Digital dating drama
I caught a few minutes of MTV’s True Life: I Have Digital Drama and I realized that I am truly an analog girl in a digital world. (Shout out to Ms. Badu!) I am connected to a lot of devices, but I don’t have one problem unplugging from time to time. Especially if Mr. Wonderful is within arm’s length. Priorities people!
The show follows people who are so plugged in to their digital worlds that their “analog” relationships are suffering. Even though the people in this show were younger, I have seen similar dynamics with people of different ages. Imagine you have managed to get into an actual relationship with that text message abuser. Things are going great until you realize that the reason they are text message offenders is because their thumbs are surgically attached to their smart phone. What happens when you both have a bad habit of being too plugged in, though?
One of the girls asked her boyfriend to keep his phone unlocked so she can do “spot checks”. Another girl stated that both her and her boyfriend “agreed” to allow access to each others emails. They thought it would actually work until he saw her reading an email from an ex-fling. She didn’t like the racy tone and he didn’t like having to explain his private communications. Talk about reality checks!
Do we need to give up privacy to be in a relationship? If so, exactly how much are you willing to give up? How do you handle dating drama caused by Facebook, Twitter, personal blogs, etc.? What would you do if the person you were getting really serious about asked for “digital” access? I don’t know about this. It sounds exhausting and kind of stupid. What do you think?
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395 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™
March 23rd, 2010
10:19 am
I have the access,
kimmie – That’s all I’m saying. But some people think it’s crazy to even allow access.
Melo
March 23rd, 2010
10:21 am
Yeah I love him and all but it ain’t at all like that
@Raqi..
Im sure she wld have a problem with it if i were to spend endless time time on the phone talking to my boys,while in the house. I dont do that other than the odd phone call i might get from a friend or my brother or relative.
If we home tgether,thats our “us/we” time.
Spending time texting/blackberrying/iphoning etc while we out,dining is childish..Thats a whole ‘nother level that wldnt even be on my league at all..maybe lower leaguers do that!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
10:22 am
i would think it strange if the person had to break their back to make sure they had the phone on them at all times.
Slim I have a cheatin azz married cousin who did that once. We were at his home for a family gathering and he lost track of his phone and dude looked sick for about 30 mins til he found it. His wife(2nd wife/former mistress) shouldn’t be surprised but she thinks she can change him for the better cause she’s the shiznit….NOT..
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
10:24 am
I think every human being should have a certain level of privacy
Exactly.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:26 am
@Sassy
It actually happened to me once and I found it comical. This was years ago, but this chick actually went thru my phone while I was sleep and had the nerve to wake me up to ask was I banging all those chicks. I was like yeah 9 times out of 10 yes. She was mad because she found out something she was hoping not to find and when I finally woke up I was pissed because she went thru my phone. We just had a couple of dates and it was a miracle that I let her spend the night, but she screwed that all up. Everything was cool until she violated. But she found what she was looking for. Oh well
mqew
March 23rd, 2010
10:31 am
Slim – Boyfriend #2 thas funny.
I’m pretty private which is difficult being married. I don’t have anything to hide and I don’t mind being slightly transparent. When asked I divulge but I don’t like to. I don’t like it when he goes thru my phone either. He doesn’t do it often but once is to much for me. I could not care less about who he’s speaking with. I would never answer his phone cause I don’t even like answering my phone.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
10:31 am
See what I mean Dig that was jacked up on her part to do that but she found what she was looking for…but what good did it do her? That’s just foul all the way around.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
10:31 am
Three Words Daily – Peace. Love. Happiness.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
March 23rd, 2010
10:33 am
Once you look for something and find even the smallest infraction, it’ll become addictive and will eventually turn you into another person. You’ll constantly be in P.I (private investigator) mode. Everything from checking pockets, phones, hacking into email accounts, checking mileage, *69′ing, looking for receipts & the amount spent to see if it was a bill for 1 or 2…etc. Just too much energy to put into trying to play detective. If someone wants to do something, they will find away no matter how much you check behind them.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
10:34 am
I don’t understand going through someone’s phone and conforting them on the numerous numbers they have of the opposite sex. If you want to investigate and spy on me, you get what you deserve! If you can’t be mature enough and talk to me about whatever it is that’s making you uncomfortable, I might just plant some shyt on my phone just to bust you at your own sting!
Dan
March 23rd, 2010
10:35 am
Really? We checking phones now?
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
10:37 am
I have a friend who got a Bluetooth when they first came out. She’s single and was looking to meet a nice man when she went to a party. She wore the bluetooth and it was blinking and a few guys asked her about it, but she got no attention that night. I asked her why did she wear it when she was out trying to meet people. This was a small house party too, not a club, a more intimate, personal setting to mix & mingle. Her daughter was with her parents up the street, so just having her handset to get a call in case of emergency should have sufficed. She said she’s a “phone person” and I’m not, so I wouldn’t understand. I said okay. But she left the party empty-handed, but I had a boyfriend, so how’s that working out?
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:37 am
@Sassy
All she had to do was ask. If there was something I wanted to know then I would have asked point blank. Asking would yield the same results, but she invaded my privacy, what else would she do?
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
10:39 am
I would never answer his phone cause I don’t even like answering my phone.
mqew – You sound like me!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
10:43 am
Asking would yield the same results, but she invaded my privacy, what else would she do?
Just like we’ve said on this blog before people will show you who they really are. That chick was immature and insecure and probably would’ve done even crazier stuff…you know real psyco type isht. I agree asking would’ve been the mature thing to do but the violation of privacy is a definite deal breaker.
PrincessNIk
March 23rd, 2010
10:43 am
Dude out with a chick, her phone rings, “Boyfriend #2 plays”, he’s now looking at her sideways
Classic
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:44 am
I might just plant some shyt on my phone just to bust you at your own sting!
@Leggs
Too funny. I told my buddy about the incident with the girl going thru my phone and he said that he believed his new chick was going thru his things, but couldn’t prove it. He asked her and she said no. I told him to go buy some panties and plant them. Do you know when he got home she was 38 hot. They were hidden so she had to be snooping. He told me he was so mad. He told her he planted them and showed her the tag and receipt and she felt like an idiot.
Melo
March 23rd, 2010
10:45 am
She’s single and was looking to meet a nice man when she went to a party
@Kimmie??
I guess this is a stupid qstion im gonna ask,but do single gerlz/pple really go out with a thirsty look/intentions like that??
No wonder some get prego “accidentally”!
I hate bluetooth by the way..
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
10:47 am
Asking would yield the same results, but she invaded my privacy, what else would she do?
I was taught not to go thru other people’s things. I felt funny when I had to clear out my mom’s things after she passed away. That would be a definite dealbreaker for me. Yes, indicative of future psycho behavior!
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
10:47 am
What happened to the BlueTooth fad anyways?
Not that I am complaining.
And yes, I was an offender.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
10:48 am
@Dig That ~ sorry, but that was some good advice. Like SlimOne said, it takes too much energy to constantly snoop. If you have to snoop all day everyday, you really don’t have a relationship. And, if you’re that insecure, date yourself!
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:49 am
at the party with the bluetooth. Lawd I would not have had much interest in her either. @kimmie
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 23rd, 2010
10:49 am
He told her he planted them and showed her the tag and receipt and she felt like an idiot.
Priceless…..
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
10:50 am
Melo – Desperation can be smelled a mile away! I can see it, smell it, from both males & females when it rears it’s ugly head, no matter how hard you try to hide it.
But she must not have been that desperate if she couldn’t leave the bluetooth home & concentrate on mixing & mingling. That light flashing was an immature distraction.
I hate them too, Melo.
PrincessNIk
March 23rd, 2010
10:50 am
Leggs
10:48 so true. When i was younger late teens/early 20’s i did that kind of stuff but more out of a guilty conscience cause i was doing things i had no business doing myself.
D@mn it feels good to be grown now
To know better is to do better
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
10:51 am
@Melo ~ you can answer your own “thirst” question. I’ve only been to Hairston’s once and that was when I gave my b-day party. You posted on here how you would go and see women sitting at the bar nursing one drink looking pitiful. There’s the answer to your thirst question and I made it point to never go there by myself just because of the remark you made.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:52 am
Welcome to adulthood @Princess
AmazonRed™
March 23rd, 2010
10:53 am
I mean, if I do go searching it’s because I do expect to find something. I’ve probably asked you, and I don’t confident you’ve given me an honest answer. People DO lie, you know.
I’ve never gone thru a phone, hacked into emails or anthing like that. But I did start paying better attention.
One dummy left pictures of some chick on his computer. Another one left out a coffee table book and card from another chick. Come on son.
I’m sure the phone had a gold mine of information, but I didn’t even need all of that.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
10:54 am
@Leggs
Are you saying you never go by yourself to avoid looking desperate?
PrincessNIk
March 23rd, 2010
10:54 am
Thanks Dig
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
10:54 am
Leggs – please do not let anything Melo says influence you. (teasing, kinda)
And as far as going out by myself, I actually find it kinda relaxing and do it often. It’s almost like dating myself. Hell, if I don’t enjoy my own company, why would I expect that someone else would?
Melo
March 23rd, 2010
10:57 am
I made it point to never go there by myself just because of the remark you made.
@Leggs!
now u made me really laugh gerl!
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
10:59 am
Dig – I had a boyfriend who used to plant traps all the time for his exgirlfriends and he tried to set one for me. He left me in his apartment alone to run out and get dinner. This was early in our relationship. When he got back, he looked around at all the traps he set, like small strips of tape hidden on his dresser drawers, “pictures” in places (that were really of family members I found out later), etc. Everything was in tact, just like he left them. He could not believe it. I told him I was not raised that way & frankly was not interested in his things. I definitely looked at him sideways after that though.
AmazonRed™
March 23rd, 2010
11:00 am
I definitely looked at him sideways after that though.
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
11:02 am
The only funny I have when it comes to cell phones “opps“ (I think I told you all this before) is once when we were at my bff for a dinner party. She and I at the time had the same exact phone. I was helping her out in the kitchen and I took my phone from my pocket and laid it on the counter. While we were all mingling and sitting around there was an alert on my phone. Her now hubby heard the phone and told her someone was “alerting” her. She told him to answer it. It was a text message. She asked him to see what it was. The message said, ‘Girl I want to sex you up’.
He brought the phone in where we were all sitting and asked her who was sending her the message. She looked at the phone and the message was from “Mase”. She laughed and handed me that phone telling me I had a message telling her “hubby” that was not her phone. He had sent me the message earlier but it was just coming thru. After that we both changed our phone. No more mix ups. LOL
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:02 am
@kimmie
No need to look at him sideways that just means he has had some bad experiences. And luckily you showed him that there are women out there that could be trusted with his personal belongings and his privacy is still his.
Just out of curiousity though, what made you look at him sideways?
Raqi
March 23rd, 2010
11:05 am
Blutooth????? I hate those things. It aggravates me when someone is standing beside you and the ask a question or say something and you think they are talking to you.
In fact, I hate when folks are talking on the phone and are speaking in loud tones. We don’t want to hear you conversation.
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:05 am
Leggs – Funny, I thought about Hairstons when you said that! Once, one of my brothers and his wife came thru from out of town & went there for an evening out. It was crowded and one of my buddies worked there and I called ahead and told him to let my brother & his wife in ahead of the line. In talking to them the next day, they were talking about how sad a lot of the ladies looked that were there alone and no one was asking them to dance!
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
11:06 am
@DigThat ~ for some reason I told myself I was going to start going out by myself and I was going to start with Hairston’s cuz it’s not too far from home. But, when Melo made that comment, for some reason it stopped me dead in my tracks. I feel I’m a very personable person and could chat up with anybody, yet something about how he said it made me say “aww hell no” to myself.
@SexyC ~ I know, I know (lol). I plan on changing things this spring/summer and go out by myself. It will be different, but I’m game!
@Melo ~ you probably stopped me from meeting some real nice jerks (LOL).
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:07 am
Dig – Just that the whole concept of having to go thru all that & be suspicious was foreign to me at the time. It was not a deal breaker for me, though.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:07 am
That’s another thing that I don’t get about folk who go out and wait for someone to *ask* them to dance. Hell, if I wanna dance, gdmnit, I will go dance by myself.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
@Dig That ~ no, not trying to say if you go out by yourself you’re desperate. However, certain locations may say that for you. Not sure if Hairston’s is one of them, but his comment struck a chord with me that particular day!
kimmie
March 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
Amred – Yeah, I had never been knowingly “tested” before!
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
C’mon Sexy lets go dance. Lol
@Leggs
I hope you are over it. A lot of women go out by themselves for various reasons.
@Kimmie
glad it wasn’t a deal breaker for you because that gave you a lot of points with that guy
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
March 23rd, 2010
11:11 am
“Hell, if I wanna dance, gdmnit, I will go dance by myself.”
SexyC – I’m with you on this one. Whenever I do go out with a girlfriend or whatever we always dance. Then you’ll get the dudes tat stand on the side of the dance floor watching you having a good time…next thing you know they’ll be easing up behind you trying to dance on the sly.
Dig That
March 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
next thing you know they’ll be easing up behind you trying to dance on the sly.
Classic
Tazzee - 51 days til Mrs.
March 23rd, 2010
11:19 am
Raqi – you are correct, in fact he doesn’t demand that I get off the phone now. I just do it.
AmRed – I was just talking about belly dance classes with someone Friday. That deal popped up right on time.
kimmie – you are right, transparency = access. I can’t think of a time when my guy was shady in our conversations. However in my past dealings, shady responses usually = something to hide.
SexyCool - To be continued...
March 23rd, 2010
11:19 am
Everybody needs a Trunk Monkey.
These commercials are frickin’ hilarious. My dad sent this to me.
I am whatever you say I am
March 23rd, 2010
11:24 am
“…..One of the girls asked her boyfriend to keep his phone unlocked so she can do “spot checks”. Another girl stated that both her and her boyfriend “agreed” to allow access to each others emails……”
If I have to resort to this, I don’t need to be in a relationship.
Leggs
March 23rd, 2010
11:25 am
@SexyC ~ I will dance by myself in a heartbeat, and I will buy my own drink.
We have talked about this many times, but not sure if we’ve ever gotten to the bottom of it all. Why snoop? Why leave things at your bf/gf’s home in the hopes that their next date may find if (if you think they’re dating someone else)? Why touch their computer and hack into their email addys? I couldn’t bring myself to do any of the above. And, I don’t sneak looking in his dresser drawers either.