Digital dating drama
I caught a few minutes of MTV’s True Life: I Have Digital Drama and I realized that I am truly an analog girl in a digital world. (Shout out to Ms. Badu!) I am connected to a lot of devices, but I don’t have one problem unplugging from time to time. Especially if Mr. Wonderful is within arm’s length. Priorities people!
The show follows people who are so plugged in to their digital worlds that their “analog” relationships are suffering. Even though the people in this show were younger, I have seen similar dynamics with people of different ages. Imagine you have managed to get into an actual relationship with that text message abuser. Things are going great until you realize that the reason they are text message offenders is because their thumbs are surgically attached to their smart phone. What happens when you both have a bad habit of being too plugged in, though?
One of the girls asked her boyfriend to keep his phone unlocked so she can do “spot checks”. Another girl stated that both her and her boyfriend “agreed” to allow access to each others emails. They thought it would actually work until he saw her reading an email from an ex-fling. She didn’t like the racy tone and he didn’t like having to explain his private communications. Talk about reality checks!
Do we need to give up privacy to be in a relationship? If so, exactly how much are you willing to give up? How do you handle dating drama caused by Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs, etc.? What would you do if the person you were getting really serious about asked for “digital” access? I don’t know about this. It sounds exhausting and kind of stupid. What do you think?
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395 comments Add your comment
Melo
March 23rd, 2010
11:27 am
you probably stopped me from meeting some real nice jerks
@Leggs
Haristones is a nice grown folks party place.As long as u have no thirsty inntentions and u got ur own drink money,its nice to go dance some stress away.
I go every now and then coz its the nearest grown folks party place for me. The thing i hate about it is there are some females there that u will see,no matter how many weeks pass between ur visits.Much like OSS….
Those are some miserable females.
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:27 am
Taz – One guy I dealt with in the past used to try to keep me on edge all the time by being evasive & shady about things, when really he didn’t have anyting “extra” going on! Just tried to “create” unnecessary drama. I didn’t bite, just got tired of the silliness.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
@kimmie
now that is silly. Drama Queens are not limited to the ladies, there are plenty of Drama Kings that exist as well.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:32 am
Leggs – I will buy my own drAnkS (plural) – LOL!
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:33 am
Leggs – Folks like that need to get a life. I just don’t have the desire or the time. And I’m secure, otherwise I don’t need to be in the relationship. The dirt will surface anyway, cause after a point folks get sloppy. Just pay attention.
kinderbabe--40 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 23rd, 2010
11:35 am
@Raqi and Tazzee, I do the same thing about getting off of the phone. it’s just a courtesy b/c i know that i find it annoying when i meet up w/friends and family who carry on in conversation like i’m not even there…lol. are ppl really that busy?? i doubt it!
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:35 am
Dig – I have been accused of being a little too nonchalant or “cool”, but some folks don’t think you care unless you keep some mess going!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
11:37 am
there are plenty of Drama Kings that exist as well.
Plenty indeed but they’ll never admit to it….ever.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 23rd, 2010
11:37 am
If you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. If someone has to have the right to check their SO’s phone, emails, whatever, then they already lack the fundemental requirement for a relationship. If he or she is causing that much angst in one’s life then you are already building on sand. If an SO asked me for open rights to my “space” then I would start edging toward the door. If she wants to know anything, ask. That is all it takes.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:42 am
Today is FREE PASTRY DAY at Stabucks.
Which is not good news to me because I just kicked off Project170 and can’t afford the calories.
Sighs…
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:42 am
@Sassy
Now we may be use to the Drama Queens, but the dudes that keep mess is sickening. You right they won’t admit it, primarily because they know they need a smack across da mouf with a backhand. Quit actin like a biatch lil buddy.
DreamsMaterialize
March 23rd, 2010
11:43 am
Why snoop?
People snoop because they have trust issues. I don’t have any desire to snoop. I just don’t care enough, or maybe I’m lazy. lol I am always paying attention though, even when you think I’m not. Just because I let it ride doesn’t mean I didn’t notice. It’s usually easier to let people hang themselves.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:44 am
I’m bout to dial them people at Latte anynomous for you Sexy Cool. I can see you over there waiting on a fix. LMAO!!!! Please sir just give me half a cup and a corner of that muffin. Please hurry up.
mytw♥cents
March 23rd, 2010
11:46 am
I think it’s a stupid concept . I’m a typical New Yorker when it comes to repecting my personal space… Plus, if you question my integrity to that extent, there’s no point.
RAQI What’s your beloved father’s name? You can name the new baby after him if y’all don’t go with Popeye. tee hee hee
SLIMONE(GINA) Have you begun tittilating them yet? TRIUTH would be so proud of you!
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:46 am
It’s usually easier to let people hang themselves.
And you can believe that eventually they will.
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
11:50 am
“And you can believe that eventually they will.”
Just ask Tiger.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:51 am
Dig – I need help. I’m like Felish on Friday – a fiend for the latte.
“Craig. Crrraaaiiigggg…can I borrow your VCR?”
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:51 am
LMAO!!!!Randyt- you ain’t never lied.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
11:54 am
primarily because they know they need a smack across da mouf with a backhand. Quit actin like a biatch lil buddy.
^5 Dig cause I’ve always thought men make the worst biotches.
at the smack across da mouf..remember when granny would do that?…like literally smack you on the lips for something grown you said.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
11:56 am
“Just because I let it ride doesn’t mean I didn’t notice.”
@DreamsM ~ I would tell my friends this all the time. I don’t believe in turning every molehill into a mountain.
@SexyC ~ let me rephrase, I will buy my own DRANKS and dance my bootay off all by myself if need be. No seriously, I will ask a dude to dance with me.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:57 am
Leggs – girl, you know I’m messing with you. Don’t mind me.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
11:58 am
All I know is it takes too much trouble to try to hide phone numbers and all that crap and it takes too much time to snoop thru other folks stuff.
If your mate is being secretive that’s all the evidence you need right there. The only thing my husband needs to be hiding is my birthday gift. LOL If is starts getting phones calls that require him to leave the room. Or putting passwords on his computer and cell phone he has already told me what I need to know.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
11:59 am
TwoLincolns, you better stop that madness. LOL
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:02 pm
@ Raqi
That is the key, if your partner has unexplained changes in the way they act. It may be cheating, it may be a problem at his job, it may mean he is sick…but it means something.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
12:04 pm
@SexyC ~ I know, but you made a good point that goes back to what Melo said. I said I would buy my own drink, implying I would sit there nursing that sorry sucker until someone came along and offered to buy me another. NOT, so your DRANKS really was on point!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
12:08 pm
Randy why did I just read the rest of your tag and burst out laughing?….14 teeth?
For whatever reason I’m just now paying attention to it and it’s hi-lari-ous. I read editorial written by a guy from England who chronicled his move to the U.S. and how he was received b/c of his jacked up mouf. He stated that people over there didn’t put alot of emphasis on oral hygiene but he felt uneasy over here. Thousands of dollars later his new teeth turned out quite nice.
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:12 pm
Hey Sassy. Bad teeth, bad food, and bad weather….and sheep.
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:14 pm
It is Scary…especially when they are serving you food.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
12:15 pm
Seriously, how do you not factor in oral hygiene. I guess I understand the hairy armpits and lack of deodorant, but a jacked up grill. I don’t get it. Not only that, before the mouth gets that messed up, don’t they have a bout with abscesses, toofaches, bad bref???
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
12:16 pm
You know what Randy?….I’m having a melancholy day(got some shyt on my mind) but just reading that made me smile…thanks
Sorry about the food and weather. How long you gonna be over there….whatchu doin over there anyway?
Luvbug
March 23rd, 2010
12:23 pm
Do we need to give up privacy to be in a relationship?
Yes.
I’m not for routine spot checking and spot calling and spot 20-questioning, but I think relationships require some degree of voluntary openness, and I feel more comfortable in relationships with guys who are naturally and/or voluntarily open.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
12:24 pm
Why do folks let food sit in their desk and rot? I’m the only one that can smell that crap? Somebody left some bananas in their desk and you (I) can smell them the second I hit the door. All these darn folks go in and out of here, walking pass that desk and act like they don’t smell that rotting fruit. Throw that mess out. I did. I hope she ask who threw it out when she gets back.
Big Fella
March 23rd, 2010
12:25 pm
thats cause these ho’s be trippin! i stay on blackpeoplefuc..I mean meet! ui know carletta be in rich cell all the time!
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:25 pm
@ Leggs and Sassy
I think it is also perhaps that much of the water in the states is flouridated and is not here, but part of is their National Health plan. You can wait months or even years to get into see dentists here. Even well-educated professionals have bad teeth pretty often. Not sparking a political debate but there ae some down sides to government run health that most people have never seen.
Re me, I get sent over here sometimes to evaluate and offer suggestions to the British Nuclear sites about things they could/need to improve. Unfortunately I will have lost 13 weekends by the end of April because of this. Hoping to hop over to paris or at least Amsterdam for a weekend next month…ask me why I am still single.
Herectus
March 23rd, 2010
12:25 pm
Carletta won’t let me date online.
AmazonRed™
March 23rd, 2010
12:25 pm
I think relationships require some degree of voluntary openness, and I feel more comfortable in relationships with guys who are naturally and/or voluntarily open.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
12:26 pm
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
12:28 pm
Randy, I think it’s a bad idea.
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:29 pm
@ Raqi ?
Luvbug
March 23rd, 2010
12:31 pm
Just because I let it ride doesn’t mean I didn’t notice
Dreams- I’m not suggesting you should snoop, but how do you confirm or handle your tally of what you let ride? Do you assume that her behavior is too frequently suspicious and drop her without evidence? Do you ask her and check for a questionable response?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
12:32 pm
or at least Amsterdam for a weekend next month…
That should be interesting
Your occupation sounds hyper-important and complicated….so umm why you single?
Does your job make a relationship impossible or just hard?
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
12:32 pm
*********** P S A ***********
There’s an opening here for a Senior Risk Analyst. If anyone is interested, let me know.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
12:36 pm
there ae some down sides to government run health
Randy, that right there ^.
Luvbug
March 23rd, 2010
12:37 pm
Ared – Yeah, I’m with you on transparency. I won’t force it, but I’ve never stayed when it was absent…at least so far.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
12:39 pm
Do you ask her and check for a questionable response?
Luvbug, I agree with you. If I can’t ask my husband about something I feel that I need to know or merely want to know we have a big problem.
Even when we were dating if I wanted to know something or about someone I asked. If he had had a problem with that I would have assumed something foul brewing. Think I like about him is he will give me some type of answer. Even if it’s one I don’t want to hear.
Luvbug
March 23rd, 2010
12:40 pm
Randyt – Only about half?! That’s unfortunate. Hope they’re all in the front.
Wait…did you count the ones in your burger?
I love Ared season 2
March 23rd, 2010
12:41 pm
If you don’t create a vision for each part of your life, someone else will do it for you. The intentions of others will fill in the blanks. You see… you’re always working to fulfill some vision. Either you’re creating and fulfilling your own vision, or you’re working on someone else’s vision for you. There is no neutral. – steve pavlina
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:41 pm
@ Sassy
Just difficult. I could probably find and marry “someone” in no time, but deveoping a real and serious relationship is tough because of my schedule. I found out Monday afternoon last week, that I had to leave Saturday for two weeks, home for three or four days, then back for three weeks. I had just been back for a couple of weeks from another five week stint. My curse is that I have an English visa (which are difficult to get right now), British Nuclear security clearances, and my children are grown, so I have a big T for travel on my back.
Important…I doubt it. At the end of the day what teachers do has a more lasting effect. I just get paid more.
Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))
March 23rd, 2010
12:45 pm
@ Raqi – yes…more than most people know. I’ve seen government medicine…it helps some but hurts a bunch.
@ Luvbug…she was there two days in a row…I probably should have counted them the first time just to be safe.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
12:45 pm
I love me some Amsterdam.