We Just Don’t Care
Well here’s a dating dilemma I wouldn’t mind having: A reader wrote to me asking for the blog’s input on what she should do about her man’s extreme PDA behavior. It seems that he has a thing for fooling around in very strange and inappropriate places.
She admits to being a little prudish when it comes to this kind of thing, but she has seen the thrill value in it. She wants to know if she should admit that it makes her uncomfortable? Is it possible that he will eventually get tired and the novelty of it all would just fade away? How would you handle it?
Have you ever been in a relationship and your partner seems to cross the line from frisky to “no way am I doing that” territory?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
595 comments Add your comment
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
8:40 am
She wants to know if she should admit that it makes her uncomfortable?
yep, definately apparently if he keeps asking he isn’t aware that she is uncomforatable with it
Is it possible that he will eventually get tired and the novelty of it all would just fade away?
Nope, not likely
How would you handle it?
I would definately let it be known that i’m uncomfortable, and set some boundaries. If he can’t respect my feelings about it then K.I.M.
Good Morning!!!!!!!!!!
Jeff
March 3rd, 2010
8:50 am
Ummm, yeah, tell him. If it’s that big of a deal to him, let him move on to someone who shares his, um, passion.
Put It In My Pocket
March 3rd, 2010
8:52 am
dudes need to keep there hands to themselves and practice dizzle rationing…i mean the only time you should have your hands on a women in public is to hold her hand or take money from her hand…chuuuuuuuch
Raqi...O.O.B.
March 3rd, 2010
9:01 am
If it makes her uncomfortable she should just say so. PDA should be keep at a certain degree. Yeah there is a certain thrill that comes with the public-private acts but those acts are usually unseen by others. Like getting on in park car way in the back of a parking deck. But IMO if you are going to give your mate a love pat in public, keep to a pat and don’t grope them.
Whatever it may be you should be considerate of your surroundings. Especially if kids are around. You don’t want to make strangers sitting around you feel uncomfortable. And you don’t want your mate to feel uncomfortable.
If he likes to play in public the two should have their own unspoken language that only the two of them knows what it means. Be it gestures or keywords. Just that alone can build the hype until they are in a place they can be free.
DreamsMaterialize
March 3rd, 2010
9:04 am
People can’t be responsible for what you don’t disclose. Communication is the key. Say that this behavior makes you uncomfortable, and whatever happens after that is for the better.
Mo (aka Moeisha )
March 3rd, 2010
9:10 am
Morning All!
Agreeing with you Dreams, she needs to say what makes her uncomfortable before she starts to resent him. He cant read her mind……
So how is everyone?
Raqi...O.O.B.
March 3rd, 2010
9:12 am
SexyCool?
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:17 am
people are who they are and like what they like…..both sides should be upfront about their feelings about situations in a relationship….without precise convo how would one know…..guessing games and mind games are too time consuming and if one party decides to bounce after the fact its a blessing really…..as pk stated keep it moving after bounderies can’t be respected and thisis for both parties….passive behavior irkes me…..
Melo
March 3rd, 2010
9:19 am
Is it possible that he will eventually get tired and the novelty of it all would just fade away?
Are u talking about some 21 year olds here coz if u are, I dont want to waste my time on the topic??
21 year olds do 21 year olds stuff…so yeah,they will grow up!
If they are both 25 and above,she must know what time it is……
Good merning!
DIG THAT
March 3rd, 2010
9:24 am
Good morning good people.
I have to say that it is important to me for my woman to tell me what she likes and dislikes, because as Mo said resentment is the next step in him being selfish and uncaring. But if she doesn’t tell him then how does she expect him to change. Most relationships end because we think that love and desire is what keeps folks together, but that can come and go over time, but COMMUNICATION is the glue that keeps it all together. We are not mind readers so she should open her mouf or keep getting molested in public.
Raqi...O.O.B.
March 3rd, 2010
9:25 am
Good Morning Mo. I’z good. Real good. Kind of O.O.B. this bright sunny morning, but good.
How’s things in your world?
SexyCool are you near?
Luvbug
March 3rd, 2010
9:30 am
I wouldn’t suggest a serious “we need to talk” discussion. Weave it through a casual conversation or use a little humor (maybe).
Have you ever been in a relationship and your partner seems to cross the line from frisky to “no way am I doing that” territory?
Yes. I will not disclose, but the outcome was something almost grazing my right eye and me yelling, “Thank goodness. Cuz I for d@mn sure aint trying to explain that to an emergency room doctor”.
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:30 am
passive behavior really irkes me really both parties have to communicate and respect one wishes and if it ends of well keep it moving gracefully…..without communication their is guessing and assuming then mind games to please one while being miserable in the process it is not that serious really….in the jay z voice on to the next one! ha!
weird good morning it is!
Cemeeli
March 3rd, 2010
9:31 am
Morning all…
Public display of affection?
I guess, whatever you’re into. If you are not into that, then tell your significant other that you don’t get down.
…now who’s the regular that’s getting a grope-feast in front of KFC?
Mo (aka Moeisha )
March 3rd, 2010
9:32 am
Hey Raqi! I cant complain, it wouldnt do me any good!
so Im just fine and getting better by the day…thats my story and Im sticking to it! 
Cemeeli
March 3rd, 2010
9:32 am
Mo There’s not one pepsi today…we are flat out. Stay skrong!
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:36 am
test daggit two post gone smh….
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:37 am
passive behavior irks me really two adults should be able to communicate their needs, wants, likes, and dislikes without fear….if one decides to ride out it is for the best and you have to respect that…
Mo (aka Moeisha )
March 3rd, 2010
9:37 am
Cemeeli – Chica you know I gave up ALL sodas for Lent….HAMMERCY!! so as soon as my 60days without pepsi was up I couldnt even enjoy one before Lent was here. I am doing alright though….but somedays….its rough
2CPTG - "get yo hands outta my pocket!"
March 3rd, 2010
9:39 am
sup y’all……
like Melo said, this sounds like some juvenile type shyt….gal, just tell dude you ain’t into that freaky stuff….Now, if y’all done went that route before, like having had an escapade in the stairwell, or gettin ya touch on under the table at a restaurant, or dipped off to a closet while at a party, then he’s come to expect/like that kinda stuff….
Sounds to me like something missing from ‘ol girls’ story…..dude didn’t just start this…something triggered this……
SexyCool
March 3rd, 2010
9:40 am
I’s heah nigh.
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
9:42 am
Lady J
off topic, i’m too through this a.m. dude on rickey smiley talking about what we (black women) need to do to get/keep a man sheesh neverending
Raqi...O.O.B.
March 3rd, 2010
9:43 am
Now, if y’all done went that route before, like having had an escapade in the stairwell
Yep. I agree.
SexyCool
March 3rd, 2010
9:44 am
Um…yeah. What er’body else said. We IS grown and if you can’t open up your mouth to say to a man that he’s doing something you don’t like, then you actually have a really big problem.
And that problem is – you may be too willing to please him because you think you may lose him by speaking up. It goes to something that I believe – if there are no issues in a relationship, the person who is not getting there needs met is not speaking up.
It also leads me to question – What other concessions is this woman making to keep this man in her life?
And quite frankly, she’s now making what should be a NON-issue into a BIG issue. All she had to do the first time he did it and made her uncomfortable was to firmly, sweetly say, “Hey, I’m not into all that public display stuff like that.” Case closed.
Raqi...O.O.B.
March 3rd, 2010
9:45 am
SexyCool, can I bend your virtual ear for a second?
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:45 am
pk I am over that discussion along with why we can’t marry they all know the answers….it baffels me daily the black woman is just dommed and God forbid if she is a single mom her life is worthless!
lol next subject….lets talk about fear and how we deal with it being singl and in a realtionship hahaha! Maxwell’s song Fistful of Tears is the theme…the lyrics are deeep!
Cemeeli
March 3rd, 2010
9:47 am
Mo That’s why we’re out…no can have any if my homie can’t have none.
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
9:48 am
Lady J, maxwell love that song! of course my favorite is Bad Habit, cause i have one of my own
DreamsMaterialize
March 3rd, 2010
9:48 am
Mo how you doing? See aren’t you glad I drank all the pepsis now? I was helping you out. That’s MY story, and I’m sticking to it. lol
Hey 2C I think something is missing from the story too. But maybe I’m just a cynic. In my experience, no story is quite what it was made out to be, once you start doing some digging.
2CPTG - "get yo hands outta my pocket!"
March 3rd, 2010
9:50 am
Sexy, I’m with you, her lack of speaking up leads to so many other questions…..
methinks they probably hooked up on false pretenses, and dude thought he had a sho’nuff freak on his team and hung in there. Now, she wanna get prudish and be all conservative, and scared to tell dude, that, “that night we met and did the deed in the club bathroom was just an aberration, and I’m not really like that.”
lurker
March 3rd, 2010
9:53 am
I mean really c’mon. Just tell him. Affection, love, smooches, forhead kisses, the hand on the small of the back….all well but anything done distasteful or embarassing, ummmm, I think not! When I lived with my daughter’s father he was an idiot and into that kind of mess. Going for the gusto (i.e. coochie grab) on the dance floor or BECAUSE folks are watching, ain’t a good look and it doesn’t look like we’re in love it looks like I’m your b*tch. I was always good for one under the table at dinner or in a secluded place or the park but him wanting to be outlandish while walking down the street in the wide open going for the coochie, was not happening. There weren’t any sitdowns. I plainly said, if you don’t want to see somebody grabbing you sista or mama in public then don’t do me.
Put It In My Pocket
March 3rd, 2010
9:53 am
@SC/2C…word alot of these problems people have..we create them…
@ladyj/princess…the convo on black woman only continues because dudes are still trying to turn ho’s into housewives…lol…and most of them are poo cee driven..so when they dont get it or a woman makes them wait a spell she has a problem…lol
SexyCool
March 3rd, 2010
9:54 am
Yes ma’am.
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
9:57 am
pk bad habits is my fav too can’t lie
put it in my pocket funny ok…..
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
9:57 am
Pocket
I’m over it LOL.
Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)
March 3rd, 2010
9:58 am
She wants to know if she should admit that it makes her uncomfortable? Of sourse she should, communication in relationships is key and a must…even if you think your partner may not want to hear it.
Is it possible that he will eventually get tired and the novelty of it all would just fade away?
He might be going through a phase or maybe not but he should definitely show his partner some consoderation with regards to her feelings.
How would you handle it? I’m down with that so let’s do it(dirty pun not intended)
Have you ever been in a relationship and your partner seems to cross the line from frisky to “no way am I doing that” territory?
Umm yes but I was the one who wanted to do it but my then S.O. said oh hellz naw….so there you have it.
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
9:58 am
Lady J
I love the part when he says “lady when we lock it low ah ah….”
anywho we better stick to the topic
DIG THAT
March 3rd, 2010
10:00 am
@2C
I was thinking same thing. What is she not tellin us. Sounds like they got crunk from some freaky behavior in the past and he cant get enough while she thought it was a one time deal. I was just a freak that night but I have changed. GTFOH!!!!!!
Melo
March 3rd, 2010
10:01 am
I dont know if uall heard the story of the woman who shot her hubby in Midtown Atlanta yesterday in the early hours,she was wearing a shower cap,they on the streets and they have an argument.
She just po pos the hubby,puts the gun under her dress then strolls calmly down 10th street towards Ga tech,like none happened.
Now thats gangsta!
2CPTG - "get yo hands outta my pocket!"
March 3rd, 2010
10:02 am
Pimp (put it in my pocket), that’s a double edged sword, dude……cause every female was a “ho” for somebody! They may not admit to the terminology, but they’ve done some freaky shyt for SOME dude, at some point in time….
hell, you cain’t spell housewife without “ho”….it’s a precedent to being a housewife……now…..”chuuuuchh!”
Tazzee - 73 days til Mrs.
March 3rd, 2010
10:02 am
Morning Folks!!!
Wow, looks like we have a consensus on this one. I agree with the masses. My boo and I are into PDA but we keep it respectful. Although I had to slow him down a bit when he picked me up from the airport Monday…
What’s up peeps? I can’t wait to see the virtual exchange between SCool and Raqi…
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
10:02 am
dig that
I was just a freak that night but I have changed.
LMBO, everybody has “freaky moments” but that don’t mean she want to get bend over and rammed all out in the public all the time.
Lady J
March 3rd, 2010
10:04 am
I love the part of “I can’t control the feelinggirl cause I know you are here I feel youfrom the floor to the ceiling I feel you when you comb your hair”….girl that major connection to someone is deep!
DIG THAT
March 3rd, 2010
10:05 am
He was happy to see you Tazzee. Let him squeeze that booty girl. Lol
Cemeeli
March 3rd, 2010
10:06 am
@73 days – How are you? Welcome back.
princessnik
March 3rd, 2010
10:06 am
oh yes major connection
DIG THAT
March 3rd, 2010
10:09 am
@Princess
but that don’t mean she want to get bend over and rammed all out in the public all the time.
Maybe not every single day. LMAO!!!
kimmie
March 3rd, 2010
10:09 am
Morning gang!
I’m in the “there’s more to the story” camp too, but yeah, she needs to speak up. Even if she did some things with him that were out of character for her & now she really doesn’t want to do that anymore, just tell him. If he dips, then they were not suited for each other.
A little PDA is wonderful, but when a dude starts to cross the line, it goes into creepy territory. Also not classy at all.
Princess/Lady J – I am with you, so OVER this assault on the black woman by the media! It seems we are the flavor of the month right now. And it’s not productive, just trying to put money in the pockets of all these “Steve Harvey wrote a book” wannabees! We all aren’t out here manless and miserable – most of the women I know are doing just fine, single or not, thank you!
Professor is.....
March 3rd, 2010
10:09 am
Hola!
I agree with everyone…just tell him, shawty. Also on a serious note, please give us some examples that would help. Let us know if he is trying to get in on Airtran or at the midnight movie. What is he really trying to do is what I want to know?
SexyCool
March 3rd, 2010
10:10 am
Yeah. I’d like to see a relationship book for men telling them how to be good husband material. Because what some dudes think makes a good husband does not.