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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Do dating leagues exist?

I saw the trailer for the film, She’s Out of My League, yesterday and I wondered if “dating league” was making a come back in our dating lexicon.  I hadn’t used the term in ages because I think a lot of single people have become slightly narcissistic enough to think we can date pretty much anyone we want!
Do you think we have huge egos and believe there is no such thing as “in the same league” in terms of who is within our reach?
Have you ever been apprehensive about seeing someone because you thought they were out of your league or vice versa?
If we actually buy in to the theory of dating leagues, what kind of things would  put someone out of your league, so to speak?
How would one really determine the type of person we “deserve” to date?

369 comments Add your comment

Give me my Dayum Hour back (not SlimOne)

March 15th, 2010
8:46 am

Morning! I think Mickey D’s slipped me a decaff because I feel like i’m just sleep walking. Check back in once the caffeine finally hits me

kinderbabe

March 15th, 2010
9:07 am

i’ll be lurking no this one. good morning all!:)

kinderbabe

March 15th, 2010
9:07 am

i meant “on.” lol. i’m sleepwalking too slim one.:(

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
9:15 am

Happy last week of winter everyone!

Yes, there are a few trolls out there, thinking they can pull anything. And with the abundance of women in our major cities and the reported lack of eligible men, there are a lot of men who think they can pull any and everyone…with enough beautiful but desperate women saying “yes” to support this thinking.

Anywhoo, I don’t approach men, but I do make myself “open” to being approached. There have been plenty of times I’ve taken myself out of the running before I’m even in. Either there are too many women hanging off his arm, or he’s famous or he’s put to together in a manner which shows me I’m not on his level. You never really know until you try tho.

East Point's Own

March 15th, 2010
9:18 am

I used to think like that when I was younger, but I have learned that most people have something about them that knocks them down to my level, if not lower…LoL meaning Good looking people can be insecure, rich people can be bored or tired of things in their life, tall people can be tired of the lame tall people that they have been dating, popular people can be lonley because nobody really want to get to know them beyond seeing them at the party… So basically for one reason or another there is always a chance that you can relate to any person you are attracted to. And I have also learned that if there is someone who does not like me for who I am, then I am better off not knowing them anyway.

http://hispointofview.com

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 15th, 2010
9:20 am

I think they do. It is not so much a monetary thing, but a cultural thing and it causes problems that can moderate some but are usually hanging there in the background.

I came from the wrong side of the tracks, and graduated from a rural East Tennessee high school. I married a girl from a big city, upper class social strata. I was never embraced by her family. Her mom would make remarks around me thinking that I would not understand because she equated rural with ignorant. It is a shame that “Sweet Home Alabama” had not come out back then because I loved a line from the movie…”honey, just because I talk slow, don’t mean I’m stupid”. My ex mother-in-law never figured that out.

“Have you ever been apprehensive about seeing someone because you thought they were out of your league or vice versa?” Absolutely, still do sometimes. Now I make good money but do not live in fancy digs and drive fancy cars. I am educated and have traveled the world, but I still think that this stigma affects my thinking. If I am on line dating, and I notice if the lady is from Alpharetta, I look at the house she is in. If it looks like a mini-mansion, I just sort of brush it off. They might be fine, but why fight it? I’m dealing with that a little right now with the lady I am seeing. She seems fine about it, but one of her ex-husbands (multiple) owned a big company and I wonder if the lady can handle the step down in lifestyle. Who knows?

SexyCool - About Bidness

March 15th, 2010
9:22 am

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
9:23 am

tall people can be tired of the lame tall people that they have been dating,

:shock:

I doubt this seriously! We just go out an find a non lame tall person! :lol:

kimmie

March 15th, 2010
9:31 am

Mornting Gang!

Guess who’s going to see Jill & Max?!!! :)

I can relate to both what Amred & East Point have said. I kinda hate the whole term “out of my league”. It’s as if that person is somehow better than you. I prefer to look at it as that person travels in different circles than you or has a different reality from yours. For example, while I think I can hold my own in any situation – I’m not a Washington insider, a Hollywood power player and I’m not attracted to or desirous of being involved with an athlete. So the chances of hooking up with someone in those circles are slim for me. Whomever I’m with has to fit in my world and I theirs. Part of that is being local and available to date and build a relationship and a family with me. I don’t do long-distance or frequent out-of-town anymore.

SexyCool - About Bidness

March 15th, 2010
9:34 am

In the past (meaning long, long, long, long time ago), I have been so impressed by the outer shell of a person that I allowed them make me less confident about who I was. But then I learned better, kinda like EPO said – I eventually realized that we were really on the same level.

I no longer anyone above me. However, there are those that I consider below me based on them being individuals with low morals, involvement in criminal activities and just being really phcked up people in general and so on.

SexyCool - About Bidness

March 15th, 2010
9:35 am

Correction:
I no longer consider anyone *above* me.

Dan

March 15th, 2010
9:35 am

Oh please leagues exist who are kidding for both sexes. League criteria is broken down to 1)Looks 2)Money 3)age 4)baggage 5)phyical fitness 6)height

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 15th, 2010
9:39 am

Guess who’s going to see Jill & Max?!!!

MEEEEEEEE!!! :mrgreen: :lol:

Have you ever been apprehensive about seeing someone because you thought they were out of your league or vice versa?

No,no and no.

Mornin’ yall!!

kimmie

March 15th, 2010
9:40 am

I’m so excited Sassy!

All I'm Saying Is...

March 15th, 2010
9:43 am

Funny blog posting…yes, definitely ‘leagues’ exist but whether someone is out of your league or not is almost entirely a figment of one’s imagination. For example, if you are a heterosexual guy and you approach a lady with confidence and a sense of humor and don’t let her initial fire shoot you down, then you will have a chance because women are interested in and driven by more than looks—its a biological fact. Don’t get me wrong: you can’t look like Quasimodo but if you practice good hygiene (breath smells good, body smells good, well groomed, etc.), have something to say, a good sense of humor, and some healthy ambition (backed up with financial independence) then you can always go for it and have a good shot at success. See the movie ‘Hitch’ for examples.

Men are hard-wired biologically to go for looks in their mate (and a waist to hip ratio of 70% but I am getting too deep especially for guys) and that’s why this movie is all about a ‘10′ looking lady even considering a ‘5′ looking guy. Some women I have known, in fact, have it as a rule that they seek guys a league or two below them as they feel that they will be less likely to cheat on them.

And this guy in the movie is not really a 5–if he were shorter than her, had a paunchy stomach, and balding hairline, then he’d be a five. I think they want you to believe he’s a five because he appears to be a TSA agent for airport security.

Jeff

March 15th, 2010
9:47 am

Dan, you are the man.. Well said. It’s interesting how many people on here are going to say all options are open but then if you look at those same people’s postings as recently as Friday, they’ll be qualifying their potential mates like a nascar race.

How many women on here have said “I won’t settle!!!”, then today are saying there aren’t leagues?

abc

March 15th, 2010
9:47 am

Considering that someone is ‘out of your league’ is a self-imposed restriction. If someone considers that THEY’RE above YOUR league, let them hang with their own snobby self and their hoity crowd. They all deserve each other’s shallow mess.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 15th, 2010
9:48 am

Okay!?

Kimmie that concert is gonna be the isht! Talk about a grown and sexy weekend ;)

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 15th, 2010
9:52 am

I agree with both Dan and Jeff completely. We all discriminate, and as women get older, security becomes a bigger and bigger issue. Security=money, money seems to be represented by “stuff”, ie. fancy houses, cars, lavish lifestyle, etc., ergo Security = “stuff”, ie. fancy houses, cars, lavish lifestyle, etc.

We don’t like thinking of ourselves as shallow, but actions speak louder than words.

kinderbabe

March 15th, 2010
9:56 am

thanks Dan for putting it so simply. here is my criteria:
1)Looks–attractive in my eyes
2)Money–got your own money (legal)
3)age–30+
4)baggage–not attached to anyone physically or legally
5)phyical fitness–decent shape, not a walking heart attack
6)height–5′10 or taller

if that is considered a league than that is mine.:)

kimmie

March 15th, 2010
9:56 am

abc – Thank you, well said.

Give me my Dayum Hour back (not SlimOne)

March 15th, 2010
9:57 am

3 words Keep It Shallow lol

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 15th, 2010
10:00 am

One does see exceptions sometimes, but they do not seem to last, i.e. Nikki Taylor out with that normal dude who cradhed his cheap car and almost killed her, Julia Roberts when she married that singer that was uglier than Mick Jagger…but those are exceptions and did not last.

Luvbug

March 15th, 2010
10:02 am

I’ve never considered myself out of someone’s league and never thought about being in someone’s league. I am more likely to question whether we have enough in common to make it, be friends or nothing.

CK9

March 15th, 2010
10:07 am

There are definite leagues… probably perpetuated by the everyone’s high school experience. But I do agree with you…that most people are narcissistic enough to transcend league boundaries anyway now. It makes for a fuller story… the rich one getting with the poor one, the awkward one getting with the suave one, the nerd getting with the hottie, etc.

BlackMagicWoman

March 15th, 2010
10:09 am

Kinderbabe….can I add to your list…

7.) Not clinically insane or just plain psycho.

8.) D & D free

9.) Colon not swollen (not full of ish)

10.) No prison record!

11.) Intelligent

12.) And most of all….STRAIGHT! :lol:

I prefer men 6ft and taller. However…there appears to be a lack of those here. And those that are tend to have their a$$e$ on their shoulder because they know most women like tall men. I have found in the recent months that shorter men are actually attractive. Now don’t get me wrong upon seeing a tall attractive man I do pay attention. I saw a few in Savannah this weekend (as I got my St. Patty’s drink on)that made a sista say, ” kiss me I’m Irish”! safe to report…no bites on the booty this time. It could have been the tutu I was wearing. But I did get booty smacked! Dayum…I was trying to cover it! :lol: At least they asked first! Now what was I saying…oh yes…I am trying to give the shorter men a chance. Now that does not mean trial size men come approach me. You at least need to be 5′9. At least you are one inceh taller than me barefoot. In heels…oh well. I am not give up my heels for nobody!

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
10:14 am

I prefer men 6ft and taller. However…there appears to be a lack of those here.

:shock:

This is a myth! I haven’t dated a guy under 6′2 since I moved here and I’ve been here 5 years!

Go to Boston, then you can say that. I think the lack of sun stunts their growth! :lol:

Melo

March 15th, 2010
10:15 am

Morning folks!

Call me shallow but leagues do exist and they are real!

Dating outside ur league may result in problems down the road unless ofcourse u have “settled” and/or gone thru a mental make over.

As long as ur association with ur date/wife/hubby/ or whoever does not create problems for urself,ur mate and ur gregarious acquainatances then its all good but if ur associations and friends make ur partner uncomfortable in some way becoz of who she/he is,then that creates potential problems.
While I did not go about asking chics for their qulaifications to check their intelligence, I expected a certain level of comfort with them,other than mere chemistry before I dated them.If that were missing or she conducted herself in a certain way,I obvioulsy discounted her as a potential long term mate,based on my requirements and comfort level with them.

Education is what rubs onto you after the facts are forgotten and education certainly makes edges more round but if ur edges are rough to the extend of making me uncomfortabale,u aint in my league. PERIOD!

If thats not a league, I wonder what one would call it.

And I aint kissing nobody’s butt either! :lol:

MORNING!

:lol: ;lol: :lol:

SexyCool - About Bidness

March 15th, 2010
10:17 am

Are we talking *leagues* or *standards* or *preferences*? OR are they all really one and the same?

Luvbug

March 15th, 2010
10:18 am

And I aint kissing nobody’s butt either!

You LIE!! (j/k)

kinderbabe

March 15th, 2010
10:21 am

BlackMagicWoman–he definitely can’t have a swollen colon! LOL that was a great addition. gotta keep that one.:)

Kym-DIYer in Training

March 15th, 2010
10:23 am

Good Morning All,

While I agree this whole status league stuff may still be around. I like what EastPoint and abc said. Yes we discriminate but again if you limit yourself if you pass up a good guy or gal simply because they may like fried chicken while you like quail(still taste like chicken). Besides, the old belief is that opposites attract. Which means as nerdy as I am I will most likely wind up with someone who’s idea of fine entertainment is watching NASCAR and WWE wrestling.(yeah I said it).

itpdude

March 15th, 2010
10:26 am

Yes, leagues do exist. Generally the leagues fall into this: For men, wealth. For women, youth and beauty. When I talk about beauty for women, I mean the body must be fit, tanned, good breasts, very attractive face, etc; if she wants to land a wealthy man.

That is a generalization, but is observable in everyday life in certain segments of the population, particularly in areas like Buckhead or East Cobb.

For the rest of us, it is based on personality and compatability and a reasonable expection of attraction. My new wife is an attractive woman but is not the salon type who needs that pampering attention. Her nails are not long and painted, she doesn’t go crazy on the make-up, isn’t perfumed, doesn’t hi-lite her hair, doesn’t wear heels everyday, etc. Then again, I’m not into the diva type.

If you are into glammed up girls whose only purpose in life seems to be looking “good” and acting like the reality stars, you will need lots of money. But that money will be wasted on a sand-castle. Youth fades and true beauty becomes apparent or the lack thereof becomes sadly apparent.

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
10:29 am

Which means as nerdy as I am I will most likely wind up with someone who’s idea of fine entertainment is watching NASCAR and WWE wrestling.(yeah I said it).

A friend of mine sent me a text this weekend. She is a “foodie” and is in love with fine dining. The man she is with thought “scallops” were potatoes. :lol:

She’s happy tho!

Kym-DIYer in Training

March 15th, 2010
10:29 am

@Kinder..I like your league list and BlackMagic’s additions..except jail time..I would date someone who has been to the pokey..as long as it was not one of the deadly crimes.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 15th, 2010
10:29 am

Melo hits on a good point…education. I almost always note whether a lady as a college degree or not, because I want someone in my life who is knowledgeable and intellectually stimulating as well as attractive. There are probably many wonderful ladies who have a lot to offer, but I would not get involved with a lady who only had a high school education or less and would hesitate if only an associates degree. Is that a “League”, no question.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 15th, 2010
10:30 am

William

March 15th, 2010
10:34 am

Women go for looks then have babies and settle for the less goodlooking. OF course If you are wealthy–no rules apply.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 15th, 2010
10:37 am

I had a work assciate whose son was a student at GA Tech and was interviewed to paticipate on the TV show “Beauty and the Geek”. He did not get on because he actually knew what a French manicure and pedicure were.

kinderbabe

March 15th, 2010
10:38 am

Kym i’m w/you on that one too. a record isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. it depends on the charges.

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
10:39 am

OF course If you are wealthy–no rules apply.

:)

Goodsmack01

March 15th, 2010
10:42 am

I agree with Eastpoint’s Own. I always thought most people were looking to be more and do more with their lives and as it turns out, that’s not always the case. So, the beautiful people you see aren’t always who or what you perceive them to be. Some are insecure, some have a warped perception of what reality is and what life is supposed to be. Some believe they can achieve things without any planning or without putting in the work to accomplish them. Some feel like they are owed certain things and don’t have to do a thing to earn them. Some have some far out ideas about life in general and some are just DUMB! Or as Junior would say Dum b, lol!!

So generally, if you are a reasonably well rounded, secure, self-sufficient, independent type of guy (or girl) with his (or her) own money, place and car, the world (or more aptly, your local community) is your oyster! As long as the person you seek is single and unattached, there’s no reason that person can be yours!

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
10:44 am

Did y’all see that Essence.com article? Apparently 48% of black women have gen.ital he.rpes now. So D&D free may be a tall order these days too.

Dan

March 15th, 2010
10:47 am

Kinderbabe I am 5′8 but willing to wear platform shoes or thicker socks…SexyCool..League, standards or preferences are all the same its just the way its used in a sentence depending on how snobby one wants to feel. I mean come on everyone lets be real and not say the number one thing one is looking for is personality, honesty, trust and love because face it, it is all an illusion fabricated by greeting cards if it wasn’t than divorce, leasing a car, plastic surgery and fitness gyms would not exist.

Kym-DIYer in Training

March 15th, 2010
10:48 am

Amazon so does that mean black males have it too? Because genital herpes doesn’t just happen.

DreamsMaterialize

March 15th, 2010
10:48 am

What are we defining as “out of your league”? Is it someone who is socioeconomically “above” you, “beneath” you, or on the same level but into completely different things?

Go to Boston, then you can say that. I think the lack of sun stunts their growth!
I’m a Bostonian…guilty as charged. lol

I would date someone who has been to the pokey..as long as it was not one of the deadly crimes.
And as long as they weren’t doing the “pokey” while they were there right? lol

SexyCool - About Bidness

March 15th, 2010
10:48 am

I’m skeptical of the numbers on herpes. The same companies that make the tests to detect herpes are the same ones that sell the meds to *treat* it.

From my inner conspiracy theorist…

CoolShadow

March 15th, 2010
10:51 am

Leagues are self-imposed, truly arbitrary and personalized so-called standards that are used by some people to distinguish themselves from others. Generally the metrics used are external factors such as looks and money. Growing up, there were times I may have felt a girl was out of my league because she may have been popular, pretty and relatively speaking she came from money. When my maturity began to increase while my insecurities decreased, I realized some women did this because of their insecurities and shallowness. In this society I think people like class structures so they can look down on others in order to feel better about themselves, regardless of the metrics used to distinguish themselves.

These days I don’t worry about being out someone’s league, but I do evaluate the persona that a woman’s trying to project and if I sense a myopic attitude or shallowness from her, I may back off without trying to approach.

AmazonRed™

March 15th, 2010
10:52 am

Amazon so does that mean black males have it too? Because genital herpes doesn’t just happen.

Yes, but they didn’t state the numbers for them. Apperently it’s easier for us to get it then it is for us to give it. So the numbers are probably smaller for the men, but the article didn’t state what they were.

Oh and 80% of the women who have it, don’t know they have it.

Leggs

March 15th, 2010
10:56 am

Good morning. Lil Leggs came in 3rd out of 6 in the 300 Hurdles.

Love your post, RandyT.

Of course leagues exist. Let’s take a very simple example….this blog. If posts aren’t worded right, shown that enough intellectual thought was put in and words used properly, you may not even get noticed. Same thing for dating. How you carry yourself, how your confidence comes across,and how you speak no doubt places you in a particular slot to the person you’re conversing with. Diversity is needed when dating. I would think no one really wants to start anew with another who hasn’t culturally afforded themselves to learn and seek at least some of what life has to offer. There are many leagues and it’s up to that person to have the confidence to conquer whatever it is they want, even slaying that man/woman in the $6.5 million dollar home (well it happens on tv…lol)!