Can we have it all?
Sandra Bullock is in the news but the buzz isn’t just surrounding her Oscar win. Apparently there are rumors swirling that her husband of 5 years, Jesse James, had a fling with a slightly younger woman. The alleged affair may have happened when Bullock was away filming The Blind Side, which is ironic in many ways.
I have no idea if any of it is true and I’m going to take a guess that a lot of you could care less. This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though. Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?
When it comes to our careers and relationships, do you think it always comes down to making a choice between the two in order for it to work? Is it possible to give your all to both and find balance?
I don’t think think successful women are the only women that find it hardest to manage relationships. However, I believe that the dynamics within a relationships of successful women and their mates vary greatly to their male counterparts. What do you think?
Men, do you think that you can have it all? Wonderful career, stable finances, and a good woman in your life? Do you think one of these will have to suffer in order for it to work?
Ladies, how do we differ from men when it comes to having it all? Have we wised up and stopped trying to pursue it all or do we secretly want the same thing: career, money, great man and/or children?
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524 comments Add your comment
SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)
March 19th, 2010
10:26 am
Three Words Daily – Enjoy simple pleasures.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
10:27 am
SC Governor Mark Sanford is officially divorced.
I’m sure he has a trip planned to Argentina to celebrate!
Mike P
March 19th, 2010
10:27 am
come on people…
is it that hard to understand that people are self interested, it will always be “what’s in it for me?” Understand this and you’ll know what motivates your partner before he/she becomes your married SO.
DreamsMaterialize
March 19th, 2010
10:28 am
the world (and in fact, my own family) is replete with counterexamples to your “away from home” claim.
I’d say “replete” is a drastic overstatement. While there may be many cases like yours, to say there is an abundance or overly sufficient amount of such cases is probably far from the actual. I understand that all family structures are different, but I was posting based on what I believe to constitute a “solid home”. Would you say that your familial dynamic was the best case scenario?
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 19th, 2010
10:30 am
“Um… if there’s anything left to speculate about, it’s apparently beyond my freak quotient, because I can’t image what it could be”
Does make one wonder if everyone’s freakiness was revealed, just how effed up are we?
TexasBoy
March 19th, 2010
10:31 am
Women don’t get it! Men are all Sex Addicts.
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
10:32 am
See Mrs ?? Theighsomething Raqi is in Miami…why??? To protect her investment!
Melo, Yes and No. Yes, because weekends are our time. When the company asked him to come there on the weekend he included us in the trip. We still got to spend time together.
No, because it was only a 4 days trip and that’s not a long time to be apart. We trust each other to be apart for a few days. No worries there.
If we can’t trust each other to be apart for one week, we have some really big problems in our relationship.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
10:33 am
Are those few lustful hours, feeling like you’ve connected with your other “soulmate,” worth losing your family, your home, paying alimony, child support and, the end
NO they are not!
But human nature,the way we know it is such that men and women do it.No wonder they all go to church each week and the pastor calls pple to come frward and kneel and pray for whatever is gon on in their lives,some are there,kneeling and proly crying! And u wondering why they crying,tears streaming down their cheeks!
They got some HUGE on their chests!
U gotta be reralistic to that fact even if personally and theoretically u dont like it. People do fail,morally!
Cause it happens!
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
10:33 am
Happy Friday blog family!
As for the Sandra situation, yeah it was evidence before that he was a bad-boy, but he can’t use the “she’s away filming movies” card to excuse his behavior. I saw last night on E! a recent interview saying that when she has to be away on long movie filming, he often comes and joins her. Plus, he knew she was an actress when he married her. So, no that won’t cut it. It’s not like she puts out THAT many movies either. She’s been sticking right there by him too with that custody battle over his kid with his ex. What did he do when HE was off in NYC filming Celebrity Apprentice last year? Nope, don’t buy it.
Yes, you can have it all but in different degrees I think and depends on the career. So you could be a very successful teacher & have a great spouse & kids and homelife. But it might be difficult maintaining a great marriage & be a hands-on parent and be a CEO. There may have to be some trade-offs. Decide what’s important to you & set priorities.
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
10:34 am
“Does make one wonder if everyone’s freakiness was revealed, just how effed up are we?”
@Randy — This is why I make no bones about it: I want any potential SO of mine to know exactly what kind of freak I am from early on. Gotta establish compatibility…
DreamsMaterialize
March 19th, 2010
10:34 am
What bothers me about the Tiger ordeal is that he had to be reduced to rehab and admitting to sexual addiction just so he can keep his advertising dollars. Basically, “boy you better grovel and recognize who’s pulling the strings if you want to maintain this lifestyle.”
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
10:35 am
Leggs
It seems he’s more into domination, character assassination,
I figured that out by the women that seemed to be linked to him. Waitresses, B-level actresses, etc. He seems to like women that he thinks that he is better than. He married a nanny. He thought that he could get away with anything with her. He was kinda wrong.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 19th, 2010
10:38 am
@ i’m swiss
SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)
March 19th, 2010
10:38 am
Even those who have it *all* want even more. And what is the real price of “having it all.”
It is something that I wrestle with myself. I have a job that is a cake walk. I have extremely flexible hours that allows me the freedom to have a pretty decent quality of life. The trade-off – I make about $20K less than I did in my last job. So, right now, I’m making sacrifices that are QUANTITY related but I have great QUALITY. But then I turn around and ask myself if I should be sacrificing some of that quality to maximize my earning potential.
IDK – Who said life was easy?
Melo
March 19th, 2010
10:40 am
Decide what’s important to you & set priorities
@Kimmie!
exactly…
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
10:41 am
Amred – That whole Bethanny thing is a trip. Bethanny has turned into a complete B. On that 1st new episode, her fiance’ even alluded that she shouldn’t turn on her friends. I don’t know if its editing blowing it up more than it is, but she is not looking too good right about now.
I truly believe that’s why a lot of folk won’t ever really get “it all” or a lot of what they wish for. Because they won’t know how to act when they get it, turn into monsters. The Lord knows what he’s doing!
Leggs
March 19th, 2010
10:41 am
Let’s clear this up. When we say we don’t understand why men cheat, we don’t literally mean it. We know you guys are greedy, self-absorbed dyck slingers. We got that. What we don’t understand is why take on a wife, move in with her, have children with her if you gonna keep putting your rod in someone else’s curtain!!!! Stay single and float around if that’s what you want.
Temptation is a bytch and believe you me it can be hard for both men and women to walk away from. BUT, if you’re committed to your relationship and your family turning a blind eye isn’t as hard as you think it is!
Melo
March 19th, 2010
10:42 am
want any potential SO of mine to know exactly what kind of freak I am from early on
@swiss!
absolutely!
feed me here and feed me in the mouf always,we good.
phluck career!
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
10:43 am
“Basically, “boy you better grovel and recognize who’s pulling the strings if you want to maintain this lifestyle.””
DreamsM — True, but we’ve got no one to blame for that but ourselves. This country is so uptight & in denial about sexuality that you know there would be protests & calls for boycots by some bible-thumping group somewhere if sponsors didn’t distance themselves from the guy…
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 19th, 2010
10:43 am
Re Tiger. It does beg one to question why anyone with that kind of “drive”…(pun intended) would even consider marriage. Why would he want to restrict himself. He had to know that it would someday cost him a fortune. I am always intrigued at celebrities, who KNOW they are ALWAYS under a microscope, think they can “pull it off”.
Leggs
March 19th, 2010
10:44 am
My exact take on the situation, PoppaG! Even in his press conference he said he worked so hard at his craft that he was “entitled” to any temptation that came his way. Morals, respect, beliefs all flew out the window because he was entitled. He needs to go in the corner with a straightjacket on (all black, no design Raqi) and STFU!
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
10:45 am
kimmie, my mom was a teacher and one thing I know is teachers definitely take their work home. I remember my mother sitting at the kitchen table grading papers. However, she took care of her family first. She cooked dinner most nights, helped us with our homework and studies, made sure the house was intact. Then she took on her “home work”. My dad is a retired aerospace engineer. He worked long hours sometimes.
I don’t think it interferred with their bedroom time together. Those were two of the friskiest “old” people (old to us as kids) that I ever saw. LOL And they would spend every Saturday together whether it was shopping or those mysterious long Saturday’s away from the house that was none of our business. LOL
So I think no matter what the career or job may be it’s all in how the individual allow it to take over their lives.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
10:46 am
kimmie – You’re right. And Bethanny gets worse every season. It’s gone to her head.
I’m happy she’s in a relationship, but she needs to watch out. I think the fiance thinks that mouth was cute at first, but he’s already been chipping away at her about it for a minute now. If she’s not careful, they’re gonna break up. I just dont’ see them as truly compatible once the honeymoon is over.
And then she won’t have a shoulder to cry on!
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
10:47 am
putting your rod in someone else’s curtain!
Poppa Grande
March 19th, 2010
10:47 am
Leggs
Everyone is selfish. Human beings born that way. It isn’t gender specific. What each side places a value on.
Not to sound like truth, but I see no real difference in self-absorption when a female says that she wants a baby so bad that she doesn’t care if the man will be there or not. What about the child?
We all are selfish. We trust have to learn to care about people other than ourselves.
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
10:47 am
SCool – I’m kinda in the same situation you are in, career-wise. While not 20K less, more like 5K, I’m making some trade-offs. I have a great job and an even greater boss! I work with a great group of professional people. As a result, I’m WAY less stressed and I have time to spend living my life & establishing family & friend relationships.
What I struggle with everyday, some days more than others, is the commute to Alpharetta!
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
10:49 am
So I think no matter what the career or job may be it’s all in how the individual allow it to take over their lives.
Raqi – So true.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
10:49 am
What we don’t understand is why take on a wife, move in with her, have children
@Leggs!
we cant answer that….
same way we cant/dont understand why,when u females ask us,” do u like my hair” after that salon visit of urs, and we answer truthfully” No!” ,ur emotions get messed up in a tight knot!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
March 19th, 2010
10:50 am
Off topic:
I just checked my ATT account tht includes my daughter. It says with 18 days left, my accounts have used 2238 text messages. I may have used 15. So that means my daughter has texted how many times? HTH does she do that?
eileen
March 19th, 2010
10:51 am
There is only one problem here…..the husband…he is a pig.
lurker
March 19th, 2010
10:51 am
This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though. Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?
Aside from all the fancy smancy, talking a whole lot about nothing….plain and simple it’s a copout and an excuse. Her career had nothing to do with his choice. People cheat because they’re selfish and greedy. No matter circumstances, either you’re in it to win it and willing to make it work or if it’s not working, have a sitdown and do the needful. There’s no excuse though for stepping out. We are adults and when you enter into adult relationships, you must maintain adult behavior. Man or woman up if you’re not happy. Don’t step to the left and when you’re caught with your pants down, you want to play the blame game. BS! Folks never cease to amaze me.
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
10:52 am
Leggs, I agree. Temptation will find a way to creep up on you, however it’s the attention and the entertainment of the thought that gets you. When a person keeps entertaining the thought or the temptation they are asking for trouble. Walk away and do the right thing. It’s not that hard, although some would like to have us believe that it is.
But I tell you what, let that temptation be standing before you and get a call that your family has been in a deadly accident or your house has burned down, or your $$$$ bank account has been robbed and see how fast you attention turns from that temptation.
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
10:53 am
SCool – I’m kinda in the same situation you are in, career-wise. While not 20K less, more like 5K, I’m making some trade-offs. I have a great job and an even greater boss! I work with a great group of professional people. As a result, I’m WAY less stressed and I have time to spend living my life & establishing family & friend relationships.
SCool & Kimmie – I’m making about $10K less. But the perks indeed make up for the lack of income.
But for me, this is still a stepping stone. I’m still in my career, have new responsibilites that will take me futher if I chose to utilize them. One of my friends, who is a hot shot in our industry, told me I made a good move and about all the oppotunities that will open for me because of this job and the contacts.
I think the difference is if you take “any old job” vs staying on the path, even for a loss of money. Work hard and the money and opportunity will follow (this being said as I blog.
)
Kuncous
March 19th, 2010
10:54 am
I don’t think the right questions or being asked. Its not about women being able to have it all because men don’t have it all either. Difference there is the social pressures on women are much greater than her male counterparts. A few interesting facts to put my bold comment in perspective. 1. Women cheat more than men. 2. WHO is happily married? 3. More than 70% of all marriages end in divorce and MONEY is the #1 cause not infidelity. 4. Men want sex much more than women and that urge does not dissipate until they DIE.
The question we should ask – is monogamy a required necessity for mature loving relationships? Isn’t it time for us to redefine marriage to conform to our present day realities? For example, there are more women on the earth than men we’re not even talking about eligible men. Poor black people, your men are becoming an endangered species. What other mammal mates for life, with ONE partner? Stop attempting to defy your own wiring – God made us this way! We are sexual beings and when you are in a marriage, it tends to kill that aspect of yourself. You become bored and boring! I’m just saying…
Can one man or one woman be enough for a lifetime? Can you not love more than one person simultaneously – similarly to the way you love your children if you have them? Sure there’s a favorite but you love them the same, yet differently to meet their specific needs.
When will we be mature enough to align our lifestyles to our current realities? Tiger Woods is not addicted to sex, he’s just VERY rich person and in this society, they can do whatever they like legal or not, ask OJ. For those that are in committed relationships, or at least you think you are in that type of relationship, congratulations. You are the oddity, why not plan our lives around the norm not the exception.
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
10:54 am
“We know you guys are greedy, self-absorbed dyck slingers. We got that”
Leggs — I agree that if you’re not ready to give up the random pu$$y, you shouldn’t get married. But… I do think it’s a little hypocritical to go so far as to demonize guys for their desires — which is what always happens whenever a guys gets caught phucking around. To borrow Bill Maher’s line: Men want sex like women want shoes. You’ve got perfectly good shoes at home, but when you see a hot new pair you still want those mofo’s. We’re the same way, except that we don’t want shoes, we want @ss…
We all have unnecessary desires, we just desire different things… 
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
10:54 am
but I see no real difference in self-absorption when a female says that she wants a baby so bad that she doesn’t care if the man will be there or not. What about the child?
Amen PG.
SexyCool...(In need of a weekend)
March 19th, 2010
10:55 am
Well…one good thing about my job is that I do have the opportunity to develop my outside projects.
Now, if I could just invest a cure for procrastination and complacent and be more diligent in keeping my own feet to the fire when it comes to all that, it would just like you said, ARed, the money and opportunity will follow.
DreamsMaterialize
March 19th, 2010
10:56 am
why take on a wife, move in with her, have children with her if you gonna keep putting your rod in someone else’s curtain
Not justifying it, but this could be a case where someone is trying to “have it all.” A man may want to stay single and frolick with lots of women, but he may also want to be a governor or pastor. Some professions are more accessible when you’re married, just because of the perception. Like I said, not justifying it.
you know there would be protests & calls for boycots by some bible-thumping group
Swiss Yeah they’re all about the bottom line. They had to at least appear to disapprove. Besides, they wouldn’t want anyone to turn the spotlight on back on them…who knows what we’d find out.
lurker
March 19th, 2010
10:57 am
Temptation will find a way to creep up on you, however it’s the attention and the entertainment of the thought that gets you. When a person keeps entertaining the thought or the temptation they are asking for trouble. Walk away and do the right thing. It’s not that hard, although some would like to have us believe that it is.
I’m cosigning this because we see and work and sit around everyday. It’s a lie that you cannot contain yourself. You’re right, when you feel the temptation tugging or pulling at you, as I’m sure we all have, you can either entertain it or you can separate yourself, avoiding. I work in corporate America and trust me, there are married men and women interacting everyday all day. You have to decide what it is you want.
i'm swiss
March 19th, 2010
10:57 am
“We know you guys are greedy, self-absorbed dyck slingers. We got that”
Leggs — I agree that if you’re not ready to give up the random pu$$y, you shouldn’t get married. But… I do think it’s a little hypocritical to go so far as to demonize guys for their desires — which is what always happens whenever a guys gets caught messing around. To borrow Bill Maher’s line: Men want sex like women want shoes. You’ve got perfectly good shoes at home, but when you see a hot new pair you still want those mofo’s. We’re the same way, except that we don’t want shoes, we want @ss…
We all have unnecessary desires, we just desire different things… 
CoolShadow
March 19th, 2010
10:58 am
You first have to define what it means to “have it all” to you; the concept probably means the same to most people but the particulars are where you’ll differentiate yourself from others (e.g., family is priority to some, a non-factor to others). I think you can have it all but if you include someone in the picture you have to make sure they’re of the same mindset. I also believe that because life will throw curves and changes at you, be ready to tweak or reassess your definition of “having it all” and that your SO can exhibit equivalent flexibility for adapting to life changes. How you manage that balancing act may determine the survival of your relationship.
Sacrifices may have to be made between you and your SO and they have to be on board with the plan or it will cause drama. Sacrifice with a family in tow may mean a deferral or suspension of personal goals. When you look at your situation in retrospect, you hope that the rewards were great and the sacrifices small in the long term.
lurker
March 19th, 2010
10:59 am
Isn’t it time for us to redefine marriage to conform to our present day realities?
OMG Kuncousare you kidding me? That’s rich
Melo
March 19th, 2010
10:59 am
Kuncous
I pray u stick around!
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
11:02 am
Men want sex like women want shoes
I’m not into shoes though…so are men not into sex?
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
11:02 am
So Kuncous, are you willing to marry and knowingly share your wife with another man or seven?
Lady J-Show me the way!
March 19th, 2010
11:02 am
oh my K!
Raqi...Two Hours Late
March 19th, 2010
11:04 am
Men want sex like women want shoes
Amazon, who made that statement so I can go back and read it.
Melo
March 19th, 2010
11:04 am
swiss/Randyt/Poppa??
another female azz is in the pic a difficult topic for ladies..
theyre talking about their jobs already and its only 11.00 am!
kimmie
March 19th, 2010
11:05 am
plain and simple it’s a copout and an excuse. Her career had nothing to do with his choice. People cheat because they’re selfish and greedy.
lurker – Exactly.
Anyway, it’s the media, even this blog, that’s making the excuse for him, that she was away making movies so he cheated. He didn’t say that. Like I said earlier, he knew she was an actress, and a popular one at that, when he married her. Bet there’s no complaining about those big checks she was bringing home!
AmazonRed™
March 19th, 2010
11:05 am
Raqi – Bill Maher made it, but Gouda posted it in his 10:57.