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Single again

One of the trickiest things to deal with post-break up is “reclaiming yourself” so to speak.  For example, you rediscover your friends.  I’m talking the great ones that don’t hold grudges because you all but disappear from the land of the living with your boo.  You get back to doing the things that only you enjoy doing — out in the open, without fear of getting strange looks from your significant other.

You will also have to adjust to sleeping alone again, cooking for one, and having to find a “plus one” for parties.  Sounds slightly depressing, doesn’t it?  Whether you were the dumper or dumpee, you are probably dealing with some kind of emotion. Guys, you can call it something else, if you want to, but you go through “something” too!

What are the best ways to deal with break-ups?  I am referring to the bad breakups that make you feel as if you’ve gone a couple of rounds with Pacquiao – except you actually landed tough punches.

How do you adjust to life after <insert wonderful/horrible ex-mate’s name here>?  Does it help when you are able to forge a friendship with the person? Is that even a good idea?

Your turn: What is the best way to handle a break up?

View Results

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539 comments Add your comment

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 22nd, 2010
11:09 am

@Randyt

Great post.

@ALL

How do you guys know you are over your ex?

i'm swiss

March 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

My rationale for not being friends with my ex has nothing to do with any lingering animosity toward my ex, but rather it is simply out of respect for Mrs. Swiss. There is no need for me to have any contact with my ex anymore — we had no kids, nor anything that would require continued interaction — and I have other friends to hang out with, not to mention a lovely wife. I don’t have a problem with my ex, but I sure as h3ll am not missing anything, so I see no reason to even open the door to the possibility of any drama or ill feelings.

Tweti

March 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

@ Carlito – I have 2 significant ex’s, the ones who were at the party. And please understand this – I can’t “keep” anyone who doesn’t want to be kept. And please tell me what is odd about being freindly with people that you have spent YEARS with, had/raised children with, shared secrets with, celebrated victorys and agonized over defeat with, etc.?

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

Why didn’t he ask to marry you since before you all became “ex’s?

Leggs – I wasn’t willing to “look the other way” and be in a relationship with him, while he still got tail somewhere else.

When he met his current wife, he found someone who “understood” him.

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

SexyCool, please don’t tell who got eliminated. I am going to watch AR tonight.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:11 am

Amazon Red, everyone room in my house is broken in, WELL! :) My house is now a home. (Secret mission is now to get her down here before the holidays for good)

Luvbug, you are guilty, just try and be a little more convincing when you throw it away. Right now you are looking like a deer caught in the headlights. LMAO

Raqi

March 22nd, 2010
11:12 am

but rather it is simply out of respect for Mrs. Swiss.

Gouda, that’s a big part of it.

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:13 am

Carlito – That is wonderful news!!! I’m so happy for you and your lady.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:13 am

Ashes??? I’ve never thought it to look like ashes. Ashes are gray with specs of black in it.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

Regarding involvement with exes, if there was no marriage and/or children then clean out everything. However if you share children, the best thing you can do is to “let it go” and forgive. Just do like the bank with a bad loan and tear it upp. Say and embrace motionally the following, “debt cancelled, you don’t owe me” It frees YOU and your chlldren and takes away any control they still have over your emotions. Best thing I ever did.

I am not “friends” with my ex wife, but we are civil and I help her out if I can…it keeps my relationship with my children good and at the end of the day, that is more important than my pride.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

Carlito I understand about the heels(and nothing else)…yes they are convincing ;) Still, don’t throw away my isht,yo. :???:

Luvbug I’ve “cleaned up” before and never threw anything away by accident..but to each his own :) I’m jus’ sayin’

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

There is no need for me to have any contact with my ex anymore — we had no kids, nor anything that would require continued interaction — and I have other friends to hang out with, not to mention a lovely wife. I don’t have a problem with my ex, but I sure as h3ll am not missing anything, so I see no reason to even open the door to the possibility of any drama or ill feelings

:idea:

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

Well, it wasn’t the cowboys. LOL!

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:15 am

Thanks for answering ARed. See folk, you can ask ARed stuff and she not put her foot down your throat! :lol: :lol: :lol: Luv ya chica!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 22nd, 2010
11:16 am

Ashes??? I’ve never thought it to look like ashes. Ashes are gray with specs of black in it.

Same thing I thought….greens vs. ahses = no visual comparison.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:17 am

Sexy Cool, I watched the Amazing Race as well, that’s on of her shows. Sounds like you and TheDude had a relaxing weekend as well.

Tweti, don’t get all worked up over my comments. I find it odd because I think in order for a new chapter to be opened up successfully you need to close the old. I think only an attention whore or someone who is lacking keeps their ex’s around, whether they are significant or not. If there are kids involved why are there dealings outside what involves the kids? There I told you what I think is odd about it. Accept it or not I don’t care it’s your life.

Question, why do some adults no more about Waka Flocka than they do about Health Care Reform?

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

Thanks for answering ARed. See folk, you can ask ARed stuff and she not put her foot down your throat

Leggs – Well of course you can. Me answering is not a new thing for me either. It’s just that folks don’t typically like the answer.

Yes, my ex told me that he could have married me or any of his immediate exes. Our main problem was that we were long distance, but he also looked at marriage as “a business decison” and would often tell me that he was probably going to be a good father, but a rotten husband. I admired the honesty, but wasn’t gonna sign up for that!

I do think he married for love, but also because she won’t leave him if he slips up. Ironically they moved here a few months ago. So now I’m glad we’ve kept things civil.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

Maybe my lat blog entry was to mean. Where is it? I do not use foul language at all

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:22 am

@ARed ~ you know I’m messing with you. You make a good point, you will definitely answer.

WOW, at least he was honest!!

kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

thanks, Lady J! we often crave acceptance from folks who don’t give a holly who what we are about or who we are! i’m done w/that. i’m down w/who’s down for me. and for that reason, there is no ex of mine that i hold near and dear. don’t get me wrong, they weren’t knock down drag out breakups…just a season. i don’t need to bring winter into my spring, spring into my summer and etc…lol. you feel me?

Grace

March 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

Is it really possible to be friends with someone who broke your heart? I had to ask myself that guestion with the last guy I was in a relationship with when he wanted to be “friends” I didnt know whether I should be offended or grateful that he wanted to keep me as a part of his life while he ventured out romancing someone new. What in the debbel are we supposed to talk about? I just don’t get being friends with an ex-being cordial yes, but friends, I have a hard time learning that concept.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

@Carlito ~ you don’t have to use foul language to get eaten by the blog monster.

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:24 am

Carlito – Maybe the blog monster (who eats our posts) hasn’t had his morning coffee yet.

Sometimes he also eats posts about sex…cuz I don’t think he’s getting any. :lol:

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:24 am

Leggs – Being friends with him was easy because when we broke up, I didn’t miss the romantic relationship or sex at all. I did miss his friendship cuz he’s a good friend.

So I guess he’s a better friend than boyfriend too. :lol:

Luvbug

March 22nd, 2010
11:25 am

had never seen it before, didn’t investigate what it could have been, had no reason (at the time) to review or suspect what it could have been…can hardly remember what it looked like…at the time shriveled stuff in ash tray = toss…the next day, found out what it was.

Ohhhh!! Dang?! OMG! :lol:

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

@Raqi ~ did you get some good buys over the weekend. Purchased anything spectacular??

SexyCool...

March 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

Maybe it’s the word friends that needs defining here.

Friends is not a word that I take lightly. Everyone that I know, that I communicate with, that I am *cordial* with, have a past in common with is not a friend. Some of them are just *folk I know.*

DreamsMaterialize

March 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

Enter your comments here

Grace

March 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

@ 11.23 I like that KB!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

Sexy Cool, I saw the Amazing Race as well. Sounds like you had a great weekend.

Tweti, what do yo want me to tell you? My opinion does not amount to much but it seems as if you are an “attention whore” or that you are lacking something in your new relationships. How do you open a new chapter while the old one is still open and hanging around. If there are kids involved with an ex, it would be about nothing but things that involved the kids. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, but your defensive posture indicates that you may have a small issue with it yourself.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

Testing one two three?

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

Sexy Cool, I saw the Amazing Race as well. Sounds like you had a great weekend.

Tweti, what do yo want me to tell you? My opinion does not amount to much but it seems as if you are an “attention wh*re” or that you are lacking something in your new relationships. How do you open a new chapter while the old one is still open and hanging around. If there are kids involved with an ex, it would be about nothing but things that involved the kids. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, but your defensive posture indicates that you may have a small issue with it yourself.

Grace

March 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

Good point SexyCool

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:28 am

Ahhh, the blog does not like the word “wh*re”

JtJ

March 22nd, 2010
11:28 am

@ M. (pronouced M dot)- when the thought of that person not being in your life does not cause you hesitate in your plans, thoughts, etc. and you are no longer questioning the demise of the relationship. Once I realized this, I knew I was over him and the anger went away,too.

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:28 am

@Luvbug ~ that was funny. And, betcha it wasn’t even remotely ashy looking!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

kinderbabe--41 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

thanks, Grace!:) i’m getting better at embracing the periods of my life and accept them as they are. when i hold on to my past to tightly, i can’t open my arms to embrace my present and future.

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

Oh yeah…no no on the “wh0re” word!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

Okay I can type “slut” but not “wh*re”?

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

kinderbabe…what happens in 41 days? What did I miss?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

Truthfully, it can be tempting at 2:00 AM on a Saturday morning when you are looking at the ceiling wondering what happened, to send that “just to say hi” email. I found myself thinking about my last LTR a few weeks ago (there was a lot oc chemistry there and sometimes recollections of “chemistry” can cause you to do some unwise things. I looked up the directory for where she was a teacher and her name was not on the staff list. I guess she really did go back to her ex-husband. I’ve had that happen twice now in relationships of longer than a year.

How is it a woman can despise the ground that guy walks on…then come running the first time he says something about how it is “for the kids”? I guess I wasn’t getting the job done. Hate saying it, but women are fickle…and can change just like the wind direction when you least expect it.

DreamsMaterialize

March 22nd, 2010
11:30 am

Morning

I tend to cut things loose pretty quickly once the relationship is over. When I’m involved, I’m all in, but when it’s over I’m completely detached.

Luvbug

March 22nd, 2010
11:32 am

Leggs – Dont know if there are different forms to it, but it didn’t look like a leaf by any measure.

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:33 am

Randyt, the ex who hurt me tried coming back. I did not fall for it. Always remember that there was a reason that you two separated in the first place. Not saying some relationships are not able to be reconciled, but if its a major issue look inside yourself to see if you can cross that hurdle. On the 2:00 a.m. staring at the ceiling, just “rub one out” and see where your thoughts are after that. :)

abc

March 22nd, 2010
11:33 am

In my experience with breaking up with mere girlfriends, it wasn’t that striking, just a relief that it was over. Divorce was a different ballgame. I didn’t rediscover my friends, I lost them all. That’s okay, though, she needed them more than I did, and I figure if they react to her propaganda like that, they’re truly her friends, not mine.

As far as what to do next once the relationship is dead, you just move on.

AmazonRed™

March 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

Carlito – Don’t get my “slut” taken away. I need that to hurl at people. ;) :lol:

New words can be added to the filter at anytime!

Carlito

March 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

Luvbug, you are a riot. It looked like ashes and that is your story and you are sticking to it. :)

Lady J-you can’t experiEnce success without failure!!!!!

March 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

we often crave acceptance from folks who don’t give a holly who what we are about or who we are!

visual reminder for your sis!

Glad you found your true love KB!!!!!!

Leggs

March 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

@Carlito ~ it doesn’t like the word ri-dic-ulous either!