accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Chasing Pavements

One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Adele sings about chasing after love, even if it leads nowhere.  It reminds me of what it feels like to be the woman asking a guy out first.  I know men are used to this feeling, all the time, but for a lady, there could be more at stake.  Every time a woman asks a man out first, she is taking a risk at shifting the dynamics of a future relationship.

Is it better for a woman to make such a risk if she feels that strong of an attraction to a guy?

When women approach men, what exactly do they stand to lose? I always hear so many men say that they truly admire a woman that can ask him out.  I have no hard statistics, but these same men aren’t actually married or in a relationship with that woman.  So is it really admirable or are men secretly thinking they don’t want to be the one pursued after all?

When a woman asks a man out, is she chasing pavements? Can it ever lead to a relationship with good potential?

361 comments Add your comment

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
9:19 am

I think over time it is quite ok to ask your guy out…In the start it should be the other way around….be agressive for some is a major turn off and the new words thirsty and hungry and older one desprate and attention whore comes into play with associating some women doing anything to go on a date or have a warm body by them….some even descibe me as such from time to time but I truly don’t let their assessment define me. I welcome being approached and persued and I have some and at which both have failed over time but again what is for me either way will be so I am open and relaxing a bit and trying to enjoy the ride of being single and keeping the legs closed for better results….yeah I am honest with self and know the same results will give the same problems so we will see what the new ride will bring over time….

Morning!

Jeff

February 18th, 2010
9:20 am

Welcome to the wonderful world of equality ladies. It’s not the walk over to ask someone out that is nerve-racking, it’s the walk back after they shoot you down.

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
9:27 am

Good Morning.

While it is okay for a woman to make her attraction known to a man, being the old fashion type of girl that I am I do believe that men are to be the chasers.

You often hear some of them say that they like for women to come after them I have yet to meet a man that has said he was not put off by a woman chasing him.

I think it is a woman’s duty or place to make herself “catchable” should she share an attraction with a man, but she should let him be the one that chase her. Now this doesn’t mean play hard to get, but it simply means if he is interested he will be letting you know. And if you are interest show mutual interest and reciprocate.

I have asked a guy out in my past and I have to say that I have a flop under my belt and a short lived dating run also. Even with the one that I initially asked out it was after talking on the phone a few times and then allowing him to be the chaser after that.

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
9:33 am

There are some things in life that we just can’t change. I truly believe that some things were put into play from the beginning and when we try to change it, it throws of the balance in the Universe. It’s sorta like when your body is trying to fight off a foreign object. When something don’t belong the nature workings of your body will get thrown off and sometimes create infections.

That’s how I feel about relationships and their workings. When something in the mix isn’t as it should be it creates an infection.

Some men just don’t know the priviledge and upper hand they have been dealt by our Creator. It’s not a priviledge to be used as a manipulation tactic or for foul living but it a priviledge to be a man. To be the head and so many men these days either don’t want the role or aren’t “man” enough to know how to handle it and do right by it.

DreamsMaterialize

February 18th, 2010
9:39 am

When women approach men, what exactly does they stand to lose?
How can you actually “lose” something by pursuing your own happiness? You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Every time a woman asks a man out first, she is taking a risk at shifting the dynamics of a future relationship
What exactly is the risk in this? I don’t understand. The risk is standing idly by, watching your happiness pass you by. Nothing comes without risk, especially things with great reward. If you aren’t willing to risk anything for love and happiness, then you don’t deserve love and happiness…you deserve whatever you get.

When a woman asks a man out, is she chasing pavements? Can it ever lead to a relationship with good potential?
A woman who asks a man out will see an overall improvement in the types of guys who match her preferrences. That increases your chances of having a good relationship. If you want the best, you have to go get it. If you think waiting around for the best to come find you is a good strategy, then you’ll continue to be disappointed. I’d challenge anyone to go to their job and try that strategy…see how long you last.

anonymousella

February 18th, 2010
9:43 am

i’m going to go with no. it has never worked out for me. in my experience, what happens is that the guy enjoys being chased for a change and will ride it out until someone catches his eye.

now that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t flirt. a woman can and should drop hints to let a man know that his advances will be reciprocated. but make the first move? nah homie … lol.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
9:56 am

I love Adele’s voice and I really like that song.

HI YA’LL

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
10:02 am

I agree with anonymousella

a woman can and should drop hints to let a man know that his advances will be reciprocated. but make the first move? nah homie … lol.

Good Morning!

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:08 am

Morning Crew!

Chasing pavement would just be all is it to it too….

Melo

February 18th, 2010
10:09 am

it’s the walk back after they shoot you down

You right Jeff!!!,the back of her head will seem and weigh real heavy as she walks back to her corner,let alone those high heels.She will wish she was wearing flip flops instead.

It dont look good unless u have done some real research and u are assured of the outcome/success or if ur ego is really a high octane level to withstand the downside.

Guys are used to rejection instead.

Ladies?? Not so!
We so not used to our ladies sulking in silence, in public,ur sucking ur forefinger in mouf,looking glum. :-)

So quit the thoght! :lol:

Good morning folks,getting warmer!

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
10:11 am

morning…

i agree with anonymousella and Princess.

not hannein’.

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
10:13 am

Raqi – I have read your comments and I think you are taking this a little bit to left field. Some things in life you cannot change, you are joking right? It throws off the balance of the universe, good comedy for so early in the morning. Privilege and upper hand, you are cracking me up.

I do agree with you that a woman should make herself, maybe not “catchable” but known to the man who she might have an attraction too. Sorry to hear about your past success rate not working out, but believe me, in this day and time, there is nothing wrong with a woman saying hey, let’s go out and have a drink. From that point, it’s on the both of them to determine if this is something they want to pursue. You are asking him out, you are not asking him to marry you. It’s not that serious… :-)

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:19 am

@NY2GA when does it become aggressive behavior from a women’s standpoint that could be a turn off with persuing a man first….

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

February 18th, 2010
10:23 am

I’ve never understood the “don’t approach men… it will ruin the potential relationship” argument.

How can women think making the man initiate increases the odds of having a better relationship when most, if not all, of their failed relationships were initiated by men?! If anything, you’d think they’d be more open to the idea of trying something different.

Melo

February 18th, 2010
10:25 am

I am so not feeling the topic today!…

I am actually looking more to Tiger’s press conference tommorrow,his wife beside him and her arms around on his shoulders(her luving hubby),on the podium, as he talks of his foibles with the multiple heiffers and her(wify) :lol: impending reconciliation moves and her move back to the family crib!

The Masters Trnament wil be a real spectacle and fun to watch,I wish i had a ticket!

Welcome Tiger! :lol: :lol:

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:28 am

lol melo! Golf is welcoming him back too money talks!

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
10:30 am

melo I’m with you on the topic! it’ll change by lunch LOL

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

February 18th, 2010
10:30 am

“If you think waiting around for the best to come find you is a good strategy, then you’ll continue to be disappointed. I’d challenge anyone to go to their job and try that strategy…see how long you last.” — DreamsMaterialize

On point.

I don’t feel sorry for some women who can’t find love. It’s usually because they’re romantically lazy. They can get degrees, jobs, buy homes and cars, start and run businesses – all by themselves – but refuse to say “hello” or invite a guy out first? They show hustle and initiative in every area of their life except for their love life. I don’t get it.

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
10:32 am

@ Melo – I hope that works out as well. i’m still :mrgreen: at him Hmmm…there will only be a select number of media attendance to hear him make statements, per Tiger’s PR.

a ticket to Master’s if/when he returns? big hit.

Raqi...Filled with His Love

February 18th, 2010
10:33 am

NY2GA, I didn’t say it was wrong for a woman to make her attraction known to the man. Read my first couple of lines. I said that after that point it’s the man that should do the chasing.

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:34 am

a closed mouth don’t get fed huh….lol and it is ok to step outside the box and meet n greet more….hmmmm

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
10:35 am

@ Fred …They show hustle and initiative in every area of their life except for their love life. I don’t get it.

In most cases when a female does approach the guy, the guy feels like she is too agressive, sure he may sign on for the puddy (wow i been reading Melo too long) but typically the guy is more confident if he is the agressor. Not to say that applies to every single situation.

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
10:38 am

so guys:

do you think its time for a paradigm shift?

are you comfortable with women being the one to step to you?

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
10:38 am

Lady J – To answer your question “when does it become aggressive behavior from a women’s standpoint that could be a turn off with persuing a man first”, if the guy is not showing any interest or if he kinda blows you off, then I would not waste my (your) time. If the attraction is mutual, you will know it right off, you will feel it during your conversations. If the woman keeps pursuing and he is not reciprocating, he is not interested. You know the signs, no return phone calls, etc…

If you are interested in the guy and he appears to be cool (I am sure you have been doing some observations), then strike up a conversation, see what he has to say, if it sounds good and feels good, then go for it. If things don’t turn out well, the conversation while having that drink is corny or stiff, then say thank you and be on your way.

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
10:40 am

PRINCESSNIK – The time has already come. Women are going for theirs. If she steps to me and it feels good, then let’s talk, feel things out. You are not making a life long committment because you step to someone and have a little convo.

Professor...

February 18th, 2010
10:41 am

Hola!

I am a bit old fashion so I would not be comfortable asking a guy out. However, I would like to think I am bold enough to do it, but I just have not done it.

Like many of you I am looking forward to the Great Tiger press conference and I wonder if Mrs. Tiger will stand behind or beside her man…

Melo

February 18th, 2010
10:42 am

PRINCESSNIK??

really proud of u for that 10.35 analysis!

Have that mindset in the dating world..as a gerl,u be a champion,trust!…like a shark in murky waters but with night vision goggles!! :lol:

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
10:44 am

@ NY2GA …..You are not making a life long committment because you step to someone and have a little convo.

Ok so that goes back to :

“a woman can and should drop hints to let a man know that his advances will be reciprocated.”

I don’t have a problem having a little convo with a guy, i’m in my best element talking with men but once the conversation is out there I’m probably not going to be the one doing the asking out

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:45 am

cool NY2GA….wonder what the new topic will be….pls not tiger! lol

Leggs

February 18th, 2010
10:50 am

Everyone is waiting for the Tiger conference @11:00.

I see nothing wrong with asking a man out. Not all the time, but hell we all like to be hunted, even men. Sure, it’s the norm for them to chase us, but nothing wrong with shaking things up every so often.

DreamsMaterialize

February 18th, 2010
10:52 am

I see. So, the “I Don’t Ask Guys Out” approach has been a winning strategy right? Also, using one example to show that something doesn’t work isn’t justifiable. Proof by example is not a proof. If you want the same thing you’ve been getting, then keep implementing the same strategy, but if you want something different and more successful, then change it up.

Jeff

February 18th, 2010
10:52 am

I’m perfectly comfortable with women taking the intiative in a lot of things. Just don’t let me hear you complain about the negatives that come with those opportunities.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
10:53 am

So fellas…what happened to you all talking about being able to recognize the vibe of desperation coming from an aggressive chick a mile away?….Must be a mighty fine line or either ya’ll are talking out of boef sides of ya mouff.

I am loved (or at least I thought I was)

February 18th, 2010
10:53 am

Dear Blog,

It has been a pleasure getting to know you.
I’m taking a hiatus.
My ex justed texted me that he wants his key back and he has stuff of mine to give back.
He states that he met someone that meets his needs.

This really hurts right now. good-bye.

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
10:54 am

@ LadyJ – pls get the ball rolling…or maybe the lurkers got something to add today.

Ms. Main has been m.i.a, she usually bring up some interesting spins from the lurker’s corner.

Jeff

February 18th, 2010
10:57 am

We men can sense desperation just like you women can. What is a boeff and a mouff?

Lady J

February 18th, 2010
10:59 am

seriously oh my

Anotha Brotha

February 18th, 2010
11:01 am

This is primarily an issue that comes up with black women- and to be more specific, women with a need to feel chosen and “chased”, as so many of you have stated. Being “old fashioned”, citing Proverbs etc is cover. You crave to be desired and valued. Many will spend years by themselves waiting for a man to give her that value that her father never did. It’s a self-esteem/image issue. Most men in here have experienced speaking to a “bg”, only to have her act as if she didn’t hear you. It’s not due to disinterest, it’s because she wants you to fight through her nonsense and thoroughly choose her. This, however, is an unfortunate psychological flaw in a large number of women that contribute to them not having a man. Conversely, white girls (or more specifically, women who have healthy psychological states), have the strength to initiate a convo. They’re more concerned with having a guy then feeling selected.

If a woman were to extend her hand, with a smile and say hello, I would give her added attention as she has shown herself to be a strong woman.It would also be a major positive consideration when deciding whether she has longterm potential. It’s the weak and meek amongst you that are a turnoff to a strong man. But, you all are having so much success in relationships so do what it do.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 18th, 2010
11:03 am

Jeff, that was ebonics…boeff = both and mouff = mouth

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
11:03 am

jeff
boeff=both
mouff=mouth

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:05 am

lol…the translation.

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
11:06 am

you know what everybody………..

what you are lookin for is looking for you

so if he/she is looking for the her/him to approach then they are looking for you too

kimmie

February 18th, 2010
11:07 am

Hey Blog Fam!

Just because it’s different, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s more successful. Think about that.

But do what works for you. The men I chose to deal with relish their role as men.

As for me, the few times I’ve tried to initiate, my success rate is ZERO!

Sooo… yes, the MAN I deal with made the initial approach. I have had plenty of opportunity to RECIPROCATE and DO SO. But he initiated the pursuit. WE like it that way.

Oh, I could really care less what Tiger has to say. I’ll watch the Master’s or whatever tournament he may be in, if I happen to have it on and have absolutely nothing else to watch, because he’s the greatest golfer ever. As for his other mess, that’s on him & his swiss women.

PRINCESSNIK

February 18th, 2010
11:08 am

we could go around about this topic all day but in the end different people find different things attractive, what one person may want, another person may detest

SexyCool

February 18th, 2010
11:09 am

I am loved – You are loved. Sending you cyberhugs and vibes of love.

Cemeeli

February 18th, 2010
11:09 am

@ Nicety – She is so adorable!…

IDK...to risk or not?

February 18th, 2010
11:11 am

Mornting!

Taking risks can be scary generally no exception in the area of women approaching men. My question is how much is too much? In the approach. I asked a question the other day about something similiar…a person has sparked my interest, he has a blog, i made a comment on it…which was posted but not responded to. (typical) Should there be another move I make? Or…….

DreamsMaterialize

February 18th, 2010
11:11 am

being able to recognize the vibe of desperation coming from an aggressive chick a mile away
There is a difference between aggressive and assertive. I don’t see anything desperate about someone taking the initiative to get what she wants.

I am loved
Now you cut all that ish out. The blog told you that this would happen. Actually, the blog advised you to preempt this scenario by voluntarily giving back the key and any other items. I know that doesn’t make you feel any better, but take it as a lesson. Sometimes people on the outside who are emotionally detached can see things more clearly than the one who is completely immersed. I would encourage you to keep blogging. Believe it or not, some gems are dropped on here regularly and it could prove to be therapeutic.

IDK...to risk or not?

February 18th, 2010
11:14 am

I am Loved…as Tupac said, “You gotta keep ya head up”

NY2GA

February 18th, 2010
11:14 am

PRINCESSNIK – I like that 11:06 post …

I was at a little get together and a nice lady was with her friends and asked me who I was there with (sorta jokingly). I said no one, she said cool, you are with us now. That’s all it took, we are cool to this day and have the best of times. It doesn’t have to be that serious, again, you are not asking him to come home and meet momma and daddy. It’s getting together to chat and see if there is any interest. If so, move forward, if not, step…

Old fashion, new fashion, doesn’t matter. You are merely talking to someone, if the conversation comes up about going out, cool, if not, don’t. I say it again, it’s not that serious, don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. If you like someone, speak to them, if they like you, they will talk back.