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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love Does Not Hurt

It is a sad and tragic fact that relationships and violence go together at times.  There are some of us who grew up around abusive relationships in our homes or in our families.  If there is no healing involved from this, we have all seen what can happen when another generation carries it into their relationships.

It seems that during the early dating stages, a lot of red flags are presented, and sadly overlooked.  I remember reading about the young teacher who was allegedly slain by a boyfriend.  Her father, heartbroken, mentioned how his daughter would make comments about certain behaviors that simply seemed “protective” or “attentive” at the time.  What can single people do to be more aware of  person who has dangerous behaviors?

It’s not just adults that cope with this issue, teens also find themselves faced with dating violence, at very young ages.   Imagine your first love, puppy love. Then imagine if all that intense emotion led to physical abuse.  If you were confused and caught up in your “normal” teenage love affair,  how awful would it feel if domestic violence was added in?  I could barely handle the ending of a grade school crush, who knows how I would have dealt with something so terrifying.

We all have to take a part in educating our families, communities, and our teens that love does not hurt.  The Partnership Against Domestic Violence will conduct a panel discussion this week: Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence.

I believe that we should address what is causing the rise in domestic violence and work together on ways we can stop it.  How can we become more involved?

When it comes to your children (if you have any), what do you teach them about violence in relationships?  What were you taught?

Event information from article:

Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence

When: 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. March 13

Where: Carl and Mary Ware Academic Center, Clark Atlanta University

Participants must preregister.

For more information, call the Partnership Against Domestic Violence at 404-870-9603 or visit www.padv.org. There’s also a statewide crisis line at 1-800-33-HAVEN (1-800-334-2836

445 comments Add your comment

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
8:43 am

Really…me first.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
8:45 am

Hi WD, welcome back.

I think I will lurk in the background on this topic. I have absolutely no respect for any man who hits a woman (if he is so f*ing tough, let him go up against a guy his size). My other concern is why it is universal for women to say that they all detest men who abuse women and yet seem drawn to abusive men like a moth to a flame. A LOT of women seem pulled like a magnet to the very person who everyone, them included, knows will hurt them…if not physically, certainly emotionally. Do women somehow think they each have the power to tame a “bad boy”.

I will shut up and listen.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
8:50 am

Happy wet Wednesday!

Well I have always been infuriated with abuse of any kind not just physical abuse. I believe I shared with the blog about being at my ex’s apartment, and hearing his neighbors fight. The man was brutal with his words and with his fist. He told her over and over again that she was pathetic, and look at her begging him to stay and that he was the only man crazy enough to deal with her. I was sick, my ex was like lets go somewhere, and stop looking like that those fools will be back together kissing and hugging tomorrow. I did not understand, and he was right they were still there together the next day, week, month and year. Just the thoughts of someone calling me out of my name, beating on me, and saying I was pathetic had me shivering.

Personally I feel that abuse is horrible, and I have always been a strong woman and stayed mindful of red flags. I have gone out on a few dates with guys that showed signs and I ran like a gazelle!

Dan - my invented truth

March 10th, 2010
8:51 am

@Randy

Whole ‘nuther topic, for a hole ‘nuther day.

Like you I will lurk; Dan’s got nothing.

Morning folks

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
8:52 am

Related subject:

Chics Fight Back Seminar

Join The Neal Boortz Show’s Belinda Skelton and B98.5 FM’s Vikki Locke at the “Chicks Fight Back!” Self-Defense Workshop on March 25th at 7pm.

It’s FREE and room is limited, so fill out the form below to guarantee your seat from Ackerman Security Systems and News/Talk 750 WSB!

The Question is: Are you Prepared?

In this dynamic seminar conducted by Chinese Shaolin Center Atlanta – 3 locations Marietta, Norcross, Virginia Highland, you will learn practical techniques that can prevent you from being a victim. The principles developed in this seminar are designed with women in mind.

Our goal is to empower all self-defense participants to live their life fully and without fear, because they will know how to protect themselves if a dangerous situation occurs.

Even more important, they will learn how to avoid these situations and by doing so, avoid the emotional and physical effects such an attack can incur.

Don’t you owe it to yourself to make sure that you are prepared???

Chicks Fight Back
Thursday, March 25th, 7:00pm
Renaissance Waverly Hotel – Cobb Galleria

Lady J

March 10th, 2010
8:55 am

this really is an awesome topic with things that are going on…..my soror was raped and sexually assaulted @ West GA College and it was recent it tore me up….we are now planning an ongoing workshop for the teen girls we mentor and an self defense class for all of us….seeing teens daily and even witnessing a couple young teen age couple walk around with rings on and him hugging her to death and when she talks to other dudes he becomes irate baffles me….that is a true story…our AP reached out to that couple and did referrals…..everyone is searching for love and mainly n the wrong places and our babies and our future my Lord it brings a slight tear to my eye….that couple thing is a serious matter in high school and the flip flop and drama and arguments and drop down beat your ass fights between young ladies makes me want to scream….we are currently trying to organize a seminar for our and I mean our ladies and men here in high school to address all issues….it is an epidemic that can’t be ignored….I have a daughter and it is really scary….Regina Belle song comes to mind If I could change the world I brought you to I would but I can’t…..

I’ve never been abused or abused but I saw my dad abuse my mom so I am a product of abuse….verbally, mentally and physically we saw it all…@ Church we use to look like the perfect family with two active members in church and the community and behind those close doors when alcohol took the wheel and the paycheck came on Thursday that couldn’t pay all the bills yeah mama wore that pain and did it for 25 years til she left….I really feel if I am hit I will have a flashback and snap bc I am not playing it for a second I don’t think and someone will be hurt in jail or dead and it very well could be me….I salute all victims and children of abused parents!

wow I am going for tea!

Happy Hump Day Wed!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
8:57 am

Electronic registration form for the “Chicks Fight Back” is on ww.wsbradio.com

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
8:58 am

Hey Randyt,

I don’t think women feel they have the power to tame a bad boy. However I have known a few women in abusive relationships. Each of these women had one thing in common, and that was they loved the attention these abusive men gave. When I say attention I mean the calling the cell phone every two minutes to see where they are, or back in the day beeping them like crazy. A few of the guys started off very romantic saying all the right things, and being controlling you know putting down more rules than parents do with teenagers. These women seemed to feel that the controlling was a sign of L.O.V.E. While on the outside looking in I thought anyone in there right mind would be annoyed. One of these guys in particular had not met me, and I happened to see them out and about. My friend introduced us, and she called me later on saying that he said, “that he did not care for me, because I seemed like the type of chick that would cheat on my mind and I was too proper and thought I was better than everybody.” She went on to say that he was not sure they would last if we remained friends. He got all of this from a nice to meet you and a handshake. Well he gave her the worst black eye I have ever seen and he was horrible.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
8:58 am

Jeff

March 10th, 2010
9:00 am

I’m all for stopping violence. But we also need to tell women to stop hitting men. The amount of force you hit with is irrelevant. Does it matter how hard a guy thinks he hit you? No, it doesn’t, and it shouldn’t. Stop hitting us, stop joking about it with friends. I hate to break it to you, but EVENTUALLY, you will get hit back.

And we need to put a stop to the false claims. It undermines the legitimate ones. If we are serious about reducing violence in relationships, then we need ALL parties to cease the behavior.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:01 am

Hey Lady J!

I love your post like you I know I will snap if someone hit me. Girl I will have to hire Bruce Harvey. As for the self defense class let me know if you all need an instructor, because I have someone. Just hit me up…

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:01 am

Thanks Prof, I will try to process that. I know that most women in abusive relationships do confuse abuse with love and they are extremely needy/wanting some kind of attention. Still makes me cringe though. Lady I knew had a banner going across her computer screen saying, “It is much better to be alone than to be with the wrong person”. I agree.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:08 am

Randyt,

It is enough to make you cringe and seeing someone down play a busted lip and bloody nose, because she received a $5.99 bud vase makes it worst. Oh yea I worked with this guy years ago, and he was small about 5′6 and maybe 135-140 soaking wet with coins in his pockets. One of the ladies mentioned in front of him about how she was glad he moved out from under his live in girlfriend. Apparently his ex girlfriend would get drunk and beat him every Friday night and take his check. I was :shock: as a 18 year old, because I always thought of a man beating a woman, but there are some women out here that are abusive too. Sometimes I feel that women are more emotionally and verbally abusive.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:09 am

@Jeff re:women hitting men

I guess I have never experienced this. I’ve known plenty of women with razor sharp tongues who were emotionally abusive, but can’t say that I have experienced women hitting (wife did push me once in an arguement and admit I had to hold myself to keep from busting her one, but didn’t) …at least not since my sister and I would get into it as children.

Jeff

March 10th, 2010
9:13 am

I’ve only had one girl punch me in the arm when we first started dating. I told her no hitting period. And she never did it again. It wasn’t a big deal, but it had to be stopped so we could move on in our relationship.

It just seems acceptable to alot of people for women to hit men (Tiger’s wife). And the fact of the matter is, it is not acceptable from anyone, toward anyone. It is a slippery slope to women having more rights than men.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:14 am

@ Prof

LOL (sorry) Makes me glad I am a little bigger than that guy. It would be embarrassing to get the shyte beaten out of me regularly by a woman (although a friend of mine was in a bar when a guy hit on a lady who was “with” another woman (yes a very “butch” lady friend). The “lesbo” apparently beat the crap out him…kinda funny. You never can tell.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:15 am

@All the parents on the blog. What do you teach your children about fighting and hitting? Do you say, son do not hit girls, and vice versa? Or do you say it is okay to hit back if someone hits you? How do you teach your children about violence, and domestic violence in general?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:19 am

I taught my sons that it is never right to hit a female. I also taught them that if they were about to be in a physical alteration with another guy or guys, don’t wait, swing first and keep on swinging until the other goes down (act never react…Army training).

Jeff

March 10th, 2010
9:19 am

Thanks Randyt, you just made my point for me. It’s somehow funny when a woman is violent toward a man. When he hits her back to defend himself, then what? He goes to jail with a criminal record? All because we let it be acceptable for her to be violent. Not cool.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:20 am

altercation not alteration…hellz not talking about sewing, sorry.

Raqi

March 10th, 2010
9:20 am

Jeff, I agree with you. We all automatically say that a man is a low life that would even raise his hand at a woman, but we need to address the issue of the women that hit the man first. That needs to stop.

If you don’t want to be hit, don’t pass the first lick.

As for the topic itself, I think there are signs from the beginning that a person is abusive. First clear sign is usually an individual with a controlling nature. Some like to see it as the person being protective, but a person that protects you will not hurt you.

I teach my sons to first learn to control their tempers. And then try to walk away. Most of us have been instances where someone keep pushing the issue and you just wanted to knock the crap out of them, but some of us were taught to remove ourselves from the situation. That’s what I teach my kids. Even in just every matters that kids face. Remove yourself from the matter.

Cemeeli

March 10th, 2010
9:21 am

yea, this one is a lil too sappy…and it’s rainy…and i already miss sunshiney mornings…7:30 morning rush real sluggish.

…i’ll be over here in the corna…

Morning…

MzNewy

March 10th, 2010
9:21 am

Everyone speaks on physical abuse, but the mental and verbal abuse is far worse because the reprocussions last far longer than that bruise will take to heal. Abuse is abuse. When he yells “I hate you. I don’t want to be with you.” Believe him…Believe him at that very moment because he really means it. No matter how much he calls and says “he was angry…he didn’t mean it.” Out of the mouth, the heart speaks. Walk…no RUN….as fast as you can because verbal abuse leads to physical abuse.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:22 am

Jeff…good point. I hope the number of physically violent women are not increasing (although I did catch the tail end of one of those extreme fighting “ladies night” on one of the cable channels yesterday. Kind of scary).

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:23 am

@Randyt and Jeff…I laughed when I found out Sam used to get his azz beat and check took, but when I saw the look on his face I felt bad. I heard some of those butch women can go toe to toe with a man!

I hear you with act never react…that is how I feel

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 10th, 2010
9:25 am

I did teach my sons to try to, as Raqi indicated, walk away. Violence should always be a last resort. Just saying when it is inevitable, don’t wait to react.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 10th, 2010
9:27 am

Morning everyone, what a great day to stay home! LOL

Professor – I tell Lil Mo to defend himself against boys, never throw the first punch (but dont be a punk either). With Girls I tell him that he cannot hit girls, but to tell someone. its tough because there are some rough lil girls out there and grown women too. I have a friend now that pops off at the mouth all the time and I hate to admit it but I have wondered how dudes manage NOT to smack her Ike Turner style. Its just unecessary….all that talking and saying insensitive stuff (she told her recent guy that his daughter looks like she had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome….she doesnt)….just crazy.

Now i have been a victim of the verbal abuse and I can tell you, its no joke. the ramifications of that last a long time. I have to catch myself sometimes from that feeling of needing to explain myself or my actions to certain folks……

Raqi

March 10th, 2010
9:30 am

Professor, I teach my kids to not fight unless necessary. Try to walk away. I don’t only tell them to not hit girls but don’t hit anyone. Now if someone hits them I don’t teach them to just let it slide. My kids are not being raised to be whimps or punching bags. But I did tell them that if a girl hits them first let it be known to whatever authority figure is around and then get away from her. That way she has been warned. Should she persist knock the crap out of her hit her back. I do tell them to not hit in face but if a woman slaps him return the favor.

RelldaRake

March 10th, 2010
9:31 am

I’ve only had one girl punch me in the arm when we first started dating. I told her no hitting period. And she never did it again. It wasn’t a big deal, but it had to be stopped so we could move on in our relationship.

- i agree…disrespect start smalls and grows..its a cancer…so you have to check it from the door. That includes slick comments and talking about your SO/boyfriend around friends…that undermines your respect for that person…specially if you just had a sessions with your friends and they all agree on your victim mentality..then you will feel a certain kind of way when you see that person again…all i know is that disrespect can kill you….and like WD spoke on..the teacher thought dudes lil fits of rage where cute…..not so cute anymore

ladies if dude has three tats or more..he is likely crazy azz cat ish….dont date him

RelldaRake

March 10th, 2010
9:33 am

I have a friend now that pops off at the mouth all the time and I hate to admit it but I have wondered how dudes manage NOT to smack her Ike Turner style. Its just unecessary….all that talking and saying insensitive stuff (she told her recent guy that his daughter looks like she had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome….she doesnt)….just crazy.

LOL..dont fault her…its that weenie azz dude..he should tell her to go take her disrespectful moist stinking hole azz on somewhere out his face…or either charge her for disrespect….i dont get dudes co-signing these hoodrats behavior….smdh

Raqi

March 10th, 2010
9:38 am

For me, when it comes to teaching kids, I kinda see it like when that kid was a baby. Babies learn to bite at early ages. Some for no reason and some in a fit of tantrum. Now you can tell that little chomper not to bite. And you can tell him/her a number of times. But you know when telling them does not work…like I told my oldest when my youngest would bite him…bite back. Let him see how it feels. It only took one time for him to get biten back and he stopped.

See even when my boys are faced with girls hitting them, don’t just let it keep going on. Sometimes you have to return the favor.

But all in all I try to teach them that violence is not the answer.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:42 am

Hey Mo!

That is crazy to say something like that about someone’s child! WTH, even if I thought that mess I would never say it to the person, and I would probably chastise myself for the thought.

@Raqi my parents always taught my brother not to hit girls, but when this one little heifer slammed the door on his hand on purpose and giggled. I told him the fool in her should bring out the fool and you and you should have returned the favor. However I am happy that he has never returned the favor…he had one ex-girl that tried to fight him and he left her outside kicking his car. He finally called her cell phone and told her the police was one the way, and she left.

Raqi

March 10th, 2010
9:44 am

Mo, I agree about some little girls can be rather tough. I saw a few growing up and I know that it’s even worst today. So when we are teaching our boys to not hit little girls we have to keep it in perspective. Don’t be a punching bag for anyone. Don’t let anyone run over and step over you. Protect yourself when it’s necessary.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
9:44 am

@Rell do you have any kids or tats? If so how many

kinderbabe

March 10th, 2010
9:45 am

happy rainy wednesday!:) hope everyone’s day is going well.

Raqi

March 10th, 2010
9:48 am

but when this one little heifer slammed the door on his hand on purpose

Professor, that made my BP rise for a quick second. See somebody got to be teaching little girls that they can’t do this stuff. My parents allowed my brothers to get us back when we initiated fights with them. It didn’t make them abusive. To this day neither one of them are abusive. But it did teach me that if I don’t want to hit back I better not hit first.

That’s what I am going to teach my daughter. I am not going to let her think she can go around being violent under the false notion of boys aren’t supposed to hit girls.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 10th, 2010
9:55 am

Not much to say on this topic…other than “I wish a muthaf*cka would!”

OKAY?! My sperm donor used to fight my mom when I was younger and I promised myself I would NEVER allow myself to be abused by anyone. Fortuately I’ve only had one experience with a guy who hit me and it was like WWE up in there cause I went ape shyt batty.

I’m in no way minimizing domestic violence or anything but I also feel like a man/woman will only do to you what you ALLOW them to do….you have to nip that in the bud EARLY.

RelldaRake

March 10th, 2010
9:55 am

@prof..i am no longer on daddy duty…i am no longer married i have no kids of my own..but when i did…i see you punch em square in the throat area…tats…not one…is there a point to your question

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 10th, 2010
9:56 am

Rell – im telling you, she has gotten worse as we’ve gotten older! I dont know if its b/c she was the only girl out of 9 children that she is so aggressive but we tell her all the time “this is getting old” and “nobody has to take that ish from you”

Professor – yeah, amazing how some folks hit below the belt all the time, thinking it works. And like you, I would never talk about anyone’s kid especially like that.

Raqi – on that 944, ^5…exactly

Leggs

March 10th, 2010
10:00 am

Good morning…gloomy topic (but necessary) for a gloomy day!

In the beginning I was concerned with lil leggs getting out of h.s w/o a fight. We have always had sparring sessions at home because I told her if she’s ever in a fight there will be no flailing of hands fighting only air. I am teaching her that no boy/man should ever hit her. I explain to her that that is not a sign of love nor respect. Love should never physically or mentally hurt/exhaust you. I constantly tell her any boy/man that verbally abuses her is not meant for her. Always love yourself and never force or be with someone who doesn’t love you/respect you in return! There’s this tall, lanky boy that likes her, and I have already informed him if he ever puts his hands on her I will break them!

Beautiful

March 10th, 2010
10:01 am

*singin`*
i wa wa wa whatcha wa wa want
give it to me baby
boom boom boom

happy hump day! lol.

Professor...

March 10th, 2010
10:03 am

@Raqi I see where you are coming from, although I not a parent I would have to find some kind of balance. It seems like a lot of women say and do things on purpose like you said hiding behind that “boys don’t hit girls shield.”

@Mo your girl is going to get hurt saying that mess to the wrong dude at the wrong time. Shoot some of these folks out here are under the influence of drugs etc., and they will react.

@Rell, for some reason I always thought you were a daddy (it just seems like you would have a son), but I could never pinpoint you mentioning a son or daughter. As for the tats…I was thinking you may have gotten one in the military. I was just asking no reason or motive behind it…thanks for answering.

AmazonRed™

March 10th, 2010
10:05 am

Michael Baisden recently had a show on teens and domestic violence. And watching “16 and Pregnant” last night…homechick was definitely being emotionally abused as the father of her child told her stuff like “you’re worthless” and called her a “fat stretch mark b*tch.” She would often apologize to HIM after such tirades.

One thing I took from these shows is that these girls need some self esteem classes. They exist, I took them growing up and they work ;) But it also starts at home. No man could ever treat me in such a way, because I knew, from the jump, that that isn’t how relationships are supposed to roll. These little girls get it in their heads, from their dumb azz friends who don’t know better, that you have to keep a man at all costs. That starts at home too.

Just sad.

Carlito

March 10th, 2010
10:05 am

I really do not have to much to say, except men should not put their hands on women and women should not put their hands on me. I read an article I think about a week ago, in which, a 40 plus year old lady shot her 20 something year old boyfriend near the varsity and walked away calmly. The very odd part was that this woman was a lobbyist against domestic violence. I do not understand the double standard. No a man should never hit a woman, but if a woman pulled a gun on me her gender would not matter while I defend myself.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

March 10th, 2010
10:06 am

Professor – chica I know…at this point I just pray for whatever dude she is dealing with cause he is gonna have to be a glutton for punishment or have the patience of Job to deal with her! Or be a person that can dish it back to her….but why bother with that?? Im just glad that she doesnt live here so I dont have to deal with that first hand like when we were in college

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 10th, 2010
10:09 am

Hey all.

I think this topic is interesting because there are various behavioral instincts that can lead to abuse. For example, I think if you are dating a domineering person, this can turn into abuse because its a form of disrespect. Most abuse is based on disrespect anyway. Also this goes both ways. Ladies, just because you grew up with 3 brothers does not mean you should put your hands on guys you date. Not cool.

Melo

March 10th, 2010
10:13 am

Good morning!

Interesting topic…I remeber back then(maybe 10 yrs back), I was trying to cross the road to go to an ATM and when i stopped at the traffic light(as i was walking),a car pulled up and i belive the man and his woman were in some kinda of argument.The woman smacked the man across the face with the back of her hand.
Then all hell broke loose!

Violence can go either way altho i hear of more men physically harming women.Anger management classes will do a lot to help people lean how to calm down,stop talking and straegize on the next step or wait untill the tempers have cooled because tempers lead to flying hands and somebody is gonna get punched,male or female.

Adults must also teach their kids to speak right.I hear a lot of foul language from adults and they talk with no regard to their sailor talk.How would kids interepret when they hear that or when they grow up,speaking to their peers?

Like most have said,smakc lingo can be a preamble to some confrontation and everybody has to learn to be accountable for their actions.

The law can only protect u so much but people must guard against suff that leads to escalation of violence.

Happy wet wet! (wish I were in bed with my squeeze)

RelldaRake

March 10th, 2010
10:16 am

@prof…the thing that stopped me from getting a tat in the military was my work with anti-terror and SOTG teams…meaning in those units the regular military standards are relaxed because sometimes you will have to move in the civy world..having a big eagle, globe, anchor tat screams that you dont belong there…lol…so i was just practicing my training by blending in…

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 10th, 2010
10:17 am

Hey All

A-Red, i don’t feel so bad anymore, 16 and Preg is one of my fav shows LOL. I haven’t watched last night’s episode yet i will when i get home though. There are a lot of good things being said today.

Professor
I try to teach lil mama it is not okay to be hitting folks or for folks to be hitting her or calling her names etc.

I keep my hands to myself because I don’t want anybody touching me cause one of us gon end up behind bars. I did have ONE incident with an ex that resulted in me smacking the ish out of him square across the mouth, however, i’ll blame that on young and stupid cause like i’ve said before i’ve learned that if it takes all that ya’ll don’t need to be together. For the most part the dudes i deal with know better than to raise a hand cause I’m not going to fight a dude, but i will locate my pistol ASAP.

Leggs

March 10th, 2010
10:21 am

@Carlito ~ upon hearing the story about the 40 year old that shot her husband then calmly walked away, my first thought was who walks down the street in nightgown with a shower cap on their head packing???