accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Short Message Disservice

I’m not normally a fan of laying out  “rules of dating”, but sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand! I think it would be a great public service for the single people to put down some hard and fast rules about texting. Enough is enough, people.

When we discussed people who were “textually active” we acknowledged that times have changed and we simply communicate differently.  I can adapt, to a degree.  Sadly, you give some of us an inch and we’ll take a mile. You let one text message to arrange a meet up location pass, the next thing you know your entire relationship is mired in SMS messages. No bueno.

One reader wrote me voicing her frustration with her recent experience with a text offender:

I received a text saying he would love to see my legs again (met while dancing) and asked if I could come over to his place tonight.  I sent him a text back saying why is it I get all these texts from him but he doesn’t feel like going anywhere and getting to know me a little better.

Ah yes, classic text offender behavior.  Text messaging has all but given lazy daters a tactic to hide behind.  Trouble is, you’re not fooling anyone.  People can still tell when you are giving half -efforts.  If anything, the text messages  prove that you would rather fumble with your keypad instead of taking mere seconds to dial a number and speak like humans should.

When should you draw the line? In the past,  I have tried ignoring the texts, using slightly rude and passive aggressive replies, or my favorite – put them on my cell phone’s registered text offender list.  This basically means the guy gets listed as DNA: do NOT answer.

How bad has it been for you? Have you noticed that those who claim not to be “phone” people sure take to the blasted thing when it comes to texting all the time.  Do you call the person on it?

Guys would you think a woman was being inflexible and inpatient if she ruled out your dating through text messages?  Have you ever been hit with a barrage of texts from a woman you are dating? How did you handle it?

What rules would you like to see imposed about texting? You know you want to!

443 comments Add your comment

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
8:38 am

Wow should be an interesting blog……

Jeff

March 17th, 2010
8:40 am

I like the texting because it helps me spot crazy *** women much quicker.

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
8:41 am

jeff crazy comes in all forms honey….lol

Jeff

March 17th, 2010
8:44 am

I know, but it’s fun to watch.

iRaq

March 17th, 2010
8:50 am

Texting is just so impersonal. Just the sound of a person’s voice can be so stimulating and hot. You don’t get that with texting. Calling up someone to ask them out on a date can be so much more successive just by the sound of your voice. Texting is robotic. Remote. Disconnected.

In the instance presented in the entry, texting seems to have become a way for lame daters to save face. He is not interested in getting to know the lady however he texts her to come over. When she turns him down it’s not to his face. He can delete the message and forget about it. When someone says something to our face and in our ears the memory of it is harder to forget and it’s a lot more embarrassing.

The only time texting is appropriate for anyone is when you are just sending a “just because” short message or you are in a position that you cannot use the phone. Other than that stop hiding behind those dumbphones and give the lady or man a call.

An acceptable text: Call me when you get a chance.

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
8:54 am

I must say as a text queen that is SLOWLY letting the behavior go it is for the best….What I notice is I created the monster from friendly texts to allowing full blown conversations, to meet ups to dates……as a in training reform texter I am having more telephone conversations now along with those awesome late night talks til the dawn breaks….I must say how I forgot how wonderful it is to talk on the phone…..I say for men and women a person will only do what you allow….I had to stop that foolishness……

Last sat night my phone was OFF DA CHAIN with random texts from random texts fools from my recent past to distant past……on nut even had the nerve to be in town and text will when I get finish with my party lets get up……MIA BLOG I haven’t responded yet……This is so new with me I am now ignoring those dumb texts that mean NOTHING!!!!! Sorry not loving for the moment as I see with recent songs this is this new dating theme for some….guess I am embracing my new level of adulthood and just demanding respect for myself and others…..SO yes I stopped blowing folks up with my texts as well…..ha!

Growth!

I swear one time I didn’t get this and thought it was just ok to text date!!!!! NOT #FAIL&DEAD!

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
8:58 am

lol Jeff!!! Hey iraqi!

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
8:59 am

Good morning!

@Raqi ~ I’m with you on the inflection of a person’s words. Texting is very impersonal. Why have an entire conversation through texting? It’s so much easier to go the “old fashioned” way and pick up the telephone. But, must admit I like your stance—->When someone says something to our face and in our ears the memory of it is harder to forget and it’s a lot more embarrassing. Good point!

Grace

March 17th, 2010
9:00 am

Good morning,

I’m okay with texting for the most part, I won’t hold a conversation via text though, What I can’t STAND is when I call you to answer your text because I’m driving or whatever and you don’t answer :mrgreen:

Cell phones are changing to adapt to the plethora of texting these days with the qwerty keyboard. It’s making it easier to fall away from actually calling the person to talk.

My rules: no long drawn out conversation or those darn chain messages!

@ms_jones74

March 17th, 2010
9:02 am

Jeff, what kind of crazy does texting reveal?

I admit I am worse with IM and email. I don’t take personal calls at work unless it’s an emergency, so I am a habitual email and IMer. I find that people can be lazy even with phone calls. It seems like every time I meet someone, he throws his phone number at me and tells me to give him a call.

I HATE the !*/*&*%$) phone. I am not a phone talker, and at $.XX a minute on my calling plan to listen to you breathe and wait for me to say something to entertain you, I’m gonna get p*ssed. I’d much rather he type it out, I read it, respond, we be done.

I am not discussing any relationship issues via IM, text or email. That is a face to face conversation, PERIOD. The second it starts to go that way, I cut it off and suggest we meet for coffee or something.

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:02 am

yall after that silly bday party from last sat I happily went home and went to bed!!!!! When I woke up I was like WOW (YOU DID THAT LADY)!!!!!!!

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:03 am

Grace that works my nerves too it seems with some they just don’t answer their phones but will answer your text or email quickly!!!!!

Grace

March 17th, 2010
9:15 am

picture text- I’ve gotten some rather raunchy pictures. I always wanted to know how he got it to “stand” and take a picture of it.

abc

March 17th, 2010
9:17 am

I text my grown kids because that’s the most likely way to get a ready response from them; they say they text so much because that’s what girls prefer. I tell them to find some different girls.

Texting, IM, cell phones in general, are a blight upon communications, not a boon. They tend to isolate people from their immediate surroundings, ignoring them to pay attention to the stupid little box in their hand.

Mo (aka Moeisha - a straight TIRED sistah)

March 17th, 2010
9:22 am

Morning All

okay so yeah Im a texter, I admit it. Now sometimes its convenient for me but I do admit its gotten out of hand. I am trying to ween myself out of texting as often as I do now, cutting it down to a minimum. It is very impersonal and so much can be misinterpreted with a text anyway……

Lady J – I need to sign up for your class

iRaq

March 17th, 2010
9:24 am

Hey LadyJ.

Leggs, I am for the old fashion also. It’s more intimate. This texting thing is so remote. Just unfriendly.

Grace

March 17th, 2010
9:24 am

I have a girlfriend who lives on her cell phone. All day she’s tweeting/facebooking every darn event, she’s living in a virtual world. She’s a walking acronym.

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
9:26 am

Does it not irk you to constantly talk through texting, esp when meeting someone for the first time? How do you invite someone you met one time over to your home via texting? That’s just crazy, and anyone who takes the bait get what they deserve, good or bad!

Lady J

March 17th, 2010
9:27 am

Mo get mad enough and it will come and you will start and before you know it you will be doing it effortlessly…..who knew J could ignore texts????!!!!!!?????

I think in 2006 I texted so much it was scary……….Thought it was mad cool but over time it is lame and gets old….why can’t one pick up the phone and converse????!!!!!!???? Some suspect behavior can be behind texts too! Learned that after the fact but I got it now!

Jeff

March 17th, 2010
9:29 am

Well, crazy can be defined as diff by each person. To me, watching my version of crazy is entertaining. Sometimes I think to myself: self (actual quote), you only had to deal with that for 5 minutes, but somebody’s gotta live with that idiot every day. Kinda makes me smile as I’m walking away.

Lady J

March 17th, 2010
9:30 am

grace I am shame not bc I can be that chic….lol….was even called out at the super bowl party to get off Facebook…….It’s a technology addiction like no other……and do tell I love my BBM chat! I am getting better though…..been on several recent dates and my BB is in the pocketbook happily…….lol

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:33 am

i feel terrible today……I am allergic to spring….my throat is closing up, face hurts, dry cough and eyes, didn’t sleep well, had a nightmare, ready to go…..not even hitting East Atlanta today…..I am going home to rest up for part 2 of my week……#random I know but I can’t believe my allergies have started already….@ one point last night I thought about going to the ER for a shot! LOL

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:34 am

Oh boy, I’ve had to shut many a man down with the texting thing.

It’s fine once you’re established. The ex and I texted from sun up to sun down in addition to phone calls. No problems there.

The problem comes in when we just meet and the texting starts. Sometimes you don’t even get an initial phone call. Just texts. No sir!

Fortunately, this is not a problem with the current mister. Nor was it ever. He called and we talked for hours. We still do. Texts are rare and usually come in the form of “Leaving now, see you in 20.” Refreshing.

Dig That

March 17th, 2010
9:34 am

I have to admit that like Lady J I have been a “text machine”. I just personally have really never liked talking on the phone. I have had jobs in the past that required me to be on the phone literally alllll day and so I got to the point that it would have to be an emergency and some people would have to text me to tell me to answer the phone or I wouldn’t know to answer. I put it down and it could ring all night and I not pick it up. But I am getting better. I agree that a phone call is personal but I’m not always in the mood for a long conversation. Get to the point and KIM. The only thing that made me think a little different is being out one night and watching these girls sitting right next to each other and texting each other instead of just turning to the right and left and saying wtf they got to say. I have never been that bad, but I do feel it is a viable method on communication.

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 17th, 2010
9:40 am

The texting issue is alive and well. I usually call and sometimes get a text message back within a few minutes. To me, that means they have a boyfriend and they are probably right there with him now. That’s why they dont pick up. Also they dont have to explain text messages and they can be easily deleted.

If she is playing text message games, cancel her and move on to the next one.

anonymousella

March 17th, 2010
9:40 am

i have no problem with texts to set up a date, or if it’s to ask me a quick question. my issue is (or was) when a dude wants to have a conversation via txt. i am. not. about. to sprain my thumbs because you don’t have conversational skills.

i get that some people are not phone people. i’m not either. but shoot IM me, then. at least instant messaging is conducive to conversation. 160 character bursts? not so much.

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:42 am

An acceptable text: Call me when you get a chance.

:idea: Simple and to the point!!!

Grace

March 17th, 2010
9:42 am

LOL @ Lady J

Dig That

March 17th, 2010
9:42 am

i am. not. about. to sprain my thumbs

Tooooo funny

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:43 am

i have no problem with texts to set up a date

:shock:

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
9:43 am

I guess my goal is to not get too dependent on modern technology that I can’t communicate via phone. Main reason why when I get home, I don’t even touch my computer. I rather have a real laugh in my ears than a LOL. I’d rather hear the sexiness in your voice, the desire in your voice than a text saying “I miss you and want to see you.” Words are more powerful when you hear them than when you read them.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 17th, 2010
9:45 am

Texting is usually fine for me now that I have unlimited. What hurt was when i got involved with a textomaniac on a plan that I got maybe 10 free texts then each one cost.. That cell bill was PAINFUL, knowing could have talked without adding a nickel. people are strange (said while looking in the mirror).

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:45 am

grace at my recent scholarship gala I was BB FREE and my inner circle was impressed…..my phone even died bc I didn’t charge it the whole day and I didn’t flip my mood and act funky bc I couldn’t peck on my phone! I was in Orangeburg just embracing it as I did as a student WITHOUT A PHONE! I survived! HAHAHA!

iRaq

March 17th, 2010
9:47 am

Mo, my son had almost 2000 texts on his bill last month. I told him he has lost his mind. LOL

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 17th, 2010
9:50 am

The other problem was I once sent a somewhat explicit text to a lady I was semi engaged to…I thought. Accidentally sent it to my daughter instead…she did not appreciate the graphics. Never did that again.

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:50 am

Raqi before unlimted data plans came into play that was a seperate bill within itself……Verzion made me hate them for that too! Love my Sprint! lol!

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
9:50 am

@Dig That ~ you have said that before, but using a different moniker (LOL)!

Also, lil leggs text me the other night for me to bring her some juice. I ran up those stairs so quickly almost turned my ankle telling her this will not be the way to communicate w/me. The house isn’t that big that we will resort to texting as our personal intercom….oh no!

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:52 am

The other problem was I once sent a somewhat explicit text to a lady I was semi engaged to…I thought. Accidentally sent it to my daughter instead…she did not appreciate the graphics.

:lol:

On another note…what is “semi engaged?” Is that like “sorta pregnant?” :lol: :? :lol:

Lady J-got your 4 leaf clover, baby we will get over!

March 17th, 2010
9:53 am

Randy those mistake texts are the worst!!!! LOL It is no way of retrieving them! LOL

Mo I feel I have allowed this thing to much power over me and I am letting it go….I want to get back to the simple times and even 3 to 5 yrs ago as I was on Facebook I nevered checked it……Didn’t even care……I am surprised it is lasting long with excitement but I feel like everything elese it will pass…..

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:54 am

The mistake text…ah..the best way to out a sloppy pimp! Gotta love it!

Grace

March 17th, 2010
9:54 am

Randyt/Raqi I stop looking at the number of texts on my family plan. I have the unlimited plan for 20 bucks a month, it’s a money saver esp with 2 kids who are textomanics.

Randy Terrell (aka Kiss Me I'm Irish)

March 17th, 2010
9:56 am

Ared

Discussed marriage…looked at/picked out rings…just not formally asked but was going to soon. All good though, she is back in the arms of her ex-husband I think (women are “a little bit” hard to understand…ya reckon?).

Mr_NYC

March 17th, 2010
9:58 am

Texting has its place and its definitely gotten out of control. I once watched my daughter’s throw a last minute party with text messages; invitees, time, place, everything — but that’s for teens and young adults.
Conversation can become a lost art if this thing takes over.
I never ask a woman out on a date or anything important over a text.
Maybe just a quick “I WAS THINKING OF YOU” and that’s only to someone I communicate with regularly, not someone I have not spoken with in 3 months. Texting cannot convey emotion and nuances in the same way as a live conversation.
Maybe to say “I’m on my way” or the like.
Otherwise this fella prefers to say it live and in real-time. Just my $ .02

Luvbug

March 17th, 2010
9:58 am

I usually tell people that I’m not a fan of texting. Unless it’s contact info or location info or a short FYI, Do not text me…and for goodness sake, DO NOT MASS TEXT ME.

I mean seriously!!

AmazonRed™

March 17th, 2010
9:59 am

Discussed marriage…looked at/picked out rings…just not formally asked but was going to soon.

So it is like “sorta pregnant.” :lol:

Dig That

March 17th, 2010
9:59 am

@Leggs
I have never had a different moniker. Must be someone with same problem.

DreamsMaterialize

March 17th, 2010
10:00 am

Morning
Texting has a time and a place. In terms of dating it’s very convenient for juggling. Let’s say I want to grab some dessert tonight. I call a woman I just met recently to see if she wants to join me, but she says she’s not available for whatever reason. So, do I continue to have a conversation with her, or do I abruptly end the conversation so I can call another and see what she wants to do? Suppose this also happens with woman #2. Who knows how much time I might be wasting trying to find someone available to kick it at short notice. I can avoid all of this by sending a text to all prospects asking if they’re up for dessert and drinks tonight. I know immediately who’s available, and I can call that one.

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
10:01 am

@Dig That ~ Ok! I stand corrected!

Grace

March 17th, 2010
10:02 am

Lady J FB ain’t going nowhere.

Leggs I’m so guilty of doing that too. I’ve texted my daughter get me a glass of water or to hand me something. :shame: Hey, it’s saving me from yelling “come here”.

Leggs

March 17th, 2010
10:03 am

@DreamsM ~ what if 3 or 4 texts back that they’re available. Do you then play the eeeny meeny miney mo game??