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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Do you want me?

If someone could find a way to manufacture a crystal ball for relationships, they would be very rich.  Unfortunately, we are left to our own devices of over analyzing or misreading signals.  In the first couple of weeks, you can at least be sure that there is an attraction.  You are returning calls, agreeing to meet up, and making yourself available.  It’s the sweetest part because it’s all clear.

Then there is that period of time where one or both of you have decided how you feel about each other.  You don’t want to play yourself so you start looking to take your cues from the other person.  The problem is, they are doing the exact same thing.  So how do you know they want you as much as you want them?

Personally, I try to wait it out one until the ambiguous behavior goes away.  Sometimes, it doesn’t and I get the message and move on.  What do you do? Do you let the person know how much you want them? Are you comfortable bringing it up in a talk?

Is it important to have the same level of interest in order for it to work?

Of course men and women express their interest and desires differently sometimes.  Ladies, when do you know a man wants you as much as you want him? Men, how do you determine a woman is on the same page with you and what you want?

282 comments Add your comment

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
8:35 am

should be interesting dialouge this morning….sitting back taking pointers….although I say actions will determine such….if a man is interested I would think he would make it known in some subtle ways both parties may take it slow just in case of rejection….this is where some mind games are thrown in for some to beat around the bush for comfort vs just coming out and say I am interested lets get to know each other more….some folk know what they want see it and capture it but it it many more who will draw it out and it is for the other person to determine early on what’s being sold and if they are going to entertain it….

side bar: Gary Owen is going to be @ Uptown Comedy tonight and I truly want to see him live it is my free parent day I can afford to go but I am stuck on stupid with someone anyone to meet me there….my inner circle all had previous engagements and I got a stuck on stupid feeling this morning like chic just go but physically I am not moving! Ha! I am going to see by this evening if the scary cat mode will still be in place or will I just do it and go and not look back!

Good Morning Folks!

Mo

February 23rd, 2010
8:48 am

Good Morning!! You are right Lady J this will be a very interesting discussion. I want to hear some answers b/c after getting a divorce and getting back out here to date has been quite interesting is all I can say.
What time are the shows for Gary Owen?

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
8:53 am

Girl I have let guys know and NOTHING they let me know and NOTHING like my blog buddy said yesterday just enjoy life and the gem will be under my fingertips without me even knowing….I say if two people are interested in the same goal why not explore but in my cases its been pulling teeth so I am over it pressing the issue….what is for me will be and long term its not going to be as soon as I would think so I must again get 100% comfortable in my own skin….I will check on the shows Mo!

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
8:56 am

Mo that was easy I called and a real person answered shows are 8 and 10 and 20 bucks can’t be that of course parking….but hey wanna meet me there or ride together I will pick you up also if need be….either time is fine with me I will still be at work on Hump Day! LOL

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
9:05 am

Mo piggy backing on the word divorce I founded when you tell a man this even if he is the same staus DIVORCED some back away…..even being a mother…..don’t want to call it two strikes bc without both I wouldn’t be the person I am today its just percieved by most as negative or baggage even when there is no drama…meaning me and my ex husband get along great respect each other are great parents and co parents and still some shy away….I understand some don’t dater women with kids and divorce isn’t a happy word but as grown folk the older one gets they have been through something not so plesant and it shouldn’t be held againt them…

And of course some play the age thing but I have found age isn’t a major factor it is where most are in their life the game doesn’t have age requirements I see all play it from time to time men and women….

Raqi

February 23rd, 2010
9:05 am

One thing I learned thru trial and error over my years of dating was that when a man truly wants you he will call. He will want to spend time with you. He will go for what he wants.

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
9:09 am

agree raqi and I am sticking to that simple assessment…..those antics of putting myself on front street for nothing is over….Men go after what they want period….Good Post sis!

DreamsMaterialize

February 23rd, 2010
9:11 am

Morning
This sounds along the same lines as who should approach. I’m not real mushy with the words, but I am a man of action. So, I like to think my actions clearly signal that I am in like with you. lol Now, at some point I need some feedback from you to let me know if the actions should continue. Otherwise, I’ll start diverting my efforts to other prospects.

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
9:14 am

DreamsM actions set the tone and is important…..so true!

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
9:19 am

Morning All!!

okay I see someone is trying to take my name this AM! :mad:

Its cool, hey Mo!

Lady J – im out, its Lil Mo day so I cant swing

Hey Dreams – how are you?

As for the topic, I sooooo need to take notes on this one……im interested to see some of the responses

mytw♥cents

February 23rd, 2010
9:23 am

I think this is an area which we overanalyze. If a man continues to engage you, he’s interested. If not, he can do without you. Likewise, if a woman continues to be receptive, that’s his cue. My intentions are always clear to ME, but I’ve learned that I come across as subtle to other people half the time. Like I think I’m yellin and I’m not really cuz I’m softspoken. Or I’ll give what I think is a straight, but tactful answer. It’s lost on some folks unless it’s blunt & blatant. So I make an extra effort (just short of feelin like a floozie) to receive what he’s putting out there if I want to pursue it because I already know I can seem nonchalant.

I don’t believe in all these playing hard to get kinda rules – if you’ll notice, even those who subscribe to them will throw em out the window when it’s someone they have a genuine interest in. Cuz they don’t want em to get away without knowing they’re open… I think the waiting game is just that. A game, and it tends to backfire.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 23rd, 2010
9:25 am

It’s funny this topic came up because I think it describes where I am with someone I’m dating right now…It’s like we keep dancing around the ‘elephant in the room’ because no one wants to reveal their cards too early, and open themselves up to being vulnerable.

Dreams He said the very same thing about ‘his actions’….so with me being a little more vocal, as some women are, i’m like dude just Say whatchu mean and mean whatchu say…said and done. :-)

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
9:26 am

Lady J – girl I am so >>>>HERE<<<< with you on that 'two strikes' thing! I tell people Im divorced, parent of one and dudes look at me sideways even if they are in the same situation!!! And I dont let it get me I just shake my head and keep it moving. Like you, me & my ex get along fine and that is cause for some eyebrows to be raised as well. Why cant people who arent together anymore get along, especially when they have a child together. I dont even sweat it, its their loss! :smile:

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
9:27 am

wow ok cool….hmmmm Mo too funny! stepping away from the screen! LMAO!

Raqi

February 23rd, 2010
9:29 am

For every action there is a reaction. If you get nothing back then you should just move on.

Everybody has a fear, hidden or clearly visible, of being rejected so we act with caution. But how will we ever know if the other is as into you as you are them if neither party never puts it out there. It sure prevents wasting time with someone that’s not into you and wasting time when you can be moving forward in getting to know the one that is. Been there, done that.

Raqi

February 23rd, 2010
9:30 am

If a man continues to engage you, he’s interested.

Exactly, TwoLincolns, exactly.

mytw♥cents

February 23rd, 2010
9:30 am

MOEISHA – I was like, where are her parentheses?!?!! LOL

DREAMS – If you take the action of giving her several shots of Don Julio and her feedback is “gimme one more,” hasn’t she said enough???

PSA: Just being silly. .02 does not advocate gettin chicks likka’d up to make them more receptive. She should choose you in sobriety.

Professor...

February 23rd, 2010
9:31 am

Daamn Mo, I thought that was you! I did not realize the aka Moeisha was gone…lol.

Lady J the show should be great! This is one of those topics I want to lurk on…he loves me…he loves me not…he loves me!

BTW~regardless of how shy or inexperienced a person is, s/he will let you know how they are feeling about you I call it ACTIONS vs. WORDS!!

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
9:32 am

okay since the blog ate my post….

Lady J im with you on your 9:05. I guess its more strange for exes to get along for the sake of the kid cause I get :shock: all the time when people hear that my ex and I get along. But thats the way it SHOULD be, we have a kid together….SMDH

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
9:34 am

mytwo/Professor – they almost got ya’ll but thanks for knowing ya gurl! :wink: I keeps my parentheses and ‘aka Moeisha’…..(given to me by Mr SJ3000)

Professor...

February 23rd, 2010
9:41 am

Another thing…I think in the beginning things are warm and fuzzy for a reason it is fresh and new. Those cute things can become annoying after you become accustomed to the person. There is nothing like that quirky stuff getting on your nerves, and usually that is the reason I fall back and discontinue calling and responding as much.

Long story short, the more you get to know the person the more you realize nawl, this ain’t what I want.

Melo

February 23rd, 2010
9:48 am

If a man continues to engage you, he’s interested???!!

Good morning folks….

That 2CENTS line is both right and wrong.

Yes, a man who answers his phone when u call and arranges dates and what not with u is comfortable with u like that.But he may also play games with that,thats why communication will need to be established still.

Does he eventually open his mouth to utter something suggesting he wants u for a girlfriend or he wants u as a ride along smash buddy??. Coz,clearly, a woman who is feeling him and anxious,like I see Lady J is,may assume things and but assume wrongly and be used(sorry for the word) And sometimes females have a hard time pressing,for fear of frightening the catch in case it flies away! :lol:

Its better to really know,thru communication and interaction than to assume and be wrong.I would rather, u still ask the qstion after a going on a number of dates…just so u know where u stand! And why not even open up urself about ur feelings towards him,so he knows??

That may be the moment he is waiting on!

The fact that we seeing each other on the regular,u know where i stay and i know urs and that we smashing on the regualr dont mean a thing about a long term exclusive relationship.

Good morning!

DreamsMaterialize

February 23rd, 2010
9:53 am

LadyJ
Tone Setter was always our first play in foot ball. The goal was to make your presence felt on the first play. If you could do that, then you could control the rest of the game.

Slim
Yeah I feel you. sometimes you gotta speak up and put your actions in perspective for the other person. Men like to show how they feel, women like to hear it.

Mo
I almost got got too. I thought maybe you were trying to make a statement by leaving off the rest of your name. So, how are you doing?

Mytwo
I know what the feedback is when she accepts the 2nd shot. lol

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
9:59 am

Dreams – im good, hanging in here! But I could use a drank already though! LOL

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 23rd, 2010
10:10 am

Hello All,

This is a tough “one size does not fit all” discussion. It is almost always a tightrope walk trying to “demonstrate interest” without scaring the other off. I make very quick decisions. In my professional life, I am paid to make decisions and form opinions quickly and hopefully accurately…and act on those, accepting the consequences of my decisions. Relationships cause an inordinate amount of problems in this area.

In a perfect world (or at least in MY perfect world), after two or three dates both parties should know if they are “feeling it”. They should be able to look each other in the eye and say, “this is feeling really right, I like you a lot, and I want to see where this might go”. In the real world, we do this “mating dance” that turns everyone into a sort of “player” like it is some kind of (un)reality show.

People are scared to express their feelings…because they have been burned before. Shame, because any relationship not built on honesty will have a rough road, guaranteed.

abc

February 23rd, 2010
10:13 am

It’s the same old thing, once again: chicks are so focused on presenting an image that they obscure who and what they really are from others, and even from themselves.

Ladies, if a man wants you, you’ll know it. He’ll tell you, and demonstrate it in countless ways that you won’t be able to mistake for something else. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t really want you. Simple, isn’t it? You should try it. I know, I know; you just can’t!

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
10:16 am

Mo sooooo true and dreamsM right on sir!!!! Professor decision made I am going….I am not going back to the eastside today until I lay my head down for the evening I am going to get a good park and seat order dinner and wine and do the damn thang life is short and I got to practice what I preach! LOL

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:16 am

funny topic about crystal balls.
I’ve been having visions lately. I’ve had them before in the past but lately they have been occurring more frequent.
I used to wish for the ability to see the future, now it’s kinda getting on nerves, lol.

The ex has agreed to meet me tomorrow for exchange of goods.
I’m sad it’s over because I know we will never ever ever get back together. I love myself too much to go thru that pain again.
I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not me why things didn’t work out, it’s him.
I was honest in how I felt and in my actions while he chose to the play games.

Will the real men please stand up?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 23rd, 2010
10:25 am

@I am loved (I guess)

Two things real quickly (and forgive me, I am pi$$ed off at my company and so in a really “this is the reality” kind of mood.

1) Love yourself first, because no one else matters. If people sense that you do not love yourself they accept that feeling also…sort of a law of nature usually.

2) If women (and men) are not finding “real men (women)” then they usually are, as the old song goes, “lookin for love in all the wrong places”. They are there, next to you in line at Kroger, in the workplaces that you frequent, in churches, schools, etc.

Maybe it is not that they do not exist, maybe, it is that we sometimes look in all the wrong places.

Living Life

February 23rd, 2010
10:26 am

Hey Mo (aka Moeisha ) sorry about taking your name. I’m new to the site. I better change it:-) I’ll now be called Living Life:-)
@Lady J – what time is best for you?
@Raqi – I am with you about if a man really wants you he will show you.

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
10:27 am

Right Melo with your assessment just read it but it is true!:)

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
10:28 am

Living Life funny! LOL

For Real

February 23rd, 2010
10:30 am

“So how do you let them know that you want them?”

ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Followed by “You can take your time but Ballwood here only got 50 strokes in him”

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
10:30 am

How do you process out not being pressed truly….what part of growth or wisdom or age or broken hearts does that I truly don’t care mode comes in bc I do still care for some odd reason that I am single…lol

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 23rd, 2010
10:32 am

good post Melo

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:32 am

um….not to be funny and way off topic but do folks wearing jerri curls realize that look is out of style (thinking this as someone with Jerri curls walks past me)

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:36 am

@ Randy

1st off: just because I’m going thru something don’t make assumptions

A) I do love myself- that’s why I am not partaking in his game playing
B) I wasn’t looking where I found him.

DreamsMaterialize

February 23rd, 2010
10:37 am

Mo
You need some drank already. Well ok, but drink cautiously. What’ll it be?

Living Life
Welcome, and good to read you.

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:38 am

Randy:

I honestly believe your advise applies to him.
I don’t think he loved himself. He couldn’t see what I saw and if you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else?

Melo

February 23rd, 2010
10:39 am

How do you process out not being pressed truly….what part of growth or wisdom or age or??

Lady J??
If u luv somebody or are feeling them,just let them know.Coz that frees ur mind and heart and it wont weigh heavy on u after u do.

But dont display thirsty tendencies,be subtle,let the man lead with his actions and words and u follow what he his suggesting.

However,at some point after going out for a cpple of dates,u truly feel him,let him know,softly and tenderly without allowing urself to be taken advantage of. Dont rumble on and on about how u make a perfect match.(thats bull) Just lete him know u like him a lot to be his guy! Thats it!

Hear what he has to say and say that no further.Thats subtle pressing!(I hate to be smothered by a chic,waiting on me to say what she wants to hear) :lol: :lol:

After that declaration by u,just play it by ear and his actions! U can only be and in control of U!

Mo (aka Moeisha )

February 23rd, 2010
10:40 am

Living Life – welcome and its okay… glad you could join us!

Dreams – umm lets see, I’ll start w some flavored sweet tea for now, nothing too strong just yet… :smile:

For Real

February 23rd, 2010
10:40 am

I am: I just want to say you bring a 32 tooth smile to my face everyday. Dayum I would love to get you drunk and then turn you loose on the public.

mytw♥cents

February 23rd, 2010
10:41 am

MELO I agree with that Zulu logic there… I typed the part about using discernment in invisible ink. Also, I meant to point out that people ~ well, men~ often tell you EXACTLY what they want of you, but we choose to analyze it until it becomes what we want.

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:41 am

Lady J

February 23rd, 2010
10:43 am

Got you melo I am seeing the issue know for real is right zzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiipppppppp and let it flow through the actions vs the speech…..thanks big brotha seriously bc it is apparent I am doing something wrong and don’t mind being corrected!

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
10:43 am

ALOL @ For Real!!!

lurker

February 23rd, 2010
10:51 am

Ladies, when do you know a man wants you as much as you want him?

Wow. Always….given the circumstances are he’s doing all the right things. Never…he you’re getting nothing.

lurker

February 23rd, 2010
10:52 am

“never…’if’ you’re getting nothing”

I am loved (I guess.....)

February 23rd, 2010
11:01 am

Here’s what I’m learning: don’t make someone a priority when they only make you an option, be with someone that loves you more , hold back and keep them guessing, wondering, chasing…

princessnik

February 23rd, 2010
11:02 am

Morning All

abc….i agree with you….. “if a man wants you, you’ll know it. He’ll tell you, and demonstrate it in countless ways that you won’t be able to mistake for something else.”

@ Melo, sorry I didn’t have a chance to get back to you on the ugly girl/better sexxx question yesterday I had a busy day doing payroll.