accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Tipping Point

It is so easy to get stuck in a relationship that is not going anywhere. Trust me, it happens all the time, even when you have said that you aren’t “dating just to be dating”. Somehow complacency sets in, red flags get ignored, and before long you both reach your tipping point.

When a new romance reaches its tipping point, one or both of you are faced with choices to make. You can communicate and express your needs and desires to redefine your connection, or you can cut your losses and move on.

The tricky part (to me) is figuring out when to salvage the relationship and when to chuck the deuces and move on. When there are no major hurdles for you to cross, shouldn’t you want to work out personality clashes?

Is it possible that reaching a “tipping point” is just another relationship milestone to reach? Don’t some couples go through it and come out stronger than they were before?

Have you ever dated someone and things were going “alright”, but just got a little stagnant? How did you figure out if you would invest more time and effort? How do you know when it’s worth putting in the work?

427 comments Add your comment

PRINCESSNIK

January 28th, 2010
11:37 am

@ 2CPTG “da hell is up with dudes movin in with females……get/have yo own shyt”

a question I ask all the time! now let me add to that:

“y u tryin to move outta yo mom’s crib and into mine”

Dan - my invented truth

January 28th, 2010
11:37 am

This may be the coldest thing I’ve read in a while:

“The problems is three-fold. First, it takes my necessarily limited, and necessarily blinkered, experience with the fairer sex and builds it into a shibboleth of invented truth. Then it takes that invented truth as a fair standard by which I can measure one’s “woman-ness.” So if football and beer don’t fit into my standard, I stop seeing the person as a woman. Finally instead of admitting that my invented truth is the problem, I put the onus on the woman. Hence the claim “I forgot you were a woman,” as opposed to ‘I just realized my invented truth was wrong.’”

source: http://ta-nehisicoates.theatlantic.com/archives/2010/01/i_remembered_chris_matthews_was_white_tonight.php

For Real

January 28th, 2010
11:38 am

KimEye: That’s what I have been saying. 50/50, 100% are myths. I said this before but I will say it again. “The faster you can get a chick out of fantasy and into reality the better the relationship will be.” That’s seems like what those successful couple you mentioned did.

Bratz: In what context was that quote given?

Raqi: “Giving 100% is just fulfilling a promise or an obligation.” – That’s cute but not realist and overly simplist. 100% is not just a laundry list of “Things To Do”. If that was the case marriage wouldn’t be so much work. “Fulfilling a promise” only uses one aspect of your person as a whole (character). So you kept your promises now what about the other 37 things that life require of you? Again, perfection can be achieved every now and then for a short period but it cannot be sustained because none of us are perfect.

Leggs

January 28th, 2010
11:39 am

@2C ~ no hard work on this part…I pay the mortgage and have been for the past 10 years. He didn’t put in any hardwork in that house. I did. Well, pushing the lawn mower might be considered hardwork, not paying utilities might be considered hardwork. Hardwork is keeping foreclosure away from your front door while raising a child in an unhappy marriage. So, any new dyck would be reaping the benefits of my hard work in coming to my senses and divorcing!!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
11:39 am

Beauty – Unfortunately when it comes to a divorce everyone takes a side and there is no such thing as playing nice in a contested divorce. Things such as property, assets, stocks and other investments become bargaining chips.

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
11:39 am

@DK
how am i not acting like a lady? you just told me you would fight your wife over who stays. that’s not a good look homie. YOUR WIFE!

Dream_n

January 28th, 2010
11:41 am

Am i the only one cracking up at these embellished stories.

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
11:44 am

@DK
not true. you only hear about the horror stories.

2CPTG......"won't be ova til that big guhl from decatur sang!"

January 28th, 2010
11:44 am

Kimmie, I read it…and it’s the truth….Princess, unfortunately, that’s the reality of these dudes nowadays……

Luvbug

January 28th, 2010
11:45 am

Glad to sad just that quickly…you jokin right?!

Don’t answer. I won’t take no for an answer.

For Real

January 28th, 2010
11:46 am

Beautiful: “you just told me you would fight your wife over who stays. that’s not a good look homie. YOUR WIFE!” – If they divorce/divorcing how is she still his WIFE? Divorce means you don’t get the WIFE benefits NO-MO!

2CPTG......"won't be ova til that big guhl from decatur sang!"

January 28th, 2010
11:51 am

yeah, good you came to your senses, Leggs….

shiiid, a dude may as well get castrated when he moves in with a female……that’s her shyt, and she gon flaunt it when the situation arises…..recall what Sexy always say….she kicked him out…..

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
11:51 am

Beauty – You want the honest truth.. She’s no longer my concern any more hence the divorce.. If I cared about her well being I would still try and make the marriage work.. I figure she dont care about me so why should I care about her and her needs or place to stay. Let her new D1CK figure it out for her.. I was getting off he pot..

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
11:52 am

while @ work got a vm msg from one of the gurls from Vegas trip. we’re headin’ out to see one of our friends perform 2nite. so excited that we’re keeping our promise making our friendships a priority.

jus rec’d a text . . . now it’s four of us. :o )

Professor

January 28th, 2010
11:52 am

Leggs, I have seen a lot of men fight the women over the houses. How do you feel about this situation. A single woman that has her own home 6 years prior to meeting Mr.Husband that is a renter. Well when they get married he moves in with her and they stay their two years and sale the house. Now he wants to take the money or at least split it down the middle. How should the money be handled since he was not there those first 6 years and she had always planned to use that 25K for retirement and a nice vacation?

lurker

January 28th, 2010
11:53 am

Wow GLADTOBEBAD that was deep! Well, the first one was but for this –>But, luckily she passed away right before things was official so I got the house afterall. Its all to tha good…I’m speechless. Sorry for your loss. Are you sad/glad what? You don’t seem to broken about it.

I say reinvent the wheel. If that don’t rev or get things jiving again or after the novelty has worn off it’s time to go. That’s why there should be something substantiated and not just total bliss because when the smoke clears what’s left is all you have. If it’s something you’re good, it ain’t nothing left and it was only a smoke screen, cut your losses.

Raqi

January 28th, 2010
11:55 am

ForReal, you fulfilling your end of the responsibilities, promises and obligations is all one can and should ask. How much you go over and above that is added bonuses.

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
11:55 am

@DK
i understand.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
11:56 am

Beauty – Now I let my wife have the home we lived in because I had other properties but make no mistake about it if that were the only home I invested in somebody wouldve had to buy somebody out. Then that being the only home my son knew played a factor.. Love hs nothing to do with an investment.

Raqi

January 28th, 2010
11:57 am

2CPTG, that’s why you make it both yours legally on paper. His and yours become ours after the nuptials.

Raqi

January 28th, 2010
12:00 pm

Correction: “…both of yours…”

Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)

January 28th, 2010
12:00 pm

“y u tryin to move outta yo mom’s crib and into mine”

Never understood men like that….why wouldn’t you want your own isht? I’ve always had a problem with that and I know that’s one of the reasons I’ve never shacked up with a man.

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
12:05 pm

@DK
don’t get it mixed up now. if you and i were together right now and we both decided to end it. who would stay in the home until it sells or divorce is over?

this is the topic that i’m on.

and i say that a man should allow the woman to stay if that is her wish. don’t fight with her about you staying and her needing to find somewhere to go. da he*ll!

Melo

January 28th, 2010
12:06 pm

who gets the house? depends….shorties involved? then the noble thing is to leave it to her!

I agree 2CAN!

For Real

January 28th, 2010
12:10 pm

Professor: The money belongs to her 100%. The house was pre-marital property unless she added his name to deed or loan (quit claim). If that’s the case then he is entitled to 50% of the proceeds.

DK: Now that’s the absolute truth. I don’t love you no-mo and you don’t love me no-mo = strickly business

Raqi: “ForReal, you fulfilling your end of the responsibilities, promises and obligations is all one can and should ask. How much you go over and above that is added bonuses.” – You just proved my point, responsibilities and obligations do not equal 100% because you can give “over and above that as an added bonuse”. Your Honor I’m done with this witness. You may step down.

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2010
12:11 pm

You lose all husband priveleges once the divorce takes place. Protector, provider, sacrifice, going through the fire…all terminated. Just like I don’t expect any of the wife priveleges. We’re both on our own at that point.

About these dudes moving in. I have zero tolerance for boys in grown bodies. Most of those dudes grew up having people and society making excuses for them, crippling them. “Oh he was poor”, “You know his daddy wasn’t around”, “He’s all I got”. So, they grow up and people make the same excuses for them as adults. “Look at how he grew up”, “His momma spoiled him”, “It’s hard out here”, “He got issues”, “He really is a good person”, “He really is trying”, “He just needs someone to believe in him”. All garbage, just enabling the behavior. Grown men acting like babies. Beating on his woman ain’t nothing but a temper tantrum. Quitting his job is just the grown-up equivalent of pouting ’cause you had to do your chores. Not paying child support ain’t nothing but taking your basketball home so no one else can benefit from playing. Throw these these little boys in the pool and make their a#%es swim. Time to take off the floaties and become a man.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 28th, 2010
12:11 pm

Whaddup ya’ll!

Sassy – I am co-signing your 12pm chica!

Dudes should never move in with a chick (not long term), its bound to be an issue at some point. However it happens everyday, SIGH. (Been there, done that…got a t-shirt and a divorce to show for it. )

For Real

January 28th, 2010
12:11 pm

“Never understood men like that” – Or women like that… I need to know you have some experience taking care of yourself so you will not be looking at me to take care you like your daddy did. Cause you ain’t my daughter you my wife.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
12:13 pm

Beauty – Actually if kids were involved we would be up in that thang together because who ever leaves determines custody. The child is accustomed to the home. You could go but the child wouldnt be going anywhere.

Melo

January 28th, 2010
12:13 pm

that a man should allow the woman to stay

IF its jus entitlement u talking about then HELL NO..u not entitled…esp if there are no children involved…we split it 50/50 and might even live tgether untill its sold..belongs to us both…

Now if there are kids,then its gentlemanly for the guy to leave so the kids are protected from all the drama.

Quit that mentality Angie!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 28th, 2010
12:13 pm

Dreams – on that 12:11…..Well dayum, there it is then!!! I agree!!

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
12:14 pm

i’m wonderin’ what ya daddy would say about this? hmmmm

lurker

January 28th, 2010
12:16 pm

Wow DreamsMaterialize – great post – I agree

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
12:16 pm

@DK
awwww. i like that. ^5

Leggs

January 28th, 2010
12:17 pm

@Prof ~ knowing me, I wouldn’t split it 50/50. She has 6 years of equity in that home prior to him coming on the scene. I say this cuz I don’t have the heart that speaks “we,” “us.” If and when I sell my house I will reluctantly give him some. It won’t be 50/50. It just won’t be. His income helped qualify for the home, but that’s where it stopped. Once in the home, I had to do it all in order to keep it above our heads. So, as far as I’m concerned all the equity is mine. But, the law speaks a different language!

depends….shorties involved? then the noble thing is to leave it to her! So many think differently! I’ve heard horror stories.

Professor

January 28th, 2010
12:17 pm

@For Real his name was never added to the house, but he is saying during those two years when she went from have a $1400 overhead to a $700 overhead (he paid 1/2)…he is due the money or at least 50%.

This happened a before the market crashed. He even said he was not going to move in the new house until he knew he was getting some of that check. Dude was talking about leaving. I always think about that mess…probably because I am a single woman and I do own some property.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
12:17 pm

Mo – Dudes should never move in with their chick period.

Now you on the other hand can move in with me.. I like dinner around 6 or 6:30..

For Real

January 28th, 2010
12:19 pm

DM: Those type of dudes sound like chicks. Ain’t nothing ever their fault. Funny thing tho chicks are drawn to these type dudes which explains why they are such experts in knowing what a man ain’t but have no clue what a man is.

Melo

January 28th, 2010
12:19 pm

i’m wonderin’ what ya daddy would say about this?

why do u think a woman shld be the one to stay in the house..whats ur reasoning Angie?

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
12:21 pm

Me personally would rather go stay in one of my patnas basements before I move in with my girl.. I just couldnt take the “This is My House” comment one day cause you would surely hear it..

Leggs

January 28th, 2010
12:23 pm

@Professor ~ he’s an opportunist and love doesn’t speak that language. His name isn’t on the mortgage, with him talking like that he can bounce.

Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)

January 28th, 2010
12:24 pm

I feel what you’re saying in that 12:11 b/c there are some spoiled daddy’s girls out there. Waaay before my parents divorced my mom stressed the importance of being self sufficient…my sperm donor on the other hand, well that’s another story cause dude was/is a severe mama’s boy.

Mo, that’s what’s up. One of my gfs that I’ve talked about on here a time or two did the same thing ~8yrs ago with a dude that’s at least 10yrs her junior. They met in July and she was preggers be August and they were living together shortly after that….in her house. This boy had just gotten out of jail and was still living at home when they met and for some reason she thought he would man up once he moved in with her…NOT. I’m on the side thinking he’s got two mamas..the one that burfed him and her. Needless to say they broke up and this fool is still in and out of jail….chile pleaze :evil:

lurker

January 28th, 2010
12:25 pm

Funny thing tho chicks are drawn to these type dudes which explains why they are such experts in knowing what a man ain’t but have no clue what a man is.

Well, there you have it…SMH

For Real

January 28th, 2010
12:27 pm

Professor: “she went from have a $1400 overhead to a $700 overhead (he paid 1/2)…he is due the money or at least 50%.” – If he can prove he directly invested in the property then he is entitled to a ROI but not 50%. I see alot women are not starting be in the position men have been in forever when it comes to assets gained prior to marriage. It feels like that person is only there for your ish when they (she) make demands to have her name placed on your ish. My suggestion to you is to keep your pre-marriage assets separate in a Trust Fund with you as the overseer. That way if anything happens he can’t touch it and you will always have access to it. And trust me it works. Thank you Paw-Paw!!!

Beautiful ♥

January 28th, 2010
12:31 pm

@DK
you got the guest room! lmbo.

lurker

January 28th, 2010
12:32 pm

dudes laying up on chicks are leeches

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 28th, 2010
12:32 pm

DK – you are right, a dude should never move in with a chick. Dudes that do, its something missing there (maturity, responsibility, drive, motivation…somthing)

Leggs – Ive heard some horror stories too, people dont think the same on that house issue

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 28th, 2010
12:33 pm

On the other hand at a certain age A Dude shouldnt have a room mate. If he cant maintain shelter then something is wrong. Maybe he has to downsize from the Mc Mansion to the Partment in the hood with the stick up against the door but a dude should always keep a roof over his head.

Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)

January 28th, 2010
12:35 pm

I always think about that mess…probably because I am a single woman and I do own some property.

I’m with you Professor..I’ve met a few men who,once learing I have a house,car,career and NO kids like literally/instantly talk about tryna move in or all of a sudden they want to get all super serious,super quick and that is soo not my style.

he’s an opportunist and love doesn’t speak that language.

Gone ‘head and call a spade a spade.

PRINCESSNIK

January 28th, 2010
12:41 pm

@ For Real : I need to know you have some experience taking care of yourself so you will not be looking at me to take care you like your daddy did. Cause you ain’t my daughter you my wife.

Same thought here except I’m not your momma!