Girlfriend Expectations
A lot of times people desire relationships and marriage because they have all these expectations, including some that aren’t so realistic. Even though men love to stick with their, we’re simple and easy to please, I think guys still expect a lot of things from their women. It’s how she gets from “random woman” he’s met to she could be “the one” status.
When a guy proposes, he believes that his girlfriend has far exceeded his expectations and wants to make her his wife (or he doesn’t want to risk losing her). Either way, men have girlfriend expectations and they should. I just wonder if women know what they are. I’m going to guess that we don’t and maybe we shouldn’t know beforehand.
After you have dated and hopefully communicated with one another, you have expressed your needs in a relationship. I believe that we express our desires and expectations in different ways. Would you agree? Do you think that we have realistic expectations of a dating relationship? What about marriage?
Guys, what kind of things do you expect from someone you are dating? How do you express them to her?
Ladies, do you have a hard time meeting “girlfriend” expectations with the men that you date?
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385 comments Add your comment
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
March 1st, 2010
8:31 am
Morning :-I
mytw♥cents
March 1st, 2010
8:39 am
Hmmm. While I get the premise of not giving a play by play account of how to go from random chick to wifey, I think this is an area that we give guys more leeway than we should. I believe you need to give an idea but not necessarily a blueprint.
It’s not cool to measure anyone by mysterious uncommunicated metrics. This is one of those parallels I find btwn work and relationships. Don’t we know what the expectations and goals are in that realm? That way you have an understanding of how to meet and even exceed the standards. Especially because we’re in this crazy space in time where lots of women have been led to believe if they have ANY standard, it’s aiming too high. Or their basic standards should correlate to how attractive the dude thinks they are, even when they’re not in the market for each other..
Jeff
March 1st, 2010
8:39 am
My expectations when dating: to name a couple off the top, Careful with the I am woman hear me roar, waaaayyyyy overplayed. Don’t tell me how to dress in public when you wan’t wear what I want in private. You can ask me to help you with something and I will gladly do it, but you can’t stand over me correcting me all the way. If you know how to do it that well, do it yourself. All chivalry efforts shall be equally returned with “lady” efforts. Don’t talk too much detail about our private business. Don’t call me out in public. Understand my firends the same way you want me to understand yours.
Good place for a breather.
princessnik
March 1st, 2010
8:41 am
Morning everybody
I can’t wait to read what they guys have to say on this topic……
Oh yeah someone asked the question friday when was the last time the ladies had asked a guy out and paid, well just yesterday i took a guy out for an early dinner and then treated him to a brownie sundae with homemade brownies.
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
8:45 am
you go princessnik lol! Glad you enjoyed!
Morning this should be interesting to say the least….
kinderbabe
March 1st, 2010
8:50 am
good morning princessnik and lady j.:)
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
8:51 am
hey chica!!!!:)
Jeff
March 1st, 2010
8:52 am
@princessnik; and by “brownie sundae with homemade brownies”, you mean………….
Is that a metaphor that my whiteness doesn’t privy me to understanding? LOL.
Petie The Crab
March 1st, 2010
9:07 am
In my case, half blind with a weird sense of humor works well.
princessnik
March 1st, 2010
9:13 am
jeff
i mean homemade brownies, from a recipe not a box LOL
there were no visits to the boom boom room if that’s what you thought i was implying
princessnik
March 1st, 2010
9:13 am
Hey KB and Lady J!
kinderbabe
March 1st, 2010
9:15 am
@Jeff…you’re kidding, right? what’s there to understand about inviting someone over for dessert with brownies that were homemade instead of at intermezzo? lol you gave me a good chuckle w/that one. @princessnik, please clear this up before jeff gets a fantasy going of you being a human chocolate brownie sundae!!!! LMAO
Jeff
March 1st, 2010
9:18 am
Good to know I can provide a chuckle to you ladies this early in the morning. I knew what she meant, just thought I’d have a little fun.
IDK...
March 1st, 2010
9:19 am
good topic! i think the Ladies should hush for a bit (no offense please Ladies!!) and the Men should talk for awhile. Since this is for them in sense. just my opinion, now im going to hush.
DreamsMaterialize
March 1st, 2010
9:19 am
Morning
Jeff has a pretty good list there.
My expectations are that you respect me like I respect you. You don’t get a pass on saying whatever you want to me, while I have to hold my tongue.
Work hard like I work hard. If I’m busting my ash in the relationship and for our future, then I need to see you doing it as well.
You never have to praise me or pat me on the back for anything I do, but you can never complain.
Unless I ask, TRUST me to do what needs to be done. If you can’t, then I’d rather you just leave me than doubt me.
Voice your opinion (at the appropriate time and place), but don’t challenge me on everything.
I understand that everyone confides in someone, but I expect you to know what to keep between us.
I expect you to recognize at all times that we are a united front; always be mindful of things (internal of external) that are damaging to our relationship.
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
9:19 am
“…..Ladies, do you have a hard time meeting “girlfriend” expectations with the men that you date?
For me, I would say sometimes. Because while I present myself as someone looking for friendship that can grow towards more, you sometimes run into guys whose girlfriend expectation = my girl who’s a friend that can leads towards longterm friends with benefits.
C’mon son!!!! Homey don’t play that!!!!
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
9:21 am
random thought: Duffy sounds more like a cat meowing versus a singer singing
Raqi
March 1st, 2010
9:22 am
That way you have an understanding of how to meet and even exceed the standards.
TwoLincolns, I actually think it better that expectations not be made known. That way you have a better chance of getting genuine potential.
Sometimes folks will be who they think/know you want them to be with it really is not who they are therefore running the chance of running out.
When a person is just being who they are you peep whether or not this person has the potential or expectations that you seek.
My husband and I really never had the conversation of what either of us were looking for in a long term mate. We just happened to be what the other wanted. And I while discussing the issue at this moment I can say that it was those things that met our expectations that kept us going (and keeps us) and got us to the point of marriage.
Sidenote: I found out this weekend that he wanted to ask me to marry him two years before he actually asked. He doesn’t know his brother told me.
Mz Taurus
March 1st, 2010
9:22 am
I don’t have a hard time meeting the “girlfriend expectations”, but it’s mostly AFTER the fact. As a matter of fact, I’ve even been referred to as the “wifey” several times. During the relationship or “getting to know” period, the guy isn’t wanting a relationship so-to-speak, but wants all the perks. Case in point, recently dated a guy for 8 mths. Everything was cool (from my perspective) & enjoyed each other’s company when we got together (it was long distance). About 1.5 mths in, he referred to me as his wife, etc, etc, & used the “L” word about 3 months in. THEN he started flaking, doing things to push me away. Okay…WTH?!?! I’m a big girl, so I took it with a grain of salt & ended things. Seven mths later, he tells me I was the perfect girl for him, he loves me, & will always love me.
CoolShadow
March 1st, 2010
9:23 am
Do you think that we have realistic expectations of a dating relationship?
That really depends on the person, but generally speaking men are more flexible with regards to expectations and standards regarding dating. Women IMO are usually more rigid in expectations and standards and those seem to escalate with an increase in a woman’s socioeconomic status. But I don’t think men’s standards are lower, just more flexible and different.
And those expectations correlate directly to our perspective on the quality (and the seemingly perceived dearth) of dateable persons.
What about marriage?
I would suspect the standards mentioned above get more rigid in terms of deciding who may be “the one” for both genders.
Guys, what kind of things do you expect from someone you are dating? How do you express them to her?
The usual stuff- honesty, chemistry, compassion, passion, and character just to list a few things… Some things are expressed verbally and direct, some things are expressed sometimes by what’s not said in discussion. Occasionally some questions can be answered without being asked through reaction to situations.
mytw♥cents
March 1st, 2010
9:24 am
JEFF Sounds reasonable to me! It also sounds like you’ve been dating W.W.A ~ womwn with an attitude. But lemme ask, do you only or mostly date white women? Cuz there’s a popular perception that Black women are the only ones who possess this trait.
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
9:27 am
random thought: Katy Perry and Timbaland…now that’s more like it!
Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)
March 1st, 2010
9:27 am
Ladies, do you have a hard time meeting “girlfriend” expectations with the men that you date?
Not yet I haven’t. I like to take my time when dating someone new b/c I want to learn what the other person wants/needs, etc…I put in the time and effort to learn my man. I listen to what’s said as well as unsaid and move accordingly..if it’s right and truly meant to be things will fall into place and the effort won’t seem laborious(hey Dan) at all.
Luvbug
March 1st, 2010
9:29 am
I will be quiet…I will be quiet…I will be quiet.
Confessions #3: Somebody took advantage of the all 80s music weekend on the radio this past weekend…so much so that she (I) have to re-learn my 2s and 4s…now looking for Reverend Wright Intro to Black Clapping DVD.
Jeff
March 1st, 2010
9:30 am
I’m open to dating whomever I’m attracted to. If she’s got it (that thing that’s attractive to ME), she’s got it.
But, no, WWA is not possessed solely by the Black woman. I have found, however, that when I have gone out with Black women, the “brothers” tend to treat us both (sorry, boeff) with a little disdain and go into stereotype mode. It’s kinda funny.
princessnik
March 1st, 2010
9:33 am
Luvbug
March 1st, 2010
9:29 am
I will be quiet…I will be quiet…I will be quiet.
lmbo
abc
March 1st, 2010
9:38 am
You can list things you like and don’t like all day long, but what matters most are things that are intangible. You either feel it, or you don’t.
Dream_n
March 1st, 2010
9:40 am
Good Morning
I think we should all have realistic expectations when chosing a mate. Now whether they should be voiced or not is up to the individual. I’d rather not voice my expectations.
I think everyone knows what they are looking for when it comes to choosing a mate.
Every man/woman is different, so I can’t answer the question of “do you have a hard time meeting “girlfriend” expectations with the men that you date”. One man’s expectations will not be that of another ones. You can only be yourself when dating and trying to fit into someone’s else’s opinion of what “they” are looking for is a recipe for diaster.
BlackMagicWoman
March 1st, 2010
9:40 am
I find that guys want the “Girlfriend Experience” without committing. I feel if you give them “Girfriend Treatment” before actually being the girlfriend he will develop the, “if it ain’t broken why fix it” mentality. It’s ok to show that you are capable in certain aspects. But some things should be reserved for an actual relationship. If not you will find yourself being in a win lose situation…as the loser! Meanwhile he is doing just fine because he has you, “Old Faithful” puckering up your glossed up lips to place on his butt trying to be “the one” and he is free with open options to do what and whom he chooses. But you would NEVER do that because you are trying to prove your are GF material by keeping only to him! (Insert sarcasm here)
I watched a friend do that for almost 3 years…stupid I know. But she said she loved him. I had to be the real friend and give her the, “Newsflash darlin’…he DOESN’T love you” dose of reality. I got to the point I stopped dealing with her because of all the back and forth with this loser! Now she says she has left him alone for good and now I am supposed to play here’s my shoulder cry all you need…my life now is all about cheering you up type of friend! Nope…I feel if you choose your poison, you should deal with the consequences! First time, ok I will be there. But there is only so much I want to deal with. I have my own life!
Page1908
March 1st, 2010
9:42 am
I think there are different expectations in the relationship depending on which phase of the relationship you are in. Sometimes people start off with really high expectations in the beginning and other times people don’t have many expectations until later on in the relationship.
Dream_n
March 1st, 2010
9:44 am
abc
“You either feel it, or you don’t”
Simply stated, but that just about sums it up for me.
princessnik
March 1st, 2010
9:47 am
@Black Magic Woman
well said in that first paragraph
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
9:52 am
sooooo true!
kimmie
March 1st, 2010
9:58 am
Good Monday Morning Gang!
Hey Page!
I like what abc says most. I’m also with Raqi – you get to see the real person when you don’t exactly know what the other’s expectations are.
Different men have different expectations. A lot want a woman to be a “psuedo wife”, even if they are not being a “psuedo husband”. I’m just naturally more of a giver. From one guy I dated in particular, he freely took all that I gave. But too often when I asked certain things of him, I was quickly reminded that we were not married, not even engaged. His expectations and mine were WAY off.
I do what works for me and dude has to decide if he can roll with it. Same with him. We have to get to know each other and see if we’re a good fit for one another.
And yes, there are certain things either of us won’t be getting until there are “rings on the fingers”.
Anotha Brotha
March 1st, 2010
10:00 am
+ Raised in a 2-parent household
+ Seeks attention from one man only (Nowadays just look at her FB friends volume)
+ Dresses down (see above)
+ Disciplined with her diet/weight
+ No kids or other baggage
+ Mouth under control
+ Carries herself with a modest, dignified grace
Yes, I believe this woman would get locked up fairly quickly.
Page1908
March 1st, 2010
10:04 am
Hey Kimmie!
Has anyone seen a video on you tube I think that was going around where there was a guy who was talking about how the concept of “wifey and hubby” have ruined the dating scene? This guy’s comments sparked a lot of controversy from both sides.
Anotha Brotha- I agree with you. I keep my fb friends down to a minimum. In fact, every week I go through my list and deleted people and even delete the groups and pages that I no longer want on there.
Raqi
March 1st, 2010
10:05 am
BlackMagic and Kimmie, I agree about being the faux wife. When you start going over to the guy’s house cleaning, cooking his dinner and doing his laundry especially when he isn’t even home.
Be right back…
Melo
March 1st, 2010
10:06 am
Ladies, do you have a hard time meeting “girlfriend” expectations with the men that you date?
Mytwocents??
It’s not cool to measure anyone by mysterious uncommunicated metrics!
Its not any men’s bizzness to be out there teaching females on how to behave,dress,talk so as to be attractive enough to be girlfriended(wrd?) or wifed.If u dont come out of the grown up gate with those skills/attributes already in you arsenal,sworry..coz the world out there aint fair! Guys are gonna date u,scope u and if they aint satisfied…..
they move on…Im know for a fact,u chics do the same thing. 
U gotta know and if u dont…then u be kissing a lotta of toads be4 u get to ur prince…coz u be benched time after time after time,wondering….why oooh why ME!
Any male or female gotta know what they want(STANDARDS??),seek it,establish chemistry and if it feels right,then express ur desires about a relationship and let the chips fall wherever they may. No way u can force thangs.
Not everybody is destined for a long term relationship thats fruitful.Some will make it and others wont.Its just the way of the world.
Guys, what kind of things do you expect from someone you are dating? How do you express them to her?
I wld observe the
I expect decency,good home grown manners,morals,some level of education,respect for oneself and others……good cook abilities or willingness to learn……and chemistry. the only thing to be expressed to them is :
preypotential“im feeling u”…NOT “i want u to be this or that for me to wife u”…..hell NAW!!
Merning!!
Petie The Crab
March 1st, 2010
10:07 am
I once dated a girl on crack. I talked her into getting into treatment and she dried out and became somewhat respectable. She wanted to break up after she got straight. The only thing she said is “why would a women in their right mind want to mess with you? I miss her. Did I do the right thing?
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
10:08 am
never judge a book by its cover….
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
10:11 am
Anotha Brotha : putting no kids in the same sentence as no baggage, now that’s just wrong!
C’Mon Son!
Booty called
March 1st, 2010
10:12 am
“Guys, what kind of things do you expect from someone you are dating? ”
anal sex
Petie The Crab
March 1st, 2010
10:16 am
No D.C.. Just someone nice who can cook a decent meatloaf.
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
10:20 am
Wow At booty call: Wasn’t ready to read that so early in the morning.
Yes, 10:20 a bit too early in the morning still for me.
I am whatever you say I am
March 1st, 2010
10:22 am
Shouting out Jeff: Hey Jeff been reading your posts. You alright by me
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
10:23 am
melo great post sir!
lurker
March 1st, 2010
10:24 am
I think for some men(not all), they want the benefits and comforts of a girlfriend but many times aren’t willing to commit. If a woman is not willing upfront (again for some men…not all) to show and tap dance to the “I can perform like a good girlfriend” tune she’s not even given a shake. It’s unfair to have to put oneself on a trial basis in perform those things they may or may not be pleasing as if she’s the girlfriend, while the man get the perks and still deciding whether or not she’s a go. And if she doesn’t come in the door tap dancing to her tial tune, she’s not given a second thought.
SexyCool - I got Tweeple. (LOL)
March 1st, 2010
10:24 am
Greetings and salutations. Miracles and Blessings.
As to expectations about relationships, dating, married or otherwise, I offer this – more of us need to take time to determine what our true needs and expectations are. Not those that are thrust upon us by society, media and romantic comedies. BTW – romantic comedies are for entertainment purposes – not to be considered documentaries. (Forget where I read that.)
Once I began to know myself better and consider my true personal needs and expectations, I began to have avoid b.s. and games, have better relationships, and live a happier life.
And with that, I will get to Hebrewing. (It’s my busy time.)
Lady J
March 1st, 2010
10:28 am
SexxyCool-have you joined twitter???
Once I began to know myself better and consider my true personal needs and expectations, I began to have avoid b.s. and games, have better relationships, and live a happier life.
that is a mouthful really and I so applaud you for that internal assessment it does start with self….Good post!
lurker
March 1st, 2010
10:30 am
My point being, do you and what you’d naturally do. I think I agree with ABC, if it’s there it will work, if not, no amount of “anything you do and do right” will get you there.