Can we have it all?
Sandra Bullock is in the news but the buzz isn’t just surrounding her Oscar win. Apparently there are rumors swirling that her husband of 5 years, Jesse James, had a fling with a slightly younger woman. The alleged affair may have happened when Bullock was away filming The Blind Side, which is ironic in many ways.
I have no idea if any of it is true and I’m going to take a guess that a lot of you could care less. This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though. Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?
When it comes to our careers and relationships, do you think it always comes down to making a choice between the two in order for it to work? Is it possible to give your all to both and find balance?
I don’t think think successful women are the only women that find it hardest to manage relationships. However, I believe that the dynamics within a relationships of successful women and their mates vary greatly to their male counterparts. What do you think?
Men, do you think that you can have it all? Wonderful career, stable finances, and a good woman in your life? Do you think one of these will have to suffer in order for it to work?
Ladies, how do we differ from men when it comes to having it all? Have we wised up and stopped trying to pursue it all or do we secretly want the same thing: career, money, great man and/or children?
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524 comments Add your comment
Melo
March 19th, 2010
12:01 pm
Sex aint wrong, but cheating and lying is.
@Luvbug
I agree with u.I think the problem some women make is to disregard or relegate sexx after marriage. I hear about it often.
That wld be a mistake.
Men luv sex untill they die. I dont know of any men,at whatever age, who doesnt.
My grandpa died at 85 and he was still looking at women even at that old age,giving them that ravishing eye, like he was 30 years old.
Too bad viagra wasnt in the mainstream back then!
Otherwise we wld have had to enroll him in some medical insurance program and then have his back massaged eve now and then be4 he took care of his bizzness!
East Point's Own
March 19th, 2010
12:01 pm
I don’t see how being successful factors into this equation… People get married & people cheat… Rich, Poor, Young, Old, Blakc, White, Asian, Latin,Successful,Failures,Clean,Crackhead… It happens in all walks of life its just another part of being human. I doubt that any particular group of people are more affected by cheating or failed relationships than others.
http://hispointofview.com
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
12:03 pm
Yeah…nobody is embarassed to be the side piece anymore.
Right. One trend I’m seeing, when folks skeletons pop up is a group of folks (on Facebook) talking about “stop judging!”
Hell, a little judgement, criticism and shame is often the one thing that DOES stop a cheater. A lot of folks have no shame, until they get caught and blackballed!
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
12:04 pm
NY2GA
I said selfish, not greed.
The human body needs certain things. We have to do what is necessary to get it. Sometimes it is at the expense of others. That is selfish.
Flight or fight response is a selfish thing. However, it is vital to our survival. You don’t lay there and get hurt because you care about your opponent survival. You care about your survival.
Greed is the extreme of selfishness.
Luvbug
March 19th, 2010
12:04 pm
Yeah…nobody is embarassed to be the side piece anymore.
Don’t know much about the Bullock situation, but sometimes the side piece is clearing his/her name. They want to make it known that they were lied to as well.
Kym
March 19th, 2010
12:04 pm
Well while Sandra had this whole girl next door thing going on..maybe she was like every other woman in this world..she likes a thug. Yeah I said it. I don’t mean dude has to be thug out and have tats like Jesse..but there is no straight woman I know..who is not going to tell me they don’t like a man with thug qualities. Now before you all go clutching your pearls and going not me I like nerds. Yeah whateva. If its 3 am in the morning and someone is trying to break in my back door..if the dude next to me is hiding in the bathroom or not reaching for something to defend us against the enemy. That joker is going to be homeless in the morning. I like a smart guy too..but he also needs to have some street smarts.
No one wants a wimpy man. Just like men say you can’t make a whore a housewife..well maybe Sandra thought she could take her tough thug and make him a balance between thug..and intellectual.
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
12:06 pm
Seems like folks just want to make excuses for these guys. Either the wife must not be doing the needful at home or she should have looked in her crystal ball and known ahead of time that he would cheat. Or, the mistress should have known better.
How about dude cheated cause he wanted to & now he’s gotta deal with the consequences? He had choices & he chose wrong.
lurker
March 19th, 2010
12:06 pm
AmazonRed, I often hear the old folks say “shameness done left the world” Having shameness (for being naughty or doing wrong) works wonders for a person. It’ll keep you “out of” and from “amongst”
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:07 pm
LOL Poppa. I called him “Mr. Bullock” because I can never remember the guys name. I didn’t know he was married to Sandra Bullock until I saw him on the apprentice.
I still say that wanting your ego stroked and liking to show off your souveniers (sp?) does not make one more susceptible to cheating. There are quiet and modest cheaters. Look at Tiger.
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
12:07 pm
“I agree with u.I think the problem some women make is to disregard or relegate sexx after marriage. I hear about it often.
That wld be a mistake.”
Exactly, Melo. Of course cheating is wrong, but so is withholding s3x or using it as a bargaining chip or whatever. But you don’t ever hear anyone demonizing women who employ such tactics the way cheating guys get thrown under the bus. Both are equally wrong & equally deadly to a relationship, that’s all I’m saying…
Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)
March 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
nobody is embarassed to be the side piece anymore.
They sure aren’t…all they’re looking for is some comeuppance(hey Dan) and free publicity and they’ve gotten it and will continue to get it. The media is so thirsty for scandal that these side pieces are getting paid for interviews and public appearances…hell the “main mistress” even got a big job recently and that pays alot more that her waitressng gig(and Cheeta) did.
Even the lil tattooed girl is all over the tabloids and now she’s about to come up…even if it’s on somebody’s back…oh wait she was on her back,too…..I digress.
Leggs
March 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
Even if she neglected the relationship, it was his sole decision to sleep with another woman. Perhaps she didn’t realize she was neglecting him because he never sat her down to discuss it with her. We don’t know, but what we do know is HE made the decision to cheat not her!
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
ARed
Hell, a little judgement, criticism and shame is often the one thing that DOES stop a cheater. A lot of folks have no shame, until they get caught and blackballed!
This reminds me of when I mentioned that I was for public punishments in one of my law school classes. I said that if everyone got to see an execution (especially during the “Ol’ Sparky days- aka electric chair) that some people would scared straight. Crime would drop. Especially among juveniles.
Kym
March 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
Dang it! AJC ate my post.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
12:08 pm
They want to make it known that they were lied to as well.
If you’re with a celeb, do your research! Folks just WANT to believe what they say so that they can say they didn’t know.
Yeah right…you still know “separated” is not “divorced!”
Jeff
March 19th, 2010
12:09 pm
Let me make an anology that some women will understand:
Sex to some men creates the same physical reaction as the word “sale” does in some women. Look at Filene’s basement.
lurker_1
March 19th, 2010
12:10 pm
Slightly off topic. Has anyone read the book, The Denzel Principle, by Jimi Izrael? Last week, I heard him on WCLK and it was quite a debate about black men and black women. I told my wife about it and she asked me why was I interested? I said, we have a 25 year old daughter. She ordered me the book and it came yesterday. I just started reading it last night. Man, this is a bitter, bitter brother but he might have valid reasons.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
12:12 pm
Sex to some men creates the same physical reaction as the word “sale” does in some women. Look at Filene’s basement
I don’t understand.
And with the Filene’s basement example…wedding dresses are expensive! Folks are risking getting trampled just because.
NY2GA
March 19th, 2010
12:13 pm
Poppa G – You make a good point, but we are not all selfish, we may have selfish tendencies but I don’t think we are born to be selfish. This is where the “greed” comes into play.
I would say we agree to disagree. As for Jesse James, Tiger, etc, they were only thinking about their wants and needs and not caring about the other person, selfish or stupidity…
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
12:15 pm
But you don’t ever hear anyone demonizing women who employ such tactics
Swiss – Do you ever hear TMZ reporting that such & such woman is withholding from her husband, so we should be demonizing her for treating her poor husband so bad? How much sense does that make?
Intimacy is a part of marriage, so if there are problems there, you work it out. Cheating is not working it out.
Luvbug
March 19th, 2010
12:15 pm
I agree with u.I think the problem some women make is to disregard or relegate sexx after marriage. I hear about it often.
That wld be a mistake.
Still the guy should be upfront – If you keep this up, I may need to make other arrangements. Maybe not that blunt, but you know what I mean.
That would also allow her to voice an explanation or request/s – You lost your job. I’m getting furloughed…and still doing everything when I get home. To be honested, I’m stressed out and sex is the last thing on my mind
…and I swear your d!ck is looking smaller these days.
That last part wasn’t necessary either, but you know what I mean.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
12:16 pm
lurker_1?
summarise the book a lil bit for us??
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:16 pm
Kimmie, I agree. We all do because we want to do. However, I don’t totally discount the fact that sometimes we can set the stage to bring on certain events.
We are intelligent beings and we know right from wrong. However being beings in need of interacting and physical and emotional attention, I do believe when it is lacking we seek to find it. I have to keep believing this because it’s that belief that sometimes taps me on my shoulder to let me know that my mate has needs. He realizes that I have needs.
Everyday life will and can get you caught up and time will pass before you know it. In my relationship we cannot neglect each other and our needs and expect everything will be okay. I wish this thing was automatic but some things we have to make an effort to stay mindful of. Days just pass by so quickly.
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
12:17 pm
Raqi
I still say that wanting your ego stroked and liking to show off your souveniers (sp?) does not make one more susceptible to cheating.
I totally disagree on that.Tiger was manufactured. Eldrick Woods is a person. Sometimes, the line blurs. Earvin Johnson has made similar statements. Earvin was a person and “Magic” was manufactured. At some point, their alter-egos take over and actions that fit that alter-ego seem ok and it becomes detached from the real person that they are.
It is a common trait. Remember Steve McNair last year. He still wanted the limelight and was having hard time adjusting to life out of it. All it really took was a female that still saw him as “Air” McNair and not just Steve McNair.
I am not saying that it is right. But it is a common trait among these situations. Getting ego-stroked as opposed as being thought of a just a guy who is around to take garbage out of the kitchen.
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
12:21 pm
Melo – I mentioned that book & the loser who wrote it yesterday. Nothing he said is valid to me because he’s bashing BW after having 2 baby mamas for 2 kids that have to chase him down for child support. At 42, he’s now married a non-BW so he is bitter & bashing us.
Really don’t want to go down that row again today.
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
12:24 pm
I don’t totally discount the fact that sometimes we can set the stage to bring on certain events.
Neither do I Raqi. There’s a cause & effect for everything. We’re all falable. I just think we’re all too quick to make excuses for sorry behavior.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
12:25 pm
(it’s after noon)
Anyone get their brackets busted? I’m looking pretty good. My friends who put Georgetown in the Elite 8 or *cough* Final Four are pizzed. They must not have seen them play.
LeeH1
March 19th, 2010
12:26 pm
For every man who cheats on his wife, there is a woman who cheats on her married sister. As long as women will have sex with married men, there will be cheating. To blame the man only is wrong- there is a women involved, too, who cheated on a married woman, and possibly on her own husband, boyfriend or morals as well.
It is usually the woman who is stoned for adultery in Moslem countries, not the man. Here in America, only the man is blamed, and is often publicaly stoned with dishonor and disrepute, but the woman is seldom named or even less often blamed.
The younger woman was not raped, and is not a victim. Until she is named and shamed as well as the straying husband, fairness will not be served.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
12:27 pm
@Kimmie?
I understand but just wanna hear HIS arguments for saying what he saying!
Luvbug
March 19th, 2010
12:27 pm
This reminds me of when I mentioned that I was for public punishments in one of my law school classes. I said that if everyone got to see an execution (especially during the “Ol’ Sparky days- aka electric chair) that some people would scared straight. Crime would drop. Especially among juveniles.
Poppa G – I would love to believe this is true, but too often these days I run into people who get pleasure out of seeing others abused. Some people have nothing behind their eyes and I wouldn’t assume that public torture would not become the highest rated reality tv show.
Actually, sometimes I think the ability to abuse people is a sign of success for some…a little portion of having it all.
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
12:31 pm
Luvbug
Take a look at the crime rate in SE Asian. Caning is usually public in places like Singapore and Malaysia. Look at their crime rates.
I know it probably sounds like I am Dick Cheney’s son saying it. However, there is no fear of punishment here in the US anymore.
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:36 pm
Disclaimer: (LOL) Very recent personal happening to my own statement.
“Days just pass by so quickly.”
Last night I whispered in my marido’s ear that it’s been 12 days. He chuckled and said that he was about to question me about why has it been A MONTH since we related.
See how fast the days can go by when you are caught up in everyday life. Now I know 12 isn’t that long. Neither is a month really. But 12 days can easily turn into a month. A month into a season and a season into a year. It can happen before you know it.
Before we went to Miami the time was not appropriate for relating. While we were there he was preoccupied with business. Wednesday just slipped right on pass us. Although I see that we both were thinking about it however another few days or weeks could have gotten between us had something dealing with the house, the kids or work had come up.
It happens.
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
12:37 pm
To blame the man only is wrong- there is a women involved, too, who cheated on a married woman, and possibly on her own husband, boyfriend or morals as well.
I agree, but where on here are we excusing the mistress?
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
12:37 pm
I had a cousin with the nerve to ask me to bring some ribs for a bar-b-q. I asked about the occasion. The answer was that it was a going away gathering for my cousin (the requester’s brother) who was being tried for murder.
(He was out on bond.)
They are still waiting for those ribs.
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:40 pm
It is usually the woman who is stoned for adultery in Moslem countries, not the man.
Lee, that’s because “Moslems” think very little of women. Women in those countries are less that second hand citizens.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
12:42 pm
The answer was that it was a going away gathering for my cousin (the requester’s brother) who was being tried for murder. (He was out on bond.
@Poppa
U did the right thing!
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:44 pm
They are still waiting for those ribs.
Poppa, that is too funny. LOL
And speaking of ribs, these folks are getting later and later with our Friday Company Paid Lunches. It’s nearly 1:00. Where’s the beef?
Leggs
March 19th, 2010
12:45 pm
Copy that
They are still waiting for those ribs.
Dig That
March 19th, 2010
12:46 pm
LMAO!!!
Poppa I guess the last meal was not gonna be ribs
@Raqi
You are right about that. Muslim women are clearly less than second hand citizens. I spent a lot of time in those countries and after awhile I was thanking God I didn’t have a vagina.
SlimOne on autopilot
March 19th, 2010
12:47 pm
Too much to try to catch up on…what’s the current topic?
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
12:52 pm
DigThat, it tickles me that the women get stoned but it’s the man that committed adultery. He wronged his wife but it’s the other woman’s fault. It is a cheat. Who was he suppose to screw the family pet. LOL
I mean, it’s not right, but come on. He made the choice to step out on his wife. If “men” are so great and grand over there why does it take a WOMAN telling him no to make him do the right thing. And if that WOMAN does not keep him from committing adultery, it’s her fault. She gets stoned.
I know the Lord said that we are each other’s keeper but I don’t think he was talking about keeping folks in the line that don’t want to stay in line.
Luvbug
March 19th, 2010
12:52 pm
PG – Then you may be right. I don’t know much about SE Asia, but I take it their “criminal justice system” is more “restrictive” (don’t know what word to use) than America’s in all comparable categories…that may also add to their low crime rate.
We’re a capitalist society… IMO, no more than we can successfully stop government and make everybody pray five times a day like some societies (what will the strip clubs do?) can we successfully publicize torture without it being a hit tv show that everybody wants to be apart of.
Some folks may even evaluate the physical costs and try to get 15 minutes of fame from it.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
12:53 pm
of time in those countries and after awhile I was thanking God I didn’t have a vagina
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
12:56 pm
“And with the Filene’s basement example…wedding dresses are expensive! Folks are risking getting trampled just because.”
Speaking of Filene’s — I drove past there on my way into the office this morning & saw someone getting loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher. Must have gotten crazy in there today…
Luvbug
March 19th, 2010
12:58 pm
Dang
*some societies do*
Dig That
March 19th, 2010
1:00 pm
I was in Saudi Arabia and witnessed their punishments and it was totally gruesome. If you steal, hand chopped off. If you speak against God or Government then tongue chopped off. If you dare get caught for rape then guess what is coming off. I went to a mall afterwards and was browsing some of the most beautiful jewelry and furs I have ever seen. He put all of the diamonds, rubies, onyx and furs right in front of me and said he would be back in 20 mins because he had to go pray. I was like you just gon leave and no cameras or anything. THE VERY LAST THING THAT I WAS GONNA DO WAS STEAL. I’m not a theif but temptation was not even a factor considering the punishment. @Raqi
You are so right again. The other part that you never hear about is the homosexual population over there. It is more than you can imagine because that is how you seperate the rich from poor. If you cannot afford a wife then you are stuck in a life of jacking off or trying to screw the other poor dude next to you.
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
1:01 pm
Luvbug
In America, incarceration is an industry. It provides jobs and money. There are plenty of prisons in America that are becoming privatized. So, the government outsources the work and it becomes an industry like managing an Intercontinental Hotel chain.
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
1:05 pm
Raqi….over there women have very little rights. In many cases, they are property. Much like women here before Susan B. Anthony and ‘em put the heat on Congress and they passed the 19th amendment. (Even though the 14th amendment was already on the books)
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
1:06 pm
“If you dare get caught for rape then guess what is coming off”
Also, depending on the level of religious psychosis in the particular region, there’s a good chance the victim will get stoned for being a wh@re…
SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)
March 19th, 2010
1:06 pm
eHarmony is having a Free Communication Weekend until Sunday.
Don’t know why they sent this to me or how they even got my email addy.