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The Living Years

I don’t know why there are so many beautiful babies every where I seem to go lately.  I can’t even escape the cuties on Twitter because some mothers and grandmothers are tweeting pictures of their adorable angels!  I have long ago pulled the cord out of my biological clock.  Which is to say, I decided that as much as I adore children, motherhood would not drive my need to land a mate by a certain reproductively ideal age.

Now, as because I’m getting older, the men I am meeting are ready for children.  They decided at some point before meeting/dating me, that fatherhood is pretty high on their list of things to do.  I’ve seen it happen to many close friends.  They go from being the single, carefree guy to the man who is picking out mini-jerseys of their favorite team for their future sons.  It seems to happen overnight, but I’m sure it isn’t exactly the case.

Do you think men have biological clocks?

Do you think that the traits that it takes to make a great father are the same ones that it takes to make a good partner or husband?

Ladies, have you noticed that the men you meet are anxious to have children very soon?

I have been propositioned by a wonderful guy friend to have a child together.  At the time, I scoffed at him and felt insulted.  Then I heard about the woman he actually had a child with, and now I sort of get it.  He was wanting to have a friendship and c0-parenting relationship with someone he trusted and respected.

I have to wonder if  single men today are deciding that fatherhood is going to be more of a priority than becoming a husband?

How should women handle the men who have biological clocks ticking louder than theirs?

670 comments Add your comment

SlimOne

March 9th, 2010
8:47 am

Good morning,

Wise I was also propositioned to have a kid with a guy w/o the whole wedding/committment song and dance. I was a little insulted because I immediately thought, I’m good enough to knock up but not good enough to commit to?! WTF Now that I think about it, a dude just last week asked if I wanted to go half on a baby. lol I’m not sure if dudes just see me and automatically visualize me being preggo or what.

Dan - my invented truth

March 9th, 2010
8:51 am

Good morning,

I don’t think it’s a “clock”, it’s more that you wake up one day and realize that the life (sometimes 2 or 3) you’ve led has taught you some things, and you want to share that with someone*.

For me, it was nearing a birthday and I thought about where I wanted my life to have been at that point, and one of the things on that list was (is) children. And suddenly realizing that options were becoming more limited, as well as the time frame to be a viable dad (able to play with my kids without hurting myself), I did something similar to WD’s friend.

Knowing me, I wouldn’t have been as viable a father had I had children prior to now (which is why I haven’t had any); ie patience and understanding. And that’s one of my life goals “being a good father”. So, I guess like most things, I have to leave it to the Most High and His schedule.

*(I still want kids because no matter how much time I volunteer or participate in the lives of my god children, there’s no biological imperative. There’s no lasting ‘bond’.)

@Dreams: if you wanna finish that convo from yesterday, hit me offline at danbynight@netzero.com so we don’t bore everyone, I’ve got some info if you wanna check it out.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
8:53 am

I wish I could have another one but it seems my window has closed (although not because of the snip-snip) due to my age. I’ll be 40 in a couple months. By the time I spend enough time with a woman to trust her enough to have kids, tack on wedding, honeymoon phase, 9 months, etc it’ll be later than is acceptable to me. But yeah, I get the deal and understand.

And yes, there are some guys who want to be fathers. The fact that you have to ask that indicates some stereotyping going on, and you know how that goes over on here. LOL.

Dan - my invented truth

March 9th, 2010
8:56 am

“trust her enough to have kids”

^^Helluva thing right there

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
8:58 am

Ladies, have you noticed that the men you meet are anxious to have children very soon? Yes, the father of my angel was this person and I knew in college he wanted a child and a girl and had the name picked out which is her name today…..Now was he ready to be husband heck to da naw (LMAO)….It is so funny when mistakes are made all of the givens are there and we happily ignore them forsaking something wonderful will happen….After jumping the broom @ 25 and coming back from an awesome honeymoon I quickly (as a new wife) felt the need and pressure to produce…from the outsiders asking when is the baby coming to my husband giving me the looks and pokes of he wants a child….So I quickly began prenatal care and 6 months later I was preggo….Can you say that is when that negro true self was revealed or my vision became clearer and saw the real person I ignored for 5 plus years from college sweethearts to wife and husband….disclaimer for me I am truly the same person and what you see is what you get…I am wiser, focused, grounded and a better person but I am truly who I am…on the flip side he sold himself in a way that just wasn’t true and folk called him on it after the fact….moving on at my weakest point preggo that is he showed out….went into the stage of hmmmmm did I say I wanted kids, to hmmmm I do but we aren’t working to hmmmm packing those bags and leaving….The moral to my story once again is to with my next mate that impulsive behavior that is within me that is becoming fine tuned is to be more observant and aware of myself and to truly believe who that person is from the start….At the end of the day no matter how much we are awesome co-parents and truly maximize joint custody in the best light possible the lil one is mine as custodial parent…..and as Melo points out frequently I am the one singing the song of being a mother it was like a bag of bricks hitting me that I was a single parent…As dysfunctional as my childhood was with two parents who almost hated each other 25 years later I did have a mom and a dad under the same roof and my lil one doesn’t and I promise I am just recently getting comfortable with it….So my point is just because someone sings that song “Oh I want a baby” know what truly comes with it and be prepared to be responsible for decisions made…I small thought ran through my mind to have an abortion but that was out of pure selfish anger that my marriage was failing…..that is all it was….After truly planning a planned pregnancy I couldn’t for the God in me for it….Now I do want a son and want to be married and I am getting older…wants and needs are everyday (lmao) so really whatever God has for me it will be until then as I stated yesterday I am blessed he chose me to be someone’s mother through all the hell that was put out!

Good Morning and Have a Terrific Tuesday!

PrincessNik (having a Magnificent Monday)

March 9th, 2010
9:02 am

Jeff, I feel the same way about spending enough time to trust, wedding etc…….

and I’m only 30! Cause no way i’m having another one without a husband NO Thank you!

Funny thing is my brother is at that stage where he wants a family so badly, and not just a child. He is 31.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 9th, 2010
9:06 am

Hi Wise

I can’t address the biological clock issue in men because my first son was born when I was 25 (planned), my second son when I was 27 (planned), and my daughter when I was 34 (planned). It had more to do with when my wife and I wanted children rather than the clock ticking (although we had both wanted a daughter but I only wanted two and it took my wife pouting for five years for me to give in and go for a third.

Re: “Do you think that the traits that it takes to make a great father are the same ones that it takes to make a good partner or husband?’ Absolutely. When I say this, I am saying that if a man is totally self absorbed as a mate, he will probably be self absorbed as a father. Fatherfood and “maturity” do not necessarily go hand in hand…sometimes but no guarantee.

Re: “I have to wonder if single men today are deciding that fatherhood is going to be more of a priority than becoming a husband?”

I find this a little weird but maybe I grew up in a time and a culture where one usually meant the other. I am suspect though of any arrangement where two people agree to just have a child together. That kid is going to be torn apart some if not a lot when the couple are not together. We can try our best to justify and rationalize how things are better for the children with one parent homes but in the end that is just not the case. If a kid has two parents (together) to model in his/her own life, and is surrounded by love and validation, the child will be better adjusted. It is what it is. (For the record, my father died when I was seven and my stepfather was not abusive but fairly distant, and it DID have a major impact on me…kids need parents (plural) and validation).

My $.02

Luvbug

March 9th, 2010
9:07 am

First things first – I hardly ever correct my posts that have been misinterpreted. I rarely catch them or have the time to clarify them…but I have to clarify the one from yesterday.

I support people who live a polygamous lifestyle, but I would NOT want to be in a polygamous relationship. I’m NOT into that.

By that lifestyle saving me taxes, I meant me and all taxpayers (society as a whole) b/c guys would have to take care of all the units (woman and children) they produce and not just the ones they claim. If that happens, it would be less of a burden on society which now has to emotionally and financially supplement many (not to be confused with all) women and children not being claimed.

If men had to claim every unit and not just his current wife and children, men would be justifiably coerced into limiting their escapades to what they could afford and the women (wives) would have to seriously judge the guy’s character and decide if she wants to stick around with the consequences…instead of staying with the guy and pretending his whole other unit/s don’t exist…a la “She’s not the wife and that’s not my kid or problem…so my guy has no responsibility to them but cutting a child support check (out of his portion of money of course) and sending it across town…to some family that’s out of my site and comfort zone.”

I know?! Long winded…guess there was no short way for me to communicate all of that.

But my point was…it’s easier to choose an open marriage than a polygamous one b/c “open” aint really completely open…you’re just navigating around the costs.

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
9:07 am

Hey Lady J Great Post!

Leggs

March 9th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning everyone!

I did have a mom and a dad under the same roof and my lil one doesn’t…

My story is the exact opposite, I didn’t have 2 parents under the same roof and I wanted that for lil leggs. Hence me staying in a marriage that was doomed years before I left. I quickly realized I was a single parent who just happened to be married. What an awful feeling to carry around year after year.

@Jeff ~ 40 is not too old to have a child. I was 37 when I gave birth.

“At the end of the day no matter how much we are awesome co-parents…the lil one is mine as custodial parent….” Aww shyt! My ex text me just 2 days ago that I am the custodial parent and he would not be helping me get lil leggs from practice on the weekdays cuz he was a wkend parent only. WTF is that and what father has the nerve to say something so stupid. Yeah, I know. I picked a doosey! It’s ironic what you learn after the fact!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 9th, 2010
9:13 am

And also for the record…I would walk infront of truck without blinking an eye for any of my children…they ARE the most important thing to me. Money, big houses, fancy cars are just “stuff”. The rush I would get when I would make a big sale that would gross me 7K to 10k on a single trade, are nothing compared to the rush of pride one gets when he sees his son/daughter wipe out another defense on a soccer field on a Saturday morning. No comparison, no exception, my children ARE the most important thing in my life.

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:14 am

thanks PrincessNik…..One in a Million!!!!!!!!! ;)

DreamsMaterialize

March 9th, 2010
9:19 am

Morning
I think the qualities that make a good father can overlap with those necessary to be a good husband/mate, but being good at one doesn’t mean you are good at the other. There are lots of women who are good mothers, but not good wives, and vice versa.

I do think that when guys decide to have kids, they put the plan into effect pretty quickly. For guys it may be about leaving a legacy.

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:22 am

I know the older a women gets thee chances of multiple babies increase and I do know a woman back from home her baby was a senior in high school and she was giving birth to twins….Am I ready for that when I am in my mid forties prob not….lololol…..starting all over and send a child to college whew!

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:23 am

DreamsM great post dude!

Sassy Me...The Real Deal in Stereo :-)

March 9th, 2010
9:23 am

Ladies, have you noticed that the men you meet are anxious to have children very soon?

No usually the men I meet already have children and a “baby mama” somewhere in the mix…they’re usually the ones who get all :shock: upon hearing I don’t have any. As far as biological clocks go I think the battery in mine is broken but I’m cool with that it’s my family who isn’t. Whenever I go home to visit either side(in Charleston or Trini) I always get the riot act about not having any babies. What I don’t understood is why they keep asking when I’m gonna have a baby BUT NEVER ask when I’m getting married. So each time I hear what you waitin for girl? I simply say a husband and that ends the convo and I laugh a little…family is priceless.

Raqi

March 9th, 2010
9:23 am

Kids are awesome.

However just like everyone that can boil water is not a cook, everyone that is capable of making a baby is not parent material. It takes patience, caring, selflessness and stamina to be a parent. It’s more than a notion, it’s a lifelong commitment.

Now do I believe that men have biological ticking clocks? Yeah. I think a lot of men want to be fathers and get to a point in life if they haven’t done so already, that having that little person in their life becomes a priority.

Some look at it as preserving their lineage. Some love the thought of seeing that little person that they had part in creating grow and learn.

Kids are family. And while a man and woman can unit in matrimony creating a family unit, kids add a new dimension to it all.

I had a baby at 21 and I had a baby at 41. The difference 20 years make is undeniable.

DreamsMaterialize

March 9th, 2010
9:25 am

nothing compared to the rush of pride one gets when he sees his son/daughter wipe out another defense on a soccer field on a Saturday morning.
Absolutely. Or when they bring home all A’s, or when people tell you how respectful and mannerable they are.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 9th, 2010
9:27 am

It’s ironic what you learn after the fact!!

True words…20/20 is a mutha….

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:31 am

dreamM 9:25 I am shouting!!!!!!! Who knew being a parent ROCKS totally!!!! It ain’t bad at all…it is not easy but to see that action of raising your child pay off can’t no dollar bill compare to that!

DreamsMaterialize

March 9th, 2010
9:31 am

LAdy J Thanks. How are you this AM? How are things with school?

Raqi

March 9th, 2010
9:34 am

Randy I notice the difference now between Mason and myself when it comes to the baby’s milestones. I look for certain things at certain times as mother. Having done it twice already I know what to expect to be happening at certain ages. I look for those and I am happy to see her growing and thriving and getting around and getting into every freakin thing within reach. But her dad on the other hand, he is just ecstatic. I mean he notices every little advance that she makes from one day to the next. For me it’s just normal and I just look for her to grow healthy. But for him, that’s his little girl. That’s part of him developing and growing into what will one day be an adult. An independent being.

And even with my sons. He loves teaching them and showing them things. He loves that the 15 yr old can drive a car and he taught him. He let him tag along with him when he goes to the barber and other man stuff like that. They go to the hardware store and put ceiling fan and light fixtures together. I could go on. But to sum it up my husband loves being a dad.

Guy's guy

March 9th, 2010
9:34 am

Some guys do. This one doesn’t, maybe it was from having older friends in my 20s and watching them go through a divorce where she was the one that cheated or out of the blue decided she had missed something in life. He was stuck without the kids and paying child support, always fearing she will go back and adjust the payments. It has made me very cautious about who I would let get that close to me. I have my nephew and love him him dearly.

Divorce Rodeo King

March 9th, 2010
9:35 am

For me, I have three children already from my first marriage. I am content with having that stage behind me early in life(1st at 20, and last by 24); however, it was not always easy for them, me, or their mother. It has not been that terrible either. I have three grown children; 2 in college and 1 starting in the fall.

I never had a bio clock ticking or anything. Poor judgement, wrongful actions, and a lack of wisdom landed me with three wonderful kids, but a disgruntled wife. It would be nice to have a partner to share in life’s experiences.

I am probably the exception on this topic. If my partner were inclined to have a child I would be open to it, and I would give 100% as with my other children.

kimmie - Soldier of Love!

March 9th, 2010
9:38 am

Morning Folks, blogging from home today.

Leggs – Your ex sounds a lot like a friend’s ex. Completely selfish. You sound like a great mom, though, and you do everything you can to make the best of a less than ideal situation, down to having him over for the holidays. Rest assured, your daughter is taking all of this in and sees the effort. She will thank you.

I’ve had those go-half-on-a-baby propositions. One I truly considered, me & the guy were talking marriage anyway and I wanted to give my mom a grandchild before she died. It didn’t work out with me & the guy. Plus, I know how I was raised. I have always wanted to do it right – marry, then baby.

My SO has 2 adorable kids, boy & girl, who lost their mother at ages 4 & 6. They are now 7 & 9. They are a complete joy and there is nothing I would not do for them. I am honored to be in their lives. I also help them honor their mother whenever possible and keep her memory alive. It’s almost as if it’s my destiny. My father was widowed and had 3 kids when he met my mother. She raised them and gave birth to 3 with my dad.

Besides my own father, I’ve had examples all around me of great fathers and some not so great. So in choosing a mate, I’ve always kept in mind that not only am I choosing a husband, but the father of my children, be they biologically mine or not. I owe them that.

BlackMagicWoman

March 9th, 2010
9:40 am

Wise you hit the nail on the head! I have had men ask me point blank to have their baby. Of course I laugh because for one I have no deire to reproduce and two what makes you think I’d want to do it with you? LOL

Now of course a woman saying that she does not have baby fever and does not foresee motherhood in her future is crazy right? Not at all! I will not be pressured into a life altering decision that I can not change my mind on if I do not like it. I love babies…don’t get me wrong. I love to see OTHER people’s babies. I love to babysit them because any maternal yearning I may get…gets quenched in a visit. I know when I go home…I can sleep as late as I want. If I want to go to the store…it’s not a production. I just throw something on and go. If I decide I want to move to Puerto Rico, I have no one to consider but myself. I don’t always have to look for a sitter or child friendly enviroments. And most of all…after bills…my money is all mine! Betsey Johnson here I come! Now some have called me selfish. (And some men ask what’s wrong with me and I let them know I have perfectly functioning uterus but that does not mean I should use it). Oh well you are entitled to your own opinion. But I think selfish are those people who have kids and still try to act like their life is about them. Newsflash…you gave that up the day the stick turned blue and you made the decision to keep it. You have a young child at home….why is it that single childfree me, sees you everywhere I go? Shouldn’t you be at home with your child…I don’t know maybe reading a book with them and stop leaving all the educating to the teachers? You did after all decide to bring this person in the world. If you do not want to be responsible for this kid needing therapy in a few years…BE A PARENT…a real one!

Lady J…see your scenario shows that a man can say he wants kids until his eyes bulge out. But homie can pack up and leave at anytime. And who left holding the bag??? So I say ladies THINK long and hard before you decide to do this. There is a chance you will end up doing it alone.

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:41 am

DreamsM this is my FB status this AM…….I haven’t sat in a classroom as a pupil since Spring “01 (SCSU)….Today I will sit as a pupil (Argosy) as a Master’s Candidate for the next 3+ years…..Anything worth having is worth fighting for….I’m wiser, I’m better, I’m focused, I’m grounded!!!!!!:)There are goals to be achieved and I won’t quit!!!!! Praise God for Second Chances!!!!!!!!!

So DreamsM I am ready I feel like a high school student going to under grad for the first time!!!! Summer ‘97 isn’t was a second thought that I was going to college after high school and years later finally after 3 Online attempts I am ready to get my Master’s!!!!! This is a personal goal of completion!!!!! I am ready!

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
9:43 am

But homie can pack up and leave at anytime. And who left holding the bag??? So I say ladies THINK long and hard before you decide to do this. There is a chance you will end up doing it alone.

Black Magic, you better preach!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 9th, 2010
9:44 am

@ Raqi re: “my husband loves being a dad”.

You bring up a very important point. All it takes for a man to HAVE children is a lucky sperm or two. Being a real “Dad” is a state of mind, a desire to really be a father and not just a sperm donor. I’m glad for you, your children, and for him because the rewards of being a real “Father” cannot be measured..

Lady J-Listen to your gut feeling no matter how it may seem...Always go with your 1st mind.....

March 9th, 2010
9:45 am

yes BlackMagicWoman and that is/was my beef with being a mother that dude left two weeks before I gave birth he left aug 20th 2005 and I drove myself to the hospital aug 30th 2005 while Katrina was showing her ass in NO and gave birth @ 2:30pm granted he met me there but I was alone the most alone point in my life…..you gotta know we were that couple that group couple the group admire that dude NEVER let me go without!!! He introduced me to a lifestyle I never lived and when I needed him the most we couldn’t put difference aside to stick it out for the kid that is why I don’t but that crap staying for the kids…what he did although it hurt like hell was a TRUE BLESSING!!!! Without my story I wouldn’t be who I am today! A better person! Thank you Jesus!

Luvbug

March 9th, 2010
9:46 am

I agree Dreams. When men are ready for kids, they execute quickly.

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
9:46 am

Raqi, your situation always makes me think of my mom, i tell her i’m not really interested in another child and she says “if you meet the right man and fall in love and he has none and asks you to have his child, you will” :oops:

Kym-singing and swinging and getting Merry like Christmas!

March 9th, 2010
9:47 am

Good Morning All,

Hmmm interesting comments. I never thought about guys having bio clocks..but I guess they do have that whole tick..tick..boom going on. I know quite a few women who are adopting kids without hubbies and others who have gotten a “donor” so to speak and decided to raise the bambino alone. I agree with Raqi parenting is not for everyone. If you know you are selfish, weak-knee and flat out lazy. Parenting might not be for you. I never looked at having a child as leaving a legacy..but more like a gift(curse somedays)a sacred trust to be given charge over the rearing of another human being.

I don’t know if any you watched the Olympics but I was so totally impressed with the commericals that Kleenex ran. I also like watching the back stories for some of the athletes, Apollo Ono and Shani Davis came to mind because each were raised with a single parents. We are talking crazy committment to the cause because of the schedule those guys have.

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
9:49 am

I agree Dreams. When men are ready for kids, they execute quickly.

me too, lil mamma wasn’t planned on my part, but apparently she was planned by her daddy…………i swear i had visions of choking him to def! you think women only do that kind of trifling stuff WRONG!

Luvbug

March 9th, 2010
9:49 am

I have never been asked to have a kid by a guy but have been in a few uncomfortable situations regarding a partner. One, I had a scare and the guy was openly excited about it while I was falling to pieces. Two, I was in the middle of (you know) and the guy started talking about me having a baby. It took me a minute to refocus on the task at hand.

Oh and…A close guy friend asked me when I’m gonna have kids. I asked him when he planned to marry the mother of his kids. It ended in silence…then we burst out laughing. Tragic humor…the worst kind.

Dan - my invented truth

March 9th, 2010
9:50 am

@BlackMagic (I noticed the acronym attempt too – nice)/Slim

When I asked that question of my friend, it wasn’t about sex, or fear, or committment beyond the trust and respect I have for her (both as a person and a parent).

For me it was the equivalent more than “I love you” on any level that I’ve ever used that phrase; it was “I trust you with a part of me that I’ve never thought of giving to another woman”. While I could and can see where she might not have caught that, that was my intention (not speaking for anyone else).

Carlito

March 9th, 2010
9:51 am

I don’t want kids and I really don’t ever want to be married.

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 9th, 2010
9:55 am

PK:if you meet the right man and fall in love and he has none and asks you to have his child, you will”

I turly believe that with my soul with the right mate it wouldn’t be a second thought with me….lol…

Sassy Me...juicy fruit :-)

March 9th, 2010
9:56 am

BlackMagic liked that 9:40…we’re in the same boat on that. I get called selfish sometimes and I’m not knocking parenthood but I loove my freedom. I’ve encounter grreat parents and some who shouldn’t have had any so it’s a mixed bag but still to each his/her own.

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
9:57 am

Lady J

its such a blessing when my eyes get to see the sun rise i’m ready to begin another chance to get further away from where i been but i never forget everything i went through i appreciate the ish, cause if i woulda went and took the easy way wouldn’t be the strong N, that i am today everything that i did different things i was told just ended up being food for my soul.

I’m having a Goodie Mob morning and that Cee-Lo verse made me think about you ;)

itpdude

March 9th, 2010
9:58 am

To any men out there who want kids, remember this: When you have a kid with a woman, you are committing to that woman for the next 20 plus years. You won’t resent the kid so much because something will click with you.

But you may grow to resent the woman. A lot of women take having your baby as a point of control. Watch it.

kimmie - Soldier of Love!

March 9th, 2010
9:59 am

A close guy friend asked me when I’m gonna have kids. I asked him when he planned to marry the mother of his kids. It ended in silence…

Luvbug – Folks trip me out asking this when you’re not even married. As if that’s not even a consideration anymore. I like your comeback!

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 9th, 2010
10:01 am

hmmmm so parents can’t be social…I think there is balnce and while its isn’t about me ever again I refuse to lose 100% of my social life just bc I am a parent….I watched my mom do that an now in her 50s she is having a hard time with knowing she is grown her kids are grown and she can do whatever….thank God I have had a blessed life that I don’t have to live through my child per se but I am not closing the dooor of my personality which is a social butterfly just because I am a mom…..There is a time and place for everything and lil j is 1st and everything else follows….

Cemeeli

March 9th, 2010
10:03 am

It takes patience, caring, selflessness and stamina to be a parent. It’s more than a notion, it’s a lifelong commitment.

And that’s all there is to it Apollo…

Morning folks.

PrincessNik.....One in a Million

March 9th, 2010
10:03 am

Kimmie I agree with your 9:59, i ran into an ex of mine a few weeks back, when we were together he had two little girls, well turns out one of the lil girls wasn’t his, now he has added another daughter and two sons i was like whoooooah! says he “jumped the broom” i said well did you marry one of your baby mamma’s his answer was no i was like uhhhhhhhh then when i told him i thought i was pretty much done with having kids his respons was “but you only have one” i said aaaaaannnd?!?!?

Just sayin

March 9th, 2010
10:03 am

For me at the age of 37 I’ve found my self looking at my life to do list and pretty much the individual things are checked off. So now the things I would like to do seem more fun if I have a signif other to share them with and be able to help or just witness her check some things off as well. Kids bring a whole new level to the game and personally I look forward to raising a child with someone and actually seeing part of me walking and talking. I will say this when a man is ready he is ready and that’s it no clock just time to take another step. I believe you have to have similar triats with kids and your significant others patience, understanding and the ability to maintain a sense of self while putting others first.

AmazonRed™

March 9th, 2010
10:05 am

Morning all –

Men “jokingly” request to procreate with me all the time. I feel some kind of way about that.

Anywhoo…one thing I am grateful about in the dating world is that I’m not ruled by my biological clock. So I don’t feel pressure or a rush to be coupled up by a certain age. I just need it to be right.

I’m still in my early 30s, so the guys aren’t pressuring to have kids too soon. With me they know a ring must preceed it. So if you want to talk about kids, you have to want to talk about marriage. Period.

Morning all. :)

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 9th, 2010
10:05 am

Greetings,

I personally dont have that clock. I am nervous because I am a twin and my brothers are twins to so that kid thing may not work for me.

I think the father traits are discipline, balance, and leadership.

Me and my friend were discussing how lately in Atlanta it seems like the women are getting more carefree and the guys are bringing up marriage and kids on the first date. Sunday I was out with my friend and he was saying that he has been seeing little kids everywhere and can see himself with one.

I have alot of nephews and nieces so I am content with that. I am not going to let kids drive my dating choices etc. If it happens cool if not cool. Some people women I meet dont even like kids. I did read an article in GQ awhile back about the underground secret of men quietly getting vasectomies. May need to look into that… ;)

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 9th, 2010
10:06 am

awwwwww PrincessNik…… :)

Melo

March 9th, 2010
10:08 am

Good morning!

kids…yeah,some of u really have a gift for wasteful birthing,I tell ya….

My brother’s ex had 2 daughters be4 they married,from 2 baby daddies,they had a son in marriage and now divorced(2 yrs now) and shes having Yet another baby and again not married..from another different baby daddy.

Whose gon be the male voice in that household to control the 4 kids. And she unemployed right now too! :roll:

I can tell that my 9 year old nephew lacks a strong parental upbringing.When he comes to visit my house..he be rolling and standing all over the couches, doing bunjee flips,running around the house etc….. and I sported him with a Big gold chain dangling on his neck! :mrgreen:

Lawd have mercy!! :shock: :evil:

If its a Child Support Scam..then America, We got a problem! Really :lol:

Babies and kids are great,but please,give those rugrats a chance by birthing them in a 2 parent household.

A human body and Mind is a terrible thing to waste!

good morning!