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Single again

One of the trickiest things to deal with post-break up is “reclaiming yourself” so to speak.  For example, you rediscover your friends.  I’m talking the great ones that don’t hold grudges because you all but disappear from the land of the living with your boo.  You get back to doing the things that only you enjoy doing — out in the open, without fear of getting strange looks from your significant other.

You will also have to adjust to sleeping alone again, cooking for one, and having to find a “plus one” for parties.  Sounds slightly depressing, doesn’t it?  Whether you were the dumper or dumpee, you are probably dealing with some kind of emotion. Guys, you can call it something else, if you want to, but you go through “something” too!

What are the best ways to deal with break-ups?  I am referring to the bad breakups that make you feel as if you’ve gone a couple of rounds with Pacquiao – except you actually landed tough punches.

How do you adjust to life after <insert wonderful/horrible ex-mate’s name here>?  Does it help when you are able to forge a friendship with the person? Is that even a good idea?

Your turn: What is the best way to handle a break up?

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539 comments Add your comment

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
12:19 pm

Georgia – where you can have Spring, Fall and Winter in about 2.5 days.

lurker

March 22nd, 2010
12:20 pm

i’m salty about the snow flurries. i was gonna wear my new donald j pliners on my trip but guess not now.

When it’s over it’s over. I agree with most but I guess I’m not as big as many on here because if we’re done and unless children involve, I don’t see the need to be anything…friends, cordial, social. I tend to want to past to be just that. No do overs, come backs, circle backs, hooking up, just wanted to holla…nothing. Typically for me done is done. All the way.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:21 pm

Leggs, I agree with you and Randyt. And if said friend tries to bed you, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

That song, “why can’t we be friends” is stuck in my head now.

Question for everyone: If your current, was all chummy with an ex (you know one that they were madly in love with and just wanted to maintain a friendship) would you be cool with that?

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
12:23 pm

One word = NOPE!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:26 pm

We can be friends with an ex as long as she likes the type of friend who never calls or sees you. I made my ex fiance mad one time I saw her in town with another guy. I was still a bit jilted at the time(to soon for me to be seeing her with another guy) it was only a few months after the breakup. Anyway, she came in the bar trying to show him off. She comes up to me and hugs me with the fake “how have you been” etc. I whispered in her ear. “when you are doing it to him real well making his toes curl, remember it’s me who taught you everything” She got mad as heck.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:27 pm

Leggs, I understand and I agree with you once again. Some will say it’s a self esteem issue. I say it is a respect issue.

SlimOne on autopilot

March 22nd, 2010
12:27 pm

:shock: @ Carlito then :lol:

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
12:27 pm

Dang, how you had time to say all that in her ear!

SlimOne on autopilot

March 22nd, 2010
12:29 pm

Sorry if too soon for an off-topic question.

Question: if you were dating someone that you really liked but you felt it hard to ‘make him/her arrive’ during the act, outside of the oral capacity, would that make you not want to pursue anything further with her/him with regard to a potential relationship?

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
12:29 pm

donald j pliners

lurker, you rolling like that huh? LOL Nice.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

I whispered in her ear. “when you are doing it to him real well making his toes curl, remember it’s me who taught you everything” She got mad as heck.

Why get mad?…all you did was tell the truth.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:35 pm

SlimOne, that would make the pursuit just that more intense for me. I would make it a life mission to be able to turn on her fountain to full flow. If I can’t make a woman pipes burst I just think that I need to learn and be more attentive to how I am turning that faucet own. You can give a woman an orgasm in many ways, just not penetration or orally.

Sassy Me, the truth shall set you free :)

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:37 pm

typo, own was meant to be on.

I brought my workout clothes but left my deo at home. No lunch workout for me. :(

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
12:37 pm

No I would not be okay if my husband kept in touch with his exes.

I ran into one of his exes a few years back. When they were dating she used to think there was something going on between he and I when there wasn’t. He and I had been friends since high school. We did not become a couple until years after they broke up. You should have seen the look on her face when she found out that we were married.

lurker

March 22nd, 2010
12:38 pm

Yep Raqi….now you know I got them for a steal. Don’t think I’d do regular retail given what they typically tend to go for.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:39 pm

Raqi, I agree with you. Maybe it is ok for people who are not currently in a relationship to be friends with exes. But for those who are married or in a seriously committed relationship I can not fathom that being okay.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
12:39 pm

You can give a woman an orgasm in many ways, just not penetration or orally.

YYYEEESSS!!!!

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
12:41 pm

#randomthought – If I didn’t have to pay living expenses, I would have a lot more money to invest, shop and travel.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

@ Carlitto

I whispered in her ear. “when you are doing it to him real well making his toes curl, remember it’s me who taught you everything”

Priceless. I have wondered so many times since two particular breakups (where they went back to their ex-husbands) how that part of their relationship was going. Both had told me all about their exes lovemaking style and what I did that they didn’t. One did tell me later that when she slept with her ex it was “awkward”. I told her he was a “flatliner” and she would have to hold a mirror in front of his mouth to tell if he was even breathing. She didn’t like that…agreed, but did not like it ;-)

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

As to the Walmart incident, a 16yr old kid has been arrested.

Professor

March 22nd, 2010
12:43 pm

Carlito! Thanks for the list

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
12:43 pm

Yeah he was arrested but is now in the custody of his parents….

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
12:43 pm

If I didn’t have to pay living expenses, I would have a lot more money to invest, shop and travel.

LMBO Wouldn’t we all.

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
12:45 pm

EXACTLY, Raqi!!!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:46 pm

Randyt, I am not proud of it. But I to have used the secrets that have been told to me by exes and thrown it back in their face when they tend to try and mess with me after the breakup. Immature I know, but it felt so good.

SexyCool, sadly enough I think that 16year old was Italian :(

SlimOne on autopilot

March 22nd, 2010
12:47 pm

Thanks Carlito for your answer ;-)

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:49 pm

Professor, the initial courses are free. :)

SlimOne, anytime. I am in a good mood and it’s a slow monday.

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
12:52 pm

True, Sassy. He is not actually IN jail. I just think it proves that it was a *juvenile* (second time word has been used today) prank, probably even a dare, more than anything.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 22nd, 2010
12:53 pm

My last LTR would get mad because i would spend a few hours on Christmas Eve at my ex-wife’s house visitng giving gifts to my children. I might talk to my ex once a month regarding the children…no more. The lady I was seeing who was mad at me was getting calls daily from her ex about her kids but somehow thought that was alright. I had and have no interest romantically or physically or anything else with my ex-wife other than the children, but she thought I was wrong but she was okay to talk to hers almost daily. A double standard maybe?

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
12:56 pm

Randyt, women…double standards….NOOOOOOOOO not possible…ever….:)

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
12:56 pm

You know Randy, she could have possibly have been getting and turning down advances from her ex that she did not want to bother you about that may have lead her to believe that you as a man could have been doing the same with yours.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
12:57 pm

Went to KC Pit BBQ for dinner Saturday. Eating the rest of the sausage w/my lunch. The sausage is TO DIE FOR! YUMMY!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
12:57 pm

Sexy it probably was a dare or something like that and that’s exactly what the pricey lawyer mommy n daddy are paying for is going to say…

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
12:57 pm

Yeah at 16 it probably was dare. I bet those who “possibly” dared him is no where to be found now.

Professor

March 22nd, 2010
12:59 pm

@Randyt that is a double standard that I do not understand. We have a family friend that will not allow her husband’s daughter or grandchildren to visit her home. She will tell you in a NY minute that those are her husband’s folks. I find it very selfish…it’s like saying one “your kids are not important.” IMO

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
12:59 pm

Ut oh, reading that back I see it’s laden with punch lines. So glad Melo hasn’t come on board yet!

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
1:00 pm

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
1:00 pm

@Professor ~ that is wrong on so many levels and reeks of selfishness.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
1:00 pm

A double standard maybe?

An insecurity as well…not unless she had a guilty conscience on her end(sumthin fishy with the ex) which in fact made her assume you might have the same thing going on with your ex.

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
1:01 pm

Leggs, Sunday we had Cornish hens, with dressing, turnip greens, mac-n-cheese, and candied yams all cooked to in line with our new low sodium diet. And today I had a big salad drizzled with oil olive.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 22nd, 2010
1:03 pm

yeah really.

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
1:04 pm

I don’t see how people marry someone that will not allow their kids or grandkids around. Those are a part of that person. If you marry that person you are supposed to be accepting of their kids. That’s not the same as having the ex over. That’s that person’s children.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
1:06 pm

That sounds good, Raqi, I’m cooking collards, sweet potatoes, mac n cheese, pot roast, white rice and gravy as a thank you to my co-worker for again picking me up those 2 weeks when I blew the engine in my car! She wouldn’t even accept gas money. So, cooking her family dinner.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
1:08 pm

I love Cornish Hen’s, I stuff mine with rice

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
1:11 pm

I asked my husband once what did he expect or think of marrying me with two boys. He said he didn’t know what to expect but he loved and cared enough about me to take a chance at it. He knew taking me as his wife meant taking my kids as part of me.

I guess it could be different for those fathers whose kids are only around a few days out of the month. But still, I don’t see a man putting up with the woman not allowing his kids around.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
1:12 pm

@Raqi ~ I’m with on that one…why marry a person that won’t allow your kids to visit you in your own home???

Professor

March 22nd, 2010
1:12 pm

@Leggs her husband retired from the Navy so I guess now that they have settled down she is putting her foot down. He had the child when he was about 16 or 17 and made a life in the military after completing high school. His wife claims she never had to deal with the child and she is not going to start dealing with the young lady or her grandchild(ren) now. So far she is holding her foot down too. I think her husband should get some balls. There is no way in the world she would keep my flesh and blood out of a house I pay for :???:

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
1:13 pm

Oh, I know….he’s henpecked!!!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
1:14 pm

Professor

March 22nd, 2010
1:15 pm

Leggs that sounds good! Please close your eyes and pretend I was your car and driver and send me some collards, yams and mac & cheese :grin:

If you close your eyes long enough you will see the dice over my mirrors and you can smell that pineapple and strawberry air freshner they give you at the carwash.