accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Ring Barrier

Getting engaged should be an exciting and happy experience. The woman has the easy part, she just has to be happy and say yes. The gentleman, however, has to navigate all that comes with proposing. Talking to the parents (if he so desires), plotting out the proposal plans, and ring shopping.

I didn’t realize how much guys worry about engagement rings. A friend of mine said that he did not want to disappoint his girlfriend so he made sure to get her sister involved. My co-worker said that his wife didn’t like the engagement ring he selected and she told him as much.  They nearly broke up because of it.  I know of another couple who delayed their engagement until they could afford the ring she they wanted.

Perhaps I just don’t get it,  but what is it about rings that can cause so much stress? It’s supposed to just be a symbol of a couple’s love and commitment, isn’t it?

Have you ever had a ring cause a breakup? What is the “proper” etiquette for women who receive rings they don’t like? What do you think men should spend on engagement rings?

What happens to the ring if the wedding is called off? Do you think the ring should matter as much as it does?

407 comments Add your comment

i'm swiss

January 29th, 2010
10:40 am

I think most guys have no problem spending as much (or more) than they can possibly afford on their girl. But on behalf of all guys I would like to extend a hearty F@#% YOU to all jewelers, diamond brokers, etc. I won’t even get into exactly what’s involved with the diamond mining industry — but these thieving b@stards take advantage of the emotional pressure involved with such a symbolic purchase to charge ri-di-cu-lous prices for a little shiny rock. Mrs. Swiss’s ring cost more than my car. Now, I’m happy to spend any amount of money on her, but d@mn. If I were her, I’d have much rather I proposed with a new car. :lol: Just sayin’…

Dream_n

January 29th, 2010
10:43 am

Cee

Now that I agree with.

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
10:44 am

Mdot, if the guy knows his woman well enough he will know if not presenting her with an engagement ring will cause a problem. The wedding bands are not presented until the ceremony. So a woman just receiving a band will not have received a ring at all at the proposal or during the engagement time.

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
10:44 am

M I’ve been to a appraisal appointment with a friend before. But her husband sent her cause he wanted a 2nd quote. She didn’t do it on the sneaky tip.

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
10:45 am

My ring was appraised because we got it insured.

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
10:47 am

i’m swiss – good to read you. Hope all is well with you all.

Dream_n

January 29th, 2010
10:47 am

I like that post to M. Melo

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 29th, 2010
10:51 am

@Melo

Good point. Alot of people like to keep up with the jone’s i.e. their girlfriends. You ever deal with a woman and she says Erika’s man did this for her…that’s a real man, my next man is going to be like him….blah blah blah…lol

“Lots of men dont lead,they are led (mis-led) by the frivolous desires of their women….”

I agree. You know the rule I heard. You never follow your woman. That always leads to a dead in. You can take input, but you can be mis led.

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
10:53 am

If your woman ever tells you that she wants something like someone else tell her to go live with that person.

QUOTE FOR TODAY

January 29th, 2010
10:53 am

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has
reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome”.
Booker T. Washington

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
10:55 am

@ i’m swiss – tell ‘em how you really feel, then!

…Mrs. Swiss paid a grip on your ring too….i know, not as much…but, i’m just sayin somethin here. sowwy. lol :)

Lady J

January 29th, 2010
10:56 am

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 29th, 2010
10:58 am

@Raqi

“So a woman just receiving a band will not have received a ring at all at the proposal or during the engagement time.”

So what if on the wedding day you dont like the actual ring that is presented?

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 29th, 2010
11:01 am

Morning Folks!

My fiance’ and I discussed what kind of ring I liked – even went online and built my type of ring. My preference: princess cut set in white gols. When he proposed and opened that box with a marquis cut set in yellow gold – it was the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen in my life! Real Talk.

He apologized for not getting the ring I thought I wanted, but he said he fell in love with this ring the moment he saw it. He went to other stores, saw rings like we discussed, but kept going back to this one. I’m glad he got what he wanted me to have. He said we could exchange it, but I’m not having it.

All my other jewelry is white gold – my ring stands out. I still look at it daily and smile.

M(dot) – I got my ring appraised for insurance purposes.

As far as the wedding, we’re not having one perse – my original plan was to say vows in the pastor’s office. My BFF has taken it upon herself to make it a little more than that – I told her to have at it. As long we say “I do” – it’s all good. I did give her a $100 budget for decorations. Other than that, I plan to buy a cute sun dress. I will be doing hair and make-up so we can take some cute pictures, but that’s about it.

After the vows, we’re going to dinner, but it’s everyone for themselves. I really didn’t invite anyone but some of my loved ones say they are coming – I manage their expectations – there will be no music, no lighting of the candles. Just vows and two happy folks.

We are having a nice honeymoon though.

If (God forbid) we don’t get married – I would give the ring back.

I can tell you this – my sweetie put a lot of time and effort into getting my ring. He knows more about diamonds than I do – shoot, his son does too because he was present on a lot of the shopping trips.

I’ve been looking at bands for him, but because of his profession – he just wants a stainless steel band. I’ve been looking at some James Avery bands – those are pretty sturdy so I’m going to try to sell him on one of those.

Can’t remember who asked – but if he got my ring on Craigslist or at the pawn shop – I wouldn’t care.

lurker

January 29th, 2010
11:04 am

So what if on the wedding day you dont like the actual ring that is presented

MDot, let’s hope it won’t be an immediate issue. Let’s hope that’s something that either just glad to be present will squash or a matter that can be handled later

Tazzee - there's nothing better than love

January 29th, 2010
11:05 am

well dang, that was a long post… sowwy

Luvbug

January 29th, 2010
11:05 am

Sorry ImAPeach404 – I half read your post…if that’s true about Alicia Keys, that’s ugly for her and Swizz. I agree with Dream_n and Cemeeli, that’s very sad for the kids. How can a person walk around in good conscious doing that?

Image means a lot though cuz the RHOA lady gets slammed a lot for being with someone else’s husband, but Alicia Keys gets a pass…if the story is true.

Tazzee - there's nothing better than love

January 29th, 2010
11:07 am

I had a friend that lost her engagement ring. It fell down the drain when she was washing her hands (or the dishes..) She called a plumber – still couldn’t find it. So she wore a simple band.

On their wedding day – her husband put another diamond on her finger. She wasn’t expecting it.

I am whatever you say I am

January 29th, 2010
11:07 am

I gave my ring back. It was the right thing to do.

Breaking up over an engagement ring? That is so shallow. I’m sure there may be bigger issues lurking.

Leggs

January 29th, 2010
11:08 am

@I’m swiss ~ you have just spoken out loud for so many, many men!

“…but if he got my ring on Craigslist or at the pawn shop – I wouldn’t care.” Good girl! Good girl!

WOW

January 29th, 2010
11:10 am

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 29th, 2010
11:12 am

All I gotta say is The EX had 3 carats.. 2 carat ring and 1 carat diamond wedding band.. Soooo.. The New Wife will have to have at least 4.. Sorry..

Tazzee - there's nothing better than love

January 29th, 2010
11:14 am

Speaking of Alicia Keys – just bought tickets to her concert.

Dan - my invented truth

January 29th, 2010
11:16 am

@all

That’s my whole thing about the wedding/V-day/ring issue. As Swiss said emotional pressures exerted by outside forces (commercials, society, friends, family) to have the ring and then the day built up with little to no thought in most cases (Tazzee, looking at you to life after that.

I’m not just talking the potential financial burden of a wedding or an engagement, I’m talking about all of it.

No dis to anybody, but that whole scene reeks of “fantasy” vs “reality” and I pray to God to meet a woman that knows the difference.

i'm swiss

January 29th, 2010
11:17 am

Hi Cee, hi Leggs

I’m doing quite well, thanks.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cheap (I went to Tiffany for Lil’ Mama’s ring) — I’m happy to spend money on Mrs. Swiss… I just think the relative price of jewelry is pretty crazy, compared to other items…

But actually, Cee — my ring was pretty cheap (under $300 — it’s Tungsten — cheap, but durable). But it’s the one I wanted & it looks cool as hell — I get compliments on it all the time.

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
11:20 am

Dan, why do you guys have such a problem with your woman wanting nice stuff? I mean you guys want nice stuff for yourself why can’t we have nice stuff.

Just because our type of material possessions are different than you all’s doesn’t mean yours are less commecial, geared by society and superficial.

mqew

January 29th, 2010
11:20 am

The ring thing depends on the couple. The man should def know his future wife enough to gage what would be an appropriate ring. Some chics just don’t care on one side of the spectrum and to others it’s the end all and be all (in this case I’d suspect that HE wouldn’t care so it shouldn’t be a problem, I mean, that is the person he’s marrying) It would be retarded if he’s surprised that the “rings not big enough, or expensive enough”. He should know the “crazy” he’s planning on living with for the rest of his life…

Tazzee - there's nothing better than love

January 29th, 2010
11:21 am

Dan – pre marital counseling is VERY important to me. I think as we get older we realize that the marriage is what’s important. I have a childhood friend that spent a grip on a wedding and was divorced less than a year later… Then again, I have a friend that spent a grip on a wedding and they’re still going strong 14 years later. So it’s not always fantasy vs. reality. Some folks get their fantasy while completely aware of the reality.

Speaking of pre marital counseling – we start our formal counseling Monday. I’m excited!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 29th, 2010
11:22 am

Tazzee I so want to see robin thicke sing sex therapy live!!!! Enjoy sis! and CONGRATS!!!!!!!! so happy for you!

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
11:24 am

@ Dan – In your case, if you marry and she’s into the ring/wedding thing does she lose good character/level headed credit b/c of her emphasis about it?

Folks sayin the same “it’s just a piece of paper” social pressure about marriage too. But what is important or fantasy to some, is not to others.

Leggs

January 29th, 2010
11:27 am

@i’m swiss ~ we know you’re not cheap but you made a valid point on the exorbitant prices of rings.

I never did understand why women spend so much $$ on their wedding dress just to put it in a hope box in the hope that they could pass it along to their daughters…what happens if they only have sons.

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
11:28 am

I just think the relative price of jewelry is pretty crazy, compared to other items

absolutley!

Swiss – I know…somethings are just skewed like that. Glad you see it, but did your thing anyway.

Dan - my invented truth

January 29th, 2010
11:30 am

@Raqi

It’s not about “having nice stuff”<–that's a false choice and you know it.

In the case of the ring (as with anything else) what my girl wants, she gets. But it speaks to her motivation, and lack of concern for mine, to insist constantly on public perception vs private reality. I'm about reciprocity, I need my babe to meet half way. Have the ring, give me the small wedding, we do the reception on a budget, etc.

I'm the head of the family and we have goals to get to here on end, and sacrifices must be made in the short term, for the long term agenda. And for me, it starts at the moment the engagement is accepted (because we've had this dicussion prior).

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
11:31 am

Cemeeli, exactly. Why the da hell do so many men need 60″ of screen to watch a football game on? LOL But then want to cry “fantasy” when a woman wants a nice ring or wedding. Or 2,3,4,50, 75 pairs of shoes.

I am whatever you say I am

January 29th, 2010
11:31 am

I know what type of ring I would like to have but I will accept whatever ring my man would give me provided it was in good taste and it was white gold. I don’t do the yellow gold, sorry.

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
11:32 am

Hey Tazzee. Does it feel like your big day is coming in on the express train?

mqew

January 29th, 2010
11:34 am

Swiss, tungsten is what i recently got my spouse… I’m looking at it on the dresser right now. He still doesn’t wear it. I think we’re just ‘those’ who don’t give a ratz azz.

DAN – I was never the girl who dreamed about how her wedding was going to be… coupled with a cousin’s wedding… that was like SUPER HUGE! Thirty to forty (30-40) wedding party plus others not walking down the asile. 600-700 people. Just pure unadulterated EXCESS! They were seperated in three months. I was 15 maybe 16. I was smdh then. I VOWED at that time, it was definitely never doing that… making the marriage about everthing except THE MARRIAGE!!!

Cemeeli

January 29th, 2010
11:35 am

Gotdarnit that Raqi IV is now the Raqi V!

Well, imma say this – He wants a 56 inches…okay, gotcha baby. Cause i know i’m more than good when i get my toys.

runit.

mqew

January 29th, 2010
11:38 am

I used to know where my ring was (since I don’t where it). Since we moved in Nov… I have no freaking idea…. jus saying

Melo- I liked your 10:38!!!

Raqi

January 29th, 2010
11:39 am

LOL Cemeeli. I can’t say what I want to say, but yep it’s good.

Dream_n

January 29th, 2010
11:43 am

I think you and I are the same

My sis is the polar opposite. She wants the ring, the big wedding, and all the glitz and glam. I don’t knock her for it. He wants to give her whatever she wants.

Me on the other hand…… ehh

Dream_n

January 29th, 2010
11:46 am

mqew

That was agreeing with your previous posts.

PRINCESSNIK

January 29th, 2010
11:49 am

@ Raqui

Why the da hell do so many men need 60″ of screen to watch a football game on? LOL But then want to cry “fantasy” when a woman wants a nice ring or wedding. Or 2,3,4,50, 75 pairs of shoes.

My sentiments exactly! I have an thing for D&B bags, and most guys are like y you spend that type of money on that to which i reply ummmm u have a ps3, a wii AND an x-box Now shut ya trap.

Professor is.....

January 29th, 2010
11:55 am

As for the Swizz Beats and Alicia keys mess if this junk is true I will never support (pay my money) them again. I have strong feelings on stuff like this!

As for weddings I like the small and elegant…I have been to some large weddings where the bride and groom invited everyone they could think of, and witnessed their guest talking about them. IMO vows are so important that I only want positive energy no more than 25 folks!

Dan - my invented truth

January 29th, 2010
12:01 pm

@CeeMee

No, she doesn’t lose anything in my eyes, I love her, I do for her. But I’m exasperated by the whole thing and realistically, if my exasperation is not accounted for in the planning; then we may not make it.

@Raqi

Wanting her to have nice things is a false choice. I want to give my wife the world. But realistically, we have to live after the engagement, after the wedding, after the honeymoon in the real world. The real world has bills (her, mine, ours) and the real world don’t give a dizzam about “[her] special day”.

I just look for a woman that takes that into consideration and (as stated to Ceemee) my feelings in general when discussing planning.

Just saying

January 29th, 2010
12:03 pm

As for the Swizz Beats and Alicia keys mess if this junk is true I will never support (pay my money) them again. I have strong feelings on stuff like this!

By standard, she’s just another billboard chick. LOL

Just saying

January 29th, 2010
12:04 pm

I’m sure though, the glizt and glam associated with her name (in the opinions of some) raises her a hint above being considered a trick

Professor is.....

January 29th, 2010
12:06 pm

@Tazzee when is the big day? Will you have a few lemon pepper wings as a just because… :grin:

mqew

January 29th, 2010
12:06 pm

Dream n – I personally just never needed it or wanted it (big or extravagant ring or wedding). Another cousing of mine that’s all she’s ever wanted at any/all costs. She’s endured some HORRIBLE relationships because of it. Just because she wants it sooooo bad.

Professor is.....

January 29th, 2010
12:07 pm

I’m sure though, the glizt and glam associated with her name (in the opinions of some) raises her a hint above being considered a trick

You are correct it raises her to a s.lutty.trick.azz.ho