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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Can we have it all?

Sandra Bullock is in the news but the buzz isn’t just surrounding her Oscar win.  Apparently there are rumors swirling that her husband of 5 years, Jesse James, had a fling with a slightly younger woman.  The alleged affair may have happened when Bullock was away filming The Blind Side, which is ironic in many ways.

I have no idea if any of it is true and I’m going to take a guess that a lot of you could care less.   This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though.  Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?

When it comes to our careers and relationships, do you think it always comes down to making a choice between the two in order for it to work?  Is it possible to  give your all to both and find balance?

I don’t think think successful women are the only women that find it hardest to manage relationships.  However, I believe that the dynamics within a relationships of successful women and their mates vary greatly to their male counterparts.  What do you think?

Men, do you think that you can have it all? Wonderful career, stable finances, and a good woman in your life?  Do you think one of these will have to suffer in order for it to work?

Ladies, how do we differ from men when it comes to having it all? Have we wised up and stopped trying to pursue it all or do we secretly want the same thing: career, money, great man and/or children?

524 comments Add your comment

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:08 am

CoolShadow, I agree.

Lurker, yes temptation can and will be among us at all times. Some people pretend like they can’t make a rational decision when it comes to certain things, yet they manage to control their actions in other areas and times. They are following anyone but themselves.

I have been in situations where I wanted sex bad. Real bad. And it was right there in front of me but I didn’t allow it to get the best of me. It is that easy.

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
11:08 am

@PoppaG ~ that’s what I’m saying :arrow: BUT, if you’re committed to your relationship and your family turning a blind eye isn’t as hard as you think it is!

@Melo ~ I’ve never asked “do you like my hair after coming from the salon,” and never asked “does my butt look big in this skirt.” I understand questions like that in that they lead to arguments and I got the style cuz I liked it and I’m wearing this skirt because I like the way it looks on me (e.g, self-absorbed)

@im swiss ~ I see your point, but me buying more shoes isn’t nearly as harmful as you phucking another woman and we are in a committed relationship. The scales of justice are definitely not balanced with your example!

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
11:09 am

Now, if I could just invest a cure for procrastination and complacent and be more diligent in keeping my own feet to the fire when it comes to all that

SCool – Once you invent it…I’ll buy it. :lol:

Melo

March 19th, 2010
11:10 am

And it was right there in front of me but I didn’t allow it to get the best of me

the guy was proly too short for ya! :lol:

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
11:12 am

@PoppaG ~ that’s what I’m saying :arrow: BUT, if you’re committed to your relationship and your family turning a blind eye isn’t as hard as you think it is!

@im swiss ~ I see your point, but the main difference in your argument is the fact that buying more shoes doesn’t pulling at one’s heart, bring tears, it doesn’t rip at one’s level of love for you. You jacking off into another being does so much harm. The scales are justice are diffently askew!

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:13 am

You’ve got perfectly good shoes at home, but when you see a hot new pair you still want those mofo’s.

Gouda, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we buy them. No one is saying that the desire or urge is not there, all I am saying is you don’t have to act on every whelm and desire. You are an intelligent being. You know the right thing to do.

Don’t go spending you electric company money on Cole Haans just because you have that urge.

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
11:14 am

Dagnabit, it’s not the desire itself. It’s the “degree” to which you will go to satisfy the desire!!!

Mike P

March 19th, 2010
11:14 am

here here Kuncous

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2010
11:14 am

Does anyone here think that Sandra Bullock was faithful the whole time? What about Tiger’s wife; was she just sitting at home for months at a time twiddling her thumbs?

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
11:15 am

The scales of justice….(you guys already know I can’t type).

Kym

March 19th, 2010
11:19 am

Okay I think I am caught up..on The Tiger issue..I think he said it best in his speech..that he was a athlete he could get the booty..cause the booty was thrown..he got caught..he is sorry..he wishes folks would back up off him, stop following his kids to school..he wants to work on his marriage..if not..well he tried..the end. Oh yeah and I really think that speech was more for his mama than anyone.

Now are ya’ll talking about some Big Love kind of stuff going on?

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:19 am

It saddens me every time we have this discussion and I read men that speak of how intelligent, educated and rational they are on most days elude to the fact that they are unable to control their sexual desires.

You get hungry, but you know that every place and time is not the place and time to eat. So you wait. But when it comes to sexual desires a lot make many to believe you become bumbling idiots with no self control.

How it is you can do right by one, but try to find justification to give in to the other?

SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)

March 19th, 2010
11:20 am

Raqi – And some of these same dudes freely admit that they would not continue a relationship with a woman who went outside of it.

Poppa Grande

March 19th, 2010
11:21 am

Dreams

Tiger’s wife was pregnant at least some of that time with a little one at home already. So, I doubt that she was twiddling thumbs.

As for Sandra Bullock, I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. The only thing that I question about her is the fact that she married someone who likes the limelight too. I watched some of Jesse James chopper shows on Discovery and I know some people who have purchased a custom chopper from him. He likes his success. He loves when people feed into that success. That makes it easier for him to go astray. If this tattoo artist did that, it made it easier for him go astray. She didn’t see this in him before?

Melo

March 19th, 2010
11:22 am

Dreams??

I like Sandra and the Pretty Woman lady so I aint gon say none bad about her/them.

But women hide secrets better,u know that right! :lol:

In LA,sex and extra affairs is like oxygen,CO2 and herpes to them..so ubiquitous..this aint as big to them as it is to some of these females on here!

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:23 am

SexyCool, exactly. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Don’t set rules and standards that you are not willing to put up with yourself.

Luvbug

March 19th, 2010
11:23 am

Women are still out there marrying Charlie Sheen. Why????

LOL

kimmie

March 19th, 2010
11:23 am

Dreams – I’m of the mindset that I really don’t care about Tiger or Sandra’s husband cheating. It’s not my problem to deal with. Bottom line, they got caught. If Sandra and/or Elin were cheating, they haven’t gotten caught.

Plus now, who would care if Elin cheated too? Nobody would look at her so bad. She doesn’t have any endorsement deals to worry about. I doubt if it would hurt Sandra either – she has sort of a “girl next door” thing going, but again, no endorsements. She could still get movie roles.

SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)

March 19th, 2010
11:24 am

Oh…and people with body art everydamnwhere – er, um, too many gotd@mn tattoos are effin disgusting. IMO.

Poppa Grande

March 19th, 2010
11:27 am

Kimmie

Nobody would look at her so bad.

There is always some group or person that will complain. It would be easier to question the example that she would be setting for Sam (their daughter) if Elin was cheating. Sam and her little brother will have enough to deal with being their children (even before the cheating came to light). There is no need to pile more crap on the kids.

Kym

March 19th, 2010
11:29 am

Well I like Sandra..and I know it is embrassing and most annoying to have your life open like a book 24/7. Jennifer Anniston comes to mind..hell her hubby left her..holding the bag..all the dudes she has become involved with since have up and married other women(Vince Vaughn)and she just remodel her home and the press made a big deal about her doing away with a his and hers closet and sinks. Hell Monique admitted her hubby goes outside the marriage apparently with her blessing. Its like their lives are open for all to review and discuss. If anything I feel rather sad for them..Tiger too. I really think he just never got a chance to be wild and free.

kimmie

March 19th, 2010
11:32 am

She didn’t see this in him before?

Poppa – They’ve been married 5 years. Before that, I hadn’t heard about any trouble with their marriage. The only reason why her judgement is now being questioned is because this has happened. It’s been reported that Elin was warned that Tiger messed around with alot of women. She even asked him about it. But she still married him. So I guess Elin’s judgement should be questioned too. Everybody has a past, some worse than others. I guess both of these women thought things would be different, that their guy had settled down, grown up.

abc

March 19th, 2010
11:32 am

I do have it all: wonderful career, excellent wife, financial stability, creative outlets, decent relationships with my kids, everything. These are all blessings from God. I do not deserve such good fortune, and it sure hasn’t always been this way, but God blesses me anyway. My relationship with God is of greater value than all the transitory earthly good stuff.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 19th, 2010
11:34 am

If this tattoo artist did that, it made it easier for him go astray.

Originally(according to the mistress) she contacted him b/c she was hoping to somehow get on his show but he took it further. I think she played into it b/c 1. She drove two hrs. to get to his shop and had puhlenty-o-relations that night and on the regular after that…she calls him the vanilla gorilla…..y’all know why. ;)

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
11:35 am

She didn’t see this in him before?

PG – She had to. He was quite married when they met, and he was married to a porn star at that. How high did she expect his moral compass to reach?

I’m not saying that as an excuse, I’m just saying that we need to pay attention to what we are getting. Leopards don’t often change their spots.

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
11:36 am

abc I’ve been away. Looks like you got married again. Congrats. :)

Melo

March 19th, 2010
11:36 am

Hell Monique admitted her hubby goes outside the marriage apparently with her blessing

@Monique??

I pray to God she shaves or trims that pad up top there coz if not,we be reading about her divorce real soon.Esp in this hot weather,u dont wanna be inside that swamp,juss messy with the bodily fluids and hairs all over….shwaka..shwaka.. shwaka..worse if she emits a perculiar funk too….daaamn it! :evil: :shock:

NY2GA

March 19th, 2010
11:36 am

Good people, let me jump in here for a min. Individually, the person needs to decide what “having it all” means to them. No matter what YOU do, you can’t control that other person. If the man is going to cheat, he is going to cheat, honestly there is nothing you can do about it.

If having it all means a good job, your health and a good companion, then good for you. Someone else’s having it all might be health and happiness with friends and loved ones or painting, or riding a bike or hiking or like that woman who rowed across the Atlantic ocean by herself, that was her “having it all”…

Leggs – I think your 9:07 was right on point.

Professor – Your 9:19 summs it up well.

Poppa Grande – Your 10:47, we are all selfish because we want something, nah, I don’t think so. Are there cases of selfishness, of course, but because you want something does not make you selfish (just my opinion)… Now to catch-up on the late morning comments..

kimmie

March 19th, 2010
11:37 am

There is always some group or person that will complain. It would be easier to question the example that she would be setting. There is no need to pile more crap on the kids.

And Tiger is really setting a beautiful example for them. Yeah, no need to pile more on the kids. If Elin is cheating, she’s being more discreet about it. Or maybe she just hasn’t been caught yet.

Jeff

March 19th, 2010
11:37 am

As far as Tiger goes, if he and Elin had been at that same frequency, every one would say great marriage. If he was single, everyone would wink at it being ok. So, NO, no sex addict.

As far a Oscar women lsing their marriages, I’ll throw this out there to pis* ya off: Are we willing to admit that the woman throwing everything into her career (ie good enough to win an oscar) COULD have been damaging to her marriage? COULD she have neglected her relationship with her family for the sake of “achieving it all”? I’ll be the one in the corner with the bullseye. You may commence @ noon.

Poppa Grande

March 19th, 2010
11:40 am

ARed

I’m not saying that as an excuse, I’m just saying that we need to pay attention to what we are getting. Leopards don’t often change their spots.

That is all that I was saying. The people that i know that purchased his choppers said that he loved to show off some of his memorabilia of who he had met and knew. He didn’t speak much about Sandra, though. However, many people like to keep their home life private.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 19th, 2010
11:41 am

child please….

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
11:42 am

PG – He cried like a baby at the Oscars!

Maybe he knew what was brewing. :lol:

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:44 am

Jeff, get off the bullseye. You are making a valid point. That’s what the topic question is. Can one really have it all? Will pursuing one aspect damage the other?

That is the case in many instances and IMO more so in the entertainment industry.

That’s what most of us were talking about in having a balance. That happy middle.

When you allow one part to make you neglect another part bad things are bound to happen. Mr. Bullock (lol) could very well feel like he was being neglected. And he could very well have been neglected.

However, that’s no ground for cheating. But in line with the topic that very well could have attributed to his actions. Not saying it’s right but it could have.

kimmie

March 19th, 2010
11:47 am

Jeff – I think it may have more to do with acting skill (and politics) if one wins an Oscar or not. If it takes, say 3 months, to film a movie, it takes 3 months to film that movie & give an Oscar-winning performance. It will take the same 3 months to give a so-so, average or crappy performance(depending on how many takes).

But we’ve already discussed that sometimes there is a trade-off for certain levels of success within certain careers. So the drive it takes for a person to become CEO of a major corporation would probably take quite a bit of time away from a marriage & family. We get that. So you can come out of your corner.

Poppa Grande

March 19th, 2010
11:47 am

NY2GA

We all are selfish. Humans are born selfish. It is how the species sustain itself. Look at us in our base. We are selfish. Babies want, want and want. Look at little kids play. Every toy is “mine!”. We have to TEACH the golden rule. We have to TEACH to care about others.

Look at the healthcare industry, the money is NOT in the cure. Therefore, we make it possible for people to live with disease. That is the selfish drug company execs, doctors, etc to get a co-pay every month or so. After all, they have student loans, houses, cars, children in college just like everybody else. So, we can’t cure everything because they’d be out of a job.

We like to think that we are better than that. However, we are not. We have just psyched outselves into thinking otherwise.

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
11:47 am

Leggs / Raqi — I agree… I’m not advocating committing to a relationship and then not living up to that commitment. I’m just saying dude shouldn’t feel the need to claim “sex addiction” — rather than just coming out and saying “d@mmit I like to phluck! Now what?” :lol:

Luvbug

March 19th, 2010
11:48 am

urgently skimming…

Regarding the men cheat b/c they want sex more than women and just cuz sentiment…nothing wrong with wanting sex all the time…tell somebody upfront. Let it be known in the beginning so the person can decide if they want to be with you.

Sex aint wrong, but cheating and lying is.

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
11:48 am

The people that i know that purchased his choppers said that he loved to show off some of his memorabilia of who he had met and knew.

Poppa, just because the guy liked to show off is not a red flag for being a possible cheater. The two don’t go together. Tiger as we all knew him before his recent happenings was a quiet guy. He played a “quiet” sport. He wasn’t seen at all the after parties and social events, yet he had 13 other women outside of his wife.

So the guy being a show off says nothing other than he is a show off.

Luvbug

March 19th, 2010
11:49 am

Melo

March 19th, 2010
11:50 am

Maybe he knew what was brewing.
@Ared

No i dont think so!

the fact that he cheated does not mean he doesnt luv her..he was really happy for her, i think.It dont matter he told the heiffer that he was seperating or sme like that.That was jus said to get inside the bootey..

I can promise u,soon after he was done wiping,after fccking that tatoo lady,he was calling Sandra,thinking about her,”hey baby,im on my way,see u in a minute!”

:lol: :lol:

kimmie

March 19th, 2010
11:55 am

So the guy being a show off says nothing other than he is a show off.

Raqi – I was thinking the same thing.

lurker

March 19th, 2010
11:55 am

You ladies are on it today….oh, and I’m agreeing with Jeff

lurker

March 19th, 2010
11:56 am

and I’m Swiss…agree there too

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
11:57 am

melo – These h0es think they have rights these days. Look at Tigers. Look at this broad. The timing is no coincidence.

Of course he was genuinely happy when Sandra won the Oscar, but he has also gotta know with that success comes even more of the spotlight and folks who see an opening and opportunity!

NY2GA

March 19th, 2010
11:58 am

Poppa G – Wanting something does not make you selfish. Babies want, want, want, what is it they want? Food, nourishment, etc? Kids playing with toys, have you ever noticed a group of kids playing together and sharing without any parental involvement.

Now I would agree if you are over the top, if you want something at another person’s expense, then there might be some selfishness going on.

Note: We have certain survival instincts implanted in our DNA. But at the same time people can be taught (or self taught) to be selfish for things that are not relevent to survival. The term “greed” comes into mind.

Poppa Grande

March 19th, 2010
11:58 am

Raqi

Poppa, just because the guy liked to show off is not a red flag for being a possible cheater.

No by itself. However, it is an indicator that he likes his ego stroked and he likes to people to know that he knows some people and does his own things.

In your previous post, you called him Mr. Bullock. That is exactly why he would want to show his own accomplishments. I know women that have a problem with this too. It is kinda like a married woman using a hyphenated last name. In many cases, she doesn’t want to lose the identity and accomplishments that she had.

SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)

March 19th, 2010
11:59 am

Yeah…nobody is embarassed to be the side piece anymore.

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
11:59 am

“Are we willing to admit that the woman throwing everything into her career (ie good enough to win an oscar) COULD have been damaging to her marriage? COULD she have neglected her relationship with her family for the sake of “achieving it all”?

Of course not, Jeff. Because if a guy cheats, that automatically makes him the devil. So clearly, all problems are 100% his fault. Isn’t that right? ;-)

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 19th, 2010
11:59 am

Sex aint wrong, but cheating and lying is.

Needed repeating.