Single again
One of the trickiest things to deal with post-break up is “reclaiming yourself” so to speak. For example, you rediscover your friends. I’m talking the great ones that don’t hold grudges because you all but disappear from the land of the living with your boo. You get back to doing the things that only you enjoy doing — out in the open, without fear of getting strange looks from your significant other.
You will also have to adjust to sleeping alone again, cooking for one, and having to find a “plus one” for parties. Sounds slightly depressing, doesn’t it? Whether you were the dumper or dumpee, you are probably dealing with some kind of emotion. Guys, you can call it something else, if you want to, but you go through “something” too!
What are the best ways to deal with break-ups? I am referring to the bad breakups that make you feel as if you’ve gone a couple of rounds with Pacquiao – except you actually landed tough punches.
How do you adjust to life after <insert wonderful/horrible ex-mate’s name here>? Does it help when you are able to forge a friendship with the person? Is that even a good idea?
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539 comments Add your comment
Tweti
March 22nd, 2010
11:35 am
@ Carlito – I wasn’t being defensive. You asked a question, I answered and asked you one in return. And you are 100% correct…I don’t have to explain myself to you, and your opinion is simply that – your opinion. But since you’re so eager to share your opinion, tell me this…are the ex’s attention wh*res, too? Because they’re still a’coming. I’m not holding a gun to their heads or paying them to put in an appearance. They show up, again and again, because their time with my family was near & dear to them and no matter what caused the demise of our relationship, they still show their respect. Its not like we take vacations together, man. They come to milestone events and funerals. Where’s the attention seeking in that?
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
11:37 am
OMG, I am cracking up at you luvbug. No, it doesn’t look leafy. More like vines wrapped around each other, green and beige, but mostly beige….the green stuff is usually homegrown and not very good….so I’ve been told!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 22nd, 2010
11:37 am
@ Grace re: ex guy wants to be “friends”.
A woman should always be cautious when a man says this. Men are seldom looking for female “friends” (sorry). When a man says he wants to remain friends, he is usually trying to let the woman down as painfully as possible (hoping he won’t feel so guilty), or hoping he can get rid of the responsibilities of a relationship, but keep the “fun” parts.
SexyCool...
March 22nd, 2010
11:39 am
OMG…One of my co-workers was just in my office telling me about her *best friend* who will turn 26 next week and just had her 5th kid by the 3rd *baby daddy*.
Blank stare……
Lady J-you can’t experiEnce success without failure!!!!!
March 22nd, 2010
11:40 am
jtj your 11:28 is the whole truth!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 22nd, 2010
11:40 am
@ Carlitto
kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 22nd, 2010
11:42 am
@LadyJ…i’m glad too
@Ared…i promise to let you guys know when i get to the 10 day countdown. it’s pretty big news.:)
i'm swiss
March 22nd, 2010
11:43 am
Carlito — RE: Blog posts eaten by the censor monster — Whatever filtering software they use for this thing is retarded. It lets actual foul language through, but will choke on certain completely innocuous words. One example I’ve noticed is the word ri-di-cu-lous (without the dashes). Which is somewhat ironic, as that word perfectly describes the filter itself…
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 22nd, 2010
11:44 am
@ Grace…meant to say as “painlessly as possible” not as “painfully as possible”. Freudian slip there, sorry.
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
11:44 am
SCool – Do you work at the call center or something?
I don’t like these co-worker stories you got!
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
11:44 am
Tweti, Why so serious? Yes your ex’s are special as well to be hanging around as an ex….with their new woman around their old woman. My ex’s mother calls me about twice a year just to wish me a happy birthday and the other to say hello. Won’t catch me at her funeral when she dies or her and her husbands anniversary though. But then again my ex and I aren’t friends. If it works for you Tweti, more power to you.
Since, I do not know anyone here in Atlanta maybe I will invite my all of my significant ex’s(all one of them) and their families to my house warming, along with my current. “Where they do that at?” (My favorite Atlanta saying)
Luvbug
March 22nd, 2010
11:46 am
Carlito – Yep.
Leggs – Now I feel ashamed about not knowing the ins and out of the product. I will no longer use that as an example of my walk on the wild side…actually the outcome was more wild…the owner mentioned the amount of it to me and I refused to pay.
The horror!! I don’t do or buy things like that.
Okay I will stop posting about it now.
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
11:46 am
“Where they do that at?” (My favorite Atlanta saying)
SexyCool...
March 22nd, 2010
11:46 am
ARed – LMAO!
Actually – this is the same chick that was in my office last week talking about the dude she *found out* was married and who she may be preggers by. (didn’t get an update on that)
Between her and The Ghetto Chronicles and these dudes coming in my office telling me unnecessary and boring ish, I’m going to have to start keeping my door closed.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
11:47 am
Amazon Red, use these words “Troia & Putana”
kimmie
March 22nd, 2010
11:48 am
Sup Blog Fam!
Carlito – Thumb’s up!
Friends with ex? No can do. Even after I’m good & over them. Just makes life more complicated than it has to be. Cordial, yes, I’m civilized & have class. Other than that, nope.
SCool – I like the cowboys too! I can’t stand the space-cadet couple! They get on my last nerve with their dumbness!
Raqi
March 22nd, 2010
11:48 am
Leggs, I found some pretty good sales. Thanks for the coupon. I found some shorts and t-shirts for the boy at Kohls. And I found some cute dresses and short sets for the baby at Macy’s at a good price. Surprisingly I only bought one thing for myself.
The bulk of the cash was spent at Costco this time. My husband said his left pocket didn’t flinch but once. LOL That must have been when I was looking at that Marc Jacobs handbag in Bloomingdales. But I didn’t get it.
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
11:49 am
SCool – I figured it was the same dumb dumb co-worker.
Professor
March 22nd, 2010
11:49 am
@Carlito, I am so happy for you and your SO! I hope you get her down her for good…you deserve it.
As for Tweti two ex’s hanging around and still respecting her family after 16 years is a good thing IMO. H3ll we have folks on here changing wo/men like they are changing pampers.
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
11:50 am
i promise to let you guys know when i get to the 10 day countdown. it’s pretty big news.:)
Whoo hoo! We like good news.
Best wishes to you kinderbabe!
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
11:50 am
Dang, Luvbug, couldn’t you smell it as you walked to the garbage can.? If there was a substantial dollar amount, didn’t you wonder how someone could smoke that many cigarettes to accumulate that many ashes! Boy, you have me hollering over here…thank you very, very much!
Grace
March 22nd, 2010
11:50 am
Randyt-that’s why I turned down the offer of friendship. I knew the possiblities of being friends with an ex.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
11:54 am
Water Cooler Convo this morning? Health Care Reform??? Nope, but Waka Flocka is out of Jail sooner than expected.
Amazon Red, the break room is where I pick up all of my lingo. 
Kimmie, Professor: Yes it was a great time. I told her about the blog, maybe she will pop up one day.
Professor
March 22nd, 2010
11:55 am
Do you work at the call center or something?
The folks that work at call centers and the police department have the best stories
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
11:55 am
I told her about the blog, maybe she will pop up one day.
*smacks forehead* There goes your safe haven!!!
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
11:57 am
OMG, thank you ARed….Whew, I’m sitting here swinging my feet laughing my a$$ off!
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
11:57 am
Luvbug, YOU smoked it didn’t you? LOL. I wonder if she does not want me to smoke period or just when she is here. I think I may have a loop hole here.
Amazon Red, I have been trying to type the words for slut and wh*re in Italian but the filter is not letting me. Let me try in this way. Troia/Putana
I’m Swiss, this filter is wacked out.
Professor
March 22nd, 2010
11:58 am
I told her about the blog, maybe she will pop up one day.
Let us know when she pops in we do not want to
embarassyou with freaky FridayBTW where is melo and Ms. Green Eyes from Friday?
Tweti
March 22nd, 2010
11:58 am
Thanks, Professor. I hear about ex’s shooting/stabbing/killing each other (and sometimes the kids, too) all the time over petty sh*t…can’t even drop the kids off without a police escort or a neutral party. I thank God everyday that that’s not my story.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
11:59 am
Luvbug, YOU smoked it didn’t you? LOL. I wonder if she does not want me to smoke period or just when she is here. I think I may have a loop hole here.
Amazon Red, I have been trying to type the words for slut and wh*re in Italian but the filter is not letting me. Let me try in this way.
I’m Swiss, this filter is wacked out.
SexyCool...
March 22nd, 2010
11:59 am
kimmie – are you talking about the models who are dating? TheDude has renamed the chick *Jessica Simpson*? And what about the comment she made about *the lesbians*? I hollered. (Raqi – not a spoiler, I promise.)
Raqi
March 22nd, 2010
12:00 pm
puttana
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:00 pm
T.r.o.i.a.
and
P.u.t.a.n.a.
kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 22nd, 2010
12:02 pm
@Carlito…so Waka Flocka was the headline story this morning?? LOL now, that’s funny! we really have to do better. how’s it going? did your honey bee come visit this weekend? i didn’t get a chance to read your earlier posts.
@ARed…thanks! i’ll keep the countdown going!
@SexyCool…say it ain’t so! sounds like some of the parents at my school…lol. there is drama daily here. we even have to have the police up here occasionally.
Raqi
March 22nd, 2010
12:03 pm
Carlito, Troia and puttana? It seems to work okay.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:03 pm
Amazon Red, it’s safe she and I are goofy like that.
Professor I missed last friday, but I think she would fit in well and roll wit the jokes. Who am I kidding, she is in medical sales. She has no time to sit still in front of a PC.
Professor
March 22nd, 2010
12:04 pm
Carlito,
Please add sh!t and azz to the Italian list of words…
@Tweti…NP, I feel the same way.
@Kimmie Do you watch Sunshine Anderson on food network? I read that she had a blog…have you checked it out yet?
kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 22nd, 2010
12:05 pm
@Raqi..how did the trip to Miami go? did you get to enjoy the beach? go shopping? i really have to get there soon.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:05 pm
Ragi, I spell it with one “t”. How are you this morning?
Kinderbabe, yes she came down, over dressed though. It is still cold and flooding back home. We had a great time.
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:05 pm
puttana
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
12:06 pm
One particular ex comes to mind that I truly did me some harm. We were so freaking compatible and enjoyed each other’s company. Dated 1.5 yrs. We both wanted pretty much the same thing in life. I was around 24-25. We even talked marriage (yes he brought it up). One day he called to take me to dinner. I said yes. I waited, and I waited and I waited. He wouldn’t return any of my calls. Mind you, I’m not the type to keep calling you. I get the msg pretty quickly. When he did call all he said was he got “cold feet because we clicked so well” and he won’t be seeing me anymore. OM Goodness, I was DONE! It was the only time in my life I grieved over a man. I couldn’t eat, work or talk to anyone. I mopped and I mopped and barely had enough energy to get out of bed. Normally, I’m a pretty strong person. One day I looked at myself in the mirror and wanted to slap the shyt out of the person staring back at me. All this over a guy, at 24-25. Right then and there I shook my entire body as if I was shaking off some demon and pulled myself together. I think I was down for almost 3 months. He called me a few months after that apologizing and asking if he could take me out. I respectfully declined because I wasn’t 100% healed. To this day, he still crosses my mind every so often!
kimmie
March 22nd, 2010
12:07 pm
SCool – Yeah, I’m talking about the models. You know the woman is “that” former Miss S Carolina! I missed the comment, was doing other things while watching. I’ll ask SO did he catch it. Did you hear when she said she thought Joan of Arc was a guy? Wow, just wow!
AmazonRed™
March 22nd, 2010
12:08 pm
Amazon Red, it’s safe she and I are goofy like that.
I’m sure you are….but one of these days you may just need to vent.
I’m all starried eyed myself…but I ain’t bout to give him the keys to the kingdom of all my intermost thoughts! (even just things I feel philosophically that may not go over well).
kimmie
March 22nd, 2010
12:08 pm
Prof – Yes, I watch Sunshine from time to time. I did not know she had a blog, will definitely check it out!
kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!
March 22nd, 2010
12:11 pm
@Carlito…that’s great.:) i’m glad that you guys enjoyed the visit. i can understand about being overdressed. i live here and sometimes don’t know how to dress for the weather..lol. it changes so much unexpectedly. look at the difference between saturday and sunday…amazing!
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
12:13 pm
and snow flurries this morning….
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:14 pm
Professor I just typed up an info sheet for you but the filter ate it.
Raqi
March 22nd, 2010
12:16 pm
Kinderbabe, it was a good trip for the most part. I walked to the Bayside Marketplace Saturday which is a good shopping area. Sunday I was able to use the car so I able to hit up some more places. We also went to the beach Sunday but didn’t stay as long as I would have liked. The weather was perfect down there but Sunday got a little windy for the baby so we didn’t stay out on the water that long.
We are definitely going back again and staying in that same area. I know it will be even more perfect going for a vacation as opposed to a business trip.
You can read about it at my spot if you like.
Leggs
March 22nd, 2010
12:17 pm
I think RandyT said it if not this morning some other time. Most ex’s who try to remain friends really want to keep their big black toe or white toe or italian toe in the door. Hoping that when they call under the guise of asking about your well being, they’ll smell “vulnerability” through the phone and know now is the right time to POUNCE!
Carlito
March 22nd, 2010
12:18 pm
The filter wont let it be typed the correct way
Professor, here you go:
“Vaffancul(o)” means Go “eff” yourself.
If you want to say “oh Sh/*/t” you just say “accendenti”
But if you mean the word “sh/*/t” as in feces you say “merda”
azz is “cul….o”
But if I wanted to say, “she has a nice azz” you say “ha un bel cul….o”