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Archive for January, 2010

Quiet as it’s kept

I always say that I kind of admire how some men approach dating.  Men don’t obsess about dating and relationship stuff  to their homies like some women do. I may not agree with how they handle women,  but it seems as if they generally invest their effort and energy in self-preservation. I’m a big fan of that.  You can’t be mad at them for this since we all know men and women think differently!

Imagine my surprise when a reader sent me an article about what men fear or dislike about sex. Apparently, the time they save by not obsessing over a relationship is partly devoted to worrying about sex.  This is interesting because I can’t remember a man (my man or friends) ever really voicing what they hate about sex. What do you think guys? Is this another thing that you guys just keep to yourself?

Do men find it difficult to talk to their partners about what they don’t like?

Ladies, have you ever heard a guy voice his dislikes about sex? Did you have to pry it out of him? Should …

Continue reading Quiet as it’s kept »

It Takes More

I was listening to Q100 this morning on the way to work this morning. The Bert Show had a male caller who scored a date with someone who he thought was “out of his league” (are we still doing the league thing!?).  After their three hour date, the guy decided that they were not that compatible after all.  Once he got to see her personality, he realized they were not a match.

It was interesting (refreshing?) to hear a guy state that it took more than great looks to keep him interested.  Since he considered himself to be Christian, keeping her around just for physical purposes did not appeal to him.

Like some of you mentioned earlier this week, once you get past the chemistry and sparks, there must be something there to sustain interest and cultivate an actual relationship.  This is assuming, of course, that you even want a relationship!

People who have extremely great looks, wealth, or power probably seem to have greater options, but it takes more to keep someone who wants you …

Continue reading It Takes More »

Chemistry? Some Convincing Required

If you meet someone you are strongly attracted to, what do you do to convince them to give you a shot?  Should you even try? Finding a person who you have a great chemistry with doesn’t always come easy.  I would even say it starts to become rare that you meet someone and boom..you both feel the spark, at the same time, when you are both open and available.

So what if you need a little help to find the chemistry? Is it possible to convince a person to that you indeed have chemistry when they don’t see it right away?

Is it a bad sign that convincing is required to get a new romance to spark? If you are really oblivious-  for whatever reason- of how wonderful a potential match is, is it a bad idea to have someone win you over?

If you could keep your dignity in tact (you know how our egos work in dating!), what would you say or do to convince someone to date you?

Have you ever been won over (wore down?) by someone over a period of time? What did they say or do that made you …

Continue reading Chemistry? Some Convincing Required »

Age Factor: Pros and Cons

I try really hard not to get hung up on age when it comes to dating.  In my head, I have an idea of what I think works best for me. However, experience has taught me that if the right connection is packaged up in a guy who is older or younger, I need to be open-minded.

I believe there are pros and cons to dating younger and dating older.  It ends up being more about where the two people are in their lives.  I have dated guys in their 30s who were not even close to settling down.  Then I have dated late 20s who brought up marriage way before I ever did. It’s quite interesting!

If you limit your dating age to a specific range, do you think it is realistic to strictly adhere to that? If you are open to dating a wide range of ages, what have you found to be the benefits of dating younger? What are the cons?

If you dated younger, do you think that the same issues you faced could arise with someone older? What are the pros and cons of dating someone younger?

In your own experiences, …

Continue reading Age Factor: Pros and Cons »

Cooking for Bachelors

My mother gave me a wonderful set of cookware for Christmas. I am super excited to break them in and I mentioned this to a guy of interest. I told him I wanted to take a couple of cooking classes to find new dishes to try. Of course, he volunteered to be my very own guinea pig taste tester.

How brave of this bachelor to be willing to partake of my cooking, not knowing how good or bad it could get. I’m not sure I would do the same.  I dated a chef once, a blissful experience (in many ways) that I indulged in and netted a 5 lb gain (ok 8 lbs).  Even then, I watched him cook for other people before I gave his food a try. I don’t know if men realize how sexy women think they are when they are cooking!

I have had more “home dates” in the last few months, partly to save on going out, but getting in the kitchen together can be a great date. Turn on your ipod, get a playlist together and watch how things heat up.  When you have chemistry already, cooking together can be quite …

Continue reading Cooking for Bachelors »

Unforgiving and Unforgivable

We have probably all had our fill of the Tiger Woods saga at this point.  Honestly, I hadn’t thought much of it after we discussed it the first time.  After seeing his Vanity Fair cover, it dawned on me how different the whole situation if Tiger Woods was a female.   I know there is a double standard when it comes to this kind of thing but when it comes to betrayal, men don’t seem to be expected to forgive.

A lot of men believe that they would end a relationship or marriage if they were to find out of about their mate’s infidelity or betrayal.  Would these same men expect to be forgiven if they were the one that cheated?  Generally speaking, do you think men have a more difficult time offering forgiveness or is that a myth?

Ladies have you found that in your relationships, your man has a small margin of error for mistakes that you can make? Did it bother you? Have you ever had to ask a man to forgive you for something you did? Was he able to forgive you and move on or did it …

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Love in a flash, Love on the dash

Single people are busy! There are projects pending, children rearing, and loads of “important stuff” on our to do list.  This means that unless you really carve time out of your schedules to mix and mingle in a social setting, you can find yourself dateless for what seems infinity.

Of course, our microwave society answers this dilemma with the romantic concept of speed dating.  Now, to be fair, the idea of spending less than ten minutes flirting with someone I probably would have never met doesn’t sound like a complete waste of time.  I like to flirt so at the very least I would flex the flirting muscle for a couple of minutes.

I just wonder if speed dating is a sign of our impatience and poor time management as single people! Do you believe that events like this are good environments to gauge chemistry and compatibility? Have you ever tried it before?

How long does it take to impress someone? If you were to attend a speed dating event, would you go armed with questions to …

Continue reading Love in a flash, Love on the dash »

Dating the Free Spirit

I once read a quote, “I could clip her wings to make her mine, but it’s the bird that I love”.  It reminds me  how sometimes we are drawn to people for a reason that later causes a problem in a relationship.  I spoke to a friend of mine who said that he really likes this woman he met a few weeks ago, but she is rarely at home or available for quiet evenings.

What do you do if you are dating a social butterfly or someone who is on the go all the time?  I have had experiences when I find a guy who just prefers to stay at home instead of going places.  I figured it could be something we would have to compromise about.  I would carve out quality time for us at home or at his place and he would join me on some things that I enjoy doing in the city.  It didn’t go over well, though.

How do you handle the “opposite attracts” kind of relationships?  Is it true that the ying-yang affect can be a great balance for two people?  Did that ever happen for you?

Continue reading Dating the Free Spirit »

Importance of Potential

Happy New Year! I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. Now that 2010 is underway, we have a good opportunity to clean our dating slate and start the decade/year off on the right foot.  In the spirit of out with the old, we should definitely drop our old expectations that didn’t really get us anywhere!

A lot of single people have the mindset that so much has to be done before settling down.  I think we overlook the possibilities of finding someone we can grow with and build.  Why do you think that is the case?  When it comes to finding people with potential, why don’t we take more risks on them?  Even when all signs show that the person is genuine and committed to a plan of action, a lot of us don’t want to believe.

Do you think that finding someone to build with together is unrealistic?  If a woman has the potential to grow more into the ideal wife, mother, mate type, are men willing to work with her to reach that level?

If a man has not obtained his ideal job, home, or …

Continue reading Importance of Potential »