot and bad vibe. To make the process palpatable, I’ll play it as it needs to go; but the underlying premise is, be easy or be gone.

I guess I should have stated a scenario as to not be confused with the random “smile”, my bad

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
10:59 am

Rejection does not deter a determined man. You know we have our on language. LOL

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
11:00 am

..“i dont want to be 40 and the equipment stops working or worse i look down and cant see it anymore…lol

lol…My boy! Gotta luv it…You right tho.

Rell I’m sayin’ though, cardio is your life…all that P90X then INSANE and wow…I’ma lightweight…can only do Elliptcals and 1/2 the P90X program. Sean can kiss my grits!!! :)

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
11:00 am

Best way to get today’s women to fix their little attitude is to STOP APPROACHING THEM!

-NOPE..ladies like to have fun. Be something different then what she see on the daily..thats not hard..i dont have any problems at all…my issue is after i fluck..lol, i love variety so i have to focus hard to stay in one spot..i am addicted to pretty woman..sue me

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
11:00 am

kimmie

March 24th, 2010
11:00 am

Dan – I get what you are saying about the vibe. I can assure you the only vibe I’ve giving off is that I’m intent on what I’m doing or about to do. I’m going over my mental “blackberry” in my head, is all. When I look in people’s face, I normally smile. If I look in your direction, but right past you, and I’m serious, I’m not really looking “at” you, but minding my own business, intent on what I’m doing. Believe me, I’ve never driven any good people away that were meant to be in my life by simply tending to my own business!

Plus, I’ve stopped & talked to that security guard on several occasions, making small talk & giving him the occasional office “scoop”, so he knew I was cool! So stop with the “smile” bit!

Leggs

March 24th, 2010
11:03 am

I read most of the first page and couldn’t go on. Interesting topic and loving the comments. Let me chime in with this: I feel pretty today. Guess I put that aura out cuz when I stopped for gas this morning the guy holding the door for me said my hair looked nice. I said thank you. The guy behind him said “heck your entire outfit looks nice” and I thanked him. When I came back out from paying one was waitin for me. We chatted for a min and exchanged numbers. So, to add to this convo, I may have met a nice person at the gas station!

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
11:03 am

@ce..its mindset..its easy, just push away from the table an eat veggies…for lunch today tuna salad with spinach veggies..lite ranch…water…snack was dried fruit and nuts….my downfall is tequila…lol margaritas are the devil!

Cemeeli

March 24th, 2010
11:03 am

Thanks Lito! good one…I thought you were a Ranch type.

lol

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
11:03 am

Kimmie, you have a boyfriend. So your mindset is different. :) “Kimmie’s got a man at home” LOL

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
11:03 am

Go ‘head leggs!