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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Don’t believe the hype

I had  a wonderful time in New York over the weekend and that city is amazing! I can understand why people go there and never want to leave.  I want to thank everyone for their tips, they really came in handy. I will recap the trip for everyone later this week!

I was telling someone I met this weekend about the different topics we discuss on the Misadventures in Atlanta blog.  The various challenges many of us face on the dating scene can feel insurmountable.  It doesn’t help when single people let their gender mistrust take over and ruin a potentially good thing.

I think a lot of us sometimes adopt the very stereotypes and myths about the opposite sex that we complain about.  What happens to our own instincts? Why do we believe the bad hype so easily and look for the worst to happen?

What would you say were the biggest stereotypes women have about men that get in the way of having a meaningful relationship?  What would be some real solutions to combat this?

Some men probably accept stereotypes about women because they have seen their close friends burned once (or 30) times before.  That’s enough to begin the male cynicism about relationships that other women have to pay for sometimes.

What kind of stereotypes do you think men have about women? How can we deal with it so that it is not a hindrance for our future relationships?

Happy Monday!

457 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
8:43 am

My take with this topic is to embrace the individual for who they are with a clean slate….To truly minimize your past with judging or assuming this is just another person out to hurt you….Not all people have that agenda….While both parties have a story and a closet it can’t be the foundation of something new as both parties get to know each other…..Be open to something new and let the past be just that….While it is taking a risk and letting your guard down isn’t always the easiest leaving that negative flare behind and being positive about a potential and bringing positive conversation to the table I feel can spark some positive results…Of course perfect people don’t exist but the gender thoughts can’t dictate a partnership….those thoughts can very well leave you standing alone if we continue to group each other of what we think you are all about based of misadventures from our past…..

Happy Beautiful Monday Folks! Make it a great day! :)

Jeff

March 8th, 2010
8:47 am

The stereotypes that damage a relationship for me come from what I see women doing on TV, movies, etc. In reality, the vast majority of women want to be decent, happy people. But the image projected on TV is the sassy, independent, in-charge, blah blah that makes having a relationship more difficult. some women can adapt those personality traits when they are with people they don’t know or are in defensive mode, and it kills the desire to get to know the real person. Same goes for men, I know, but most of the men projected in movies, TV, commercials, etc are wimpy droolers.

PrincessNik (having a Magnificent Monday)

March 8th, 2010
9:00 am

I agree with Lady J and Jeff, both make very good points. I personally TRY not to hold onto stereotypes or be influenced by them. I try to get to know each person individually.

Good Morning, Hope everyone enjoyed the beautiful weekend!

DreamsMaterialize

March 8th, 2010
9:01 am

Morning

What would you say were the biggest stereotypes women have about men that get in the way of having a meaningful relationship?
“Women are more mature than men” has to be one of the biggest stereotypes out there.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:04 am

Only two kinds of people who have flaws…1) every man, 2) every woman. If you look hard enough you will find red flags. Running at the first sight of a red flag is a major recipe for being alone. If you are waiting for the perfect person, be prepared to wait a long time. The hard part is allowing ourselves to trust and be vulnerable after being singed a few times. Without that trust and vulnerability however, we will never experience what a real relationship could and should be.

Leggs

March 8th, 2010
9:05 am

Good morning. Sterotypes is another word associated with negativity. I don’t harness what others have dictated about a person. It is up to me to learn this person based upon what’s put in front of me and not what has been told by others. We all see people differently and someone’s negative could be my positive.

Jeff

March 8th, 2010
9:08 am

So Leggs, when someone tells you a guy is a player, you ignore it and go find out for yourself? Cmon.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:10 am

The sterotype that I struggle with about women is that when you think you know them, they throw you a curve ball. I’ve had women tell me 15 times on a Saturday how much they love me, and then get a “Dear Randy” email on Sunday. When things like this happen on multiple occasions, it is natural (but wrong) to start looking for every woman to flake out…and putting up a barrier before there is even a hint of trouble. The danger is more in how we react more than how the other acts of you think they are going to act.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:12 am

Sorry, last sentence should read
“The danger is more in how we react than how the other acts or you think they are going to act”.

Leggs

March 8th, 2010
9:16 am

@Jeff, possibly. It depends on how I perceive this person. I’ve been given a “headsup.” However, I can’t stop meeting men or going out on a date just because someone’s idea of a player may be different from mine. Now, other character flaws I won’t ignore like a friend telling me this person is a rapist. Certain things you don’t dismiss, but overall, let me find out.

Case in point – for some reason Warren Beatty popped in my head. If Annette Benning held on to what everyone said about him and certain things she witnessed she may not be happily married to the “playa” right now! Well, I don’t know if they’re happy, but you get my point.

RelldaRake

March 8th, 2010
9:17 am

We need to first deal with the inner space before our outerspace gives the life we want.

I struggle with about women is that when you think you know them, they throw you a curve ball

- its not about the woman, its about you as a man…if she is flaky then its something you are doing to make her that way..women react off of feelings…if you are not giving her the warm fuzzies or if you are not capable to lack of whatever..then thats why….its our mission to give them warm fuzzies…then you will get the response you want

I dont try to figure them out anymore.

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
9:21 am

Hey PrincessNik (having a Magnificent Monday) the thing I feel with time after the butterflies vanish and those imperfection become known through actions both parties have to be willing to working through it for the same goal to make the partnership work….now when red flags become apparent they can’t be ignorged and this is when our better judgement from our past can kick in to make a better decision and not continue to repeat the cycle of heartbreak forsake of having a false sense of a relationship….that within it self is growth to walk away with a smile and not bitter when you know that ‘ish ain’t right….

Jeff

March 8th, 2010
9:22 am

Sorry, Rell, it’s not my job figure out what makes a woman happy when whe can’t even figure it out herself. If she’s flaky, she was flaky before I met her.

Jeff

March 8th, 2010
9:23 am

sorry, poor typing.

RelldaRake

March 8th, 2010
9:25 am

Cool jeff…women are attracted to dynamic fun men….you dont have to fill in her blanks..but you can help her get there….Flaky is not a bad thing she might be doing you a favor…i dont think every women i meet fits into my vision or life plan…i just enjoy the experience..

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:26 am

@RR re:”….its our mission to give them warm fuzzies…then you will get the response you want”

I thought I was, but sometimes I do tend to slip away mentally (or at least have been accused of it), sometimes in reaction to a hard day. That makes me thoughtful and distant occasionally, and women interpret that as some reaction to them, when it has nothing to do with them. Sometimes I do need some quiet time just to process the events of the day. As “Ahhnuld” said, “I’ll be back”…just give me a few minutes to catch my breath.

Luvbug

March 8th, 2010
9:26 am

I used to think that men didn’t have any feelings – that they weren’t as emotionally connected/affected as women. Boy was I wrong (on numerous occasions). This stereotype had me believing it was the reason that I related more to my male friends than my female ones.

I have since replaced that stereotype with “men will show you better than they will tell you”.

I now believe that men experience all the same emotional challenges that women experience but react to them differently…especially in the area of insecurity and jealousy.

They hide it and then BAM!! They go for the jugular…too often without investigating the issue first.

PrincessNik (having a Magnificent Monday)

March 8th, 2010
9:29 am

Lady J

Oh I definately feel your 9:21. I don’t stay around just to have a false sense of relationship, I’m too old for that now. However, in my new mindset to be open to new things and new people, let go and let flow, i TRY not to judge a book by its cover. Now if once the opportunity for interaction has been given and the red flag(s) arise THEN, i Have to make a decision.

Sassy Me....The Real in Stereo :-)

March 8th, 2010
9:32 am

What would you say were the biggest stereotypes women have about men that get in the way of having a meaningful relationship?
This should be very interesting today. The one main stereotype that I really really had to struggle with is that ALL MEN CHEAT. Growing up I was bombarded with examples of infidelity and it started at home with my sperm donor b/c he was a prolific cheater. When I first moved to the “A” that stereotype was further perpetuated by other peoples husbands and boyfriends hitting on me or simply listening to one of my gfs go on and on about some dude that cheated(or was at the time). That also turned me against the idea of marriage as well.

Randy that 9:04 was on point.

What would be some real solutions to combat this? For me it took time,trust and the unconditional love of someone special who showed me different.

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
9:33 am

I feel your post to PrincessNik 9:29 we are truly getting the drift to let go and let it flow….its a cool grown up feeling may I add! Ha! :)

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:34 am

I do think that women hold on to those “fears” longer than men…then when they see just one tiny incident that smells like one of their red flags, they say “see, just like all the others”. I think it is a lot smarter to let one or two small things slide by, and wait to see if a pattern develops…then maybe lace up those New Balances. Don’t rush to judgement.

AmazonRed™

March 8th, 2010
9:37 am

Happy Monday everyone. Wise, I’m so glad you had a great trip!

RelldaRake

March 8th, 2010
9:38 am

@randyt..so what i say is true…you know the issue…fix it homie.

There is no need to slip away or stamp out her joy….example..i did that this weekend and i did not know it..and when the mirror was held up to my face – i felt small…like was the way i felt so important at the time…that i could not respect the fact this woman was happy to see me and want to spend additional time…no my male mind was thinking…more noise, chatter and i am hungry…one thing at a time please…lol…instead of sure..if that will make you happy YES….again your inner will affect your outer…

Raqi

March 8th, 2010
9:42 am

if you are not giving her the warm fuzzies…

Rell that is true. Some may try to call BS on that statement but it is a true statement. The warm and fuzzies is very important when it comes to attracting us and keeping us interested. I don’t have time to elaborate on that right now but I will if I have time when I return.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:42 am

Believe me RR, I look in the mirror every day. That is why I acknowledged what I did. It would definitely be smarter to “put on a happy face”, if I could only realize sooner that I wasn’t wearing one ;-)

RelldaRake

March 8th, 2010
9:45 am

@randyt..thats real….i my self came to that conclusion this weekend.

MzNewy

March 8th, 2010
9:47 am

What would you say were the biggest stereotypes women have about men that get in the way of having a meaningful relationship?

That all men cheat or can be swayed to stray by the pu-nah-nah. It leads to a lack of communication.

Lady J

March 8th, 2010
9:47 am

Luvbug sooooo true I am not sure if we are taught to minimize men’s feelings or just don’t see it much but men’s feelings are very important and can’t be ignored…..we also can’t expect them to share them like we express ours….but on the flip side passive behavior of how one feels annoys me really….I just try not to think of passive and nonchalant personality mixed up but many share both and at times it can be a struggle to communicate….

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
9:50 am

awww this is cute from Rev Run…..If you seek love and find it, that is cool, but when it catches you unaware…….sweeeeeeet! too cute!

kimmie

March 8th, 2010
9:51 am

Good Monday Morning Gang!

I think it is a lot smarter to let one or two small things slide by, and wait to see if a pattern develops…then maybe lace up those New Balances. Don’t rush to judgement.

Randyt- In MY experience, I could not disagree with you more. That’s been my problem in the past – I let the little things slide by too much & things build up to a big mess. Maybe now I wouldn’t leave right away, but definitely ADDRESS the small things before they get bigger.

One big stereotype I had that I know affected me is that most men really don’t want a serious, committed relationship. In the past, I guess I’ve given off that vibe that I didn’t EXPECT anything of substance, so that’s what I got.

I try to give everyone a fair shake when I meet them, but I know I’ve not always recieved that benefit of the doubt in return. That’s okay, because it just got me closer to the one I’m with now.

I don’t try to “figure” men out anymore. I truly love men and all of their quirks and differences. I also love being a woman and all of my quirks and things that make me different from a man. It is what makes life interesting. Things would be so boring if we all thought and behaved alike.

Sassy Me....The Real Deal in Stereo :-)

March 8th, 2010
9:52 am

I used to think that men didn’t have any feelings…. I now believe that men experience all the same emotional challenges that women experience but react to them differently…especially in the area of insecurity and jealousy.

I went through this process the same time I was dealing with the whole I think ALL men cheat episode in my erly twenties. I didn’t care about how guys felt b/c I thought they didn’t care either way so Imma do me and you do what you can. I just didn’t respect the guys I dealt with. It took a guy telling/showing me different before I got it that not all men were cheating a-holes. I’ve lernt differently and now deal with men differently.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
9:56 am

@LJ re: “I am not sure if we are taught to minimize men’s feelings or just don’t see it much but men’s feelings are very important and can’t be ignored”

Interesting comment…and accurate. Men have feelings. You can tell it most with ones who display big egos. They are typically the most insecure inside, and that is why they have a compulsive need to tell everyon how great they are.

I went out with a lady this weekend, and we talked at her house for a long time after dinner (and several glasses of wine). She was telling me about her ex-husband…totally controlling and a very successful Type A personality…but was totally OCD and critical. Like that movie, “Sleeping With The Enemy” with Julia Roberts, everything had to be absolutely in perfect order (his concept of perfec order), from towels to what clothes she wore. I am so opposite that it really threw me. I figured out a long time ago that “control” is a myth, and none of us are “in control”.

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
9:59 am

Truly agree Randyt and the issue comes when both want the power of control and neither won’t merge the power of control to make it a dynamic partnership…..it’s an internal battle for most….

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
10:01 am

@Kimmie

I’m not sure we are as far apart as you say. When you comment about the “stereotype” you had about men, that you have since relaxed somewhat on, that is actually close to what I was trying to say. Make sure that the “stereotype” is real before running…that is all I am saying. No problem raising the caution flag early, just make sure what you saw is what you thought you saw.

DreamsMaterialize

March 8th, 2010
10:05 am

“control” is a myth, and none of us are “in control”.

This is very true. You can manipulate someone else, but you can’t control them. You can only control yourself.

Btw did anyone else get a flash back of Flava Flav and Public Enemy when they saw the title of today’s topic?
“don’t…don’t…don’t, don’t, don’t believe the hype!” lol

For Real

March 8th, 2010
10:11 am

Biggest sterotypes (aka the truth) about women:

1. Do not know what they want. – You can poll every single man on this planet and they will all say “She don’t know what she wants”!

2. No accountability. – It ain’t ever your fault. It’s always the dude that you allowed into life fault.

3. Slave to your emotions. – Well except at work… funny how that works

Leggs

March 8th, 2010
10:11 am

One sterotype I never bought into was the old mantra that “all men cheat.” There are some very good men out there and some that are faithful to their wives or SO.

I still find it endearing when a man cries and is comfortable enough to let down his armor and show his emotions through tears or running through the sprinklers all giddy (or even jumping on Oprah’s couch cuz that’s what the nut felt).

Lady J-Ohhh...Cloudy was the day when Sunshine came into my life And made it brighter....

March 8th, 2010
10:12 am

For Real

March 8th, 2010
10:14 am

Kimmie: “I try to give everyone a fair shake when I meet them” – Hi my name is For Real Zippppppppppppp “Shake?”

For Real

March 8th, 2010
10:16 am

Leggs: “I still find it endearing when a man cries” – Why do women find this soooooo endearing? Why is it when I say “ouch” you don’t get the same endearing feelings?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
10:18 am

Re: #2 above.

In the years I was married (a very long time), I can never remember my ex-wife ever once saying “I’m sorry” and admitting she was wrong about something. I remember several times her saying, “I’m sorry, but…” then proceeding to tell me how it was really my fault that she did what she did.

mqew

March 8th, 2010
10:18 am

Don’t believe the hype hunh? Well, I was a true believer of the men (boys) just want one thing as a youngin. That served me well…. for the most part. At least I think so. I’ve never had that AAAAAHHHH LAWWWWWD WHAT IM GONE DO WHAT IM GONE DO type of break up. I had an older brother that was a self-proclaimed player. Since I was in his face all the time, he showed/told me what NOT to ‘fall’ for. In response, I went through my younger years dating, like a dude. I know now that wasn’t really ideal, but hey…

mqew

March 8th, 2010
10:21 am

ForReal – Sure women know what they want. WE WANT IT ALL :lol: :lol: :lol: Duuuuuuhhh ;-)

abc

March 8th, 2010
10:21 am

I’m not even going to start, yall have heard it out of me before.

I am whatever you say I am

March 8th, 2010
10:22 am

Morning blog.
Basically, I hang the stereotypes up on a shelf.
Everybody is an individual and free to just be.
I base my opionions on facts after I’ve done my investigation(spending time with that person;finding out who they really are by getting to know them)

RelldaRake

March 8th, 2010
10:23 am

relationships are not perfect but they are precious! Never expect perfection in 1 place – rev run

SexyCool - About Business

March 8th, 2010
10:23 am

Three Words Daily is back!!!

The TWD blog is at http://ThreeWordsDaily.blogspot.com

And you can follow on Twitter
@ThreeWordsDaily

Leggs

March 8th, 2010
10:24 am

@ForReal ~ let me answer for myself and not other women. Men were raised not to show their emotions through tears. Little boys were told to “suck it up,” young men were taught to “man up.” When a man is comfortable enough and not ashamed to shed tears in front of a woman is indeed endearing. To have to constantly walk around with all this bravdo only to tear up behind the bathroom door, splash water on his face and come out with the stance of “I GOT THIS” can wear on any peson. To be hurting on the inside and strong enough within himself to not worry about appearing “wussy” is a strong man TO ME and that makes him endearing to me. Don’t get me wrong, don’t expect a man to cry as easily as we do, but to be able to do so is nice because he knows “I got his back” as he has mine.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

March 8th, 2010
10:25 am

Time honored question…”If a man speaks in the middle of the woods, and there is not a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?”

For Real

March 8th, 2010
10:25 am

mqew: Define “ALL”

abc: Go ahead and say it. Sometime the truth got-ta-be spoke.