Ring Barrier
Getting engaged should be an exciting and happy experience. The woman has the easy part, she just has to be happy and say yes. The gentleman, however, has to navigate all that comes with proposing. Talking to the parents (if he so desires), plotting out the proposal plans, and ring shopping.
I didn’t realize how much guys worry about engagement rings. A friend of mine said that he did not want to disappoint his girlfriend so he made sure to get her sister involved. My co-worker said that his wife didn’t like the engagement ring he selected and she told him as much. They nearly broke up because of it. I know of another couple who delayed their engagement until they could afford the ring she they wanted.
Perhaps I just don’t get it, but what is it about rings that can cause so much stress? It’s supposed to just be a symbol of a couple’s love and commitment, isn’t it?
Have you ever had a ring cause a breakup? What is the “proper” etiquette for women who receive rings they don’t like? What do you think men should spend on engagement rings?
What happens to the ring if the wedding is called off? Do you think the ring should matter as much as it does?
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407 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
12:08 pm
As for the Swizz Beats and Alicia keys mess if this junk is true I will never support (pay my money) them again.
Well she’s sure ’nuff sporting an engagement ring :confused:
mqew
January 29th, 2010
12:09 pm
My spelling is especially atrocious (sp) today
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
12:11 pm
AHHHH CHOOOOOOOOO
Excuse me, hating bothers my allergies.
AKey a trick
AHHCHOOO sniff, sniff, sniff
Professor is.....
January 29th, 2010
12:11 pm
I stopped supporting R. Kelly after that mess with him and that little girl. I know my pennies does not mean a thing to those folks, however my morals will not allow me to support such mess!
I don’t know which is worst messing with an underage child or messing with someone’s marriage, because those are vows before God.
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
12:13 pm
You are correct it raises her to a s.lutty.trick.azz.ho
Dang Professor tell us how you really feel…you just cut her down to the “white meat”. I have strong feelings about that,too…especially from first hand experience with my sperm donor and his whorIsh ways.
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
12:14 pm
through my now stuffy nose There should have been a question mark “AKeys a trick?”
sniiiifffdarn allergies
Leggs
January 29th, 2010
12:16 pm
if my exasperation is not accounted for in the planning; then we may not make it
Leggs
January 29th, 2010
12:19 pm
“if my exasperation is not accounted for in the planning; then we may not make it” WOW, sounds like your exasperation takes precedence over her desire to want a ring. Ok she verbally acknowledges you’re exasperated, will the relationship then survive??? Sounds like you need your blankie….
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
12:19 pm
@Leggs
Reciprocity = balance, equalibrium, yin/yang, karma, the Golden Rule
However you wanna call it, I need this in my life; and definitely, in the woman I plan to marry.
Just saying
January 29th, 2010
12:19 pm
Yes Dan
A TRICK IS A TRICK IS A TRICK, FAMOUS, WELL-KNOWN, AN UNKNOWN. BILLBOARD CHICK, BILLBOARD TOPPER. SAME ACTS, MENTATILY, DEEDS. NO DIFFERENCE. Now, need a kleenex? LOL
Professor is.....
January 29th, 2010
12:21 pm
Sassy Swizz and Keys ought to be shame, because this mess right here is a scandal and a shame. H3ll kids are involved and he has a wife. I just don’t believe in all this crap. I guess Swizz and Key will do like sl.uts do…live and learn.
Luvbug
January 29th, 2010
12:22 pm
I’m sure though, the glizt and glam associated with her name (in the opinions of some) raises her a hint above being considered a trick
I think that’s how many people measure it…I completely disagree with that “depends on who you are” measure…but people do that a lot…slam some and look the other way for “special” others
I can think of ways that has turned my family (extended) upside down
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
12:23 pm
@Just saying
sniiff I do.
But judgmental people make it worse
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:23 pm
Hola!!! Professor
Now while I dont agree with what A Keyes, or R. Kelly situations. I kinds seperate them. I know my I’m not perfect and will never be. I enjoy both of their music and will more than likely continue to.
But I understand where you’re coming from.
I mean can the divorce be finalized before they start a relationship.
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:24 pm
I kinda seperate them.
music vs their personal life
Professor is.....
January 29th, 2010
12:25 pm
How do you diffentiate between someone being judgmental and stating their opinion…especially on a blog
???
Just asking…headed out…
Leggs
January 29th, 2010
12:27 pm
I understand that Dan. It reads as though you just through your wife to be under the bus because she wants the ring and you’re exasperated that she wants it. You need it in your life for her to understand your lack of understanding over how she sees the ring as being an important symbol of your love. So, you probably will be going through quite a few women to find that special gem! Just tell her you don’t like to spend $$ on unnecessary things and wedding rings are unnecessary. Betcha land her then!
Professor is.....
January 29th, 2010
12:30 pm
Hey Dream_n!!!!
That is good you can separate them. With R.Kelly I hate hearing his voice on the radio, but I was never a huge fan…I only cared for a song or two. With AKeys I am not into her new stuff either so it is cool. I am trying to think on in the past where I separated the music from the person…I guess that would be Michael Jackson…hee heee oohhh
…now moonwalking off the blog
Melo
January 29th, 2010
12:30 pm
Mqew/Drems..thanx
Proff..
im a lil surprised by Alicia Keys coz ive always looked to her and thoght she had a good head atop those shlders…she dont need the money,she dont need the glamour attachement to Beartz,she aint no groupie..so what is it?
Only one reason!!
Anybody can be dyckmatized,thats what it means…phsychology profesor,medical doc,lawyer.. hehehe….even an astraunat..soaring high up there in the sky will fall to the dyck’s gravitational pool..as long as that thang hits the right corners in that coochie…oldest trick of all time…God is on to smething with this thang….
no other explanation here!
@Swiss/2CAN
If God ever made a “mistake”,its not attaching a reading meter to our wangs..u know like the oil dip stick in motor vehicles….that way..we wld have TO stick dip..then as u pull it out..u like
whaaat,145???!! HELL NO!! 
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 29th, 2010
12:35 pm
melo the astronaunt lady was over the top with it…lol
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
12:36 pm
@Prof
Making moral judgment on person you don’t know, and on a situation you couldn’t possibly know is judgmental. Even on a blog…
@Leggs
Reread the post: What she wants, she gets.
But I would think that in a mature and nuturing relationship, the two parties can agree on a level sufficient to both of their happiness (see also Raqi’s statement yesterday about housework, parenting, etc.).
I’m not stressing about it, if I have the opportunity to provide, I consider that a blessing. However, when it begins to be more about “stuff” than “us” – yes, a conversation is/will be had about needs vs wants.
Tazzee - there's nothing better than love
January 29th, 2010
12:36 pm
Raqi – yes, it seems like it’s right around the corner. I’m all stressed with what’s going to happen after we get back from the honeymoon and he’s like it’s no big deal. He seems to think everything is simple and I’m wondering how we’re going to fit both our clothes in one closet. How am I going to adjust to, not being able to walk around in just a t-shirt and panties because there’s a teenage boy in the house. How I won’t be able to start taking my bra off in the garage (hate this thing) and let them hang as soon as I get home… stuff like that, LOL.
The bachelorette soiree is planned, the last international trip as single woman is planned and I think I just settled on the date for the bridal shower (if that’s what you want to call it) – but what happens on May 22, when we get back from our honeymoon is a little overwhelming.
Professor – May 14 is the date. I probably won’t be able to eat anything, but I plan to have some LPs at the bridal shower
Lady J Thanks!
I was listening to my workout mix the other day and realized that if I boycotted Swizz Beats – some of my favorite workout songs would have to go… so for the sake of me staying fit, I’ll have to overlook his personal transgressions.
Seriously – if I paid attention to the personal lives of celebrities, I most likely wouldn’t listen to any music, watch any TV or go see any movies.
Morally, I think dating before a marriage is dissolved is wrong. But if I judged people based on that – there are some friends I wouldn’t deal with. There are plenty of folks that believe it’s OK to date someone that’s separated.
Shoot – I don’t believe in abortion. Imagine if all abortions were made public, how many folks would I choose not to ’support’…
Luvbug
January 29th, 2010
12:37 pm
she aint no groupie..so what is it?
Now, I’m not saying that she is one… but how do you know she’s not one?
Only one reason!! …I will not copy paste the rest but…
Ooooooo, this time it’s the guys (or thangs) fault?! She couldn’t help herself?!
Raqi
January 29th, 2010
12:38 pm
Leggs I agree. Dan sounds as if he lives by “my way or the highway” theory. He sounds like wants a woman that will accept only wanting and having the things that he feels she should have. Good luck on finding that type of woman. Maybe a mail order bride would be the way to go.
No woman wants a man that dictates to her.
Melo
January 29th, 2010
12:41 pm
but how do you know she’s not one
@Luvbug…i wld think a groupie is the one following on celebrities jes to get trinkets and some lay in exchange…
We dont have a record of that bout her…besides,with her busy music schedule,thats not possible…
Now if u say that Super head freak Karim lady is a groupie,we agree coz she sells her tricky mouf job,we know that!
Raqi
January 29th, 2010
12:41 pm
LOL Tazzee. You are going to be fine.
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:44 pm
@ Melo
Now that astronaut lady’s situation was definately a WOW moment.
I agree Tazzee Half of the stuff I wouldn’t be listening to or watching. And half of the people, well more than half of the people wouldn’t be able to associate with me.
But if someone feels strongly about a certain type of situation then they do have the god given right to do what they feel.
mytw♥cents... maybe even marcasite
January 29th, 2010
12:45 pm
MDOT If you don’t go somewhere witcho 12 Carat pinky ring!!!
CEE I don’t know bout Beatz & Alicia but that’s for him and his wife to figure out. I don’t even entertain the speculation about them cuz there is a divine order to thangs, as we know. But in general I think we like to judge other folks speed of progress. Really, we need to mind our own MPH, three Cs or whatever. And I see you tryna disregard the ISM
ISM
ISM
ISM
ISM
Raqi
January 29th, 2010
12:45 pm
Dan, just because a woman wants nice things, even if it starts with the ring, does not mean she does not have a grip on reality. And while you may have basis of sufficient level of happiness, there will be things that even you will want and you will want her to understand and not make a bid deal about it. You have to allow room for adjustments.
You can’t put up a door that does not allow for expansion and shrinkage due to climate changes.
Melo
January 29th, 2010
12:47 pm
How I won’t be able to start taking my bra off in the garage
@Tazzee
on fridays,go bra-less..its good for fresh air to percolate there Tazzee…
besides,ur single subordinate dudes will have a good reason to like their boss,esp when u jest tease with a lil skin,off that top! jes a lil skin and dangling tatas,not too much
( i be bringing reports to u all the time,as u sit on ur chair..”hey miss Tazz,lemme swing around so i can show u”)
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:49 pm
I was sent a link in my email about prison rape. I’m sooooo mad I decided to view the video.
Luvbug
January 29th, 2010
12:50 pm
Melo
“No public record” doesn’t mean it’s not true. Now of course, I won’t believe it until I see it, like I won’t confirm her being engaged until s/he actually says it…but there is no way to know.
It’s just funny to here people completely down a person for something then completely turn around and give a pass to another in a similar circumstance.
Sometimes I wish I could get in the heads of people who knowingly hurt others…just to know if they feel anything…just a little something.
Tazzee - there's nothing better than love
January 29th, 2010
12:51 pm
Dream_n – I agree, honestly if more people let their money follow their beliefs, there would be a lot of folks out of business. AND perhaps if folks knew their actions would mess with their pockets, they might think twice before doing certain things. For instance, I don’t understand why Morgan Freeman is getting so many gigs – his relationship with his step-granddaughter disgusts me, but he’s becoming the next James Earl Jones – I hear his voice EVERYWHERE (and cringe a little)
I used to be that way, but as more and more stuff started coming out… Let me just say that I would have to do without my favorite past-time – Football.
Raqi
January 29th, 2010
12:53 pm
if folks knew their actions would mess with their pockets
Tazzee, I have a friend that always say if you want to get someone’s attention touch them in their pocket.
kimmy
January 29th, 2010
12:55 pm
It depends..If I caaled it off then you can have it back ubkess I calle it off for something like cheating. It’s gift..If you ask for tha bak then ask for everything back.
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
12:56 pm
I’m sooooo mad I decided to view the video.
I watched a prison documentary about the same thing and it was disturbing,albeit an unfortunate reality.
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:56 pm
LOL @ Tazzee
About a week or so ago, I put something about that as my facebook status. I heard he was trying to impregnate her. Now that situation is just weird all around.
I’m with you. I loves me some football. I just take it for what it is. I can like your craft, but I dont have to like all of your actions.
Leggs
January 29th, 2010
12:58 pm
“even an astraunat..soaring high up there in the sky will fall to the dyck’s gravitational pool..as long as that thang hits the right corners” – and the lady driving through the night wearing a diaper proved your point, Melo.
Ok, Dan, I only had one contact in. I’ll put the other in and re-read!
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
12:59 pm
his relationship with his step-granddaughter disgusts me,
And he’s just a-flauntin her around errwhere like “hey this is what I do”…nasty is what that is.
Cemeeli
January 29th, 2010
12:59 pm
lol i thought the Winter Storm Advisory is for the Nroth corna of Georgia.
Pa-lease don’t tell me when i get to the store all the bread will be gone.
hehehe
Dream_n
January 29th, 2010
12:59 pm
Sassy it was so disturbing. Now I’m not naive I know it goes on in prisons, but to actually hear the men talk about how they rape other men. And to hear the stories from the men that have been raped is just heartbreaking. And its even more sad that the guards and the warden know this type of stuff exists and they can’t control it, yet these men are supposed to be in a controlled environment???
I dont get it. I know you are not in prison b/c you won a humanitarian award. But to be violated in that manner is horrible.
Cemeeli
January 29th, 2010
1:05 pm
I don’t know bout Beatz & Alicia but that’s for him and his wife to figure out.
mytwocents exactly, and like i was saying he needs to mind his and the wifes first….just sayin.
yes we all need to mind our own…cause most certainly my MPH might not be like someone elses C’s….so when i say “why RUSH” i’m basing that on my logic. Cause at the same time some folk C’s saying my MPH is too long.
it’s all good.
Just a Thought
January 29th, 2010
1:06 pm
@Raqi I love ur 11:20 -
“why do you guys have such a problem with your woman wanting nice stuff? I mean you guys want nice stuff for yourself why can’t we have nice stuff.”
I’ve had this discussion over and over again with guys. Why is it a negative that I like nice things. It might be something different if I didn’t know what I liked, but the truth of the matter is I do. Why must my engagement ring be less stunning than the right hand ring I bought myself all to prove to you that I believe in “keeping it real”??? Maybe if I didn’t wear jewelry at all then I’m suddenly hinting I want a 4 carat solitaire, then you could look at me sideways…but I like jewelry, I wear diamonds now…so sorry if my guy doesn’t like jewelry, but I do. I also understand from a financial standpoint, a guy may not be able to buy my “dream” ring, and I’m ok with that…what I’m not ok with is when he can afford it, but refuses to buy it to prove a point. SMH
Tazzee - there's nothing better than love
January 29th, 2010
1:07 pm
shoot, my MPH might be a direct violation of someone else’s Cs and the ISM will be all out of wack…
Dan - my invented truth
January 29th, 2010
1:09 pm
@Raqi
Again, you’re providing a false choice as the basis of your argument.
If my standard of living and “nice” things is not hers, realistically how have we gotten to the point of marriage without some consensus?
As for dating, there are not as many women out there as you would think that still hold to the value system that you and Leggs (apparently) do. There are some women for whom love isn’t a ring, or a show on Valentine Day, or a big wedding. It’s about her and her man -nothing and no one else.
Lastly, it isn’t “my way or the highway”; consider if (when dating) Mase made what for you were spurious and superficial demands, would your love for him force you to stay unconditionally?
Again, reciprocity. (and yes, that means I give as much as I get)
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
1:12 pm
And its even more sad that the guards and the warden know this type of stuff exists and they can’t control it, yet these men are supposed to be in a controlled environment???
Dream guul my mouth was hanging open the whole time I watched. The prison guards do know but they call those things(cigs,snacks,money,coffee,sex) vices that keep the inmates happy and as long as they’re “happy” they’ll be less likely to act up,hence making their job of keeping the peace easier.
I saw some of the dudes talk about being turned out and being somebody’s boy…they talk about the “family units” formed there and other aspects of their altered reality. They look for the same things in prison that they do in the real world i.e.love,companionship,friendship,etc……
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 29th, 2010
1:14 pm
Go sit in a corner somewhere and read a dictionary/thesaurus and hush.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 29th, 2010
1:15 pm
lol
PRINCESSNIK
January 29th, 2010
1:17 pm
@ TAZZEE For instance, I don’t understand why Morgan Freeman is getting so many gigs – his relationship with his step-granddaughter disgusts me,
Do tell….i haven’t heard about that whats the deal
Leggs
January 29th, 2010
1:18 pm
“…hold to the value system that you and Leggs (apparently) do” This is funny, cuz you don’t know my value system. I wasn’t discussing the fact that she may want a ring. I was discussing your need for her to acknowledge your EXASPERATION!