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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Chasing Pavements

One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Adele sings about chasing after love, even if it leads nowhere.  It reminds me of what it feels like to be the woman asking a guy out first.  I know men are used to this feeling, all the time, but for a lady, there could be more at stake.  Every time a woman asks a man out first, she is taking a risk at shifting the dynamics of a future relationship.

Is it better for a woman to make such a risk if she feels that strong of an attraction to a guy?

When women approach men, what exactly do they stand to lose? I always hear so many men say that they truly admire a woman that can ask him out.  I have no hard statistics, but these same men aren’t actually married or in a relationship with that woman.  So is it really admirable or are men secretly thinking they don’t want to be the one pursued after all?

When a woman asks a man out, is she chasing pavements? Can it ever lead to a relationship with good potential?

361 comments Add your comment

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
11:15 am

lol i was waiting on that lol!

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:16 am

So fellas…what happened to you all talking about being able to recognize the vibe of desperation coming from an aggressive chick a mile away?

SlimOne, Exactly. But you know what I think it is, when it’s about a woman they find attractive or could possibly be intimidated by and she approaches it all good until it isn’t any more. When it’s a woman they find unattractive that approaches she is labeled desperate and/or throwing herself at “men”.

kimmie

February 18th, 2010
11:16 am

To clarify, are we talking about actually asking for a guy’s number first and asking him out or are we just talking about saying hello, smiling, initiating a conversation?

I’ve never had trouble with the later. I’ve never done the former. But then I’ve never had to. Any guy that was interested has approached me, end of subject, not an issue. Even the shyest guys. I like men who know what they want & go after it.

Anotha – The whole “wait for the guy to approach you or there will be a negetive shift in the dynamics of the relationship” thing? Guess who really put that out to the mainstream media & to the masses? The “Swiss” authors of the book The Rules! And why knock some sisters that want to follow biblical tradition? They usually meet like-mind brothas, so it all works out. But please spare us the “swiss” girls do this better than the sisters mess, okay?

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:18 am

I am loved we tried to help you avoid that. You should have sent the key back to him and you would not be having what is happening right now.

Don’t let him have the best of you though. And don’t let him see you hurting.

East Point's Own

February 18th, 2010
11:20 am

A woman is not considered aggressive if she asks a man out… what I find is that once a man lets that woman who asked him out know that he is not interested, often the ladies won’t accept that and they keep coming at the dude. That is aggressive.
But just like men who throw out the ‘B’ word when a man turns down their intial advances women can get out of hand too… all men who don’t connect with you upon meeting you are not broke,gay, or have a little d*&k…

I have found that when I have turned down the advances of some women they wanna ask a million questions about why I feel that way… blah, blah, blah…or they wanna keep “hanging out” as if they are going to change my mind… that’s when women have gone too far. If we just met in the last 1 or 2 weeks you should not be that attached and/or emotionally involved. I don’t necessarily mean when a woman approaches and the man turns her down immediately, but rather after the first week or two of dating and the man determines that she is not a good fit.

Once again I am not woman bashing… but since I only date women that’s all I can comment on. If what I have said does not apply to you that’s fine too.

http://hispointofview.com

Anotha Brotha

February 18th, 2010
11:20 am

Yes, but the Swiss girls are winning. You all get on Nightline crying every week.

Leggs

February 18th, 2010
11:22 am

@I am loved ~ take DreamsM advice. Continue to blog and DO NOT ADOPT the “woe is me” attitude. Although him texting you he found someone else that fits his needs was unnecessary, don’t let your emotions show on your face when you give him back his key/stuff. Better yet, can he pick it up and drop your stuff off at a relative/friend’s home????

Professor...

February 18th, 2010
11:22 am

I am loved You will get through this, stay strong and do not let a heartbreak, break you and your spirit.

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:23 am

Kimmie – mother of the “shut the door with that mess!”…i feel some kind of way after reading that 11:16. But i didn’t wear my armor bearer gear today…so i’m gone pass the plate from wayy in the back.

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:23 am

kimmie I don’t know what it’s talking about. NY2GA told me I was out in left field. (Thanks NY. LOL)

When it says “Chasing….” I assumed it was talking about being the pursuer. Being the one doing the chasing.

There is nothing wrong with making the initial attraction known, but I don’t think women should do the chasing. That’s how a lot of women get their hearts broken and get used, chasing men that aren’t really that into them. If a man is interested he will let a woman know it. But if she’s that keeps going at him, there are some real jerks out there that will milk it for what it’s worth.

Just like some women are known to use men they are not really that into.

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
11:23 am

@ Anutha Brotha……….You all get on Nightline crying every week.

dizzam!, you had to take it there.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:23 am

@Raqi I think you have a point there as far as WHO is it that’s doing the approaching. I guess it’s no different than when a guy you’re NOT interested in sends you some ‘crazy message’..but when that same message is sent by a guy you’re sort of attracted to, it’s then considered sweet. :lol:

Matter of fact, i have initiated exchanging numbers with a dude when I was out about 2 months ago. Before we departed he asked if I wanted to come home with him to cuddle…WTF! So needless to say, I never called him and he never called me after that. I have no problem initiating a conversation with a guy, but as far as leading the meeting on to a courtship, I’d much rather let the guy take the reigns on that one.

@Cee If I let the Mexican guy that approached me Saturday knock me up, I might now have a chance to have a baby that can measure up to my Jassy poo LOL!

DreamsMaterialize

February 18th, 2010
11:24 am

I like men who know what they want & go after it.
We also like women who know what they want and go after it.

But you know what I think it is, when it’s about a woman they find attractive or could possibly be intimidated by and she approaches it all good until it isn’t any more. When it’s a woman they find unattractive that approaches she is labeled desperate and/or throwing herself at “men”.
This doesn’t make any sense. But I’ll generalize wildly too. The reason why women refuse to approach is because as long as they don’t ask guys out, they don’t have to take any responsibility for their failed interactions with guys. However, as soon as you start asking guys out, then you’ll have to start being accountable for the results of your interactions.

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:26 am

Enter your comments here

Mo (aka Moeisha - tired as h3ll! )

February 18th, 2010
11:26 am

Hey Err’body!!

Lady J – hey chica, didnt forget about that info…working on it! Its been a kwazy week! So whats the new topic? :smile:

Dreams – how do?

on topic – I dont mind asking a guy out but its not something I do all the time.

Leggs

February 18th, 2010
11:27 am

@I am loved ~ do you need me to round up Slap-A-Hoe tribe and kick him in his shins???

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
11:27 am

Raqi – Chasing, really. I read your first couple of lines, I stand corrected. Now as for chasing, if I like you, I will talk to you and see if the conversation and attraction is there. If so, I will ask you out, if you say no, that’s it, ain’t no chasing in it.

All I am saying is lighten up a little bit!!!

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:29 am

But you know what SlimOne, in that instance of exchanging the numbers and you being the one to initiate it, I think the real test is if he calls you first and more often than you running him down calling him.

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:29 am

If I let the Mexican guy that approached me Saturday knock me up

Nicety – I am on the flo’!!! lol Girl, that baby would be a lil too close.

lil Tequero Taco Bell, be at the gas stations scannin’ and grinnin’ don’t they?

Anotha Brotha

February 18th, 2010
11:29 am

“The reason why women refuse to approach is because as long as they don’t ask guys out, they don’t have to take any responsibility for their failed interactions with guys. However, as soon as you start asking guys out, then you’ll have to start being accountable for the results of your interactions.”

+1

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
11:30 am

Thanks sistah Mo!!!!! I will keep you posted of my event as well!:)

kimmie

February 18th, 2010
11:32 am

Depends on what you define as “winning”!

Professor...

February 18th, 2010
11:32 am

The reason why women refuse to approach is because as long as they don’t ask guys out, they don’t have to take any responsibility for their failed interactions with guys.

Now you got me thinking on that one…

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:32 am

LOL NY2GA, you know Sunday, being Valentine’s Day and all, the sermon was about “love between a man and his woman” (Read those last 5 words, LOL) and I am already a traditional kind of girl so maybe it’s still spilling over into today. :lol:

Melo

February 18th, 2010
11:35 am

Dont somebody here have I am loved’s phone or email??

Reach out to her plz and help her,..u ladies coz she seems to be needing lots of break up help.

I aint being funny,im serious!

IDK??
the answer to ur 11.11 qstion is on ur 11.14 advice to I am loved!… :lol:

If that blog man aint answering ur email but u wanna continue with ur proposal,u being aggressive,much the same way u dont like a dude pressing after u have told him NO!

Keep ur head up and keep looking! :lol:

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:35 am

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:37 am

If i had her contact Melo i would.

Somebody thinks the world of her, and she don’t even know it…cause the blinders are on.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:40 am

@Cee lmao! Thing about it is he doesn’t have the stereotypical look of a Mexican male. He looks like he’s from Israel or Lebanon or something…however, he is short tho. :shock:

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:43 am

He looks like he’s from Israel or Lebanon or something…

SlimOne, I know you are talking to Cemeeli, but is that guy you speak of truly Mexican or South American? I know a man from South America that looks a lot like a middle eastern. He says a lot of his family is mistaken for MidEast nationalities.

kimmie

February 18th, 2010
11:43 am

Dreams – Are you currently dating anyone and did she initally ask for your number & ask you out? Just curious. You have a right to feel the way you feel. You read like a guy that has a modern point of view. I think a lot of us ladies on here have maybe tried to take the “modern, woman going for what she wants” approach to men and it did not work. Maybe if we had approached someone with the mindset you appear to have, we would not have gotten shot down. See, a lot of guys claim to be cool with certain things, but in reality are really not. Like Raqi said, the more some things change, the more they stay the same.

East Point – Sounds like the women you describe that kept after you when you were not interested were stalkers. It’s equally annoying and unattractive coming from a female as it is a male.

But hey, it’s only really stalking if you’re not interested, right?

I’ve also heard it said by some guys that some women don’t know how to “let a man be a man”. Does initiating numbers & dates count under that column?

Professor...

February 18th, 2010
11:43 am

Melo you are right…I hope someone with some positive energy reach out to I am loved…hopefully I am have some sisters, friends to see her through.

IDK...to risk or not?

February 18th, 2010
11:45 am

Lol…see Melo…thats why I like your font! :-) )

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:46 am

Does initiating numbers & dates count under that column?

kimmie now this answer I really want to hear? LOL

(jeopardy music playing in background)

IDK...to risk or not?

February 18th, 2010
11:46 am

just was trying something new…taking a risk! and to be honest, it was kind of fun..fulfilling!

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:47 am

Raqi I’m positive…I guess he gets that all that time (being mistaken as Middle Eastern) but he’s from Texas and both of his parents are from Mexico. lol He said I look like I’m from Egypt. For the most part I get mistaken as being from Somalia, Ethiopia or Indian…depends on the day and hairstyle I guess. Go figure

Melo

February 18th, 2010
11:47 am

he doesn’t have the stereotypical look of a Mexican male

:mrgreen: :roll:

SlimOne?? in some ways I cld :lol:

But,what does that mean??

u mean he didnt have a ladder in his truck??

Sassy Me :-)

February 18th, 2010
11:48 am

do you need me to round up Slap-A-Hoe tribe and kick him in his shins???

You know I’m down….

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:48 am

I’ve also heard it said by some guys that some women don’t know how to “let a man be a man”.

I believe so.

Beautiful ♥

February 18th, 2010
11:49 am

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:50 am

Nicety All i’m saying is you never know what’s in store for you.

The shower would include an pinata….that’s fine. It’s in the budget. :)

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:51 am

@melo “u mean he didnt have a ladder in his truck??”

Um…don’t think i’m going to touch that question with a 10ft pole, (no pun intended) He didn’t look like Cha Chi, put it like that. lol

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:53 am

For the most part I get mistaken as being from Somalia, Ethiopia or Indian

Yup, you are suspect.

Nicety – That’s why we need you. Somebody gotta play the screaming swiss girl when the escape car pull up.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:55 am

Melo matter of fact, he is actually a BMW car dealer. I don’t believe a ladder is needed in that occupation unless of course you work at a Toyota Dealership……ooooh cold busted! j/k ;-p

@Cee Ohhhh a Pinata…you mean I get to beat the shyt out of something and not be considered crazy for a change? I’m going IN! lol

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
11:57 am

Breaking News…

I’m getting ready to eat a piece of zucchini bread that is the best I have ever tasted. Better than what I make. gasp LOL

Last night went I got home for the movie when I was unlocking the door I smelled something so good radiating from the kitchen. When I stepped in the house I saw this loaf of warm, sweet, delicious zucchini bread sitting on the counter. The Man bakes. He offered me a piece and I could not resist telling him how good it was. 10 times better than how good it smelled. He says it was made in love. LOL I had a piece for breakfast and I brought a piece to have with my lunch.

How am I supposed to be trying to get rid of these stubborn pregnancy pounds when he all up in the place baking breads/cakes at 10:30 in the evening?

Okay, back to the you Monica WiseDiva.

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
11:59 am

Humm… Let a man be a man. Does initiating numbers and dates count under that column. A real man is going to be a man regardless, no person can take that from him. If a woman asks for the number there is nothing wrong with that. If the guy is simple minded in that he thinks oh she is after me, then you don’t want to deal with that dude anyway.

Real dudes will think it’s cool and if he is interested in the woman (same way if the woman is interested in the dude) he will say sure, call me sometime or I will call you. Yes, it’s just that simple…lol..

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
12:00 pm

SlimOne, you said he shawt. Maybe the ladder would be to climb up in the car. LOL

Let me stop and go heat my lunch.

Melo

February 18th, 2010
12:04 pm

so much comedy in these postings, i may not do what i wanna do now..

LOL :lol: will suffice!

Professor...

February 18th, 2010
12:04 pm

@NY2GA RIGHT ON on that 11:59

Mo (aka Moeisha - tired as h3ll! )

February 18th, 2010
12:05 pm

Cemeeli – Hey chica! I am thisclose to getting a pepsi! I have done so well but dayum a sistah is about to crack!! WHEW! Pass me some popcorn please!

ok so this is waaaay off topic but I am really liking Usher’s song Daddy’s Home! :smile:

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
12:05 pm

LOL @ Raqi Shawt! lol