accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Need better matches?

After enduring some dating disaster or meeting a host of strange creatures, single people have to get proactive.  We can’t sit by and continue to let bad dates happen to us!  The thing is, it’s not necessarily difficult to attract people to you.

I could probably write a book about how to meet men who are handsome but know it and are arrogant.  I could teach a course on dating men who want all the perks of relationships and marriage but mention the big M word? They disappear faster than Tiger Wood’s sponsors.

The big question is: How do you attract the right people to you? The people you actually want to date past two weeks. The people that want what you want, when you want it.  Impossible? I don’t think so. Challenging? Definitely!

What are ways we can improve our chances of getting better matches?  If you aren’t online dating, you have to meet people more organically.   Is it possible to meet “The One” in a bar?

When you think about your last great date that developed into something substantial, where did you meet? Do you believe that the way you met and how you met made a real difference?

578 comments Add your comment

Jeff

March 24th, 2010
8:20 am

I met my current GF online. Yes, there were alot of whackos, but statistically not any different than the amount of wackos walking down the street. How do I attract better dates? If I focus on being a more attractive date (ALL factors, not just physical and material), then I attract higher quality dates. It’s that simple. Works the same for both genders. Dump the arrogance, be friendly, and you would be surprised what happens.

Jeff

March 24th, 2010
8:21 am

First! Na na boo boo. Plst (tongue sticking out).

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
8:21 am

hmmmmmmmmmm………lost for words a bit….I am sure our successful couples and daters will have some good advice…..I am going to us a Love Jones quote….”Bad Timing” perhaps…..

Hump Day it is!

Mike P

March 24th, 2010
8:23 am

Good morning,
Meeting “the one” has a lot to do with being patient and having the right attitude about the opposite sex, purpose of “mating up,” about you, and about life in general. Happy people have happy lives; they create events and situations that keeps them happy overall.

Mike P

March 24th, 2010
8:23 am

darn, thought I was gonna be first for a change, oh well, guess there’s tomorrow :P

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
8:31 am

The problem today IMO is that every where has become the meet-market. I remember the times when you could just happen to be somewhere, just happen to be doing something and just by chance meet a great person. But now everywhere is “where you go to get a date”. People are going places (i.e. church, the market, the hardware store, the food bank) and/or taking on classes and/or hobbies for the sole intention of meeting Mr. or Ms. Possibility. That’s the problem. Everyone is on the prowl.

IMO the best way to meet the right one is just by chance. And by chance could be someone you have known and developed a true friendship with over the years. (Yeah that’s me. I DO have the best thing going) Or by chance could be by association. Or by frequency of patronage.
Bars, club, social gatherings with the intent to mate are IMO some of the worst places to meet someone when you are looking for a LT endeavor.

Your better match could very well be that person that you deal with day to day. However, if you deal with shady and treacherous individuals you probably need to find new friends.

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
8:32 am

My marido makes the statement a lot to his cousin that the condition surrounding when and how you meet someone will vastly determine the nature of your relationship.

On one of the Eharmony commercials the lady states that because of her business she was too busy to get out and meet guys. My marido stated that that will be the nature of their relationship. He will find that she is too busy for him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting the time and effort into having a lucrative and successive business. However, you have to take the time to live.

kinderbabe--39 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 24th, 2010
8:48 am

good morning everyone!:) i met my sweetie at a super bowl party. i went w/one of my girls. i had been to this same party every year for at least 6 years but had never met anyone special. that was 2 years ago.:)

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
8:58 am

@Lady J

I’m with you! Perhaps Bad Timing. I actually “met” a guy @ Publix, i mean we knew each other in high school and even chatted on the phone back then but never “dated”. He was sort of a bad boy then, but we bumped into each other exchanged numbers and so far so good, he has matured and so have I.

(oh and Lady J lemme find out you are a Leo!?)

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:00 am

Oh and let me add to the timing thing to quote one of the characters in Zane’s latest book

“sometimes God will wink at you to let you know where you are really supposed to be”

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
9:00 am

I don’t mean to generalize but there are certain places that you are not going to find quality dates. Period. The after parties. The latest up and coming clubs. “The Place to Be” are just not where it is at. Like you stated Diva the guys that are handsome but know it and are arrogant, those guys aren’t hanging out at library. Those that want all the perks of relationships and marriage, they are not gathering at the park or at Brookstone. Those types are usually mixing and mingling wherever the “cameras” are rolling.

There comes a time in our lives as serious adults that we need to get away from having to be in the know or having that guy or girl that runs a close second to Hollywood’s finest. You want someone that is going to treat you right. There are still a lot of people that just don’t know how much of a treasurel that is.

No he may not be rippled like LL Cool J or up on the latest Jay-Z hit, but he has heart. A loving heart. Your best interest at heart.

A daffodil ain’t nothing but a pretty weed. Good for nothing. But a cactus is plant. A plant that capable of providing fodder and protection.

Kym

March 24th, 2010
9:01 am

IMO the best way to meet the right one is just by chance. And by chance could be someone you have known and developed a true friendship with over the years. (Yeah that’s me. I DO have the best thing going) Or by chance could be by association. Or by frequency of patronage.
Bars, club, social gatherings with the intent to mate are IMO some of the worst places to meet someone when you are looking for a LT endeavor.

yeah..what she said..Good Morning All!!!

Dan

March 24th, 2010
9:02 am

@Raqi

If by “chance” you mean meeting someone in a “meet-market”, then wouldn’t going to those places increase your chances? If you ‘happen’ to be in a “meet-market”, what does it matter the motivation? isallimaskin

On topic, I’mma agree with Mike P. A lot of what we attract is what we put out. A lot of people that lament being single do so because they are trying to define themselves via a relationship. Be you; do you, and without question, the rest of it will take care of itself.

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:05 am

Be you; do you, and without question, the rest of it will take care of itself.

:idea:

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:05 am

PK you made a sistah smile!!!! I meet and go out with great men…..just realizing through it all there will be “the one” for me and vice versa….when it is my time to shine….until then a diamond in the ruff that never has to front will I be….lol…yeah I am listening to Anthony Hamilton this morning….there is hope…. :)

Honey I put the “L” in Leo! That is me! I am me! ha! August is on my mind! Ready to cruise away…..

Downtown Heffa

March 24th, 2010
9:08 am

I don’t think we need better matches. I believe we need more reality checks! You are not going to find your rich mate unless you have a high salary as well. Life can be pretentious! You have to have something to get something. You can play the part but eventually, your true lifestyle will be unveiled. The only suggestion I would make (yes, I’ve done this), is to make that proverbial list. Make a list of your desirable mate. Dump as much as you can on this list even if it doesn’t make sense. Then put an asterisk by the items that are negotiable. The more items that are negotiable on your list, the higher the probability of meeting that wonderful mate.

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:09 am

PK did you grap Monica’s CD??? I think I am getting it….I am a Monica and Brandy Fan…guess its the 90s in me! lol

kinderbabe--39 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 24th, 2010
9:12 am

good morning…LadyJ.:) i am still trying to pull this morning together.

hey, PrincessNik and Raqi.:) how goes it ladies?

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 24th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning All!

BRB – but great topic ahead

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:12 am

Lady J! i went to get Monica’s CD and they were sold out! I was like WTH but they assured me that more would be on the truck today. I have ALL her CD’s! Girl we must be fighting for that L in Leo cause I’m a Leo through and through, but its July for me! Lil mama’s bday was yesterday so now I begin the countdown to my own ;) , last year i bought myself a house what shall i do this year………….

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:13 am

Hey KB!, it goes great and getting better by the minute ;;)

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
9:14 am

We can’t sit by and continue to let bad dates happen to us! The thing is, it’s not necessarily difficult to attract people to you

- pause right there…your right its not hard at all…whats funny most of us know who can make us happy..but they dont meet some bs requirement we have

THE REALITY OF A RELATIONSHIP IS THE FANTASY OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:14 am

KB-A world away am I!!!! If I have another nightmare! geesh!

Awwww PK I give July Leo’s no love but you boo all day!!!!!!!! lemme find out!!!!!!!! I call them fake leo’s the August Leo’s RULE!!!!! “HEAR ME RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRR” LOL j/k lol

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
9:15 am

this blog post help clear a couple of cobwebs for me….good read

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/07/tolerance-is-resistance-to-love/

Kym

March 24th, 2010
9:17 am

WiseyD..I don’t know if you listen to “This American Life” on NPR but they did this whole show on “The One” these Harvard numbers guys got together and crunch the numbers on the odds of finding “the one.” it was pretty interesting.

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
9:19 am

Downtown, I actually believe that the closer your beginnings and background harmonize the more compatible you will be. Yeah many grow up and make it forgetting and looking down on where they come from. But I believe that the more you can relate to each other’s beginning the better you bond and relationship will be.

Now yeah, you shouldn’t be out there looking for something that you yourself aren’t able to provide. But that again goes back to your background. Just because a person has money doesn’t mean they know how to handle it. But two people that have a beginning or background in being financially wise have a better chance than just two people with similar checkbooks.

dan

March 24th, 2010
9:20 am

The best relationships are the one’s that happened to me when I’m at a good place in life( enjoying my job, in good shape etc.). And consequently, the one’s that have been absolute train wrecks are when I’ve been at a bad place mentally and emotionally and have tried to force things. I’m sure there is some luck in meeting the right person, but I don’t like just leaving things to fate. I feel that when I do things that bring joy in my life, I feel good about myself and that kind of rubs off in my interactions with women. I just prefer a more proactive approach to meeting women than a reactive one.

I will also say a man’s idea of friendship and a woman’s idea of friendship are really different. I think that most women will say that they want their lover to be their best friend, and they’re right in that ideally that is where you want to end up. But in the very beginning, especially in the dating/courtship process; NO woman wants a guy that’s going to treat them like a friend. Sorry ladies, it doesn’t work that way and you know it. Take it from a guy who has been in the dreaded friend zone; trying to get involved with a woman by being her friend rarely works. Guys have to do things and say things that are going to separate themselves from the pack of lukewarm nice guys and the endless supply of jerks.

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:21 am

Lady J don’t be that way, July kicks off the whole 30 days of Leo Fabulosity :lol: ;)

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
9:21 am

Morning Kinderbabe. Is it 39 days until the zoo…I mean school year ends? LOL

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:24 am

raqi lmbao @ you!

PK you right but the rear brings in the bang to that roar boo!!!!! LOL!

Professor

March 24th, 2010
9:24 am

Hey Lady J, Princess and Kinderbabe!

Hmmmm I think timing is everything and I do believe that one should not go out searching. I like going out having fun and if I meet someone well that is a plus. As for attracting the right people personally I feel you cannot control who are attracted to you, but you can control who you decide to deal with. I listen and note red flags and I bounce if needed.

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
9:25 am

whats funny most of us know who can make us happy..but they dont meet some bs requirement we have

Rell, exactly. Some folks are more concerned with image than they are with having what or who can truly make them happy. You know at the end of the day when the outside world is shut out the only thing that matters to me is that he and I are >here<. The happiness, comfort and support that we give each other.

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
9:25 am

NO woman wants a guy that’s going to treat them like a friend. Sorry ladies, it doesn’t work that way and you know it. Take it from a guy who has been in the dreaded friend zone; trying to get involved with a woman by being her friend rarely works.

- players stop confiding in ladies that you want to date..thats step one toward the friend zone…second..stop being available when she needs to talk…thats why she has girlfriends…third, take your dyck out your hand…four..have a unique and interesting life…women love to have fun or to feel some type of inspiration toward a goal or ideal. Be a man of integrity….be who you say you are. “mint b4 dyck” it works trust me..that is all

Carlito

March 24th, 2010
9:26 am

I think we attract what we are. I disagree with the location of meeting a mate, love can happen anywhere, it knows no limits. Also, because someone looks great should not automatically mean that they are a shallow in the streets person.

***I love my job*** :)

Dan

March 24th, 2010
9:27 am

@Rell

Great blog post you cited, but beyond all the “energy” notations is the same as we been saying here – get you together. In whatever fashion that is, whatever form that takes, become the better match.

@all

This feeling of things happening ‘to you’ is crap. Complete and total bs. You’ve created the life you’re leading (good, bad, or ugly) by the choices you’ve made. Accepting that as fact, own those choices and decide to make better ones. Bad dates don’t ‘happen’, you choose them.

PrincessNIk

March 24th, 2010
9:28 am

But two people that have a beginning or background in being financially wise have a better chance than just two people with similar checkbooks

@ Raqi, yes we were always taught its not HOW MUCH money you make, its what you do with and how you handle the money you make, that makes the difference.

Also like i’ve said before, “what you are lookin for, is looking for you” you have to know what it is you are lookin for though.

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:30 am

hey Professor!!!

KB are these lrics farfetched…..one day…..lol…..one day! I love this song Closer by Corinne Bailey Ray!

I don’t want to give you up

I don’t want to hold you up

I don’t want ambiguous

I just know that I’ve had enough

I want you to travel with me

Let loose and let your mind go free…Show you things that you’ve never seen

You just go to go with me

Ohhh

Professor you are right no searching!

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
9:30 am

I think we attract what we are

- i agree lito…the type of women in a mans life reflects is current mental state. What we do is try to live in two worlds…we want that chick we with to be more than what she has experience for…meaning you cant continue to “slum” expect to find a dime. You have to upgrade your mental in order to see the dimes walking in front of you..they are everywhere in all SHAPES AND SIZES…trust that…again in our immediate circle is your potential long term mate..but something in your mental is keeping you from them…if you want something different then what you know..then you have to create a new vision for your life to attract that something different…

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:31 am

meant lyrics daggit! lol

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:33 am

hmmmmmmm rell…..

Raqi...A Vision of Loveliness

March 24th, 2010
9:36 am

Princess, I agree. However in reference to you last paragraph I always say that the type you are looking just may not be looking for a type like you. Imma say this and those that get it will get it, we have to find our place and stay in it.

Some truly fool themselves in believing that they can “date” any and every one but that crap is not true. Yeah you may be able to get a date with “any” one, but how is your recording of being able to date them.

kinderbabe--39 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 24th, 2010
9:36 am

@LadyJ…definitely feeling those lyrics!:)

@PrincessNik…glad to hear you are feeling groovy! i’m getting there, i promise…lol.

@Raqi…yes, the school year is winding down but that’s not my big news. it’s good.:) i will be sharing soon.

@Professor…hey there! how’s it going? hopw your wednesday is starting wonderfully.:)

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

March 24th, 2010
9:36 am

Meaningful relationships:

On line…yes.

In bars…never once.

You did not ask about “one night stands” however. 24 hours can sort of be be meaningful…or at least memorable ;-)

Rell unplugged

March 24th, 2010
9:38 am

that the type you are looking just may not be looking for a type like you. Imma say this and those that get it will get it, we have to find our place and stay in it.

- i dont agree..thats self defeat talk there…if you think it in your mind you should hold it in your hand

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

March 24th, 2010
9:38 am

Blind dates from socalled friends…not just no but hellz no.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 24th, 2010
9:39 am

Lady J – yeah I want that Monica cd as well, was disappointed it was sold out in three places I went to.

Hey Kinderbabe!

Carlito – lovin that 9:26!

kinderbabe--39 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 24th, 2010
9:42 am

Lady J-Lioness

March 24th, 2010
9:42 am

Mo Target will re-up very soon! lol

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 24th, 2010
9:45 am

Morning.

I think the key is for us to make small adjustments to our regime. If you usually go to Target on Camp Creek Parkway, try another target. Instead of going to the same place for lunch, try whole foods.

We need to be open but also put ourselves in the position to be choosen. Also alot of single people have so many walls built up. We need to be open and optimistic with the idea of dating. I am single and enjoy being single, so if I meet someone cool.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 24th, 2010
9:49 am

Lady J – yeah I know, and I’ll check back so I can get my copy! LOL!