Curve Balls
If you have ever been really excited about meeting someone great, you probably have dealt with that person’s curve balls. Those completely unexpected, totally out of left field tidbits of information that are somewhat “game changers” in dating. That is not to say that you shouldn’t still be excited, but the curve balls sort of puts things in perspective, really fast.
I have a lot of experience with these curve balls. I’ve dodged them and I have thrown a few of my own, because hey, I have a past like everybody else. The most important thing I learned is that you have to be mindful of how you handle curve balls. Whether you are on the receiving end or the one throwing them.
If you handle situations with maturity and finesse, you can pretty much coast through the biggest curve balls. Drama and angst is optional, not required. If you happen to have something to reveal to someone, try to do it at the right time. Don’t pick a time when you are distracted or in bed to do it.
How do you deal with “shocking revelations” when you are dating someone new? Do you prefer to know upfront what the person needs to share? Do you think that waiting longer is better? Can you tell when someone has something they want to tell you but can’t figure out how to proceed?
Are there some curve balls that should remain unspoken?
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232 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me.... :-)
February 2nd, 2010
9:29 am
How do you deal with “shocking revelations” when you are dating someone new?
Every situation is different but it would depend on the nature of the revelation as to whether it would be a deal breaker or not.
Mornting errbody!!
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 2nd, 2010
9:30 am
Morning…off to a slow start I see.
Um, How you deal with “shocking revelations” depends on a number of things, such as what that shocking thing is, how far along you two have gotten in your courtship and how you feel about this person up-to-date. A guy cannot tell me after hanging out ANY amount of time that he lied about being married, has 6 kids or being into other men or something like. Time is not a factor in those examples. However, if they spring on you that they were adopted or something of that nature, that really wouldn’t be a biggie for me.
Leggs
February 2nd, 2010
9:39 am
I’ve been trying to pry this door open for a long time….
Not much shock me, but I can’t speculate how I would respond. The revelation itself will dictate my response as well as how much time has elapsed between us before revealing such to me.
Tazzee - And the point of it all is I Love Him
February 2nd, 2010
9:46 am
Good Morning!
I’m like Leggs – there’s not much that can shock me. A person’s present and future is so much more important than their past. With that said – I prefer current revelations up front.
Like SlimOne said – I need to know early on that you have kids, are married, have a felony record or have some sort of illness. Stuff that happened in the past can come later, as our relationship grows – but not too much later. I don’t want to find out something crazy during our pre-marital counseling.
Speaking of… we started ours last night. *doing the happy dance*
Sexy@Cool.com
February 2nd, 2010
9:47 am
Dancing happy right along with Taz!!!
PRINCESSNIK
February 2nd, 2010
9:52 am
Not much shocks me either. To me the shock comes more in the way you make the revelation. If you wait until we are talking Marriage to disclose some major piece of information that’s a problem, If its during the get to know stages, then fine because that is what we are doing getting to know each other, however its each person’s personal decision about what will be a deal breaker for them.
LL411
February 2nd, 2010
9:57 am
I had a curve ball dropped on me about two months into the relationship. While I did look at them a little sideways, after much convo (I had tons of questions) and thoughtful consideration I realized he shared something very private with me he didn’t have to. It opened the relationship up to a new level.
Was not a deal breaker.
Sexy@Cool.com
February 2nd, 2010
9:59 am
Sometimes, the curve ball is not something from the past. It can be the way a person handles crisis, responds to certain life situations that arise or even possessing a belief system that may not be evident in the initial stages of a relationship.
PRINCESSNIK
February 2nd, 2010
10:00 am
@sexy cool i agree with that also, i’ve been down that road the ex and i were both the babies of our families but as it turns out he was not equipped to handle life as an adult being spoiled had made him less than self sufficient, and my father made sure that even though he spoiled me i was well equipped to take care of myself.
DreamsMaterialize
February 2nd, 2010
10:02 am
Morning
Hey tell me whatever you have to tell me in the beginning. Witholding information takes away a the other person’s ability to make an informed choice. I try to never take that away, and I would want someone to extend the same courtesy to me.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka FORMERLY A MAN WH0RE
February 2nd, 2010
10:03 am
I have a confession to make.. I used to be a man wh0re.. It was my duty to please that Booty.. Please forgive me..
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
10:13 am
I have a confession to make.. I used to be a man wh0re..
@DK..that will put more feathers in ur cap with them chics!
Not a curve ball.
PRINCESSNIK
February 2nd, 2010
10:14 am
@Melo, you been on a roll are you going to drop and wisdom on us today
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:17 am
@DK..that will put more feathers in ur cap with them chics!
Why would you say that, Melo? I wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot pole. Not cute, nothing to brag about.
Professor...
February 2nd, 2010
10:18 am
Curve balls…it just depends.
I had a guy tell me that he forgot he had kids, because they did not live with him.
Another time I asked a guy how many kids he had he told me really two. My question was I how is it really two? He said the oldest three are pretty much grown and he only pay child support on one, which is a low amount because the mother is cool. 
Therefore he was only counting the youngest two. Those were curve balls to me.
This past spring/summer I had a guy ask me to use my extra car…now that was a curve ball
LL411
February 2nd, 2010
10:20 am
I think most people are immediately forthcoming about the basic important stuff.
Depending upon what you are revealing, comfort, timing and delivery are very important. Here again, a persons intentions come into play… if I’m just wanting to play with you, why would I go deep.
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
10:24 am
PRINCESSNIK??
Good morning..!
Lemme me wait a lil bit untill somebody says some exciting.The topic in itself is str8 forward tho…
So ill chil a bit
Professor...
February 2nd, 2010
10:26 am
Speaking of curve balls, do we have anyone on the blog that has dated an ex-convict? Were you afraid, or did you feel s/he had paid their debt to society? As we all know the legal system in America is about money if you can pay for a good attorney your chances are better, so just because a person’s record is clean does not mean an allegation was never there.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
February 2nd, 2010
10:26 am
Kimmie – That was a joke.. I prolly have done about as much smushing as you have..
I have never sold my Johnson.. Although I would consider selling it to Oprah..
PRINCESSNIK
February 2nd, 2010
10:27 am
@ Melo yea the topic is straight forward, i haven’t been on here long, but long enough to know the topic will eventually change LOL
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
February 2nd, 2010
10:28 am
I had a friend that attempted to hook me up with one of her friends/co-workers. The guy and I chatted a few times on phone and hung out as a group with some other friends but nothing on an intimate level ever occurred. However, she just told me a few months ago that he finally came out to her that he was gay & was actually now living with his boyfriend. Boy did I dodge a bullet.
Leggs
February 2nd, 2010
10:28 am
@Professor ~
is so appropriate with that post!!
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
10:28 am
Now see!
Proff!/Princess??
For those cats u describe, a woman is entitled to jes say(after the guy is done talking/lying like that)
Proff: “excuse me Boo-Ray,lemme use the bathroom right quick”
And jes dissappear and go home,leaving that fool at the table!
Leggs
February 2nd, 2010
10:29 am
@InfamousD ~ no need to confess that….we already know by your posts.
“…that will put more feathers in ur cap with them chics!” There you go again…praising the guy for being a whore and collecting tailfeathers, but slapping the forehead and belittling a woman for being one!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
February 2nd, 2010
10:29 am
Prof – Although I have been on Probation and the such.. Ive never been to the Hoosegow.. I have dated a babe that had been to Federal Prison for her Ex Boyfriends affiliation.. She didnt tell me for a while and it kinda tripped me out but after I found out it actually made us cooler cause I understood her better and didnt judge her.. We are still A1 to this day and if you saw her you would never know because she is beautiful intelligent and all that.. I consider her a friend.
Leggs
February 2nd, 2010
10:30 am
@InfamousD ~ no need to confess that….we already know by your posts.
“…that will put more feathers in ur cap with them chics!” There you go again…praising the guy for being a wh0re and collecting tailfeathers, but belittling a woman for being one! Typical!!
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:32 am
I think most people are immediately forthcoming about the basic important stuff.
LL – It does depend on the person. You’d be surprised.
Professor – I went out with this guy for a year, went over to his place, etc. I found out through one of my cousins that had known him for years – that he had a 4-year old daughter. When I confronted him about it, he said he just paid child support but did not have a relationship with her & that I never asked. I told him most 40 year old men I’ve met claim their children upfront, I don’t have to ask. My cousin introduced dude 2 me years before and we met back up years later and dated. There were no pictures or any signs of the child at all at his house.
I fault myself in that no, I didn’t ask, but that’s never been an issue before. I’ve asked dudes if they were married & had them lie, but never had one hide a kid, especially if it was not conceived while we were dating!
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:35 am
Leggs – Thanks for your 10:30, saved me the trouble!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
February 2nd, 2010
10:36 am
Prof – Yeah my 1st offender status would never let you know Ive been in trouble but Im honest about that. I dont want you to find out else where and look at me crazy. I would rather tell you so you can see the Man I am now and the changes I have made to better myself. I consider myself a rare breed and dude that can function in both arenas but less in the street arena cause any dude thats been out there and got out never wants to go back.
PRINCESSNIK
February 2nd, 2010
10:37 am
@ DK Ive never been to the Hoosegow..
i think i passed out for a second!
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:40 am
Professor – If I did, I did not know it. I have a few friends that are, not for anything violent.
I’m not going to lie, it would depend on what they went in for and how they’ve overcome it. If it was for something violent and/or they are having trouble getting a job & moving on with their life, I don’t think I could deal with it.
Everyone has their dealbreakers & preferences and I guess that’s one of mine.
DreamsMaterialize
February 2nd, 2010
10:40 am
Professor I did two years in the joint for GTA. Mind if I borrow your car this weekend?
Had a chick tell me that she was bipolar. I kind of sensed something wrong at one point, but whenever I would ask about it, she downplayed it. I put the pressure on, and finally she admitted it and said that she was afraid to tell me because she knew that things wouldn’t go any further. I kinda felt bad for her because I’m sure that most guys bolt in the other direction as soon as they hear that.
LL411
February 2nd, 2010
10:40 am
@ Kimmie… LL – It does depend on the person. You’d be surprised.
Oh, hell I forgot the guy with two last names… this makes me laugh still!
Cemeeli
February 2nd, 2010
10:41 am
morning…
Ummm…Curve Ball?
Suggestion #5967 – Stop acting single if you are married, for starters. You are married.
Off topic – If you bring a whole Publix Rotiserrie chicken for lunch, corse you’ll need someone to help you with lunch! Omygah i am still cracking up on that…never even heard of bringing the WHOLE bird for lunch! …
more off topic: Since i’m making a list of things i want to have in the next week or two. Here’s my wish list.
* SADE new “Soldier of Love” CD
* rouetille coconut milk & ginger bath foam (i’m bout out)
* Giftcard to 6Feet eatery
thx
even more off topic;…
Go Colts!
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
10:43 am
praising the guy for being a wh0re
@lEGGS!??
what praise words did i use?? qoute me!
Cemeeli
February 2nd, 2010
10:46 am
SassaFrass I’m going to start charging in a minute.
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:47 am
* SADE new “Soldier of Love” CD
Cee – I’m saving an iTunes gift card especially for that!
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:51 am
I don’t know how many times i can listen to that one song…over and over..and over.
Same here!!
Cemeeli
February 2nd, 2010
10:52 am
kimmie – I don’t know how many times i can listen to that one song…over and over..and over.
I’m ready to put that thing on my sound at home. and blast it…so ready.
Sassy Me.... :-)
February 2nd, 2010
10:54 am
However, she just told me a few months ago that he finally came out to her that he was gay & was actually now living with his boyfriend. Boy did I dodge a bullet.
Booy did you ever!! See a situation like that puts people at risk in soo many ways Slim. I still wonder why they do that…don’t play games with me.
Wow Kimmie/Professor the guys in your posts were dead wrong….I was like
too.
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
10:56 am
Isnt it true that in America/Atlanta,when Gucci Mayne comes outa jail,he will have more street cred and that them rap/hood/ and some of u females are actually gon to regard him in high standing…feel him as such.sSome females actually like bad boys like that,ive heard??
Is this not a hip hop/rap fact??
I aint praising it coz i wld hate to see my daghter be like that..
Now that i said it,hope its not way off base…and that u aint calling me a Gucci Mayne praiser(wrd)…fro saying it.
The truth hurts,does it not??
Sassy Me.... :-)
February 2nd, 2010
10:57 am
CeeMee if you do I’d pay…gladly
My brothers were shocked but there weren’t ANY left overs. What’s more, one of them is a chef and he wanted both recipes. Thanx chica!
Sassy Me.... :-)
February 2nd, 2010
10:58 am
Stop acting single if you are married, for starters. You are married.
Point blank.
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
10:58 am
Is this not a hip hop/rap fact??
Melo – Does this blog read like a hip hop/rap crowd?
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
February 2nd, 2010
10:59 am
Leggs – And hopefully ya’ll have seent the growth of Old DK.. Ive come a long way baby like them slim a$$ cigarettes from Virginia.
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
11:01 am
Does this blog read like a hip hop/rap crowd
yes!
lots of hip hop/rap lovers on here
Cemeeli
February 2nd, 2010
11:01 am
CeeMee if you do I’d pay…gladly.
See…see..see that^^! She doesn’t have the niqqa spirit. I like a person that can show gratuity!
SassaFrass
…just go head and take care of that 6Feet Under giftcard for ya girl…I thank you ever so kindly!
kimmie
February 2nd, 2010
11:04 am
yes!
lots of hip hop/rap lovers on here
Melo – Just cause we might like the music, it does not mean we live the lifestyle.
Melo
February 2nd, 2010
11:07 am
@Kimie
understand that..i wasnt expecting u to be in that crowd of pple who idolize bad boys..
Is my analysis valid tho that there are such women.
It doesnt have to be u.
Cemeeli
February 2nd, 2010
11:08 am
@ Melo – Did you get Queen the ring? what’s the update?