Make An Investment
I was reading the always helpful Atlanta Bargain blog about online dating services. It got me thinking that I have never met a real life matchmaker in person. I’ve watched them in reality television, marveling at their proclivity to read into single people’s behavior (SPB). It is rather interesting how they correct the bad SPB (seemingly for the cameras), allowing them to attract the right type of people. Paying someone to do some of the “hunt for compatibility” leg work almost seems like a great investment.
In some cultures, parents arrange the marriages of their children. What would be the harm in paying for a similar “arrangement” from a professional? I seriously considered signing up for a professional matchmaking service because I am very curious about my “diagnosis”. Perhaps I have overlooked something that needs to be adjusted before I am truly open to meeting a potential Mr. Right. Hey, I’m wise, but I never claimed to have it all figured out!
I asked my personal “love squad” what they thought about this and I got varying opinions. I think the general consensus was it seemed “desperate” and unrealistic. I don’t agree with that at all. Then again, I am a supporter of internet dating.
Ms. Cash raises a great point when she asks, “is it a worthwhile investment or a wasted expense” to pay money to aid in the search for love? Why do so many people feel strange about spending money on matchmaking services or paying fees for online dating? Is it different from making an investment in gym memberships or the costs associated with grooming?
What are your thoughts about professional matchmakers? What would you want to ask them?
How much or how little should we invest in dating? Does “you get what you pay for” apply here?
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190 comments Add your comment
ImAPeach404... still learning lessons
February 16th, 2010
11:07 am
@Wise – there is a friend from elementary school whom I caught up with on FB. She owns a matchmaking service… lemme know if you’d like her information.
@Dig – I know you asked Professor but ima answer to
When I was thinking of throwing a singles party myself, I was trying to figure out a way for it not to be too many dudes there. I know a lot of guys. So I figures a good way was to have the single guy bring a single gal… and that way it would be even. And, I just figured that if everyone in attendance knew everyone in attendance was single, it would make for a fun and interesting night.
Tweti
February 16th, 2010
11:10 am
@ Leggs – my new “low key” guy I mentioned yesterday…met him online back in October. It’s been really good so far. I think, though, that a lot of it has to do with his mentality. We were both tired of the games and drama that seems to be a requirement to date people now. We’re a good fit and I’m open to all possibilities. So, don’t knock it. I agree with the previous posts…it could go either way.
Mr_NYC
February 16th, 2010
11:25 am
I prefer to use the term “online meeting” or “online introductions.” That changes my perspective, because once you establish contact, everything is the same as far as building rapport, establishing trust, and checking your gut about the individual’s intentions. You still must ask the same questions, take your time, and get to know someone. Its pretty much the same as it is in approaching or being approached by someone in a public place for the first time. Really unless you are introduced by a mutual friend, you must do your homework. I’ve met some great women online; some locally and some in other cities. None of whom I would have met or crossed paths with otherwise. The method allows you to cast a wider net and creates new possibilities.
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:28 am
Hey Peeps!
Leggs, I see some great-looking guys in Home Depot & Lowes. They are always friendly and the plus is that they are usually homeowners and work well with their hands:)
I look at online dating & matchmaking as just another way to meet people. Yes, you have to be careful, but you have to do that anyway whereever you meet people. In fact, I noticed on the 2 guys I dated in the past that were setups, I kinda let my guard down because I knew them “thru” someone! That ended up being to my detriment.
I met my boo in Publix and I had to be just as careful as if I had met him online – talked on the phone quite a bit first, met out in public several times before going to each others homes, etc. We had a lot in common and ran in some mutual circles, so that helped too.
I know several people that use online dating regularly with much success. Noboby has run into a stalker or anything. Those that did not work out would have not worked out anyway, even if they had met by more traditional methods. One friend that uses it lives in Augusta, where there are not as many options to meet people. The other is very busy and being a former New Yorker, did not have a car the 1st few years she lived here. Both have met some wonderful guys. I know of several people, like former coworkers, that have gotten married.
I’ve made some great friends on this blog! Hey SCool & Sister Cee!
Professor is.....
February 16th, 2010
11:29 am
Question: Do you all think there are negative connotations present regarding where/how you make your SO? Example would you reveal that you met your SO through your BF, because s/he were your BF former beau? Would you reveal that your SO may have been a former boss, student, escort etc.?
DIG THAT
February 16th, 2010
11:31 am
@Peach
That sounds like a good idea because that was my thinking at first that it would be a ton of dudes fighting over 4 women.
Professor is.....
February 16th, 2010
11:36 am
DIG THAT & PEACH…it is a must that you bring a member of the opposite sex to make it work out. I have said it before and will say it again. Bring someone that is progressive with good character.
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
11:40 am
Leggs!!! I was thinking about you today!!! you are like the big sister I never had! thanks for the support
Hi M Dot!!!!
Professor is….. OMG!!!!! I was really good friends with this guy in college. We dated very very briefly (five dates maybe?)
Anyhoo….do you know his ex put him on blast on don’tdatehimgirl.com!!!
Turns out he has a daughter he never supported :O I never new he had a kid in college!!! and it gets worse. His ex dedicated a website airing out all his dirt. he’s a brain surgeon now and on his company email he cussed her out and demanded that she take the site down. She forwarded that email to his superiors. OMG!!!! :O
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:41 am
Some of you ladies probably already know this but Essence Atkins, actress from Smart Guy and Half & Half, met her husband on Match.com. He some kind of financial executive and very handsome. They dated for about a year and a half & married last year. She was tired of trying to date men in the entertainment industry and struck gold. They gave all of the single guests at the wedding a 6 month subscription to Match.com.
SexyCool
February 16th, 2010
11:41 am
Sade is about to perform on Ellen.
HEY, Kimmie!!
Oh, and Melo’s example about meeting a dude online who ended up being in a wheelchair was actually my experience that I have shared on the blog in the past.
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:43 am
SCool – Sade was on David Letterman last week. Essence.com posted her performance youtube video.
She’s still GOT IT!
SexyCool
February 16th, 2010
11:46 am
Sade is obviously a fan of sticking with what works. This chick hasn’t changed her look in 20 years.
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
11:47 am
I would love to hire a matchmaker if I had the money but any extra money I have goes towards my son. As a single parent, I don’t have the large sums it takes to hire a matchmaker (can’t be throwing money around like that)
here’s the skinny on online dating.
if you go to giveyourhandabreak.com you can pull up all the stats of all the online dating sites.
a lot of reason why women say that eharmony or match.com doesn’t work is because there are more women on that site than men.
So unless you like tacos, it’s not going to work.
I have found a few sites where men outnumber men and I have done well with it. I haven’t met the one but it has allowed me to meet men that I normally would not meet.
For example: If I go out in public, maybe 1 guy if that will talk to me. (not to say I’m a bad catch, I’ve been told I’m a hottie)
Online, my email is flooded.
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:48 am
SCool – I want to be Sade when I grow up!
mqew
February 16th, 2010
11:49 am
I think it’s cool to make that investment. If I was single and working and had kids maybe… and just busy. I could see how it would be another way to increase my chances of meeting THE ONE!
Sade is on Ellen.. I LOVE HER! Don’t like the single tho….
Tazzee
February 16th, 2010
11:49 am
Morning Folks!
Well, I think you all know I met my fiance’ online – so there’s my opinion of that, LOL. The worst liars I’ve met were in person, one at speed dating and the other at a Falcons event.
Approximately half of my current girlfriend circle was met online too.
Sooo, it’s all relative. I don’t think I’d pay for a matchmaker because I’m a little too cheap for that. Shoot, I used the cheapest online dating service I could find – had to email a few frogs to get to my prince but it was worth it.
Tazzee
February 16th, 2010
11:52 am
PoppaG I just sent you an email. I hope your address hasn’t changed.
SexyCool
February 16th, 2010
11:53 am
As to the topic, it is pretty obvious that by the time a dude is paying for matchmaker services (not an online dating site), he is apt to be more serious about committing to a real relationship.
mqew
February 16th, 2010
11:54 am
Kimmie – I as well would like to be her when grown
Now I have to listen to some Sade to get my fix as I DON”T like the Soldier song
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:56 am
mqew – I love Soldier of Love – love the drums & other instruments in it!
Also love the video to it!
Tazzee - 3 months til Mrs.
February 16th, 2010
11:58 am
SCool Call me! I just told my love that I needed to call you…
mqew I used to chat with guys while sitting under my hair dryer. That was my favorite time to communicate with my online ‘matches’ – easy breezy.
kimmie I read about Essence Atkins and her hubby. Wonderful story.
Professor I think my Mr. is a little shy about telling folks we met online, but I have no problem with it. I have gotten questions like ‘how did you know he wasn’t crazy?’ but I replied, ‘the same way I found out the dude at church wasn’t crazy’
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
11:59 am
She so exotic & mysterious & classy!
My favorite is Nothing Can Come Between Us, the song & the video, which is in black & white. She’s wearing this close-fitting white lace dress with her signature long braid. I think she’s barefoot too.
Saw her in concert back in 2001 & she ROCKED IT! India Irie opened & she was great too!
Professor is.....
February 16th, 2010
11:59 am
I am Loved! I love your new moniker by the way!!!!
I feel that anytime you can due a little research or due diligence it is great.
mqew
February 16th, 2010
12:00 pm
Kimmie – I don’t get it. I luv, luv, luv her. But that song /:) NOPE! I think I’m the only fan that don’t like it.
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
12:01 pm
Professor: Thanks!
I was shocked though when I saw my college friend on that site :-O
Fell off my rocker!!!!
OMG!!! I mean in school he was this cool dude and then he has this double life.
WOW!!!!
mqew
February 16th, 2010
12:04 pm
KIMMIE – Why girl, WHY? I’m done! I’m on Sade all day now…. THAT SONG… OMG!
I couldn’t remember the video so I brought it up on youtube…. goose bumps as soon as the intro came in
CLASSIC!!!
kimmie
February 16th, 2010
12:06 pm
mqew –
mqew
February 16th, 2010
12:10 pm
Tazzee – I get it. I think everyone who was able to build something great that met through non traditional means is tremendously blessed!
I’ve had conversations with people that believe that these types of relationships are damned because they didn’t ‘allow’ God to bring them together…
<——— Whatever, I say what eva the flip works!!!
PRINCESSNIK
February 16th, 2010
12:10 pm
Morning All,
mqew & kimmie all this sade talk makes me think of my silly brother, i jokingly asked him if he had downloaded the new sade cd to his ipod and he launched in to this impromptu “i’m so depressed” song set to “soldier of love” i laughed until i could barely breath
Professor is.....
February 16th, 2010
12:12 pm
@Tazzee I have found folks are a little shy sometimes to say where/how they met. I guess church sounds better than MIA blog.
@I am loved…it is always the cool ones that have it all. One of my GF were telling me about someone she knew. This couple had it all, and while she rumbled through some boxes (she and her husband had just closed on their dream home) she found a box of his items with all these momentos from his mistress. Apparently he never ended the relationship with his ex. The wife had a nervous breakdown and she is back living with her family.
PRINCESSNIK
February 16th, 2010
12:13 pm
@ I am….As a single parent, I don’t have the large sums it takes to hire a matchmaker (can’t be throwing money around like that)
Amen sistah!
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
12:30 pm
mqew – THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENTS
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
12:31 pm
Professor: Apparently he never ended the relationship with his ex. The wife had a nervous breakdown and she is back living with her family.
OH MY!!!!!
Leggs
February 16th, 2010
12:34 pm
@SlimOne ~ glad the missus didn’t hang around for long.
@Tweti – I’m glad it worked out for you. I can’t knock what I haven’t tried. All I know is this (me) has to change.
@Kimmie ~ haa haa. This guy introduced himself to me in Publix about a week ago. I saw him talking to another woman and thought they were together. Next thing I knew he approachs me while I’m looking at the green peppers and says “I just wanted to tell you you are very pretty” I said thank you and he proceeded to give me his number. I asked if he was with the woman I saw him talking to in the other aisle, and he said no. Was just saying hello. I chuckled and declined his number saying I was involved. Why, cuz he seemed to be crusing to she who would and wouldn’t bite!
@I am love – you can remove the reference to Enimen’s reference and stay with I am loved. Thanks, I have so many lil sisters!
Melo
February 16th, 2010
12:35 pm
give your hand a break.com??
I am luved??
that website name is funny fo sho?? Give ur hand a break??
Are they implying that the singles are self stimulating(manual rabbit in/out motion) and those websites cld prove such a relief for the female wrists???
I can imagine chic sitting by the edge of the bed,in sexxy red nite lingerie,leggs apart and claves tensed,the right hand busy at work,in and out,softly and slowly and the left hand cupping the right tata,her leggs shaking and her head tilting backwards while she moans slowly while closing her eyes!
The web site pedlers are so creative!!!???
Melo
February 16th, 2010
12:37 pm
calves tensed
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 16th, 2010
12:47 pm
Melo are you a ghost writer for Zane? (re:12:35 post)
Professor
February 16th, 2010
12:48 pm
Professor
February 16th, 2010
12:48 pm
Nicety I say we find all of Melo’s graphic, and funny posts and sell them in a little black book.
Professor
February 16th, 2010
12:50 pm
@Leggs…do you like turning dudes down? I ask because you are smooooooooth with it
Melo
February 16th, 2010
12:52 pm
Proff/Slim??
so whats ur interpretation of that website’s name, i dont get it??
Professor
February 16th, 2010
12:56 pm
Melo pull your shirt out so everyone will not see your spoiled pants…make sure you wash your hands they look sticky!
Melo, I did not think about it, but I did not have your vision either…lol.
Leggs
February 16th, 2010
12:59 pm
meant the reference to Enimen’s SONG….
@Professor, I like that question. No, I don’t think I like it but why string someone along just so I can tell myself I actually traded numbers with a person I know is no where what I’m looking for. I really don’t have time to waste. Not only that, the vibe he gave off to me was sleezy at best. Right off the bat he told me he just moved here from Las Vegas and trying to open his own business (which I can’t remember what it was). His vibe was all wrong and we all know about our gut feeling. My “gut” is my true barometer. I think we all have ignored it over time. Not anymore!
Let me rephrase my answer…yes, I guess I do like turning dudes down cuz I haven’t met a man yet!
Professor
February 16th, 2010
1:01 pm
Gone Ms. Leggs!!! I like your answer, and you are doing the right thing. Why get tied up with someone that is all wrong just to say you have someone?
Willie Dynamite
February 16th, 2010
1:02 pm
Melo – I thought the same thing when I read the name of that Website. Not just on the Womans side but single Men/Women altogether.
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
at Melo 12:35 post:
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
at Melo 12:35 post: :-O
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
1:05 pm
the giveyourhandabreak.com site gives you stats on all the dating sites.
PRINCESSNIK
February 16th, 2010
1:07 pm
giveyourhandabreak.com
i guess this means, give your hand a break as in you don’t have to type/search all those diff websites, you type in one website and see which dating sites has the best stats and go from there………..
I am loved (formely known as I am whatever you say I am)
February 16th, 2010
1:08 pm
LOL Melo takes off shirt and pulls pants down
He has the garters around his socks (like the old dudes from the 20’s)
shirt open…GASP!!! TACO MEAT!!!!!
LOL