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Can we have it all?

Sandra Bullock is in the news but the buzz isn’t just surrounding her Oscar win.  Apparently there are rumors swirling that her husband of 5 years, Jesse James, had a fling with a slightly younger woman.  The alleged affair may have happened when Bullock was away filming The Blind Side, which is ironic in many ways.

I have no idea if any of it is true and I’m going to take a guess that a lot of you could care less.   This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though.  Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?

When it comes to our careers and relationships, do you think it always comes down to making a choice between the two in order for it to work?  Is it possible to  give your all to both and find balance?

I don’t think think successful women are the only women that find it hardest to manage relationships.  However, I believe that the dynamics within a relationships of successful women and their mates vary greatly to their male counterparts.  What do you think?

Men, do you think that you can have it all? Wonderful career, stable finances, and a good woman in your life?  Do you think one of these will have to suffer in order for it to work?

Ladies, how do we differ from men when it comes to having it all? Have we wised up and stopped trying to pursue it all or do we secretly want the same thing: career, money, great man and/or children?

524 comments Add your comment

kinderbabe--43 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 19th, 2010
8:19 am

balance is difficult to find but must always be sought to have a healthy life. i believe that it is possible to achieve success in more than one area. it may not be easy but it’s possible.

Jeff

March 19th, 2010
8:32 am

I think the phrase “having it all” needs to go the way of “word-up”.

Lu

March 19th, 2010
8:43 am

“a lot of you could care less.” If you are writing something that is published on the interent you should be intellligent enough to get this phrase right. If we could care less, it means we care. The expression is “Couldn’t care less.”

SlimOne on autopilot

March 19th, 2010
8:56 am

Good morning….TGIFFF (Thank Goodness It’s Freaky Flirty Friday) :mrgreen:

I’m gonna get my sleep on
I’m gonna get my drank on
I’m gonna get my stepshow on….all weekend long!

kinderbabe--43 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 19th, 2010
9:00 am

@slimone…getting my sleep on is definitely a priority! lol. i’m w/you there. didn’t know there was a step show this weekend. where will it be?

Kym

March 19th, 2010
9:02 am

Good Morning All,

Someone once told me. “You can have it all,” Just not all at one time.” We all want to have the perfect life..the thing we have yet to realize is that everyone has their own different versions of what is perfect. I don’t see any reason why it is asking to much or expecting to much to want to have a career(you like–this is a rare find anyway), a home(home is wherever your heart is) and someone special to share it all with. I think where we get off track is expecting it to all be grits and gravy.

kinderbabe--43 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 19th, 2010
9:04 am

@Jeff…lol. yeah, “having it all” usually has the implication that the desires are unreasonable and/or there is a grand amount of selfishness involved. maybe we should change “having it all” to “living a balanced life.”:)

SlimOne on autopilot

March 19th, 2010
9:05 am

kb: it’s going to be at the World Congress Ctr @7 or 7:30 Saturday night.

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
9:07 am

Good morning. Speaking about celebrities, here’s a quote from Gabrielle Union on having it all.

“Yes. I don’t believe in a glass ceiling. My mom did it all, had three kids, got her college degree while she had kids–I sat in the classroom at the University of Nebraska. I was never raised with the idea that you can’t have it all. My parents got divorced after almost 30 years but I don’t think she would have attributed that to her work. But as much passion as she put into her work and her family she didn’t leave enough for herself. We can have it all but sometimes we neglect ourselves, our health. I’ve met so many cancer survivors, all these women who run companies who say, ‘I had it all but what I forgot was me. I didn’t go to the doctor or take a spa day or take time for myself.’ Call me selfish, but I can’t be everything to you if I’m not good to myself. So I make sure I’m all together in body and spirit.”

kinderbabe--43 days to liberation and counting!!!

March 19th, 2010
9:09 am

@slimone…thanks! i will look into that.

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:18 am

Morning all!

SlimOne…thanks for supporting the Deltas! Enjoy the show! :D

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:19 am

I look at it like this. Human beings are whole, complex people not some fraction or half of a person. We have many needs and desires to be met on all levels. So having it all is not impossible it is just a matter of making it happen. Sometimes not having it all means we chose the wrong person, we stayed in a relationship too long, or maybe we are not equally yoked. As for careers a lot of people are just going to jobs that they hate. IMO when you are off balance in one area it can bleed over into other areas.

As for me, I am constantly doing an evaluation of what works so I can have it all.

Hola and Happy Friday!

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:20 am

have no idea if any of it is true

Wise – It probably is. He’s already issued a public apology. While he did not openly admit infidelity, he’s apologizing to his wife and 3 kids for embarrassing him and putting them in this situation.

It’s none of our business of course, but he’s already come out and spoken about it.

I’m thinking this is a marriage he’s gonna try and save! :lol:

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:23 am

Off/On topic

If these regular ol’ Joe Blows get busted for cheating these stars and SO’s should know they are going to get busted real quick with all of the media blitz etc.

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:23 am

This “can I have it all” theme is a recurring one on The Real Housewives of NYC. Bethanny was single last year, focused on a career while in a dead end relationship. She desired it all, big career, husband and baby…but felt one had to suffer at the expense of another.

This season, she is engaged, with a baby on the way AND the successful career. Now she sits lamenting that she DOES have it all, and questions why she’s so lucky. Funny how that happens.

As for me, I don’t think I even WANT it all. I’d totally leave my career if it was in the best interest of my family. I don’t run a shipping empire or anything.

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:26 am

I’d totally leave my career if it was in the best interest of my family.

@Ared~ what if your family needed your income? A lot of families cannot survive on one income.

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2010
9:32 am

Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?
Yes, she was wrong. If you’re away from home all the time, that is in opposition to having a “solid home life”. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. There has to be priority…make some choices.

I think the phrase “having it all” needs to go the way of “word-up”.
Jeff word-up on that. lol

If you are writing something that is published on the interent you should be intellligent enough to get this phrase right.

(sigh) If you think you’re witty enough to make a sarcastic criticism of someone’s intelligence, then you should spellcheck your post to make sure that your own intelligence can’t be called into question. Lighten up, it’s Friday. ;-)

Mike P

March 19th, 2010
9:33 am

Good Morning,

I ‘couldn’t care less’ about what others think… I desire to “have it all” and I am working towards this goal with enthusiasm. Nothing on this Earth will stop me from achieving this reasonable endeavor.

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:34 am

@Ared~ what if your family needed your income? A lot of families cannot survive on one income.

Then leaving my career would not be in the best interest of my family.

Duh. :lol:

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
9:38 am

Compromise and Sacrifice: That’s what it takes for find that happy median. You can have it all but you have to agree. You have to have your priorities in place and they must meet the needs of you and your significant other. Work is work and home is home.

One thing a good friend told me is don’t take your work to bed with you. Heck, I don’t even take my work home with me. But that is not the case with my husband. He owns a business. He works sometimes even after he has come home. But the thing is he knows or is forced at times to put it aside. He is a husband and father. Those things are equally important to him as his business.

I think one thing that the “stars” suffer that most of us will never have to face is the time apart. I believe some long distance relationships can work. However, 2,3,4 months away on location with neither having the time or making the time to go visit the other can wreak havoc on a relationship. We have emotional and physical needs. We look to our partners to meet those needs and when they are not available it can get troubling.

But this is not something that should be the case after only a few days or weeks. That’s a short amount time to be looking outside the relationship. But when careers and dreams call for massive amounts of time a part your partner goes lacking.

It came up once about us maybe moving to Virginia and him commuting back and forth, however establishing the parent company in VA. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea. I am just being realistic with myself and I was flat footed honest with him. I know him and his needs and he knows mine. While you may have all the upstanding intentions to do the right things, crap can happen faster than you can form the thought.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
9:40 am

I have no idea if the allegations are true. Nor do I have a strong feeling about whether one can “have it all”…I think that is entirely up to the individual’s definitions of “all” and the sacrifices necessary to achieve this. The only thing I do know is that alleged the “other woman” is really SKANKY looking. Tats from head to toe (literally), and looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick. It never ceases to amaze me what men will follow home just because they say “you are so BIG”.

Also, have you read some of the “sexting” messages Tiger allegedly sent…the guy definitely had a little bit of “kinky” there too. Who was it here who said she had never heard of “golden showers”?

Dig That

March 19th, 2010
9:40 am

If you are writing something that is published on the interent you should be intellligent enough to get this phrase right.

@Dreams
Thank you my brother. It never ceases to amaze me how people can’t wait to critize others intelligence, only to completely spot light their own lack of intelligence.

Good Morning all. Happy Friday to each of you.

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:42 am

Then leaving my career would not be in the best interest of my family.

Duh.

@Ared~ Actually a lot of people make sacrifices to live on one income, such as living in a smaller home, driving an older car etc. So I see it as a gray area here. Are you willing to be like most and keep up with the Joneses or do you downsize for your family? The family might NEED the income to continue a certain lifestyle, but WANT a parent at home. I think most of us single people on here are living on one income now, but IMO it seems like it changes when folks get married.

Duh :grin:

SlimOne on autopilot

March 19th, 2010
9:43 am

Randy – what’s the site that you can log onto to see these alledged text messages from Tiger

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:44 am

interent

:evil:

I did not feel like calling him or her out! Thanks DREAMSM!

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:45 am

Professor, you said what if my family “needed” my income. If I could still get by without it, by downsize than it isn’t a NEED. It’s a want.

So again, if it were in the best interest of my family, then no problem leaving my career.

Claire

March 19th, 2010
9:46 am

Before we call out others for spelling and grammar mistakes..

I agree with Jeff that “having it all” could be done away with. The term itself is relative and and it seems that in focusing on trying to obtain it ‘all’, we lose sight of other important things. Is that what happened to Bullock? I’m not sure. It’s terribly sad for her. Having watched this though http://bit.ly/aJQ2Rw it seems like she isn’t the first ‘best actress’ winner to have the same fate.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
9:46 am

@SlimOne

There are several stories out there. Here is one:

LOS ANGELES — Alleged Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James has released ‘extremely graphic’ never-seen-before text messages she says she collected while carrying on an affair with the married golfer.

The former porn actress on Thursday posted more than 100 text messages on the website http://www.sextingjoslynjames.com, which she reportedly acquired two weeks ago.

She says she wants the truth to be out about her alleged relationship with Woods.

Some of the texts on her site read, “OK, I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust;” “I want to treat you rough, throw you around, spank and slap you;” “Have you ever had a golden shower done to you? … just morbid curiosity,” and “You are my f**king whore. Hold you down while I choke you.”

TexasBoy

March 19th, 2010
9:47 am

I agree with Jeff the phase “having it all” needs to go away. There’s no way you can have it all in this economy. If the allegations are true Jesse James is an Idiot! Have a great day weekend everyone.

SlimOne on autopilot

March 19th, 2010
9:48 am

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
9:49 am

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
9:50 am

@DreamsM ~ had to laugh at you! That was a good catch and you threw the ball back in their “scholastic” lap!

@Professor ~ I was thinking the same thing. Everyone is getting busted. It amazes me how one doesn’t really think about all they may lose while cheating. Why, cuz they don’t think they’ll get caught. We all know that most of what’s done in the dark will soon find it’s way into the light!!!

@SlimOne ~ you can find them on TMZ’s wesbsite.

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
9:52 am

Morning, all.

“Can we have it all?”

In the sense that we can have successful careers and family/personal lives, yes we can. However, there must be an appropriate balance and, most importantly, you must have your priorities in order to maintain that balance. At some point in all of our lives, there will likely come a conflict between what’s best for our professional lives and what’s best for our personal lives. Just have to make your priorities are in the right order.

Off topic, RE: Tiger’s texts@Randy: Yeah, I read those texts. Here’s my pet peeve with the whole situation — and this is what always happens anytime a public figure get caught doing something embarrassing: the whole “sex addict” and “rehab” BS. Sex addiction? Give me a f@#$!%g break! He’s not a sex addict, he’s a d@mn freak. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except that he probably doesn’t need to be married. C’mon! Just come out and say what we all already know: “I’m rich. I’m famous. I like pu$$y & I can get as much of it as I want & get it as freaky as I want & by god, I’m gonna get it.” :lol:

Professor

March 19th, 2010
9:53 am

I guess I see it like this many of us had dreams and aspirations prior to dating or marrying. Personally I feel like we owe it to ourselves to fulfill those dreams. Fulfilling a dream does not mean you neglect everything else you just have to find out what works. I read an article once on couples that lived apart. Some of the couples lived in the same apartment building just different apartments while others lived in different time zones. Each of the couples stated that it worked for them. Sometimes finding out what works is the difficult part.

Luvbug

March 19th, 2010
9:53 am

Do you think one of these will have to suffer in order for it to work?

I would not say suffer, but everyone has material limits. I don’t think anyone has it all…but IMO that’s less of an issue if you manage to have peace of mind.

Ared – I’m happy to see Bethanny meeting her core goals in life, but she may not have it all if that includes friends. For whatever reason, it seems like she is loosing friends while she is gaining everything else.

Chuck C

March 19th, 2010
9:54 am

Men, do you think that you can have it all? Wonderful career, stable finances, and a good woman in your life?

Of freaking course! Millions of people have that as we speak. Those three things are not mutually exclusive, and not really even heavily interdependent (though they can influence each other). In Bullock’s case, though, she never had the good man. When she met him, he was coming off of his second failed marriage, and that to a porn star. Talk about red flags.

@Dreams Materialize: the world (and in fact, my own family) is replete with counterexamples to your “away from home” claim. Not all families are made of the same stuff.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
9:55 am

@ I’m Swiss

I hear man ;-) A long as it is consentual and does not leave scars, it is just a supply and demand isssue. That said, as you suggested, probably should not be married though…will cause harm to children and wife…and golf sponsorships. The consequences of bad behavior seldom only fall on the perp.

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:57 am

For whatever reason, it seems like she is loosing friends while she is gaining everything else

Luvbug – Good point! It’s because she doesn’t have time for them anymore. Those friends looked out for her when she was going thru it, now when they want to go along for Bethanny’s ride, she doesn’t have any room left in the car.

I mean, Jill’s husband had cancer and she just sent flowers. No call or visit. Hell Bethanny broke up with her boyfriend (big deal) and got a stay in the Hamptons because of it.

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
9:58 am

The few that I’ve read only reeks of his disrespect for women, even his wife! It seems he’s more into domination, character assassination, and fulfilling his fantasies that he probably knows won’t fly with this wife. Well, guess one reason why some get a mistress, but not 13 of them!

AmazonRed™

March 19th, 2010
9:58 am

When she met him, he was coming off of his second failed marriage, and that to a porn star. Talk about red flags.

VERY good point. These women take anything…then wonder what happens when their dream turns into a nightmare.

Women are still out there marrying Charlie Sheen. Why????

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
10:02 am

“will cause harm to children and wife…and golf sponsorships.”

Yeah, I’m not sure why he got married in the first place — other than for image. But on the sponsorship front — hell, he just needs to think outside the box (pun intended). I’m sure Trojan or that “Natural Male Enhancement” company would love to have Horny Tiger hocking their products… :lol:

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
10:02 am

It amazes me how one doesn’t really think about all they may lose while cheating.

Leggs, exactly. More folks need to start asking themselves if that few minutes of pleasure worth losing everything they have already obtained. I know how it is to eat something that I shouldn’t because I have a strong desire for it at the time. Later on when I am feeling the “sick” of it, it was not worth indulging for those few minutes palate pleasure.

That’s how I feel about stepping out. However, if the urge ever gets so strong that I cannot abstain there are bigger problems brewing within the union other than a lack coital relating.

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
10:06 am

The thing with having it all though, there is a constant rise and fall. This :arrow: ————- will never be the case. Sometimes you have to give a little here and take a little there. Just being certain that no one area gets all the attention all the time.

It’s impossible to work and be on vacation at the same time. So you have to work, then you can pull away to have a vacation. However, you return to work.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
10:07 am

@ Leggs

It is always amazing to me how different a person’s public persona can be from his private life. I understand that images are unrealistic, but just to see the incredible gap sometimes… One of the few moments of clarity I’ve ever seen in instances like these was in the last couple of years I saw an interview with Bill Clinton. He was asked “why” re Monika Lewinsky. In a moment of total honesty he answered, “Just because I could”. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”.

Raqi...Two Hours Late

March 19th, 2010
10:08 am

Gouda, I agree with your take on society falling for the “addiction” cry. That’s just a ploy to try to avoid accountability. Blame it on the addiction. Bull crap.

Leggs

March 19th, 2010
10:11 am

@Raqi ~ exactly. Are those few lustful hours, feeling like you’ve connected with your other “soulmate,” worth losing your family, your home, paying alimony, child support and, the end, don’t even have the woman you fooled around with….some men are horny arse toads who can’t see the forest for the semen seeping through that tiny brain they think with!!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 19th, 2010
10:11 am

@ Raqi

re: “More folks need to start asking themselves if that few minutes of pleasure worth losing everything they have already obtained”.

That is EXACTLY what ultimately kept me home when I was married, no more no less. I flew close to the flame so many times, and backed away (or in a couple of instances, the other did…thank goodness).

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
10:13 am

@Raqi — I know, that really pi$$es me off. Like “Oh, yes, I molested young boys, but the real problem is that I’m an alcoholic. I need AA.” GTFOH!

As a proud drunk myself, I’m personally offended! :lol:

Melo

March 19th, 2010
10:23 am

Wonderful career, stable finances, and good women in your life?

Absolutely! :lol:

Women follow behind closely when a man has a good career and money.If u are a woman and u have a man that has that,then dont be blind to the fact that u are not the only woman that wants him.

Do what u have to do to protect ur investment..wldnt u do the same if u had money to invest and u wanted to find out who is the best person(comoany) to do it for u while protecting ur money?

Not Benny Maddof, im sure ull say that??

U can have it all as long as u keep ur eyes and ears open and be realistic to human needs.If u going to pursue ur career but leave me at home alone for longer than my wang desires and u let the nanny do my cooking as she takes care of the kids,guess what??,the Nanny is proly gon to fill in for ur role too in the bedroom.Thats just how it gets down in the real world. Hate it or luv it!!

The prooblem is see with people is they are not open to communication among themselves and their partners.They lie to each other and so things go doiwn later and they like :evil: :shock: Wheaaaat heeeeeppened?? what happened?? fool!

If u fillming for 2 monhts away from home,take him or her with u!

See Mrs ?? Theighsomething Raqi is in Miami,…why??? To protect her investment! :lol:

Happy friday folks!!???

i'm swiss

March 19th, 2010
10:25 am

Or to continue that thought, Raqi… it seems like people would rather admit to anything other than their sexual freakiness. Like Senator Massa, who won’t just admit he’s gay, even after describing the all-dude tickle pile at his 50th birthday party. I mean, what dude doesn’t enjoy tickling all his dude buddies until they can’t breathe every now & then??? Hell, it was the man’s birthday, right? :lol:

Or that mega-church pastor from Alabama who was found dead a while back, hog-tied, wearing a rubber suit, with a ball-gag in his mouth & a d!ldo up his @ss — and after the news broke the church released a statement asking people to please refrain from speculation. :lol: Um… if there’s anything left to speculate about, it’s apparently beyond my freak quotient, because I can’t image what it could be… :lol: