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Make An Investment

I was reading the always helpful Atlanta Bargain blog about online dating services. It got me thinking that I have never met a real life matchmaker in person.  I’ve watched them in reality television, marveling at their proclivity to read into single people’s behavior (SPB).  It is rather interesting how they correct the bad SPB (seemingly for the cameras), allowing them to attract the right type of people. Paying someone to do some of the “hunt for compatibility” leg work almost seems like a great investment.

In some cultures, parents arrange the marriages of their children. What would be the harm in paying for a similar “arrangement” from a professional? I seriously considered signing up for a professional matchmaking service because I am very curious about my “diagnosis”. Perhaps I have overlooked something that needs to be adjusted before I am truly open to meeting a potential Mr. Right. Hey, I’m wise, but I never claimed to have it all figured out!

I asked my personal “love squad” what they thought about this and I got varying opinions.  I think the general consensus was it seemed “desperate” and unrealistic.  I don’t agree with that at all. Then again, I am a supporter of internet dating.

Ms. Cash raises a great point when she asks,  “is it a worthwhile investment or a wasted expense” to pay money to aid in the search for love? Why do so many people feel strange about spending money on matchmaking services or paying fees for online dating? Is it different from making an investment in gym memberships or the costs associated with grooming?

What are your thoughts about professional matchmakers? What would you want to ask them?

How much or how little should we invest in dating? Does  “you get what you pay for” apply here?

190 comments Add your comment

Leggs

February 16th, 2010
8:11 am

Good morning!

Interesting because I am contemplating trying this form of dating. I know of 2 couples that met and married and seem happy on the outside. My only concern with online dating is that I feel I should at least first get out and meet men on my own before I tackle the beginnings of courtship through a computer. I talk the talk, now just have to get my feet to moving and frequent establishments conducive to meeting people. Home, work and church and the supermarket are not breeding grounds for meeting people (lol). It can help, but seems like I get more attention when I go to Home Depot. Perhaps, I’ll cruise those aisles a little more often (J/K).

Leggs

February 16th, 2010
8:18 am

@i am loved ~ loved reading you at the end of the day yesterday. That’s exactly what you have to CONTINUE to do. PUMP YOURSELF UP DAILY. I do it every morning while getting ready for work. I feel like you on some days, but I shake it off as soon as despair rears its ugly head. We are all worthy! And, the Annie lyrics were on point!

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 16th, 2010
9:00 am

Good morning! Woke up this morning feeling like Misses Bytch is on my shoulder today. Betta watch out! Hope to knock her off my shoulder sooner than later.

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
9:02 am

Good morning
Actually Leggs that is a comfort for most people that internet date. Some people don’t respond or interact socially as well face to face, but doesn’t mean they are sheltered or not able to. Stay out da Home Depot and log on to LETMESEEWHATTHEHELLTHISISABOUT.COM LMAO!!!

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
9:04 am

Please let that Bytch get knocked off her shoulder. I will eat all my broccoli if you just get rid of that Bytch. Please Lawd.

Willie Dynamite

February 16th, 2010
9:23 am

Morning All,

Good topic, I don’t know about making an investment in Matchmakers. i do think for some its a viable option. As with anything there has to be some type of trust involved. I mean if a matchmaker is telling you things about yourself that need changing and you just flat out refuse to change or believe those things then thats just a wasted investment. Maybe some folks just need a extra set of eyes that shows them the view from outside looking in. I just think before any of this get to know yourself totally.

Slim – Don’t get rid of the Bytch on ya shoulder. It shows some balance.LOL!!!

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2010
9:30 am

Interesting.

My old coworker in Chicago had a girlfriend whose parents were VERY interested in seeing her married off. She had a very busy lifestyle, so I can see matchmakers making working in this situation. They can do all the screening for you based on what you are looking for. I think her family paid for the dating service that you see in the Airplane magazines. After being set up, she ended up marrying the guy. I think anything can work, but I just think dating services are frowned upon because it’s like cheating on the test. You really didnt have to do anything and you still get a good grade.

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
9:32 am

Hola!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

Chava:
Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
I’ll bring the veil,
You bring the groom,
Slender and pale.
Bring me a ring for I’m longing to be,
The envy of all I see.

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
9:34 am

I would love to speak with a professional Matchmaker. I think it would be fun. As for investing, hmmm I would like to think that I would not invest too much. When it comes to my pennies I can be cheap. Usually I like meeting guys on my own…getting to know the guy, paying attention to red flags, and checking out http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com or the GA inmates query for more info.

Leggs

February 16th, 2010
9:36 am

@DigThat ~ Socially, I’m good with people, just have to get out there a little more.

@SlimOne ~ aim and fire {{{{{slingshot}}}} just knocked that bytch off your shoulders. Now, stand up, dust off your shoulders and SMILE…you’re good! Misss B now jumping in WillieD’s pocket for more balance!

Pandora

February 16th, 2010
9:38 am

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person hiring someone to find them a compatible mate. On-line dating works if you give it time and don’t speed up the process or allow the other person to speed it up.

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
9:39 am

@Professor
What about refunds. Any policy on that?

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
9:41 am

@Leggs
Do you feel like anything is stopping you from getting out there?

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
9:42 am

@DIG THAT~You already know if the process does not work I want my money back!

ImAPeach404

February 16th, 2010
9:44 am

You really didnt have to do anything and you still get a good grade.

@M. – I disagree. I think by the time a person decides that a matchmaker is necessary – it’s probably because they’ve done everything they know how and nothing has worked.

Confession… I’ve tried Match and Eharmony. I know two ppl that were married after meeting someone on that site, but they were yt. IDK if that truly matters, but I dont find that those sites work for brown people looking for other brown people. Just an observation.

I do watch Millionaire Matchmaker — I love Patty — and I think it’s so dopey when the millionaire makes a statement regarding a man/woman not wanting them for their $. Helloooooooooo! You just joined a dating club for millionaires!?!?!?

Row

February 16th, 2010
9:45 am

This is a really great topic for today. Online dating is not for everyone. Some people find the one and others do not. I tired online dating and it is not working for me. I was online for a year before I finally met the one; at least I thought he ws the one. The guy I met online; him and I have been talking for seven months and it is not working out. I am just trying to find the correct way of saying , let go our separate ways. This is not working. :(

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2010
9:45 am

@ImAPeach404

I mean in the standpoint that the matchmaker does the work.

Poppa Grande

February 16th, 2010
9:48 am

I met Ms. PG through a speed dating event. I still remember the cost of the registration…..$28.00. I remember signing up because I had other friends that claimed that they would go to the event, but they all pulled out at the last minute. I treasure every dollar that I earn, so I went because I didn’t want to lose $28.00.

Little did I know that in return for that $28.00 that I would meet anyone worth talking to for more than the 8 minutes let alone 10 plus years. I went into it just looking for a friend not a mate. It just worked out that I found both in one person.

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
9:49 am

I think I mentioned on the blog before, but a singles party is always good. Sometimes a few games, drinks and progressive professionals will do the trick. Each person has to bring someone of the opposite sex…someone with great qualities that you would want in a date. If nothing else you always meet some good folks to vibe with.

Wonderwoman

February 16th, 2010
9:54 am

I’ve tried the online dating for about a year, and it personal not for me. But it could work for others.
I went out on a lot of dates, but only meet one guy that I truly had a connection with.
@Leggs give it try and see if its for you. But I’m with you on your some of the posts you made, its better to just get out there and meet someone. Like you I have to get up, and get out there!

Poppa Grande

February 16th, 2010
9:54 am

Slim

I know why Missus Bytch is around. She wants to partake in Mardi Gras. She wants to let it all out before Ash Wednesday.

abc

February 16th, 2010
9:55 am

I was reading lately that Asian men and Black women get the least play from online dating sites — only 7-10% of online participants said they’d even consider dating them. Weird statistic.

So, why not try a matchmaker? It’s a personal choice, not something that I’d ever do, but that’s because I’m a guy. I’m happy enough hanging out in my cave — or, at least, I used to be.

ImAPeach404... still learning lessons

February 16th, 2010
10:02 am

@Row – If you feel that way it’s likely that he feels the same way too. Just be nice about it. And if he has any questions – don’t get frustrated, just answer. And don’t be stink! Did you yall do anything for Valentines Day?

@Poppa – Your 9:48 made me smile. What a blessing…

I would try speed dating. I’m always looking to do something new.

@Professor – I was going to throw a game night party like that. Singles bring a single friend of the opposite sex. But nobody ever wants to come to my house cuz I live so far. So… never happened.
But, the idea sounds good and I’d be into attending something like that.

Melo

February 16th, 2010
10:03 am

Good morning!

Have we gotten this bad and this desperate??

Online dating has more games and is for the dissillusioned and failed types.Folks wont even give u their full body pictures..dude will be on wheelchair or sports a limp and he just puts out a passport size pic..and what of the Amazon ladies who will only show face..no neck,no legs..Nothing…
You get the real deal when u schedule a meet a greet,thats when u see this Big woman struggling to get outa her car??

WHAAAAAAT! :shok: :evil: :roll:

Thats Online dating for you! :lol:

Melo

February 16th, 2010
10:03 am

ImAPeach404... still learning lessons

February 16th, 2010
10:08 am

thats when u see this Big woman struggling to get outa her car??

Melo….
giggling

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
10:09 am

Seems like online dating is about if not the exact same as traditional dating. 50/50 chance of getting “the one”.
Oh yeah and a piece of advice. If you do decide to internet date, make sure you and your partner have a web cam. The pic from when they used to be fine might not be the same guy/girl they are today but live streaming is the real deal.

Poppa Grande

February 16th, 2010
10:13 am

Melo

Your post reminded me of “Janet Jackson” from the movie Friday. That came about through Craig’s sister (Regina King) trying to hook Smokey (Chis Tucker). It wasn’t even internet and the hookup female looked very little like Janet Jackson. (maybe that had the same poetic justice braids).

Deception can come about in any number of ways.

Your post did make me :lol:

Leggs

February 16th, 2010
10:14 am

@PoppaG ~ that 9:48 was so so very nice! Good for you and Mrs. PG. One thing I do know is I’m not going the route of online dating until I see what transpires the old fashiond way of meeting men. When this weather breaks, I will be going out more!

Poppa Grande

February 16th, 2010
10:20 am

Leggs

For me, the internet was really only around for a few years before I got married. So, I never really got a chance to try it. I know people that it has worked for and I know people that had to get restraining orders. However, I knew people that had similar results doing it the old fashioned way.

Plus, I never really had problem meeting females. I only planned to go to the event because I few friends were interested in giving it a try.

I probably would not have given internet dating much of a try. I already feel like the art of conversation is dying. Written words are not quite the same as spoken word. Written words leave interpretation solely up to the reader. It is very passive. There aren’t any non verbal cue such as posture or verbal cues such as voice inflection etc. It can lead to simple misunderstandings.

Leggs

February 16th, 2010
10:24 am

And that’s what I would truly miss with online dating before actually meeting the person. Voice inflection, body language, etc.

blarney stoned

February 16th, 2010
10:25 am

Zero interest! I prefer to meet my ladies the old fashioned way, catch them as they fall off the bar-stool….

i'm swiss

February 16th, 2010
10:28 am

Eh… To me, all means of meeting people are pretty much the same. You can certainly find some psychos online with internet dating, but you can just as easily find them online at Home Depot. Likewise, you can meet good people online or off. It’s just another way to meet people & what happens after you meet is still up to you.

I think with anything it all boils down to how you approach it. If you have the mindset that you’re out shopping for “the one” then you’re likely to be disappointed more often than not. But if you’re just looking for a way to meet new people that you otherwise might never encounter, then I think it can be worthwhile.

Full disclosure: Mrs. Swiss & I actually met on an online dating site, so I obviously believe good things can come of them. And in our case, we almost certainly never would have met otherwise. Whatever works for you…

DreamsMaterialize

February 16th, 2010
10:33 am

Morning

Your happiness is as valuable as you say it is. Once you set that value, there is no method of pursuit that should be discounted. Go for yours. Any horror story that you can think up for online dating and matchmaking can also be applied to meeting people in any other situation. Are there crazy people online? Yep, but you can meet crazy people in church, professional conferences, upscale trendy venues, and social get togethers.

i'm swiss

February 16th, 2010
10:38 am

Of course, having said that… Before I met Mrs. Swiss I did have 1 encounter much like the one Melo described. This girl had a gorgeous face, but only had head shots posted. On the phone, she was always talking about going to the gym & how she was a gymnast in college… Then when we met… Well, let’s just say I don’t think the balance beam would hold her anymore… :lol:

Lady J

February 16th, 2010
10:39 am

Internet dating nope, matchmaker nope, paying for these services nope never had….however i met some great internet buddies online…Never met them just email and chat and occasional calls….is that dating nope but that is the beauty of it to me…just platonic convo…Hey Gang!

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
10:40 am

u schedule a meet a greet,thats when u see this Big woman struggling to get outa her car….LMAO :grin:

@ImAPeach…the singles gathering is nice if it is done right. A good friend on mine had one a few years back on V-day. It was great and it was something to do for those that did not have a date.

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
10:40 am

@i’m swiss
Too funny. I bet that was hilarious

Wise Diva

February 16th, 2010
10:43 am

maybe I can find a matchmaker in Atlanta and interview them. I would probably ask them their “success” rate, however they gauge that sort of thing.

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
10:45 am

@Professor
What do you think is so special about the singles parties? I do know a girl that is contemplating one of those parties. I think it is very interesting just curious about the dynamics.

IDK...

February 16th, 2010
10:45 am

this topic brings up something yall might could help; guy has blog. girl ‘likes’ guy. strangers to each other. girl knows a little info. girl wants to ‘know’ guy.

approach??? (guy is somewhat “famous”)

IDK...

February 16th, 2010
10:46 am

oh, good morning happy mardi gras

SlimDiva

February 16th, 2010
10:46 am

Good morning! I met my current mate a little over 2 years ago via an online PAID matchmaking service. We both “investigated” each other. Because we grew up in the same area, we had mutual friends and were able to ask them. I do NOT have any regrets.

Poppa Grande

February 16th, 2010
10:50 am

Wise Diva

Have they started paying you for all the work that you are putting into this blog? You deserve something from them. You have survived all the partners that blew this Popsicle stand a long time ago. Getting “Love squads”, using survey money, and now contemplated interviewing a matchamker.

I’m just saying that someone at the AJC should at least pass a hat around for ya.

i'm swiss

February 16th, 2010
10:50 am

@ DIG THAT — Yeah, I had to fight to conceal my surprise, that’s for sure… Even still, she turned out to be a cool chic & we still had fun hanging out — just without any romance… :lol:

DIG THAT

February 16th, 2010
10:56 am

@i’m swiss
I can dig that. I got some internet buddies and they are good folks. No romance either but I was actually surprised how cool and close we have been. I have actually got the opposite shock. I always kept it casual and a couple have flown to Atlanta to kick it with me and I have been blown away. I was not expecting anything but these women were absolutely beautiful.

ImAPeach404... still learning lessons

February 16th, 2010
10:57 am

I’m just reading everyone’s responses and while I’m not a fan of online dating, I really think that because of the racial make-up of where I live, go to church, work, shop, get gas, go to the library, dine out… I just don’t run into a lot of brothas and maybe I need to look online again (even though it never worked in the past) I wouldn’t mind dating outside my race but, idk. I just don’t get approached by men of other races nor do I see many (if any) that capture my attention.

Wish I could find someone at Church…

Professor is.....

February 16th, 2010
10:57 am

@DIG THAT~ I am bias to them, because I have met some great folks (movers and shakers) at those parties. Plus you do not have that “club/lounge scene” going. The last one I went to each person had to do an intro, which was great. Also my friend had an area downstairs that you could chat away from the crowd if you wanted to, like a one-on-one. What is really good about those parties goes back to something Melo hinted to. It gives you a chance to meet someone that other folks know about…you can check their history and pedigree through the grapevine :grin:

i'm swiss

February 16th, 2010
11:02 am

“I have actually got the opposite shock”

@ DIG THAT — As have I. So, I married that one… ;-)

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 16th, 2010
11:05 am

Thanks DIG IT & Leggs Mayne was she weighing me down this morning. I feel so much better now. ;-)

Poppa you might have a point there…think I need to flash my itty bitties to shake that bytch off me? lololol