Attitude: Approach with caution
The best time to showcase your personality could be at an intimate gathering. I’m all for mix and mingling at large events, but there is something really cool about meeting people at a small dinner party or mellow house party. Unfortunately, if you aren’t a friendly or positive person, you could actually run off potential dates in this kind of social setting.
One of my bootcamp buddies, Tim, told me that he met a young woman Sunday night at a friend’s house. He noticed her almost right away, described her as very attractive. It wasn’t long before he started hearing a lot of what she was saying to people. It was mostly complaints and whining about the Superbowl, the food, and whatever else she didn’t like. Major turn-off. I wondered if there were other women there who had great attitudes, were actually watching the game, and probably wouldn’t bite his head off if he said something to him.
When I asked him who else caught his attention, he couldn’t really think of anyone that stood out. Great, so the attractive complainer got his already limited attention, and everyone else faded in the background? This actually happens a lot, I’ve witnessed it myself.
Single people will completely overlook a great potential because we get too distracted by the flashy, obnoxious types. The people that would probably be a total waste of time. It’s not even about being attracted to the bad boy/girl types, per se. It’s about taking the time to focus on a variety of different people. You never know who you may feel a connection with so it’s good to truly mingle with everyone.
Have you ever been to some event with potential dates and found it difficult to stand out in the crowd?
Do you know when you are being negative or complaining to the point that you are becoming less attractive?
Why do you think people take the time to dress up, go out, but their attitude is completely negative?
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267 comments Add your comment
Leggs
February 9th, 2010
8:35 am
Good morning!
I never go anywhere with a negative attitude! And I don’t complain when invited somewhere. If I don’t like the food, I shut up and don’t eat it.
I is sleepy this morning!
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
8:41 am
Have you ever been to some event with potential dates and found it difficult to stand out in the crowd?
Nope
Do you know when you are being negative or complaining to the point that you are becoming less attractive?
I think you have to really know the person it may sound like a complaint to some, but they may have a valid reason or just answering a question. Personally I do not care what a stranger thinks.
Why do you think people take the time to dress up, go out, but their attitude is completely negative?
WD, even negative people deserves the right to look pru-tay (pretty with a southern drawl)
Hola, Leggs, Melo, Dream_n, czBrat, Lady J and the rest of the blog game! I called those names out in my shout out voice!
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
8:42 am
Leggs,
I am so sleepy this morning too, plus I have a headache which is rare for me.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
8:43 am
I go to a lot of these type cozy events. Negative…never.
They can be somewhat difficult for me because I can stand in front of a crowd of 500 and relish the opportunity to speak, and I can do “one on ones” as well as anyone because I am not that shy. Where I have a problem is walking up to a group of five or six people and inserting myself into the conversation. As a consequence, I do have trouble standing out.
I have missed so many opportunities when I have seen a lady that intrigues me, but I can’t figure out a way to cut her from the herd and get to know her.
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
8:45 am
I meant blog gang! Make that a double espresso with a hot croissant (blackberry jam and real butter please). A side of fresh fruit would be nice as well something a little tart and tangy like pineapple or grapefruit.
Leggs
February 9th, 2010
8:51 am
I am am extrovert and I talk to everybody, especially the person sitting alone in the corner. I have always been intriqued how people come out to mingle only to isolate themselves.
Leggs
February 9th, 2010
8:52 am
@Professor ~ grab yourself a Ruby Red Grapefruit drink…it will perk you up.
ImAPeach404
February 9th, 2010
8:56 am
Single people will completely overlook a great potential because we get too distracted by the flashy, obnoxious types
Not the kid. I make it a point NOT to seek out or be distracted by this type of man. I don’t like guys who talk too much and too loud. People who I feel are like “look at me! look at me!” are… well… obnoxious! Not my type at all. I’ll take quiet nerdy guy with the glasses who is the observer.
Do you know when you are being negative or complaining to the point that you are becoming less attractive?
Yes – for two reasons.
(1) I have a friend who is SO negative (and “forward”) when she talks and she gets on MY nerves sometimes. I have made note of her ways and jotted them down as things not to do.
(2) Confession… I read Steve Harveys book. And one of the few things I picked up on was when he stated that if a man asks you a question and the answer could potentially be negative (i.e. – “So, why are you single?”) you should always take the opportunity to turn your response into something positive. So… I make it a point to do so.
That’s all… for now
Mornin’ folks!
Lady J
February 9th, 2010
8:58 am
Have you ever been to some event with potential dates and found it difficult to stand out in the crowd? Nope not @ all…I have a social butterfly personality and I meet no strangers…I often become the life of the party not center of attention just bc I can’t take being not noticed but I jump in and can mix and mingle with most groups…..When I am with a stuffy acting group I have the most social person in the crowd and start woring the room from that angle….lol
Do you know when you are being negative or complaining to the point that you are becoming less attractive? Now I have been to events when more pressing issues have been on my mind (personal) and my facial expression can give away that I don’t want to be bother so most times I don’t stay long or find me a corner and just be nosey from the back while pondering other things….
Why do you think people take the time to dress up, go out, but their attitude is completely negative? To be seen of course………lol
Morning Crew!!!!:)
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
9:22 am
Morning Gang! Blogging from home today – just don’t feel up to going in the office today.
Can’t wait to download Sade’s cd today on my iPod!!!
On topic – I don’t have a problem with standing out because in a social setting, that is not what I’m really trying to do. I STAND UP – hold my own! I love smaller, intimate, cozy settings! I lay back in the cut & observe some of the time and other times I participate in the conversation or even start the discussion. I don’t have to be the life of the party, but I bring LIFE!
As for folks that come & constantly beyotch & complain, that shows me lack of class. Like Leggs, if I don’t like the food I shut up & just don’t eat it. Find SOMETHING to compliment the host on, even if its just the nice table setting. Heck, your butt didn’t HAVE to be invited! Some folks think it’s cute to complain & look down on people & constantly brag on themselves. That is obnoxious and shows lack of “home training”. One friend comes to mind. She constantly puts down any food that she is not used to eating, especially if it’s southern or soul food. “Oh, I don’t eat that” with her nose turned up. It’s okay if you don’t care for something, just say “no thank you” & keep it moving.
Wise’s guy friend’s experience at that party just goes to show everything that glitters is not gold and you really have to look beyond the exterior. A small gathering is a great place to get to know different types of people, easier than at a loud club. You are more likely to get a good feel for whether or not you’d like to pursue something further because you’ll be able to observe personality and attitude more.
@ms_jones74
February 9th, 2010
9:31 am
I’m the one people elbow out of the way so people can get to my friends, so yeah. I just laugh about it, now.
When I was an active member of a singles group, our Singles Pastor told us to not look for the right one, but BE the right one that someone else might be looking for. I try to be aware of when I’m being negative and self centered and work, daily, on changing that. I’m also painfully shy in social situations, so I’d much rather hold up the wall than mingle unless I know just about everyone in the room. Even then if the conversation drifts to things I don’t have much experience in, I listen more than speak.
I’ve never been the type, though, to attract attention. I’m a wallflower by nature, only really vibrant online I’m afraid, lol.
DreamsMaterialize
February 9th, 2010
9:37 am
Morning
Have you ever been to some event with potential dates and found it difficult to stand out in the crowd?
I don’t try to stand out. I introduce myself, mingle, joke, and have conversation. If who I am is interesting to you, then I’ll stand out to you.
Do you know when you are being negative or complaining to the point that you are becoming less attractive?
I don’t complain. Now, being “negative” is subjective. I can give an example. One time I was invited to a get-together where most of the people there attended the same church. We tended to get into discussions about religion, faith, etc. Because they all went to the same church, they tended to agree on many things. I didn’t. I probably was viewed as “negative” or combative, but in a totally different environment, my views would have been overwhelmingly embraced and seen as positive.
Why do you think people take the time to dress up, go out, but their attitude is completely negative?
Some people need attention, even if it’s negative attention. People start conversations with negative comments all the time. Ex.:
Chick: I can’t believe this line is so long. They know they need more registers open. They must not know anything about business.
Dude (sees an opportunity): Yeah that doesn’t even make sense to have us waiting here like that. They need to hire people who actually know what they’re doing.
Chick: I swear it must be an Atlanta thing…they’re sooooo country down here.
Dude (knowing that’s a really dumb statement but is from up north): Oh you from up north too?
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
9:45 am
Dreams – Cool post, totally agree!
Lady J
February 9th, 2010
9:46 am
Lord have mercy I meant working the room from that angle…..wow….typing class and glasses are need huh….lmao!
Good Post DreamsM!:)
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
9:48 am
While on the subject, don’t you just hate it when you are in a group, and one guy just dominates the conversation talking about himself?
I was at a dinner engagement last week in Wales. The guy next to me was “runnin a line” and the ladies were just eating it up. I really wanted to try to get into a conversation with this great looking Welsh chic, but she was just listening to his ish about bear hunting in Alaska, ordering forrd in Tokyo, and all this other shyte. The guy was so self absorbed, but totally crowded the rest of us out. That happens at almost every encounter I go to unless it is big enough to mix and mingle.
Sassy Me :-)
February 9th, 2010
9:53 am
Single people will completely overlook a great potential because we get too distracted by the flashy, obnoxious types.
Nah not me…I avoid those types cause usually they have alot of drama surrounding them. I’ve noticed that some of those types like to be the center of attention ALL of the time and that’s exhausting and unnecessary for/to me. Lastly,who truly wants to be with some obnoxious a** dude anyway.
Have you ever been to some event with potential dates and found it difficult to stand out in the crowd?
No. I have enough personality, confidence and charisma to stand out where I choose…I want to stand out to/for my date so the rest of the crowd wouldn’t be a factor. I’m not dating the crowd.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
9:53 am
I don’t run into too many negative types though. Just hard to get into intimate one on one conversations. I need to get back to ATL and get my convertible out. It brings out the best in me…the fun part that I want people to notice.
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
10:03 am
Dreams – The friend I referred to in my post – she has to keep up the “ATL/GA is so country because….” stuff going every SINGLE time I see her. She is downright obnoxious with it, but you can’t tell her she’s not the classiest thing going!
Sexy is what Cool does.
February 9th, 2010
10:05 am
I don’t try to stand out. I just am who I am. And I’m cool with that.
And I have seen Leggs in action, firsthand, talking to the one sitting in the corner. She is my ambassador.
And I’m with my sister Kimmie, complaining about someone’s effort ESPECIALLY when yo’ butt is up in there for FREE is tacky as all get out. Stop it. You look ugly and don’t even know it wit’ ya purtyself.
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 9th, 2010
10:06 am
Morning.
Some women are just like that. Its a catch 22. They want to go out, get the attention see and be seen but they go out with high expectations and when they are met, they start tripping.
Also, alot of women have this diva arrogant attitude that they think guys like for some reason. I dont. Stay at home if you have an attitude.
DreamsMaterialize
February 9th, 2010
10:11 am
kimmie yeah I get tired of the Atl bashing, and I’m not even from here. If you don’t like it here, go somewhere else. I made the best of everywhere I’ve lived, and I never talked bad about where I was because I chose to live there. When I started feeling that I didn’t like it anymore, I left. I met this chick from NY not too long ago who said Atl people were not sophisticated enough. Saying that just showed how unsophisticated she was.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:14 am
@ m.dot re: “Also, alot of women have this diva arrogant attitude that they think guys like for some reason. I dont. Stay at home if you have an attitude.”
No kidding. A “biotch” is still a “biotch” whether she is wearing Gucci/Prada/Versace, etc. I have a highly developed “biocth” detector. Also, these types typically have an inferiority complex under that million dollar exterior.
After having said that, when you can find one that looks like a million bucks inside as well as outside you have what they used to term “keeper” in the old Foster’s commercials.
Sassy Me :-)
February 9th, 2010
10:14 am
I cna’t stand the rain….against my window….
Luvbug
February 9th, 2010
10:14 am
I couldn’t tell you whether I stand out in a crowd. Most times, I dress for the occasion, but no walking back and forth trying to be noticed type stuff. I guess my inflated ego doesn’t air on the side of being noticed…it’s more or less my not paying much attention to others that gets me in trouble becuz it comes off arrogant. That’s never my intention…it’s just that I don’t go places to be picked up or seen…I go for fun…so my tunnel vision is always on.
Regarding complaining, I’ve not witnessed that type of behavior. I do have a few outgoing friends that I can only take in doses b/c I am usually exhausted around those types. I would guess they can only take my reserved nature in doses as well…thus is the reason I don’t see myself with a bubbly guy.
Randyt…Why you go squeezin in that bit about your convertible?? Real slick Randyt…real slick.
Sexy is what Cool does.
February 9th, 2010
10:15 am
When I hear someone bashing Atlanta, I reply with “Delta is ready when you are.”
I was in a conversation over the weekend with a guy that said that Atlanta was “too slow.” He was from Jacksonville. I gave him the gas face.
I am whatever you say I am
February 9th, 2010
10:15 am
Morning blog!!
I’m the shy chick in the groud that likes to peruse the crowd.
Question for you all:
Are there any singles events I could go to on V’day where I could possibly meet someone?
I’m planning on taking myself out and enjoying a nice evening by myself.
Who knows, if the night is right, I might even given myself some.
LOL
Sassy Me :-)
February 9th, 2010
10:15 am
should’ve been “can’t”
I am whatever you say I am
February 9th, 2010
10:15 am
typo groud= crowd
Sassy Me :-)
February 9th, 2010
10:17 am
I’m planning on taking myself out and enjoying a nice evening by myself.
Me,too.
I am whatever you say I am
February 9th, 2010
10:19 am
Sassy Me: Where are you and you planning on going?
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:20 am
@Luvbug my convertible is an old almost worn out one that would never be classed as a status symbol by anyone. I like it because it is fun to drive, not because it makes me look good. My comment was about how I have been out of the country for three and a half weeks and I miss driving it…it puts me in a good mood and that is always good when going to a social event.
Now if it was a Mercedes, which it isn’t, that would be more for show.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:21 am
Enter your comments here
Luvbug
February 9th, 2010
10:22 am
Gotcha Randyt
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
10:25 am
SCool & Dreams – A city or place is like a person to me. It’s that place’s uniqueness that makes it special. And either it is what you want or it is not, just like people. Why can’t ATL just be ATL? Why should it have to be “like” anywhere else? If I want NY speed or LA glamour, guess what? I’ll go there! Same with men, if I want someone intelligent, outgoing, into sports, whatever, then that’s what I’ll go for. I don’t get with chubby and complain that he’s not buff!
Sassy Me :-)
February 9th, 2010
10:25 am
I am I’m not sure about Friday yet ’cause of the impending forcasted weather BUUT Saturday morn I’m going to Spa Sydell and that evening/night dinner and I’m hittin the comedy show at the Civic Center. Sunday I’m going to the Poetry and Passion session at Center Stage…and who knows after that
For Real
February 9th, 2010
10:26 am
Wise: “Single people will completely overlook a great potential because we get too distracted by the flashy, obnoxious types” – Sounds like a case of I can’t compete with the pretty girls to me. Wise your post never mentioned that your friend said she was flashy or obnoxious. You only stated that he said she complained alot and it turned him off. Look when people start talking about and complaining about other people that are the center of attention it’s just plain ole “jealousy” or as my boy Dan would put it “cupidity”. So stop hating!
Kym: Please comment on these articles.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,584646,00.html
http://www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/csw/env_manage/reports/week04.html
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:28 am
Luvbug, what I like about it is that I can be having a really crappy day, then go out, put the top down, crank it up to 80 or 90 (whcih cost me $400 in Sandy Springs traffic court so do not recommend that), if no one is looking I might do a few donuts in the middle of the road, and all of a sudden I am feeling great. One of the very few toys I ever bought that I still loved just as much two months later as I did the day I bought it.
After having said that, I probably am going to trade it when I get back. Might get a Honda 2000S.
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
10:29 am
Randyt – I have ALWAYS wanted a convertible, and it does not have to be fancy either! A guy friend of mine used to collect VW Bugs and he had a cool silver one back in college. Another had a old hoopty, don’t remember what kind of car it was, maybe some kind of Chevy, but it was a convertible. Both were so fun to ride in and it automatically put us in a great, fun mood!
Imma be on the lookout for a good used one!
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
10:30 am
Due to the fact that I have different eating habits than most folks can be perceived as a negative. I make it a habit to eat prior to going to an event (especially an in home event). On occasion I have been asked, “why are you not eating,” or heard statements made like ahhh “you are too cute to eat” or folks just trying to make small talk about my three peanuts and bottle of water. Well I usually laugh it off. However you always have that one a—hole that pushes the issue. If I give an explanation it can be perceived as negative or laughing it off sort of gives the impression that I do not want what is being served. Finally I have noticed that a lot of hostesses are not sensitive to those that do that are vegetarians, semi-vegetarians or vegans. With that said I do not blame the hostess I just blame the blabbermouth.
I am whatever you say I am
February 9th, 2010
10:30 am
Sassy Me: you have a big weekend planned!!!!
Myself is being cheap: Just dinner with myself in hopes that myself will put out.
LOL
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:31 am
Kimmie, I just wish I had done it 15 years sooner. Love it
Anotha Brotha
February 9th, 2010
10:31 am
In general, a woman who is naturally attractive (good looking from a young age) will have less reason to be pleasant and humble. She has had no reason to develop these traits as her looks have gotten her since she can remember. As Lady J demonstrated, most women are starved for male attention and refuse to not be catered to. Best solution for dealing with stank, unpleasant women is to completely IGNORE them. Women get messed up by this… When I see one standing with her hands on her hips, giving me the glare and just KNOWING that she gave the green light and that I MUST be about to approach her, I’ll walk right on by her. This makes that type of woman mad as she has ZERO power and feels entitled to attention.
Second best way to counter that, fellas, is to choose a modest, humble woman…and flaunt her! Most women will change whatever needs changing to get that male attention. Unfortunately, our society is filled with weak men who will enable poor behavior from women. This extends beyond attitude. Look at how many women dress. If she got no attention from this, she would put some clothes on. Also, I’m getting to a point where I’m turned off by a woman who perms/processes her hair. IMO, this makes her look somewhat weak. Nothing more beautiful than a natural-haired, pleasant attitude- having, fully clothed, in shape woman with some complexion.
I am whatever you say I am
February 9th, 2010
10:32 am
Professor: My aunt is a vegetarian.
As a hostess: I always make it a point to serve something that my aunt will enjoy and something else that the rest of carnivores will enjoy.
That way everybody is happy.
I feel that as a hostess, you should serve food that all of your guests will enjoy.
For Real
February 9th, 2010
10:33 am
Dreams: “I swear it must be an Atlanta thing…they’re sooooo country down here.” – These type people grate my fuggin nerves but the crazy thing is why want they just leave if it’s that bad?
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
10:37 am
Randyt I am with you on having a fun car! That is a must for me just take the top off and feel the freedom of the road!
Kimmie~ I say go for it if you are into two seaters I have seen some good deals on the Mazda Miata.
It is a must for me to have that one feel good car…:grin:
For Real (Ahhh Yeah Wise is Moderating Me)
February 9th, 2010
10:40 am
On the V-Day thing a question for the ladies. What does V-Day mean or what is it’s significants? How does that butt up to women taking themselves out for V-Day? Has V-Day turned into an official lesbian holiday?
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
February 9th, 2010
10:40 am
@Anotha Brotha
Good post, I agree 100%. Give me a good looking natural gal anytime. I do most of my dating on line, and if the lady leads with a “Glamour Shots” pic I tend to skip over it. Give me a lady who projects an image of not afraid to get her hair and lipstick messed up anyday. Bare feet and tight jeans!!!
Professor (actually I need some coffee)
February 9th, 2010
10:41 am
@I am whatever…that is great that you practice that courtsey, however a lot of folks assume that people eat all of this stuff and does not bother. At the end of the day the only thing I can eat may be a peanut or two and some H2O. When I am hosting I make sure there is something for everyone.
Also let us know if yourself put out…lmao
Luvbug
February 9th, 2010
10:41 am
80 or 90…donuts…Oh my! Be safe Randyt.
I dated a guy who did similar things…but he was also into drag racing and repairing/building cars (self proclaimed grease monkey). He wasn’t too bad on the road when I was his passenger…except for the time he was driving a convertible and my hair…ooooooh my hair. F$%^*
I fixed it when we stopped…but still.
kimmie - Soldier of Love!
February 9th, 2010
10:42 am
For Real – Simple. If where they are from was so great, they would be there. Or, saying stuff like that puts others down and builds them up, at least in their mind. Makes them feel superior. That’s my friends’ problem. She married a good ole down-home type & has said she married “down”. I overheard her telling someone she moved here because she could not make the money she makes here where she’s from.
All very classless in my book.