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Cupid’s Aftermath: Advice from The Love Squad

I hope you all survived the weekend! Some of you probably can relate to today’s topic. If it hasn’t happened to you, well, great, just consider yourselves prepared if it ever does:  You or your date under- or over-delivered on Valentine’s Day.  Right, so that’s awkward? The gifts/gestures you had are not even close to the same effort.  Now there’s like a cheap stuffed pink elephant in the room.

Should you address it or pretend it didn’t happen? How do you react to an over the top or dreadful gift/gesture from your Valentine?

Daniel, 27, Atlanta.:

“Probably better to address the issue. If you are ‘the scmhuck,’ you should probably acknowledge to your date that you didn’t make the day as special as you might have wanted. That shouldn’t be the determinant of everything. Honesty and a good effort going forward should go a long way.”

Elizabeth, 30, Atlanta.:

“Oh, my, this happened to me. We had only been dating a short time before V-Day. I played it casual (and assumed he was) by getting him something small and funny. I felt terrible he had spent a ton on me, and I had just gotten him a freakin’ cookie. I told him I loved the ring (which I did), but a few weeks later, I asked him to take it back and put the money in a savings account for our potential future.”

Martin, 40’sh, Atlanta:

“It’s easy to say that ‘It’s the thought that counts,’ but it can be quite awkward if one doesn’t appear to put in the time and effort of the other around Valentine’s Day. It should be addressed and discussed, and then both parties should move on. The person lacking effort on Valentine’s Day better prepare for a big comeback on the other’s birthday”

LaShonn, 39, Atlanta.:

“I’ve been there – on both ends. I’ve gone w-a-a-a-y overboard, and had someone else catch me off-guard and do the same. Looking back, I think it’s best to say, ‘This is really sweet, but I don’t think we’re quite there yet. Can we slow down a little?’ Everything in due time. You could pretend you weren’t offended or weirded out, but what good would that do?”

Oh, I could recount endless times a guy has left me speechless over gift selections.  Oddly enough, Valentine’s Day is about the only time I haven’t been in this awkward situation. I’m always the type to use humor, so, knowing me, I’d start clowning myself or make a tongue-in- cheek comment about the guy. What would you do?

When you think about it, it’s probably difficult for a new couple to aim for the exact same degree of efforts in gifts/gestures.

Do you think that unmatched efforts mean you are not feeling the same way about one another?  Is that a good time to have the talk?

What was the most inappropriate or outrageous gift you received from a date? How did you handle it?

It’s all love … links:

A Love Story: Love in the HOV lane

A Marriage Story: Cupid on duty at Rhodes Hall

Penguin Love: Love at the Atlanta Aquariam

337 comments Add your comment

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
8:12 am

Good morning!

I am whatever you say I am (trying to recover from having my heart stomped on)

February 15th, 2010
8:22 am

The way I see it, as long as someone says “happy valentines day ” to me or gets me a card then that’s not going underboard. I would be happy with just that.
If nothing was mentioned or not even a card, that would suck!!!

Being that I’m single and this is my 2nd valentines alone, I made sure I at least took myself out.
Dinner was fun but who am I kidding, coming home to an empty house sucked.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 15th, 2010
8:36 am

Good morning,

About the worst gift i’ve ever received was no gift, card, handshake or anything. lol After that year happened, my ex would always at least get me a card or make one. I think all those baskets with teddy bears and chocolate are really for high schoolers…unless it’s a homemade basket of things I specifically like lol

ImAPeach404

February 15th, 2010
8:37 am

@I am – I feel you on coming home an empty house… well, my house empty, my kid was there… but my bed was :( I went to Church and then took myself to a movie (saw Valentines Day – real cute movie). Thats it. Real blaaaaaaaaaaah….

kinderbabe

February 15th, 2010
8:40 am

good morning everyone!
@Peach…i saw that movie too. it was great! i really enjoyed it.:) they had a great cast

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
8:42 am

I can’t even wrap my head around over-delivering on V-day.

@i am whatever ~ I feel ya! However, as the day progressed, I forgot it was even V-day. I was emersed in cooking a thank-you dinner for my co-worker that has been picking me up for the past 3 weeks. That made me feel good. My ex called and wished me a happy v-day and that call pissed me off!

ImAPeach404

February 15th, 2010
8:54 am

@kinder – hey girl! Yup, it was well worth the $6 I paid to go see it :) I stan for Jennifer Garner so she was my big draw, but Jessica Biel stole the show to me. They definitely should have had more of her in it.

Lol @ Leggs saying the phone called pissed her off!!! Been there – smh

CMS

February 15th, 2010
8:59 am

How can a phone call piss you off on V-Day? If you have caller ID and you know you’re not feeling the caller why answer?

kinderbabe

February 15th, 2010
9:04 am

@Peach…i agree that Jessica Biel could have been in the movie a little more. she was good! Jennifer Garner was awesome as well…and so was ole Ashton.:) I almost forgot about him being an actor since he’s become Mr. Demi Moore…lol

Booger Casserole with Potato

February 15th, 2010
9:11 am

“I am whatever you say I am (trying to recover”

You should have gone out with me…Happy Valentines day!

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
9:22 am

CMS, I answer cuz it’s my child’s father and he could be calling for her!

CMS

February 15th, 2010
9:24 am

Then have her answer the phone.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
9:27 am

Worst gift I ever received for V-day was a collection of massage oils from a guy that I had only gone out with a couple of times. That killed any potential of having a relationship with him for me.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 15th, 2010
9:29 am

@I am

This year was a boo-less Valentine for me and I refused to allow myself to feel all sad & blue. I planned some activities for myself to do that helped me not even once think about not being coupled up. Friday, of course was shut down due to the weather but it didn’t go by without some small fun. After playing in the snow a bit, some of the fam and a friend hung out at the house and took it upon ourselves to have a little karoake session. Boy I didn’t realize how out of shape I was until I tried to keep up with “My Humps, my lovely lady lumps!” lol. Saturday finally got my hair done, ran some errands, then went to Passion of Poetry. Afterward, got a bite to eat at Stats…got approached for first time by someone outside of my race…WOW! This is definitely a first. Sunday went to the movies to see Valentines Day starring Ashton Kutcher, then went to Uptown Comedy Club last night….needless to say i’m struggling a little this morn.

P.S My cousin saw a dude she knows that’s married out with another female, NOT his wife. :shock:

abc

February 15th, 2010
9:30 am

I figure if I keep it in the hundreds it’s fine as far as not going too far overboard and not coming through with enough. If she isn’t worth a heart-shaped box of Godiva, a couple hundred on a trinket and some fine dining, then she’s not really valentine-type material, is she? As far as reciprocal for the guy — what’s that about. Guys get squat on Valentine’s Day, and who cares about that? Not the guy.

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
9:32 am

@CMS, she can’t answer if she’s sleeping!

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
9:33 am

worse v-day gift was no gift, no nadda…..even the buddy knows to call and say “happy v-day”

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
9:36 am

V-day this year went pretty much how I had planned. We went to church then to breakfast then home to do pretty much nothing all day. We watched the NBA All-star competitions that had been recorded on the DVR from Saturday. We watched a little of the Olympics. We took a nap. We watched a movie.

That was pretty much it. It was a nice and cozy afternoon leading into a nice and relaxing evening.

ImAPeach404

February 15th, 2010
9:40 am

@abc – If I were in a serious dating relationship I wouldn’t think this holiday is all about me. Thats pretty d@mn selfish. So if you — or any man– didn’t get anything from someone whom you considered your Valentine I don’t think thats saying much of her.

Valentines day is for women AND men. It’s not like Mothers Day or Fathers Day which are very gender specific and it’s clearly defined who the day was meant for. I do think it’s unfair that men have a tendency to get the short end of the stick on this day but it wouldn’t be that way in mine.

@Leggs – why are you even bothering to entertain that fool???

abc

February 15th, 2010
9:45 am

A man can expect a card. Otherwise, I doubt hardly any men receive much of anything in the way of gifts, and I’d really doubt that any men care. So, what gifts did yall give to men for Valentine’s this year?

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

February 15th, 2010
9:50 am

@abc For any Valentine’s that I was with someone, I’ve always gotten the man a gift…whether it was a romantically set dinner at home, a basket that I made myself, cologne, undies, clothes, shoes, gift card etc….This year I’m not in a relationship so I didn’t get anyone anything. However, I was surprised to have received flowers from a gentleman i’m dating. I wasn’t expecting to get anything from him so now i’m wondering if i’m obligated to reciprocate the gesture?

Tweti

February 15th, 2010
9:53 am

I just stated dating a new guy in December and we agreed to keep Valentine’s low key. He gave me a dozen roses and chocolate covered strawberries. I gave him a shirt & jeans, and a card. We were both pleasantly surprised.

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
9:57 am

@ImAPeach ~ LOL, for fun!

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
9:58 am

I’d take that “low key” any day! Good for the both of you!

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:00 am

abc, I got my husband a shirt. But you are right about the day being more for women than for men. When I do get him a gift it never compares to what he does for me but like you said it’s not really that big of a deal for him.

One year I did go all out for him with a limo ride, spa treatment, a new suit and a nice dinner. He enjoyed it and I think mostly because it was all a surprise. But I know he would have still been okay either way.

mqew

February 15th, 2010
10:03 am

My SO is the WORST gift giver. He wasn’t always, when he/we were broke, the gifts were on point. Some flowers (back then they were nice as it was the newness), and a poem, or he’d sing a song he’d written to a familiar melody, or give me a card with a poem. He was always a little ‘artisty’. But when he finally got some loot SMDH

One Valentines, I think it was 2006 when those RAZR’s first came out, he got me the hot pink one (and paid a nauseating $400), some pink flowers delivered to my office, and some other pink crap, and lastly A PINK LEATHER JACKET :-| of which I never wore…. Talking about over the top…

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:06 am

LOL mqew. Is pink your favorite color?

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
10:06 am

@mqew ….a pink leather jacket

i got a pair of pink timberland boots one vday :-| , i wore them once, i have small feet and they were just sooooooooo heavy!

mqew

February 15th, 2010
10:08 am

Peach404 – My SO could give a flying fig if I gave him something or not for Vday…. or any holiday for that matter…

kimmie

February 15th, 2010
10:08 am

Morning Gang!

Our V-day was great! It was Love Sunday at church. Then we dropped the kids off over their cousins & went to see Valentine’s Day at Backlot(Fork & Screen) where I got a delicious Pomgranate Martini with my dinner while we watched the movie! SO gave me the most heartwarming card, with a gift cert. for a mani/pedi. I gave him some chocolate wine(delish) & his favorite chocolate candy and a card. His kids gave me a cute little stuffed puppy. I gave his kids some cool v-day mugs and heartshaped marshmellows and a few chocolates.

We came back home & watched Amazing Race & chillaxed!

Tweti

February 15th, 2010
10:11 am

@ Leggs – yes, our “low key” was pretty nice. He bought me a Christmas gift and I didn’t get him anything. To top that off, my birthday was 12/27 and he took me out for a nice dinner, as well. So, I felt it was time for me to deliver on V/day! I honestly wasn’t expecting anything from him, though.

def

February 15th, 2010
10:13 am

Enjoyed being “snowed in” for the Valentine’s Day weekend.
I “got some” twice!

ImAPeach404

February 15th, 2010
10:16 am

Someone mentioned earlier that the vday stuff sold in the stores is mostly for kids and teenagers – and I agree. However, if someone go that for me, I’d still be thankful. I’d prefer something that took a little more thought than 5 minute on the vday aisle in Wal-Mart in between you picking up your shaving cream and a pizza.

Question: Seeing as how vday fell on a Sunday – did anybody accept a Friday or Saturday night date b/c the other person wasn’t available Sunday? Did that raise up any flags? If the person you were dating had plans Saturday night… did that give you cause for a pause?

@abc – I’m single so I didn’t have to get anyone anything.

@kimmie – did you like the movie???

abc

February 15th, 2010
10:17 am

A gift of a shirt is nice, if somewhat ubiquitous and a little bit puzzling to me sometimes. I can’t pick out my own shirts?! But then, I don’t mind wearing what she gets for me. I haven’t bought myself a shirt for several years now, because my baby keeps me so well supplied. In fact, my closet is bustin out, I have so many shirts.

mqew

February 15th, 2010
10:17 am

Raqi – yes, pink is my fav color…. but uuummm leather jacket, yeah I don’t think so.

He tried, I guess :-)

Oh, I remember these earrings he bought for me. Diamond and sapphire dangly earrings. Uuuummm, NO. I can’t stand dangly. Made him take them back….. Pointed him in the direction of Lia Sophia :lol:

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:19 am

kimmie, that sounds nice.

It was a good day for relaxing for us. With the fireplace burning and the house was nice and quiet. I don’t think the phone rang even once the entire day other than when my oldest called to tell me happy v-day. We sat on the couch while the baby played down on the floor. When she was ready to take a nap the three of went and laid on the bed.

My other son did his own thing downstairs playing video games. He watched the NBA All-star Saturday so he was not interested in watching with us Sunday. I don’t know if he caught the competitions that aired Sunday or not.

Tweti

February 15th, 2010
10:20 am

The gift of a shirt is our way of giving you what we would like to see you in…has nothing to do with you not being able to pick your own. At least that’s my motivation when I buy clothes for a man.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
10:21 am

ImAPeach404 : I wanted to see V day movie but I didn’t go.
didn’t want to cry in the theater. Had been crying the whole weekend.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
10:22 am

Leggs : I texted the EX happy V day and I was ignored.

:-(

PRINCESSNIK

February 15th, 2010
10:23 am

@ abc : A gift of a shirt is nice, if somewhat ubiquitous and a little bit puzzling to me sometimes. I can’t pick out my own shirts?!

abc when i’m dating a guy i buy shirts and undies, i’m the type of woman that would rather just buy what i’d like to see him in instead of whining about his choices. Also, i’m all about saving money my last guy loved POLO, but i could find him REALLY nice POLO like 3 shirts 2 pair of boxers and 3 pair of socks, for the price he would have been okay paying for one POLO shirt,:)

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
10:24 am

Booger Casserole with Potato : i appreciate the fact you would have gone out with me but try to take this too hard:

I can’t get down with anyone with boogers in their name.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:24 am

LOL abc. I originally bought him a back massager that he liked from Brookstone. But he hinted at a shirt that he liked at Johnston & Murphy so I got that. I buy him shirts all the time. I know the brands that he likes and I know his style. The only thing I really don’t buy for him is pants. He likes to try those on before purchasing. I bought him that suit one year but other than that only shirts, sweaters and jackets. And the necessary undies as needed.

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
10:26 am

@I am ~ why’d you set yourself up like that???

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
10:27 am

@i am ~ btw, you can’t heal if you keep pour salt on the wound!!!

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:27 am

Tweti that is true. However, in this instance I got him what he wanted. You can never go wrong getting the person what they ask for.

He likes the massager. He liked it when I tried it out on him in the store and he liked it when I used it on yesterday. So I know he would have been happy with that being the gift that I chose for him.

Leggs

February 15th, 2010
10:27 am

that would be “pouring salt”

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
10:27 am

SlimOne…just call me Nicety! : I’m glad you enjoyed your V day.
Dude out with another not his wife? Wow!
:O

Tweti

February 15th, 2010
10:29 am

@ Raqi – my comment was a response to abc’s 10:17.

I am whatever you say I am

February 15th, 2010
10:30 am

Leggs: I went a whole 2 weeks not talking to dude.
IDK what it is about him, can’t get him out of my head.

Raqi

February 15th, 2010
10:31 am

Tweti, I know. I was just agreeing with you and kinda answering to abc’s comment at the same time.