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Archive for March, 2010

Dating the IQ?

Most people think that being smart, extremely smart, or brilliant is a trait that most people are attracted to.  Ask anyone to list “must-haves” for potential mates and chances are intellect will rank rather high. I imagine that “intellectual stimulation” has been used countless times in dating profiles and personal ads. But do we really want to be with someone who is extremely intelligent?

Would you have problems dating someone who was a lot smarter than you?  I remember a guy friend telling me that his father always advised him to marry a woman a lot smarter than him.  Is this something a lot of men are told to do? Why would that be beneficial in a relationship?

I have seen some really intelligent men in relationships with “intellectually challenged” women. It seems that men are more forgiving on IQ.  Ladies, would you be willing to give guys a chance if they appeared to be less intelligent or educated than you?

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What just happened?

It is so perplexing when men are attracted to you one minute and the next they act all weird and distant.  I can understand when someone doesn’t want to pursue things. I get confused when they come on so strong and then start to backpedal.  Are women guilty of doing the same thing to men?

I’m usually not the type to come on too strong because I have that cautious nature that puts the brakes on.  Even when I feel like I am plunging into the “new man” haze head first, I remain cautiously optimistic until things start to progress.  Sometimes there is a shift in attraction.  You figure out that the person who once made an impression on you really isn’t that compatible with you after all. What is your next move?

What are ways you  can tell you are attracted to someone?  Let’s go beyond the obvious, “I want to see them naked” barometer to test how strong your attraction is; how can you determine that your attraction is significant enough to compel you to focus on just them?

How do …

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Too predictable

Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here it goes: You’ve become predictable.  I know, it’s hard to hear. I spotted this on Twitter the other day: “Men don’t know how to throw curve balls anymore, they are so predictable.” quipped Amber Jolie a fellow blogger.  I think she is referring to those good curve balls! That thing men do or say that really shows he’s in it to win her heart.

Women aren’t hard to please! Just as you guys are simple creatures, so are we..well we can be, sometimes. When the moons are aligned just right and you have managed to keep us smiling all week long.  Seriously though, I think women are easy to please in the sense that we love to see gestures and efforts by the men we date.  When a man does something out of the ordinary (see Friday’s post!) it adds to the attraction a great deal.

To be fair, women have moments of predictability too.  Men can sometimes hold preconceived notions about what they consider to be typical woman behavior.  Sadly, …

Continue reading Too predictable »

Heating things up

Food can be an integral part of the dating process.   At some point, we are either mingling or getting to know one another over food.  Cooking great food is also a great way to add spice (pun intended) to the regular, run of the mill date activities.

I recruited my fabulous new gal pal Chef Bren Herrera to help us navigate the joys of cooking and dating.  She is a fellow blogger who recently wrote about one of her clients thinking outside the box for a non-traditional date idea. He hired her to prepare a special meal for a special lady.  I have to say, there is something about a personal chef that can add instant wow factor to a date!

Chef Bren

Photo: Shannon McCollumn

I asked Chef Bren how cooking could heat things up for a non-traditional date:

1. Cooking on a date will show both guy and gal that you’re atypical and think outside the box! Who like movies and dinner dates! So, so passé! It’s 2010.

2. You can totally spoon-feed each other while “tasting” what you’re making. That …

Continue reading Heating things up »

How flexible are you?

If you’ve ever been on a date with an uptight, straight-laced person, then you already know how much fun it is to be around them.  It seems as if these individuals are not always aware that they come across as uncompromising and inflexible.  I’m not the type to turn into some doormat for a man.  Believe me, I can speak up and express my opinion without hesitation.  However, I am also able to go with the flow and relax too.

I think that while dating around,  you absolutely have to be able to keep a good attitude.  If you go around with hard and strict rules about every single thing then you are bound to run off a potentially great match.  How flexible are you in dating?  How do you handle sudden plan changes?  What do you do when you don’t get your way on a date?

Have you ever dated someone who was stubborn and set in their ways?  Is there a point where you have to either accept them for who they are or call them on it and ask them to bend a little?

I think when you have been …

Continue reading How flexible are you? »

Need better matches?

After enduring some dating disaster or meeting a host of strange creatures, single people have to get proactive.  We can’t sit by and continue to let bad dates happen to us!  The thing is, it’s not necessarily difficult to attract people to you.

I could probably write a book about how to meet men who are handsome but know it and are arrogant.  I could teach a course on dating men who want all the perks of relationships and marriage but mention the big M word? They disappear faster than Tiger Wood’s sponsors.

The big question is: How do you attract the right people to you? The people you actually want to date past two weeks. The people that want what you want, when you want it.  Impossible? I don’t think so. Challenging? Definitely!

What are ways we can improve our chances of getting better matches?  If you aren’t online dating, you have to meet people more organically.   Is it possible to meet “The One” in a bar?

When you think about your last great date that developed into …

Continue reading Need better matches? »

Digital dating drama

I caught a few minutes of MTV’s True Life: I Have Digital Drama and I realized that I am truly an analog girl in a digital world. (Shout out to Ms. Badu!) I am connected to a lot of devices, but I don’t have one problem unplugging from time to time. Especially if Mr. Wonderful is within arm’s length. Priorities people!

The show follows people who are so plugged in to their digital worlds that their “analog” relationships are suffering.  Even though the people in this show were younger, I have seen similar dynamics with people of different ages.  Imagine you have managed to get into an actual relationship with that text message abuser. Things are going great until you realize that the reason they are text message offenders  is because their thumbs are surgically attached to their smart phone.  What happens when you both have a bad habit of being too plugged in, though?

One of the girls asked her boyfriend to keep his phone unlocked so she can do “spot checks”.  Another girl …

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Single again

One of the trickiest things to deal with post-break up is “reclaiming yourself” so to speak.  For example, you rediscover your friends.  I’m talking the great ones that don’t hold grudges because you all but disappear from the land of the living with your boo.  You get back to doing the things that only you enjoy doing — out in the open, without fear of getting strange looks from your significant other.

You will also have to adjust to sleeping alone again, cooking for one, and having to find a “plus one” for parties.  Sounds slightly depressing, doesn’t it?  Whether you were the dumper or dumpee, you are probably dealing with some kind of emotion. Guys, you can call it something else, if you want to, but you go through “something” too!

What are the best ways to deal with break-ups?  I am referring to the bad breakups that make you feel as if you’ve gone a couple of rounds with Pacquiao – except you actually landed tough punches.

How do you adjust to life after <insert …

Continue reading Single again »

Can we have it all?

Sandra Bullock is in the news but the buzz isn’t just surrounding her Oscar win.  Apparently there are rumors swirling that her husband of 5 years, Jesse James, had a fling with a slightly younger woman.  The alleged affair may have happened when Bullock was away filming The Blind Side, which is ironic in many ways.

I have no idea if any of it is true and I’m going to take a guess that a lot of you could care less.   This celebrity news has made me really wonder about the price that people pay when they try to pursue their dreams, though.  Was Bullock wrong to think that she could have the great career, wonderful supportive husband, and solid home life?

When it comes to our careers and relationships, do you think it always comes down to making a choice between the two in order for it to work?  Is it possible to  give your all to both and find balance?

I don’t think think successful women are the only women that find it hardest to manage relationships.  However, I believe that …

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Spring clean your love life

The first day of spring is almost here and you know what that means!  It’s time to spring clean, de-clutter, and simplify your life.   All the heavy baggage that you have been carrying around with during the winter and fall seasons should be checked. If you are attached to someone that you no longer want to be tied to, be upfront and cut the ties now.  Free them up (and yourself) to move on and find someone else who is better suited for them.

I think this season can always be the time of year when you could spice up your life and bring new balance.  Sometimes that means you have to get rid of some toxic people. Be very afraid text offenders! If there are potential dates that have been stringing you along with no real effort to move toward something substantial, weed them out now.  Make room for the people and things that are more worthwhile! Maybe spring is the best time to date around. It is easier to meet people because we go out more in warmer temperatures and a lot of us …

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