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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Cupid’s Aftermath: Advice from The Love Squad

I hope you all survived the weekend! Some of you probably can relate to today’s topic. If it hasn’t happened to you, well, great, just consider yourselves prepared if it ever does:  You or your date under- or over-delivered on Valentine’s Day.  Right, so that’s awkward? The gifts/gestures you had are not even close to the same effort.  Now there’s like a cheap stuffed pink elephant in the room.

Should you address it or pretend it didn’t happen? How do you react to an over the top or dreadful gift/gesture from your Valentine?

Daniel, 27, Atlanta.:

“Probably better to address the issue. If you are ‘the scmhuck,’ you should probably acknowledge to your date that you didn’t make the day as special as you might have wanted. That shouldn’t be the determinant of everything. Honesty and a good effort going forward should go a long way.”

Elizabeth, 30, Atlanta.:

“Oh, my, this happened to me. We had only been dating a short time before V-Day. I played it casual (and assumed he was) by getting him something small and funny. I felt terrible he had spent a ton on me, and I had just gotten him a freakin’ cookie. I told him I loved the ring (which I did), but a few weeks later, I asked him to take it back and put the money in a savings account for our potential future.”

Martin, 40’sh, Atlanta:

“It’s easy to say that ‘It’s the thought that counts,’ but it can be quite awkward if one doesn’t appear to put in the time and effort of the other around Valentine’s Day. It should be addressed and discussed, and then both parties should move on. The person lacking effort on Valentine’s Day better prepare for a big comeback on the other’s birthday”

LaShonn, 39, Atlanta.:

“I’ve been there – on both ends. I’ve gone w-a-a-a-y overboard, and had someone else catch me off-guard and do the same. Looking back, I think it’s best to say, ‘This is really sweet, but I don’t think we’re quite there yet. Can we slow down a little?’ Everything in due time. You could pretend you weren’t offended or weirded out, but what good would that do?”

Oh, I could recount endless times a guy has left me speechless over gift selections.  Oddly enough, Valentine’s Day is about the only time I haven’t been in this awkward situation. I’m always the type to use humor, so, knowing me, I’d start clowning myself or make a tongue-in- cheek comment about the guy. What would you do?

When you think about it, it’s probably difficult for a new couple to aim for the exact same degree of efforts in gifts/gestures.

Do you think that unmatched efforts mean you are not feeling the same way about one another?  Is that a good time to have the talk?

What was the most inappropriate or outrageous gift you received from a date? How did you handle it?

It’s all love … links:

A Love Story: Love in the HOV lane

A Marriage Story: Cupid on duty at Rhodes Hall

Penguin Love: Love at the Atlanta Aquariam

337 comments Add your comment

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
2:15 pm

And I don’t like to give gift cards

I’m with you on that one Raqui, at least not to my s/o.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

@ Real: you are not funny

Melo

February 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

@Raqi??

I think u females place a lot more in getting gifts coz u use gifts as a way of shawing off to ur mates at work and friends…this happens a lot.No wonder some coupled less females will take off days on Vday,if it falls during the week.

Guys dont even share what we get from our wives or girlfriends…its no big deal.

A lot of females go out of their way to ask even be4 the event,”so what are u getting me for Xmas/birfday/vday etc”"

Unnnecessary pressure I tell ya.

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
2:18 pm

No wonder some coupled less females will take off days on Vday,if it falls during the week.

Melo: for real?!?!?

For Real

February 15th, 2010
2:19 pm

“Poppa, the thing that my husband learned about me when we started dating is I like to give gifts.”

Mase in his weekly support group “My Wife Shops To Dayum Merch”.

Mase: Somebody help me she trying to buy my a President’s Day shirt.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
2:19 pm

Melo and blanks….hmnnnnn…..I’m trying to eat lunch.
Lost my appetite.

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
2:19 pm

For Real you are clowing today LOL!

kimmie

February 15th, 2010
2:20 pm

Raqi – My SO is like Poppa in that he buys whatever he needs for himself all year round. He even mentioned that he knows he is difficult to buy for because of that. Plus, he’s particular, especially about electronics, and usually has some crazy website he knows of where he can find what he wants dirt cheap.

I do listen to hints, or rather, him noting when he likes or wants something. Like when he was getting his basement finished, along with home movie theatre, he mentioned wanting an old fashioned movie popcorn popper. So that was the perfect birthday gift and he loves it! It makes it so easy when he gives the hint and it falls near a gift-giving holiday!

But if it’s nothing on the horizon he wants, gift cards it is and he said he prefers them. Recently for his bday he got about 6 different gift cards for his favorites and he was very happy.

My boss loves them too – we got him a card to his favorite hangout for Christmas – Home Depot.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
2:20 pm

suddenly the thought of Melo wearing a speedo and he has taco meat comes to brain.
eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

Melo, what are you talking about? I don’t show off gifts at work. My husband does not send gifts to my office. He has flowers a few times but that’s it. And those times were for reasons other than a holiday.

Melo

February 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

@I am??

too much thinking about me can actually make u prego!

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

4Real – yousa straight up fool.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

Somebody help me she trying to buy my a President’s Day shirt

LOL ForReal. Yeah kinda sorta.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

melo: honestly thinking about you (no matter how gross that is) is better than me thinking of the ex.

Poppa Grande

February 15th, 2010
2:28 pm

I guess for me. It boils down to the fact, that there aren’t many things that I’ve wanted or needed that I have gotten myself. I am a task oriented person so if getting something is on my radar, and it is on my list (I really do have a list on my outlook and blackberry) , it usually get scratched off the list.

As far as commericalism goes, my problem is linked to people who spend tons of money that they don’t have for material things. A credit card is nothing but an IOU (to the bank). A lot of this recession can be linked to the overspending and credit card debt. (Along with the mortgage stuff). N

Now, if you got it in the bank, I have no problem with commercialism. However, everyone pays when someone can’t pay the credit card bills with higher rates to make up for those that cannot pay. The bank won’t take a loss if it can help it.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:30 pm

kimmie, I give them but they are kind of impersonal IMO. I send them to my sister for places like Borders and Barnes & Noble because she loves to read. It’s a better choice than me trying to pick a book that I think she may like. Especially not knowing which books she already own.

I don’t think I have ever given Mason a gift card. He gets his own electronic gadgets. I did buy him a voice activated remote control. I usually get him clothing, or wallets, or briefcase.

I love to buy clothing. Whether it for him or my son or the baby or myself I love buying clothing.

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2010
2:31 pm

Raqi – My Wife used to be that way with gift giving. I tried stopping her by telling her everytime she wanted to buy me something to just go get herself something nice. Wrong answer, thats where alot the dayum shoes came from. Then I just told her to just put it away in Savings. Funny how more shoes keep showing up but the Savings account aint growing.

kimmie

February 15th, 2010
2:31 pm

Melo – You are right, a lot of ladies like to show off what they get to coworkers & friends. For some, it’s a form of validation. It says “see, I’m lovable & somebody & my man is not cheap”, or “See yall, I gotta man”. That’s just their way. They even try to make others feel bad by taking inventory the next day – “So what did you get?” Even though you might be perfectly happy with the card your boo made for you, there might be that one that goes around talking about how cheap your man is!LOL!! I got a buddy just like that – I have not gotten my after-valentines day call yet, but I will.

Others are like Raqi, more secure and know you don’t have to show off. I’m more that way too, more private.

To each his/her own. Some are more showy, some more private. Whatever works for you!

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:32 pm

Poppa, I have a link in my email that my husband sent me this morning that I am going to post for you in a minute.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:34 pm

thats where alot the dayum shoes came from

WillieD, yep. It’s all you all fault. I bought my husband this really nice watch once and he made me take it back. I used some of the money to buy myself a jacket and put the rest in savings. I probably would not have bought the jacket had he not broken my heart. :sad: LOL

Melo

February 15th, 2010
2:37 pm

I luv the innernet..i just renewed my tag while sitting ova here..

priceless! :-)

Poppa Grande

February 15th, 2010
2:37 pm

Willie Dynamite

I tried stopping her by telling her everytime she wanted to buy me something to just go get herself something nice. Wrong answer, thats where alot the dayum shoes came from.

:lol: I know that all too well. Well, unfortunately for me, every pair of shoes seemed to require a purse, too

I did the saving account thing, too. I opened one of the ING online things with the decent interest rate. I asked that she put money in there when she wants to buy me something.

What she doesn’t know is that account is being used to save money so that we can put a good down payment on a car when the time comes. So, we don’t have to move money around for that. A good down payment can keep the monthly payments down as well.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:37 pm

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/BetterBanking/struggling-towns-printing-their-own-cash.aspx

Poppa, check this out. Cities are starting to print their own currency in an effort to keep businesses up and running and the exchange flowing. It will not be long before more places are doing this. I think it’s a good idea.

For Real

February 15th, 2010
2:38 pm

My Wife Shops To Dayum Merch weekly meeting.

Mase: Am I the only one didn’t know that President’s Day has a color scheme and balloons?

Group: YES!!!

kimmie

February 15th, 2010
2:38 pm

As far as commericalism goes, my problem is linked to people who spend tons of money that they don’t have for material things.

Got a problem with that too, Poppa! And yes, big reason for the recession!

Back 8 years ago when I bought my house, I told my realtor up front I was NOT even looking at a house above a certain amount, even though I qualified for more. I told her all these folks in these big houses living beyond their means was going to come back to haunt everyone and that the bubble would burst. I gotta be able to be comfortable and sleep at night, with no crazy debt hanging over my head. I don’t see how folks do it.

You sound a lot like my SO, Poppa! He’s a lawyer & very logical about things.

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2010
2:42 pm

Raqi – yep my fault alright. When I used to have to dress business for work she would buy me Ties left and right. On point but now I have over 70 Ties and I only wear them 3-4 times a month.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:43 pm

LOL ForReal. Yep Red, white and blue.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 15th, 2010
2:43 pm

Hello All (five more days and home!!!!!!!!)

No horror stories or wonderful ones here. Probably the one I gave that got the best response was a nice card and flowers/dinner AND three Amex cards for enough to buy her three kids new jeans for school. Her ex had cut off the child support and she did not have enough money and they had had to wear the same pair each for about 18 months.

kimmie

February 15th, 2010
2:45 pm

Randyt – Sounds pretty wonderful to me!

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
2:46 pm

I wish I could afford a new car RIGHT NOW!

Willie Dynamite

February 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

Pops – mayne thats something I thought I had figured out. Made sense to me BUT who knew she needed 50 pair of shoes with the purse (and Jacket) to match.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

Willie, 70? I know exactly how she feels. Everytime I am in the men’s department I always check out the ties and shirts. Mason has plenty also but yall don’t know how good yall look sometimes when you all dressed up. LOL

Oh and socks. I buy socks also.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts) :

My hats off to you!!!! Dating a woman with 3 kids and helping her out!!!
you are awesome!!!

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
2:53 pm

@RandyT ~ know she loved that and that it’s probably her best v-day gift to date!

Poppa Grande

February 15th, 2010
2:53 pm

Raqi

Yes, I’ve heard about it. The article makes it seem like it is without its challenges though.

There are whispers that the current administration would like to challenge the constitutionality of cities printing their own money. Article I of the US Constitution gives Federal Government the power to print money. When the US worked under the Articles of Confederation (the precursor to the US Constitution), each state had different currency.

The major difference between the current cases of cities printing money and the cases from colonial America is that the local and state governments tried to tax the federal gov’t. So, this may work if there are no taxes attached. However, if the federal gov’t finds out that this is working and it isn’t getting any benefit, the feds may crack down on this.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

Poppa and Willie, that’s how we differ. When we get you all a tie you all look in the closet to see what shirt will go with it. When you all get us a pendant we look online to see which blouse would frame it the best and which skirt will enhance the color of the blouse therefore having to have the right shoes that will make the skirt hang and flow properly that we can find the perfect handbag for to look just right.

Melo

February 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

Dating a woman with 3 kids and helping her out!!!
you are awesome!!!

@I am whatever??

but those are his(Randy-t’s) soiled and derty t-shirts! :lol:

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

Posting behind i am makes me feel like I’m in the lonely hearts club (LOL).

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 15th, 2010
2:56 pm

Thanks (sheepish :-)

Once in awhile even a blind squirrel finds an acorn I suppose

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:56 pm

Poppa, yeah the government will find away to get their “cut”.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
2:57 pm

Randy, that was very nice of you.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

February 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

Actually I really liked her kids, and they seemed to like me. I was luckier than most.

Poppa Grande

February 15th, 2010
3:07 pm

Willie Dynamite- I quit counting ties and braces years ago.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
3:08 pm

While I love shopping, I love shopping the clearance racks even more. LOL

Poppa Grande

February 15th, 2010
3:09 pm

My wife is a clearance rack queen.

For Real

February 15th, 2010
3:09 pm

My Wife Shops To Dayum Merch weekly meeting:

Mase: Dayum! That means I will have to buy her something?

Group: YES!!!

Mase: Dayum! That means whatever I buy she will need new shoes, pocketbook, skirt, shirt and lipstick.

Group: YES!!

Mase: Is there anything I can do to stop this?

Group: NO!!!

Mase: Then what’s the purpose of this group?

Group: To watch the new guy go insane.

For Real

February 15th, 2010
3:10 pm

For Real

February 15th, 2010
3:13 pm

Professor

February 15th, 2010
3:15 pm

@ Kimmie I told my agent the same thing when I was house shopping.
@Elijah…yes you have some competition he is in the lead, maybe those lemon pepper wings can get you back in the game :wink:
@Melo you must have a birthday coming soon!
@Leggs, I am is making me :sad: and I had a great weekend :grin: Ms. Leggs you are not apart of that club, because you are living and loving life!!!

Seven years later...

February 15th, 2010
3:19 pm

The worst Valentine’s Days for me were the ones spent alone. I’ve had more than my fair share of the lonely ones in my lifetime. It’s used to be a day that I’d want to forgot when I wasn’t in a relationship. I had almost given up, thinking that love wasn’t meant for me.

The worst one in recent memory was about seven years ago. I had only been seeing this man for about six weeks at the time. I definitely jumped the gun and expected way more than I should have out of him so early in the relationship. I was so busy buying things for him that it didn’t even occur to me that he had not made plans with me on Valentine’s Day. When I called him about it, he made the excuse that he was sick and that we’d get together that weekend.

I ended up going out with some of my single girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. We got the bright idea to drive by his house after dinner. To my surprise, another car was in his driveway! I had suspected that he was still seeing other women at the time. Now I knew for sure! We went out the following night. The only thing that he got me that year was a value -pack Valentine’s card ( the ones that come 6 to a pack) and a tiny glass figurine. My girlfriends were saying to ditch him, but I didn’t give up on this man. I’m happy to say that I didn’t listen to them and followed my own instincts. I stayed the course with him. Last night, we spent our first Valentine’s Day as an engaged couple complete with a romantic dinner, a dozen roses, and a beautiful sentimental card meant only for me.

He’s come a long way from that first dreadful Valentine’s Day seven years ago. We still joke about that first value-pack card! I’m looking forward to being married to him this June. As for those two single friends that suggested I ditch him long ago: They’re still single and waiting for “Mr. Right” to come along. One even made a nasty comment when I announced my engagement that she’d believe it only at the wedding reception! I can’t wait to prove her wrong once again!