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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Digital dating drama

I caught a few minutes of MTV’s True Life: I Have Digital Drama and I realized that I am truly an analog girl in a digital world. (Shout out to Ms. Badu!) I am connected to a lot of devices, but I don’t have one problem unplugging from time to time. Especially if Mr. Wonderful is within arm’s length. Priorities people!

The show follows people who are so plugged in to their digital worlds that their “analog” relationships are suffering.  Even though the people in this show were younger, I have seen similar dynamics with people of different ages.  Imagine you have managed to get into an actual relationship with that text message abuser. Things are going great until you realize that the reason they are text message offenders  is because their thumbs are surgically attached to their smart phone.  What happens when you both have a bad habit of being too plugged in, though?

One of the girls asked her boyfriend to keep his phone unlocked so she can do “spot checks”.  Another girl stated that both her and her boyfriend “agreed” to allow access to each others emails.  They thought it would actually work until he saw her reading an email from an ex-fling. She didn’t like the racy tone and he didn’t like having to explain his private communications. Talk about reality checks!

Do we need to give up privacy to be in a relationship? If so, exactly how much are you willing to give up?  How do you handle dating drama caused by Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs, etc.?  What would you do if the person you were getting really serious about asked for “digital” access? I don’t know about this. It sounds exhausting and kind of stupid. What do you think?

395 comments Add your comment

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 23rd, 2010
12:46 pm

At the end of the day what teachers do has a more lasting effect. I just get paid more.

Well said. You the shyt Randy!

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))

March 23rd, 2010
12:47 pm

@ Dig That…for the price of a Big Mac combo you can get…ahhhh never mind ;-) and after what Sassy said, I will probably be looking thru my Big mac more carefully…or just get… instead.

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
12:50 pm

I love Ared season 2

:shock:

:lol:

Nice name.

Melo

March 23rd, 2010
12:51 pm

Randyt??

i think the pple who have to wait to get an appntment to a doc could pay more and get into a higher priced group and they dont have to wait to see a provider. Thats how this wld work.

Right now,pple wait to see a provider here in the states.These pple are called poor pple on medicaid??(sorry if i confuse with medicare)..Try Grady and u will see what i mean.

The problem with the UK is that becoz there is the national health plan,a lot of “cheap” professionals want to be on that plan as well,just coz the govt provides,instead of using their resources and pay a lil more so they can be on a private plans.

Lots of pple hate to pay for insurance but want to suddenly pay when they get into a bind. It domt wrk that way.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 23rd, 2010
12:54 pm

after what Sassy said, I will probably be looking thru my Big mac more carefully…

My bad did I get a lil too enthusiastic…. :oops: I’m sowwy.

DreamsMaterialize

March 23rd, 2010
12:58 pm

Randyt The healthcare system in the UK is heavily socialized and is almost completely controlled and administered by the government. There are virtually no options to buy private insurance. That is not the intention of the plan proposed here.

Luvbug
I don’t snoop, but I do pay attention. I don’t need evidence per se. Unacceptable behavior is evidence enough. If I leave to use the restroom at dinner, and I come back to see you rushing to put your phone away, then that’s a sign. I might ask you about it, I might now…depends on the circumstance. It all comes out eventually.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))

March 23rd, 2010
12:58 pm

In England people with a lot of money can pay for secondary insurance that somehow bumps them up the queue somehow. I have an associate here who is in his forties, and a bad hip and could hardly walk. It took him over two years to get to the front of the line to have it operated on, and if he missed that schedule he would have dropped to the back of the line again.

Dentists are really hard to get in to.

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:01 pm

Ared – Yeah, I’m with you on transparency. I won’t force it, but I’ve never stayed when it was absent…at least so far.

Luvbug – One of my exes was natually distrustful. He was the one that would take his phone into the bathroom. He did it from the beginning. When confronting him on suspicious behavior, he’d lie first then backtrack when I had evidence. With folks like that, you have to stay looking for the signs. But you also have to confirm your fears sometimes with proof, since you know the person isn’t above lying.

So when you do find the one who is voluntarily transparent…it’s truly a breath of fresh air! :)

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))

March 23rd, 2010
1:04 pm

@DM I know what you are saying but I think it will end up like here anyway. Once the first step is taken down that road then the destination becomes inevitable. Sooner or later most companies will just drop out of private insurance and it will fall in to what the UK has…just my opinion. Just because of the economics. ,

I love Ared season 2

March 23rd, 2010
1:06 pm

i guess you wonder where i’ve been
i searched to fine the love within
i came back to let you know
got a thinf for you
and i can’t let go

my friends wonder what is wrong with me
well i am in a daze from your love you see
i came back to let you know
got a thing for you
and i cant let go

:-)

Tazzee - 51 days til Mrs.

March 23rd, 2010
1:07 pm

I am glad that our HCR does not equal that of the UK. My benefits won’t change, but I will be taxed at a higher rate for Medicare and the hospital insurance tax (not sure what that is). But I have no problem with that.

There are many folks that go to the emergency room for seemingly non-emergency issues because they don’t have healthcare. Or better yet – they wait until an issue reaches emergency level because they don’t have insurance. Ultimately, our tax dollars pay for that too and that’s how you end up with hospitals like Grady coming close to going under – not enough tax dollars to make up for that deficit. Well…that and poor fiscal management (sometimes) but you see that everywhere.

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
1:10 pm

Raqi – Yep, good he’s open. Some guys don’t know how important that is to women.

Dreams – I asked b/c me and a few friends believe that women usually want proof before deciding to leave or stay, but men will decide to leave or cheat based on an assumption they never confirm. We assume men don’t ask b/c they don’t want to seem feminine or vulnerable.

Ared – Yep…a breath of fresh air.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2010
1:11 pm

I’ve never own my own business where I needed to provide health insurance. How do you feel about small business owners being able to contract with other small business owners and collectively acquire health insurance for their employees under one umbrella?

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:14 pm

I find myself even “volunteering” more information then I need to on FB. Sometimes I’ll post messages about going to dinner and such and some of the dudes who are “fishing” for info will make comments like “I hope you thank him afterwards” or something.

I’ll go ahead and elaborate about going out with a gilfriend or a co-worker, if that’s the case. I don’t HAVE to do it, he can always just ask me who I went to dinner with (if I haven’t told him already) but I don’t feel he has to, especially since it’s innocent.

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:16 pm

How do you feel about small business owners being able to contract with other small business owners and collectively acquire health insurance for their employees under one umbrella?

This already happens.

Dig That

March 23rd, 2010
1:16 pm

With folks like that, you have to stay looking for the signs. But you also have to confirm your fears sometimes with proof, since you know the person isn’t above lying.

@ARed
When you see the signs then most times you are correct. Still no need to go looking. You already see what you are dealing with. The problem I find is people ignoring all the signs. Then it is not on them anymore. It is on you.

I love Ared season 2

March 23rd, 2010
1:19 pm

“I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I’ve been thinking
Maybe you’re not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I’ll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won’t complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

Raqi

March 23rd, 2010
1:20 pm

That is already in existence. However it’s done thru and employee leasing type venture. My husband was telling me about this company that came in and offered something like that a few years back. He would have his same employees however he would pay another company to handle everything from the pay checks to the company benefits. I don’t remember the name of the company but he chose to keep things the way he has been doing it since the beginning.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2010
1:21 pm

Sorry, that comment is in response to Leggs.

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
1:22 pm

Dang

* a few friends and I believe

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:23 pm

Still no need to go looking. You already see what you are dealing with.

Dig – I’ll disagree with you there. Some people are purposely deceptive. Some people have been wronged so many times before, that they are paranoid and make mountains out of molehills.

Double lives happen. Sure you can walk away, but if you want proof, walk away with that too (even if it’s proof that he’s faithful and now you just blew it by snooping). If I suspected my man was gay or on the DL, I’d want to be sure.

“Signs” can be wrong and misinterpreted. And not everyone is that intuitive. If you want proof, get proof.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2010
1:23 pm

Leggs, those umbrella type companies supposedly offer better rates because they put together a larger group made up of different companies. The more participants the better the rate.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2010
1:25 pm

Ok, I wasn’t aware. Didn’t pay attention I found it interesting when I heard about it because it made perfectly good sense to me.

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:26 pm

He would have his same employees however he would pay another company to handle everything from the pay checks to the company benefits. I don’t remember the name of the company but he chose to keep things the way he has been doing it since the beginning.

Raqi – My company uses TriNet. But yes, this is the exact process and we get much better rates because of it (my company only has 20 people).

DreamsMaterialize

March 23rd, 2010
1:27 pm

Randyt
Private insurance is available in England, but they only cover acute specialists and can deny coverage based on preexisting conditions. I believe this set of doctors are separate from those operating under the national health care. So, I don’t think people can go to the front of the queue, just that there’s a smaller number of people with access to doctors that everyone else can’t access. If companies feel that they have to unfairly compete with a government insurance plan, then I agree they will drop out. However, I think companies will remain as long as we can maintain the free market exchange.

Luvbug
I’m not worried about seeming feminine, but I just don’t feel it’s necessary to monitor another grown person. It takes too much energy. If I notice something, I’ll ask about it, and the result of the discussion will let me know what I need to do, leave or stay.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

March 23rd, 2010
1:28 pm

Hey Erybody.. Um lets see.. Passcode on the phone (Check).. If you want us to be cool leave the phone alone.. There are many treasured secrets/photos that arent for everyones eyes.. Now when I get married again I’ll just pull a publicity stunt and change the number but until then its 770 912-****

Melo

March 23rd, 2010
1:35 pm

when I heard about it because it made perfectly good sense to me.

@Leggs??

Its supposedly going to get cheaper under Obama care for those companies to pool their employees into one Big group and get a rate for individual employees coz they are also going to get a tax rebate just for offering to get their employees insured.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 23rd, 2010
1:36 pm

If I notice something, I’ll ask about it, and the result of the discussion will let me know what I need to do, leave or stay.

That’s definitely the mature thing to do but sadly you have grown folk who’ll resort to childish measures instead….all of that other stuff detracts from a relationship. Is it really worth it to be with someone who’s things you have to snoop through?…what does that say about you as a person?

LL411

March 23rd, 2010
1:37 pm

I don’t dig… S/O in about our 2nd year left my house one evening but forgot to sign off his email account. When I realized he left it open I paused for about 15 seconds, then just closed it.

When he called me from the road (as usual) I told him he left it open, he said oh yea? I said I just signed you off.

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
1:38 pm

Dreams- I agree…no need to monitor a person.

However, I wonder if guys generally respond differently than women when suspicions are high…interesting that 2 out 2 of the guys who have responded about what to do in highly questionable circumstances have noted that confirmation is not really necessary.

kimmie

March 23rd, 2010
1:40 pm

The World Health Organization ranks France & Italy as having the best health care in the world & they have universal health care, like most industrialized nations in the world. The UK is ranked 18th & the US is ranked 37. It would be nice not to have to worry about losing your health care if you lose your job.

I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about France’s health care. Wonder what it is they are doing right? I’d like to hear about that, other than the horror stories about the UK & Canada’s health care. What works & not what doesn’t.

Phatty Catty...not SlimOne

March 23rd, 2010
1:40 pm

My2 – nah i haven’t started yet.

SexyCool - To be continued...

March 23rd, 2010
1:42 pm

I just gave some thought to what the healthcare plan will mean to trying to get a doctor’s appointment…good lawd….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

March 23rd, 2010
1:44 pm

But on some real foul ish.. I had a chick I was dating pull a background check on me.. I thought that was rude seeing as though we hadnt even umped Uglies yet.. I just thought it was a major invasion of my privacy. Yeah it was her right but dang. I told her everything she needed to know about me.. Im pretty open when it comes to me. I’ll tell you what ever you ask theres no need for a back ground check on Ya Boy..

Melo

March 23rd, 2010
1:44 pm

I wonder how many of the Tea party people voted for Obama last year??

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
1:47 pm

Look up then ump…that seems like a good order of events to me.

Phatty Catty...not SlimOne

March 23rd, 2010
1:52 pm

“But on some real foul ish.. I had a chick I was dating pull a background check on me”

DK – I’m sure almost everyone in here has at least Googled or did some sort of internet search on a person they’ve met, dated or used to date before…at least once. But an all out background check…hmmmm that’s a negative

LL411

March 23rd, 2010
1:52 pm

I’d been seeing this one guy for about a month… I left the room to go to the bathroom and walked back in to find him going through my cell phone. We we immediately done! About two weeks later I get a call from some chick about finding my number in his cell phone. I told her look ya’ll do what ya do, but leave me outa it, click! LOL :)

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 23rd, 2010
1:53 pm

theres no need for a back ground check on Ya Boy..

Maybe she thought you were some kind of Clark Rockefeller or sumthing…..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

March 23rd, 2010
1:56 pm

Phatty Catty Jeah- Yeah I felt violated. Police Face

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
1:58 pm

I’m sure almost everyone in here has at least Googled or did some sort of internet search on a person they’ve met, dated or used to date before…at least once

SlimOne – Google and a Facebook check. Y’all ain’t gonna make me feel bad about accessing PUBLIC info.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2010
1:58 pm

Infamous, maybe she wanted to check you all before giving up her goods to you. That’s understandable.

LL411

March 23rd, 2010
1:58 pm

I have a girlfriend who will run back ground checks, go through court records for marriage/divorce decrees, mortgages to see who’s name its held, etc., business records, jailhouse records, reverse phone look-up….

Like most people here, if I feel its necessary to do all that then I have no business with you period.

Hellz she’s probably run one on my s/o, but she better not let me find out LOL.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2010
1:58 pm

LL411, that’s funny.

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
1:59 pm

LL411 – Yeah, everything about that was wrong. They deserve each other.

Phatty Catty...not SlimOne

March 23rd, 2010
1:59 pm

Reminds me…one day my ex was over and I needed to go walk the dog. Apparently he hopped on the computer when I left out to check his email and noticed I was still signed into yahoo messenger. When I get back he is sitting at the computer looking crazy as heyal with my inbox up going through my old emails. WTF!!!! First of all, why you going through my emails and 2nd of all, that sh!t happened when we were on a break :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

March 23rd, 2010
2:00 pm

Sassy – Yeah thats me Clark Rocawear.. Heyal all she had to do was ask me for my license.. It shows Im old enough.. I live where I say I live, my blood type is O Pos and I aint donating nothing after I kick the bucket… Thats all the info she needed..

AmazonRed™

March 23rd, 2010
2:01 pm

Maybe she thought you were some kind of Clark Rockefeller or sumthing…..

:lol:

I find it funny that everyone is like “just ask me and I’ll tell you whatever it is you want to know.” That’s so not true. That’s why folks are always talking about skeletons and things they’d take to the grave.

And when you are overly protective about your possessions, you’re not giving out the impression that you can be approached and asked for about anything. Hardley anyone is as open and truthful as you think you are. Another reason why the topic of your “sex number” comes up, folks are always ready to dismiss as not anyone’s business.

Luvbug

March 23rd, 2010
2:01 pm

Willie Dynamite

March 23rd, 2010
2:01 pm

Afternoon All,

Lets see, No drama in my household. I dont go thru the wifes phone dont know if she goes through mine. never thought about it. I dont take it everywhere with me, heyal I wish I could do without it. I dont hide or rush to answer calls. She can answer my ph whenever she wants to. I dont answer hers. If she asks me something bout something she’ll get the truth (maybe watered down maybe downright blatant) just depends on what the next question may be. She truly understands I am somewhat transparent because I just dont do the whole 20 ?’s thing. Ask what you wanna know you’ll get the answer. Now go make me a Turkey Sammich. j/k bnr