Cupid’s Aftermath: Advice from The Love Squad
I hope you all survived the weekend! Some of you probably can relate to today’s topic. If it hasn’t happened to you, well, great, just consider yourselves prepared if it ever does: You or your date under- or over-delivered on Valentine’s Day. Right, so that’s awkward? The gifts/gestures you had are not even close to the same effort. Now there’s like a cheap stuffed pink elephant in the room.
Should you address it or pretend it didn’t happen? How do you react to an over the top or dreadful gift/gesture from your Valentine?
Daniel, 27, Atlanta.:
“Probably better to address the issue. If you are ‘the scmhuck,’ you should probably acknowledge to your date that you didn’t make the day as special as you might have wanted. That shouldn’t be the determinant of everything. Honesty and a good effort going forward should go a long way.”
Elizabeth, 30, Atlanta.:
“Oh, my, this happened to me. We had only been dating a short time before V-Day. I played it casual (and assumed he was) by getting him something small and funny. I felt terrible he had spent a ton on me, and I had just gotten him a freakin’ cookie. I told him I loved the ring (which I did), but a few weeks later, I asked him to take it back and put the money in a savings account for our potential future.”
Martin, 40’sh, Atlanta:
“It’s easy to say that ‘It’s the thought that counts,’ but it can be quite awkward if one doesn’t appear to put in the time and effort of the other around Valentine’s Day. It should be addressed and discussed, and then both parties should move on. The person lacking effort on Valentine’s Day better prepare for a big comeback on the other’s birthday”
LaShonn, 39, Atlanta.:
“I’ve been there – on both ends. I’ve gone w-a-a-a-y overboard, and had someone else catch me off-guard and do the same. Looking back, I think it’s best to say, ‘This is really sweet, but I don’t think we’re quite there yet. Can we slow down a little?’ Everything in due time. You could pretend you weren’t offended or weirded out, but what good would that do?”
Oh, I could recount endless times a guy has left me speechless over gift selections. Oddly enough, Valentine’s Day is about the only time I haven’t been in this awkward situation. I’m always the type to use humor, so, knowing me, I’d start clowning myself or make a tongue-in- cheek comment about the guy. What would you do?
When you think about it, it’s probably difficult for a new couple to aim for the exact same degree of efforts in gifts/gestures.
Do you think that unmatched efforts mean you are not feeling the same way about one another? Is that a good time to have the talk?
What was the most inappropriate or outrageous gift you received from a date? How did you handle it?
It’s all love … links:
A Love Story: Love in the HOV lane
A Marriage Story: Cupid on duty at Rhodes Hall
Penguin Love: Love at the Atlanta Aquariam
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337 comments Add your comment
Tweti
February 15th, 2010
10:32 am
Gotcha.
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
10:32 am
I am whatever, is this guy your first?
Leggs
February 15th, 2010
10:33 am
@i am ~ it’s not going to be easy, but apparently you have to. 2 weeks is a long time when you’re pining for someone. Now, go another 2 weeks! Befor you know it, some months have passed.
el
February 15th, 2010
10:34 am
oh please people. it’s a hallmark holiday and nothing more. why get all twisted up over what you did or didn’t get. if you are in a relationship and you need a fake holiday to determine the health of your relationship, then you have more issues than what you did or didn’t get or where you went out to eat. i didn’t get flowers yesterday and i didn’t care. what meant more to me were the ones i got 2 weeks ago when i was having a really bad week. he sent those because he cared and not because they were expected.
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
10:36 am
I am whatever, stop entertaining your thoughts about this guy. When you start to think about him or something reminds you have him find something else to do or think about. Like Leggs said before you know it you will have forgotten about him. But if you keep entertaining the thoughts and stewing in it you are only making yourself miserable.
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
10:36 am
@ I am~ as Leggs said it definately won’t be easy, and right now you may not be able to see it, but quite possibly it was for the best. Just remember to thank God for the doors he closes as well as the ones he opens, cause sometimes we don’t have sense enough to close them ourselves
Leggs
February 15th, 2010
10:38 am
Anybody here “twisted up” over V-day??? Didn’t think so.
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
10:39 am
Leggs, I’m not twisted up…lol, i spent the afternoon with my mom and my aunt watching movies and that was fine with me.
kimmie
February 15th, 2010
10:39 am
Peach – Yes, I really enjoyed the movie! SO told me that all the reviews for it were bad, but I figured all of those big-name actors would not sign up for something that was complete crap. I ignore critics mostly anyway.
But yes, I found it lighthearted and entertaining. Especially since we watched The Hurt Locker the day before, which was deep but a bit depressing.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 15th, 2010
10:40 am
I am…do you like to read? Maybe reading a juicy novel will help take your mind into a world of make believe, at least until you’re done with the book, to help take your mind off of EXman. Or what about friends and family? Or how bout a pet if you don’t already have one…they are always happy to see you when you come home, so that could help alleviate the sadness of coming home alone. Just some suggestions
mqew
February 15th, 2010
10:40 am
For our yesterday, he wanted to do everything I would normally do on a Sunday for me. So he helped me wash clothes (half-way) and cooked Sunday dinner (half of it) and take care of the lil monster man (mostly).
We watched Couples Retreat which was cute….
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
10:41 am
Anybody here “twisted up” over V-day??? Yep we did.
Oh, I thought you said twisted up ON V-day. LOL No, not twisted up over the day.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 15th, 2010
10:41 am
kimmie I enjoyed the movie also…it was neat how the characters were linked.
Melo
February 15th, 2010
10:42 am
My SO could give a flying fig if I gave him something or not for Vday…. or any holiday for that matter…
me 2
Morning!
Leggs
February 15th, 2010
10:43 am
Shet it up, Raqi! Too funny!
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
10:44 am
melo! do tell, did you take our advice?
abc
February 15th, 2010
10:45 am
St. Valentine’s Day as an official holiday originates from the Roman Empire, around 496 AD or so. About a hundred years before that was a priest named Valentine that performed weddings for soldiers in defiance of orders from Emperor Claudius. Certainly, the holiday is exploited by the likes of card and candy manufacturers, but they didn’t invent it.
You are what you say you are, not what somebody else says you are. Stop moping. Life’s too short.
Leggs
February 15th, 2010
10:46 am
Melo ~ did you find that out on V-day cuz you seemed to have been a little worried last week?
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
10:46 am
mqew, I heard Couple’s Retreat was not that good so I haven’t bothered to watch it yet. Yesterday evening we watched The Time Traveler’s Wife. That was good. The Man even said he enjoyed it even though it was sort of a chick flick.
kimmie
February 15th, 2010
10:46 am
mqew – We watched Couple’s Retreat too, on Friday night! Yes, it was cute!
Leggs
February 15th, 2010
10:47 am
Stop moping. Life’s too short.
YEP YEP!!!
Melo
February 15th, 2010
10:50 am
do tell, did you take our advice?
NO!
But i will make it up to her at some point.She took me/us out on saturday instead.
ImAPeach404
February 15th, 2010
10:50 am
@I am – I’m sorry you were so sad this weekend. I truly mean that…
I think the movie might make you laugh. There was only one part where I got teary eyed and it didn’t have anything to do with a romantic relationship. It’s really good
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
10:51 am
As for “Valentine’s Day” the movie, I am somewhat puzzled by it because of all the famous faces. Is there enough air time for anyone to really have a starring role? I don’t you all to tell the movie because I don’t want anyone to give it away for others but that’s my thoughts on it.
My friends and I may go see it Wednesday during our night out since you all say it is good.
Willie Dynamite
February 15th, 2010
10:53 am
Morning All,
I’ve never been the one to go over or underboard for V-Day.It wasn’t about the gifts or any of that just how you felt about a person. I never put much thought into the day. Tried going out a few times before with teh Wifey and she flat out just didn’t want to deal with the hustle/bustle. I have made it a point in the past few yrs to just write a love letter to her. I found out she looks forward to that more than anything.
As for me I’d prefer not to receive anything for V-Day, Birthday, Christmas or whenever. If she thinks I need or want something then just go get it. I would probably need it anyway if not for the holiday.
DIG THAT
February 15th, 2010
10:54 am
Good Morning good people. Seems like mixed reviews on V-Day. No big deal. And I do have to say my woman had me watching Couples Retreat last night too. Lol
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
10:57 am
@ Melo……. But i will make it up to her at some point.She took me/us out on saturday instead.
aww man you had us pulling out the “all-star” plays and you didn’t even use them LOL
ImAPeach404
February 15th, 2010
10:57 am
@Raqi – It’s really good! And yes, everyone gets enough time on screen. And it’s not one of those situations where you’re like “Oh why did they switch to this story – I like xyz’s storyline better” Each storyline is really good and everybody intertwines. Jessica Biel is a trip!!!
@Melo – what advice was everyone giving you last week???
@I am – chile, i know you’re probably reading everybodys “getting over it” advice and rolling your eyes. Not that it’s not valid or given out of concern but it’s just not whats going to make you feel better. We’ve all been there and know the only true healing lies in time. Thats it. It simply takes time…
ImAPeach404
February 15th, 2010
10:58 am
@Willie – How nice. I LOVE letters!!!
DIG THAT
February 15th, 2010
10:59 am
@Melo. You got the rest of the year bruh. Don’t sweat it.
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
11:00 am
Dig that you are right it’s even better when its an out of the blue just because kind of deal
Melo
February 15th, 2010
11:02 am
@PRINCESSNIK
I really think she likes that play u ans SlimOne gave me and i appreciate it..i got really sick on satrday and was energyless and i cldnt pull it out the way i wld have liked,but trust,i had that play in sights on friday and early saturday.
I got it on cue for a another time.
what advice was everyone giving you last week???
@ImAPeach404
cheap vday play for Queen!
i'm swiss
February 15th, 2010
11:09 am
Morning, blog denizens. Hope everyone had a great weekend — definitely perfect weather for snuggling up with your Valentine…
On topic: Not much to say about the disproportionate gifts issue — never really even thought about it, honestly. I’ve always pretty much felt (as abc and others have noted) that V-day is really more for women & I’ve frankly never really expected (nor wanted) much of anything in the way of gifts in return.
Luckily, all the women I’ve ever been involved with on V-day have been more impressed by the thought put into the gift than any material aspects of the gift. So, one year it may be diamonds from Tiffany, while another year it may be a romantic dinner at home by the fire with a nice bottle of wine, but in either case, I just try to make her feel like the day is all about her & everything seems to work out just fine.
Incidentally, this year was flowers, a nice card and a romantic dinner at home by the fire & Mrs. Swiss was quite happy (and so, in turn, was I)…
DIG THAT
February 15th, 2010
11:09 am
@Princess
That’s how I like to do it. Out the blue is always the best. Wait til 3 weeks from now and get her some flowers and when she asks what are these for just say it’s Kermit the Frog Day. Here you go.. I love you LMAO!!!
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 15th, 2010
11:16 am
Raqi I didn’t think Couples Retreat was funny at all. Thumbs down for me.
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
11:17 am
Dig That: I love it! LOL I have a friend and we don’t do bdays, vday, Christmas i mean sure we wish each other a happy bday, and a merry christmas, and he called to tell me happy vday but if we do anything for each other its not on a designated day unless “because i felt like it day” is a holiday
DIG THAT
February 15th, 2010
11:19 am
@Slim Maybe you got to be half tipsy because it had a couple funny parts. But hard for me to judge chick flicks tho.
Professor
February 15th, 2010
11:22 am
Hola!
V-Day weekend was a blast. Saturday night we went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. Good food…good fun and plenty of laughs. Sunday we stayed in and chilled out…in the end I did not fry my lobster tails, but I did do some other seafood dishes. We just ate and watched the all star game.
I am whatever you say I am
February 15th, 2010
11:23 am
Leggs : thanks for the encouragement
Raqi: no not the first and hopefully not the last.
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
11:25 am
I agree that gifts to show love and appreciation on any given day is super nice and love receiving them. But I do have to chuckle when I hear people saying it as a rebuttal statement especially around valentine’s day.
How many of you feel or would feel the same if your s/o didn’t acknowledge the day with you on your birthday, Christmas, mother’s (if applicable)? Would you be okay with them saying I am not acknowledging this day by getting you anything because I give you nice flowers or a card “just because” two or three times a year?
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 15th, 2010
11:25 am
Dig That I would have to be high out of my mind to get a good laugh out of that movie. Those days are over for me, but after seeing it had me wondering: Where da purp at…kush even?
Professor
February 15th, 2010
11:26 am
@Leggs…I laughed when you said you did not like your ex calling wishing you happy v-day. I had a couple fools call and wish me happy v-day grrrrrr
Question: Do we have any new engagements? Did anyone get a ring? If you did not get a ring and thought you might are you mad?? For all my lurkers out there please jump in!
Willie Dynamite
February 15th, 2010
11:28 am
On a side note one of my single buddies called me this morning telling me about his V-Day night out. According to him it was a free for all with the single ladies. Said it was like the “Draft”. Couldn’t help but laugh at him.
I am whatever you say I am
February 15th, 2010
11:29 am
SlimOne…just call me Nicety! : thanks for the suggestions.
My son is my pet.
DIG THAT
February 15th, 2010
11:30 am
@Slim
Actually now that you mention it. No wonder it was funny to me. Purp right here. Lol I guess I can’t mention the funny parts as not to spoil it for those planning to watch buttttt….. Especially when he showed with Lavataneishaqua to a dang couples retreat. Too funny baby
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
11:32 am
Thanks Peachy. I’ll try to check it out this week.
I am whatever you say I am
February 15th, 2010
11:33 am
Leggs: if I am supposed to be with someone knew, I’m going to do the new guy a favor.
I’m going to make sure that I am completely healed and that ex is out of my system before I get involved with a new dude(if meant for me to be with someone—situation seems bleek)
I am whatever you say I am
February 15th, 2010
11:33 am
typo: meant new
Raqi
February 15th, 2010
11:33 am
Slim, yeah that’s what I figured. I don’t know, maybe I will catch it when it comes on cable for free.
PRINCESSNIK
February 15th, 2010
11:37 am
@ Raqui~How many of you feel or would feel the same if your s/o didn’t acknowledge the day with you on your birthday, Christmas, mother’s (if applicable)? Would you be okay with them saying I am not acknowledging this day by getting you anything because I give you nice flowers or a card “just because” two or three times a year?
In an ideal world, you’d have the best of both worlds, holiday/bday gifts and just because gifts. I am not in committed relationship so the arrangement my friend-guy (not to be confused with boyfriend)and I have is okay with me. Every person is different therefore every relationship is different. I have to say I favor the gift that you just heard me mention, not necessarily ask for but just say oh that’s nice or i wouldn’t mind having that then you just get it because you know i had my eye on it.