The Love Squad: Meet Up or Pick up?
There is no denying that, based on our modern-day dating habits, it’s definitely not your parent’s dating scene. Our parents required the young man to come to the door. Some think those were the good ol’ days and maybe we could benefit from bringing some of those rituals back. You don’t see large number of dates arranged with pick-ups from home. Are you for or against this old-school move? Our wonderful Love Squad is back to weigh in on today’s topic:
Should we bring back the days of picking up dates? Does it always have to be the guy?
Daniel, 27, Atlanta. Favorite date destination: Piedmont Park:
“I’m for the old-school approach. Guys: At every opportunity, try to make your date feel special. Open the car door. Pull out her chair for her. Be on time. And come to the door! There’s a reason your dad did it, and his dad before that. It’s a subtle sign of respect.”
Elizabeth, 30, Atlanta. Favorite date destination: Quiet not-too-fancy but still sophisticated dinner or a baseball game:
“Nowadays, unless I know a guy somewhat well or know his friends, I do not have him pick me up at my house for the first date. I prefer meeting someone out to make sure I feel safe with him and like him before even thinking of telling him where I live.”
Martin, 40’sh, Atlanta:
“I’m in favor of the ‘old-school move’ and maybe it’s because I’m old school. It’s not popular with teens nowadays, but as a parent, I don’t think it’s asking too much to meet someone beforehand that you are entrusting your child’s safety to.”
LaShonn, 39, Atlanta. Favorite date destination: Charleston, S.C. Two people can’t help but fall in love, or just have fun, there:
“Chivalry is bliss. There’s nothing better than someone making you feel special. Remember those lyrics, “Light her cigarette if she smokes, even help her with coat … treat her like a lady!” I’m all for independence, but there’s nothing wrong with showing a softer side, either.”
This is very interesting, I’m rather on the fence. On one hand, I’ve had a stalker before and I’ll pass on getting another one. At the same time, if I preferred dates to pick me up I would have to increase my “vetting” efforts. I wouldn’t go out or give my address to someone questionable. I think some single people take too many risks on a potential. Maybe first dates should be scheduled much later after you first meet. What do you guys think? Do you prefer meeting up with a date, picking them up or getting picked up?
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456 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 11th, 2010
8:15 am
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, INFAMOUSD….LOVE YA!
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
8:18 am
Good Morning,
Do you prefer meeting up with a date or picking them up or getting picked up?
I’m on the fence with this one also, while i appreciate the sentiment, as a single mom I’m just very careful about who I let into my life. I think i need to know that person a little better before I give my address. These days too many folks fall in to the crazy & deranged category. I don’t need you riding by my house, or stopping by unannouced and we haven’t decided to take it to that level.
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
8:22 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DK!!!!!!! See ya @ Vino Libo tomorrow evening!!!! Enjoy your day!
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
8:22 am
Vino Libro that is! Ha!
Leggs
February 11th, 2010
8:23 am
I tend to vacillate between both. I love the old school approach, but theb again would rather meet at the designated place. It’s hard to be on another’s time schedule. If I see the need to leave, I want to get in my car and leave and not have to endure calling a cab, calling a friend to bail me out, or better yet having him take me home after a bad date only to find myself sprawled out in a ditch somewhere cuz he SNAPPED!
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
8:27 am
Man we meet up til things are cozy enough to pick each other @….If you tell a man you picking them up they think you wanna see whee they stay what they working with and you are a stalker off the back….Please NOT!!!! and as princess stated it is just not 100 when you a single mom to lwt every man you meet come to your home in the start…..times are different and everyone is extra protective in the start….it is almost like pulling teeth sometimes to even meet ya for a date so coming to the house is off limits until later…..
Morning Crew! Today is my Friday til Tuesday!!!! YIPPPIE!
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
8:38 am
Good morning! I am more of the ‘let’s meet up somewhere’ as opposed to the pick me up at the crib deal…at least until we get to know each other better or build some sort of comfort between the two of us. Plus with meeting folks in Atlanta, it always seems to be a matter of meeting a dude who lives on the other side of town. I’m all the way in COnyers. So i’d have a hard time having someone come out to the boonies to pick me up, especially since there really isn’t too much variety of activities out my way.
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
8:39 am
Anyone listen to V103 this morning….also I think with folk multiple dating that coming to someone’s home ealy on will send mix singles when one is seeking just to date that one person….meaning most times when single people meet they have someone on radar they are not exclusive with but has more rights than the other….
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
8:39 am
@ Lady J
Today is my Friday til Tuesday!!!! YIPPPIE!
I’m so jealous! I so am not feelin it today! I wish i was cuddled up at home with a good book and something warm to drink.
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
8:40 am
@ Lady J
…..meaning most times when single people meet they have someone on radar they are not exclusive with but has more rights than the other….
So true!
Raqi
February 11th, 2010
8:40 am
When I was dating and met a new guy 9 times out of 10 we met at the establishment that we were going. In these days and times you have to be careful however once things are into play I think the old school way of dating is the way to go. Being courted by a guy is the best.
I loved having my guy come to the house to pick me up. It didn’t happen at every single date but it was how it was the majority of the times. He picked me up and dropped me off. He would get out of his car and ring the door bell and walk me to the door at the end of the date. And I was in my 30’s during this time.
It’s how I was raised. When I was a teen and boys came to the house to see my sister and I they couldn’t sit in the car and blow their horns for us to come out. They had to come to the door.
I love the old school. (Sadly it is referred to as old school when it should be just common courtship and dating)
Last night my husband made dinner and I was surprised when I went to take a seat at the table he pulled out my chair. Yeah he was playing around but it was still nice. That’s the kind of stuff that tend to get lost in the everyday living. It’s not mandatory that he pulls out my chair because we eat at the table together every night. But the gesture last night was nice. In fact it set a mood for the rest of the evening, which was quite relaxing with the fireplace flickering and crackling while we shared about an hour sitting on the couch after dinner watching Family Feud while I put the baby to sleep.
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
8:47 am
@ Raqui
It’s how I was raised…..
I was raised the same way, however in this day and age of pedophiles, sex offenders and serial killers, Let’s get to know each other a little better first before disclosing the location of the “bat cave”. Has nobody watched those brinks home security commercials
plenty of folks are not wrapped to tightly these days
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
8:49 am
@PRINCESSNIK girl I just pd my Essence subcription and I am going to buy some coco and between me in and out the door these next few days I am going to cuddle up and see and read all these folks assessment to why black women are single in America!!!!!! Who knew its an epidemic and everyone has a answer!!!!! I iam laughing out loud and I find it weird when a man critques a woman but valvue his assessment I guess from a mans view point with dating….These double edge swords make me SCREAM laughing out loud!!!!!!:)
ImAPeach404
February 11th, 2010
8:50 am
Like Slim I live way out. I’m in Alpharetta – not to many brown ppl out this way so I NEVER meet anyone who stays ’round these parts. I think it’s unreasonable to suggest coming out here to pick me up, driving to wherever we’re going, and then bring me back home.
(…and, I don’t really want you to know where I live like that)
I love, love, LOVE old school dating. It’s one thing that really attracted me to the guy I most recently stopped seeing. He ALWAYS opened my door – getting in and out the car. And even did so whenever I would drive. He always held my hand, pulled out/pushed in my chair. Refilled my glass. Catered to me in the simplest ways that meant so much. You just don’t see that very often.
Leggs
February 11th, 2010
8:52 am
@Raqi ~ I’ve let lil leggs know that there will be no horn honking when she starts dating. I expect them to come inside, have a seat while they write down their SS# and driver’s lic #. It’s only respectful that they come in and sweat a little.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
8:57 am
@Peach Yeah that’s pretty much how I feel…only unless the guy and I plan on doing something on my side of town. I’m even cool with meeting up with them at some neutral location, then I just hop in the car with him and ride out to our destination.
Raqi
February 11th, 2010
8:57 am
Princes, I agree that you have to be careful until you get to know a little about the person, however I think that the “proper” way of courting and dating should eventually come into play.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
8:59 am
Off topic…saw someone with a Nicety tag on way home the other day.
Raqi
February 11th, 2010
9:00 am
Leggs, I agree. I teach my boys the same. Especially that oldest knucklehead. I even used to have to get onto him when girls would come to the house too much. He is the guy, it’s his place to go to their house and meet her parents.
I hope he is being a gentlemen up there while out of my eyesight.
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
9:00 am
Lady J, please let me know what you find out LOL! I agree wit you an epidemic wow
GTFOH! It’s amazing really it is that everyone has an opinion. Have you seen the movie/documentary “diary of a tired black man”
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:00 am
Good Mernin Everybody!! Thanks Leggs and Lady J.. I know everybody is doin well today cause its my Birthday and since its such a special day it should just roll to everybody within a 6 degrees of separation. Im accepting all Kisses and smooches..
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:03 am
Sounds to me like its pretty much concluded that old school dating is out. We can’t come by the house and stand on the porch and ring the doorbell. Lol
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
9:04 am
There will be no horn honking for princess2 either! If that lil fella can’t come to the house and talk to me like he is somebody then they won’t be going out. And she won’t be hanging out at his house unt unh not unless they are having some kind of family function. Of course I have like 9 years to go so I’m not going to stress yet lol
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
9:05 am
We are doing just fine BDAY Boy just bc it is all about you today DK!!!!!!!!:) You are blessed to see another year! Do it big like you always do boo!!!!
PRINCESSNIK girl you got me rolling once I do some research I will report back honey!!!!! LOL
Single over 40
February 11th, 2010
9:06 am
I am a true believer in the old fashioned way of dating including picking up at your home. But only if it’s someone you know or have mutual friends with. I don’t do that if it is internet dating when you really know nothing about this person. Then you meet somewhere to assess them.
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
9:06 am
Happy B-day Infamous. The CT is going to throw in an extra 3 minutes on our ’special session’ just to celebrate the occasion. Enjoy!
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
9:07 am
Dig That if it was that simple honey!!!!!! LOL History repeats itself so maybe one day but not today it is just not the norm….lol maybe for some but overall first dates hee in the city is meet me here and later one we park and leave from one house over time that is….LMAO!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:08 am
Enjoy the abundance of Lucky Number 11’s good vibes.. And please let this day be the reason you celebrate just because… I dont mind sharing my day with you.. Ha ha!!!
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:09 am
I’m paying attention I think and I’m seeing a mix here. So the teenage boys have to come and meet you with your daughters like a gentleman. But when that same boy becomes a man he has to meet you out and not at the house. I’m confused.
Raqi
February 11th, 2010
9:09 am
Peachy, I really do believe that for the guy that is really into you picking you up at your place from time to time would not be a problem. No matter how far out you live.
I have lived in my house in Dunwoody for 10 years and dated guys that lived over 30 minutes away. The ones that I did get to know enough to allow them in my domain never voiced an issue of driving to my place. And I never had an issue driving to his.
During the entire time my husband and I were dating he lived in Marietta and I lived in Dunwoody. It was about a 35-40 minute drive.
Guys that really like the woman they are seeing and like being the guy in the relationship (lol) are the ones that do not complain about the drive or the time it takes to see her. He does not complain about paying for the majority of dates. He knows his role and he does it well.
Raqi
February 11th, 2010
9:11 am
Happy Birthday Infamous. Here’s a sister dap at you. LOL
Lady J
February 11th, 2010
9:12 am
I told this one dude I would swing by his home since he stayed near if that was cool and do you think he responded……nope he was like you may be stalker and I was like dude really is that what it has come to….I don’t do jail…never busted out windows bc again I am afraid of JAIL, I promise with that dude I dated for three years I never did the drive by thing bc I just didn’t want to see what my gut knew….so I don’t play those games….my failed mariage taught me whatever I am suppose to know it will be shown to me…..we are grown what’s the big deal if I wanted to swing by when you screaming how close we stay by each other etc, etc….men talk out of both sides of their mouth and when you call their bluff they call you names! HAHAHAHA!
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:13 am
Happy Birthday Infamous and many blessed more.
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
9:14 am
Lady J, I can’t help! I get so tired of folks acting like we are not whole because we are single black women. I’m not stressin it, sure I’d love a s/o but in due time the right one will come. I don’t have marriage fever or baby fever, which can often lead to a bad decision.
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:15 am
@Lady J. Lol.
IDK..it's my twin's birthday??
February 11th, 2010
9:15 am
no comment on the topic but happy birthday IDK twin!!!
been MIA for awhile and come bk and its your birthday, nice
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:16 am
@Princess. Glad to hear that. You are so right. Bad decisions will most certain spring from those fevers
DreamsMaterialize
February 11th, 2010
9:19 am
Morning
On a first date I’ll always offer to pick her up, and then immediately follow that up with “but we can meet somewhere if you’re more comfortable with that”. It let’s her know I’m a gentleman who also is understanding of her need to feel safe.
Now, if we’re talking teenagers, a first date won’t involve him picking up or meeting up with my daughter. He can come over and help me clean the gutters or fix some plumbing. He can take a ride with me to Home Depot to pick up some supplies. Then if I like him, he can go on a first date with my daughter, at which point he has to come to the door, address me and the wife, and then take a seat and wait for my daughter to come out. Any dude who honks is getting shot at or having the police pick him up for loitering.
Peach I see you’re on the north side like me…Dunwoody here.
Slim See that’s why I don’t come visit you no more, you live toooooooo far. Last time I think I saw a sign that said “Savannah, next exit”. lol
PRINCESSNIK
February 11th, 2010
9:19 am
@ Dig That….. But when that same boy becomes a man he has to meet you out and not at the house. I’m confused.
Don’t be confused my friend. When you are a teenager you really think you know it all when we all have learned that you really don’t. A parent is going to want to know who their underage child is going out with and hanging out with.
As an adult TYPICALLY (key word) you have a little more discernment about the type of people that are good for you and mean you no harm. You are more aware of what you are looking for, you can see the warning signs etc…..
In the end it all boils down to safety in my opinion.
ImAPeach404
February 11th, 2010
9:25 am
Since a few have mentioned their kids dating and what will and will not be accpeted… what age do kids start dating these days?
My son will be 15 next month – girls are definitely on the radar. He hasn’t asked me to take a girl out yet (and he probably knows better b/c he doesn’t have a job and realizes I’m not funding anything of the sort). But he does ask me to hang out at this outside strip mall that a lot of the kids go to. I recently found out that it’s a meet up spot for the boys and girls to hang out….
Happy Burfday DK
But when that same boy becomes a man he has to meet you out and not at the house. I’m confused.
@Dig That – you’re not confused; you’re just being difficult. If you dont understand the difference, you definitely don’t need to be dating.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:26 am
IDK – Ive been lurking.. I see ya’ll..
Topics havent been moving me.. More like Who are these people, The Love squad.. Seriously.. Really.. The love squad is here everyday
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
9:27 am
Women, how many of you would go to a guy’s spot if he already lived downtown somewhere, for the first date? I don’t mean you are both just going to chill there for the date, but you come to his spot so you all can leave from there onto whatever activity yall have planned
DIG THAT
February 11th, 2010
9:27 am
@Princess
I agree with you. Just wanted it spelled out and you did. Safety is the first concern which is the major difference between “new school” and “old school” dating. Old school at the very worst you will have a horrible time and never see him again. New school at the very worst you can die. What has the world come to. Believe me I have had my share of stalkers so I can’t think bout how fine and pretty she is. Will she sit out in my front yard with strange objects and make me waste my precious going to get restraining orders and cost me precious dollars on pet food for the new attack dogs I had to buy.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:28 am
IDK – You know Im good for making entrances.. Or reintroducing myself..
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 11th, 2010
9:28 am
@Dreams You are welcome to come play with the CT but if it’ll make you feel more comfortable, you can just play with yourself.
j/k
Leggs
February 11th, 2010
9:28 am
Thanks PrincessNik ~ saved me some typing!
IDK..it's my twin's birthday??
February 11th, 2010
9:30 am
DK im with you, topics lately are like ummm……. (maybe we really are twins!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:30 am
Now on topic… I dont really wanna meet you at home or have you at my home until I know something about you… Not that you may be a staker but everybody just dont need to knpw where the batcave is…
THE INFAMOUS DK aka LUCKY NUMBER 11
February 11th, 2010
9:31 am
And thanks everyone for the B Day wishes I really appreciate it..
ImAPeach404
February 11th, 2010
9:31 am
I really do believe that for the guy that is really into you picking you up at your place from time to time would not be a problem.
@Raqi – I do agree. But at the same time, I try to be considerate of such things. Especially if I know the guy is treating for said date. The guy I was seeing stayed about 65/70 miles from me. When we first started dating, we always met out and I didn’t mind at all. And like Slim mentioned – sometimes we’d meet at a location and I’d ride with him. Our meet up spot was Perimeter Mall… I’d hop in the car with him and we’d go do our thing. once things progressed and I allowed him to come to the house, he never once complained about driving/gas. He was very clear that it was worth it – I guess it was my hang-up moreso than his.
…he was like you may be stalker and I was like dude really is that what it has come to
@Lady J – I think this was a smart move on his part. I believe men should protect their domain in the same fashion as women. I am astounded by dudes who invite me to their home right away. Red flag!!!. If you don’t have any discretion regarding me, that means you probably dont have any regarding any other female. Not finna get my @ss caught up in some ish!
@Dreams – yup! I love it up here