The Tipping Point
It is so easy to get stuck in a relationship that is not going anywhere. Trust me, it happens all the time, even when you have said that you aren’t “dating just to be dating”. Somehow complacency sets in, red flags get ignored, and before long you both reach your tipping point.
When a new romance reaches its tipping point, one or both of you are faced with choices to make. You can communicate and express your needs and desires to redefine your connection, or you can cut your losses and move on.
The tricky part (to me) is figuring out when to salvage the relationship and when to chuck the deuces and move on. When there are no major hurdles for you to cross, shouldn’t you want to work out personality clashes?
Is it possible that reaching a “tipping point” is just another relationship milestone to reach? Don’t some couples go through it and come out stronger than they were before?
Have you ever dated someone and things were going “alright”, but just got a little stagnant? How did you figure out if you would invest more time and effort? How do you know when it’s worth putting in the work?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
427 comments Add your comment
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:51 am
@Dan
that is your wife! i hope you tell this to the chick you plan on marrying. sad.
so you will fight her over who stays. that’s a shame man.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:52 am
@Dream
yep! i agree. that’s what we did. in my situation, i agreed to leave.
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
10:53 am
Equilibrium only means that one set of forces doesn’t overwhelm another set, not that they are equal.
Cheers!!
Dan
January 28th, 2010
10:56 am
@Angie
Understand. I’m not saying she got to go that night.
Find a place and stay til you do. I’ll buy you out and go on with the go on. Or we can sell and split the profits (with the one making the least taking the lion’s share).
But there’s no way I walk away from an investment of that size for some notion of chilvary – that’s dumb on my part.
And yes, I do plan on telling her. Just after explaining that “til death do us part” means just that.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 28th, 2010
10:56 am
@kimmie
“Have you trying to rationalize the unrationable ”
That is so true. I was dating a woman who was frustrated with her career and every day it was an issue with her not being satisfied with where she is and I just felt like she would always try to take it out on me. You have to give them their space!
For Real
January 28th, 2010
10:56 am
Raqi: I think we are saying the same thing different ways but we as human cannot achieve perfection which is what “equal” is. 50/50, 100%, is not realist. Balance simple put mean you have not fallin off your fulcrum. Balance can be achieved at 73/30, 80/20, or even 98/2 it all depend on the strength of your fulcrum. Woman like this idea of equal when nothing in our life is “equal”. And exactly how long can any human sustain 100% output with all of the thing going on in our lives. You can’t give 100% to your husband, 100% to your child, 100% to your job or 100% to God all in one day let along a lifetime. So lets dispell the myth of “equal” cause it can only be reached for a monment but it just can’t be sustained. So whatever your balance is with your husband it ain’t 50/50 it’s probably more like 70/30.
GladdToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
10:57 am
@Luvbug
It was a typo and I just went with it.
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
10:58 am
Maybe the investment is upside down…in that situation a person would fight to not keep the house.
kimmie
January 28th, 2010
10:59 am
This discussion you guys are having over who gets the house, and I know Beautiful you say you are not talking legal or financial – but msn.com had an article on it’s front page yesterday. It said the one thing that divorcing couple are not fighting over anymore is – who gets the house. With home values dropping and people losing their jobs & not having the money to maintain it on their own, the fights over the house are dwindling.
Dan
January 28th, 2010
10:59 am
Equalibrium, equal, fulcrum, balance = reciprocity
jussayin
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
11:00 am
@Dan
i see you gon do you. selfish!
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:01 am
@ dan good summary, its all about reciprocity
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
11:01 am
gotcha Gladd…nothing wrong with GLADD, but I had to ask…this is Atlanta
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
11:01 am
@Kimmie
i’m talkin’ straight character.
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:01 am
@PRINCESSNIK
I also watch me some Suze and yo right she say base it on the percentage you bring in…..HOWEVA…since he a man he needs to be paying for the roof! So he pay rent, maybe heat and gas or whatever the essentials and you pay stuff like food and cable or something. The man needst to provide the essentials and if he got a problem wit that thats the sign that you will not be his wife eve! cause a man won’t have a problem takin care of his wife/future wife that way. Don’t think yall gone split it 50/50 hen all of a sudden when you get married things gone change, heck no. its gonna be half and half the rest of your life, and he will neva take his rightful place as provider. Also know that Suze Orman is a lesbian so she may know whats fair but have no clue about gender roles.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
11:02 am
Dan: Reciprocity is subjective thus doesn’t equate to “equal” ie 50/50 which is the myth that women like to promote.
Beautiful: Why is selfish for the man to want the house but unselfish of the woman to want the house?
Melo
January 28th, 2010
11:02 am
Other than marriage,what are the other fulfilling options for u ladies?
Where else wld u want ur relationship to go if marriage is not one of ur desired options?
To answer the qstion,for those that are seeking marriage, i think you chics must have some sort of mental monitor/calendar.Ur relationship can vibe and be so very good but if u truly desire marriage with this guy,there shld be a time u must feel comfortable to ask him if he desires marriage…not too much pressing but just a lil nudging..
By doing that,u ensure that ur’e investing time in a project that has the potential to come to some frution. There after, all u have to do is maintain being best that u can be in the relationship so that the guy can see u in the same light and potential long term value to him.
If u are lucky to have met the right guy,there comes a time when his light bulb really lights up and tells him what he needs to do…
From WD asking of the qstion, i kinda see what she means,especially with u chics becoz some of u maybe doing everyting possible in ur relationship but for some reason,he is not expressing anything new to make butterflies in ur tummy. Thats where,logically and sometimes in anger,some chics will ask for a sit down…”can we talk?”
When u get to that point…the end is proly near….coz most guys dont want their chics to get ahead of them…..Soi it can be a dble edged sword.
For me personally,it helped that as I zoned in on Queen,my cousins and other relatives my age esp, wld pass on good comments..”dont sleep on her,this is the one etc” so I made the logical next step in confidence.
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:03 am
@Glad 2 ……..like i said not my idea LOL I was just sharing AN idea
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:06 am
@ For Real: Why is selfish for the man to want the house but unselfish of the woman to want the house?
If children are involved, in most cases a real man would want to ensure that his children have a roof over their head.
However, If no children are involved i agree it could go either way.
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:07 am
@ Beautiful ♥
It was OUR house, we bought it together while we were married, but as a man, yes, I felt like I should give her the house in a divorce. Not because of chivalry like some other dude said, but because I know my strength as a man and I will walk out into the storm before I send a lady out there. This was my wife, so if I can stop loving or caring about her like that then that says alot about what type of man and husband I was. But, luckily she passed away right before things was official so I got the house afterall. Its all to tha good
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:09 am
@ Glad2 But, luckily she passed away right before things was official so I got the house afterall
wow, LUCKILY……….
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
11:10 am
@For Real
my first question was regarding if the agreement was mutual. in my situation, i asked him to stay (since other bi*atches slept in my bed) and i left. that agreement was healthy for me and him.
if Dan’s wife asked if she could stay and he proceed to fight her on who is staying in the home . . . that’s not being the man i would WANT to deal with.
whether their selling or not.
Cemeeli
January 28th, 2010
11:12 am
oh! I have a “That’s what’s up”
I’d got home 1hr or so, later than my usual time and was TIRED from grocery shopping…then the savior came…my kid made use dinner last night – which consisted (for my dinner) 2 slices of smoked turkey deli meat, and approximately 15 weat thins. and a cold glass of water. offer to bake a frozen pizza if i was still hungry.
That’s what’s up!
Dan
January 28th, 2010
11:12 am
@For Real
I know that, thus my continued use of the word.
Life and relationships ain’t neva 50/50.
@Angie
I don’t deal with weak people in life. Coming into it she knows that separately we’re storm fronts and together, we’re a hurricane.
But when that ends, should it end, then we revert back to out individual identities.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
11:12 am
“If children are involved, in most cases a real man would want to ensure that his children have a roof over their head.” – You right a MAN (what’s up with the “real man” you either one or not) will take care of his kids but that’s not the only roof he can put over his kids head. A house is an investment plain and simple.
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:13 am
@PRINCESSNIK
I meant lucky fo me
Dan
January 28th, 2010
11:15 am
@Angie; please read my 10:56am.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
11:15 am
@Glad
thanks for clearing that up. and sorry about you losing her.
Leggs
January 28th, 2010
11:15 am
@GladToBe ~ I wasn’t going to respond on this house topic but I like your post. My ex wouldn’t give me a divorce unless I agreed to sell the house. I pay the mortgage every month out of my check while he supposedly paid everything else. It was so important to his ego that not another man step foot in a house that had his name on it. WTF, are your kidding me. Anyway, I agreed to sell so I could get my divorce. Then, BAM, the housing market fell through the biggest crevice we’ve seen in a long time. Seems like he understands but gripes that he can’t move forward fast enough with his name on the mortgage and wants to know when I will sell. I’m not going to give my house away like it’s a prize in a cracker jack box.
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:15 am
@ for real (what’s up with the “real man” you either one or not
a real man, not just a male who refers to himself as a man
czBrat... proud new grand-auntie!
January 28th, 2010
11:16 am
I know my strength as a man and I will walk out into the storm before I send a lady out there. i could be wrong, but i think some would consider that chivalry.
Cemeeli
January 28th, 2010
11:16 am
@Melo – 11:02 GOOD!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 28th, 2010
11:17 am
Beauty – Youre not talking about the law unless it benefits you.. Please stop talking about act like a man.. Act like a lady first.. Worry about you being a lady. Thats the funniest thing to me women alwas trying to tell a manhow to be a man but take offense when a man tries to tell yall how to be a lady.. So I wont tell you how to be lady and you dont tell me how to be a man.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
11:18 am
“if Dan’s wife asked if she could stay and he proceed to fight her on who is staying in the home . . . that’s not being the man i would WANT to deal with.” – Hence the reason for the divorce. I still don’t understand how giving you an investment makes me a man?
Why do women always seem to know what a man is or isn’t and know what a man should or shouldn’t do but always seem to choose dudes that aren’t men or simply can’t find one?
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:19 am
@Leggs
Just wait awhile, maybe he’ll die before the market bounce back
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
11:19 am
So far, I’ve only left relationships for major issues – cheating, character differences, etc. Boring, stagnant, and sometimes annoying aren’t qualifiers for me (yet).
Off the top, one habit I cannot adjust to is constant lateness and/or being less than 98% dependable.
I’m getTING ANGRY JUST WRTING ABOUT IT. (The Hulk)…uh-oh there goes my sleeves, slacks and knee highs.
ThirdWheel
January 28th, 2010
11:19 am
I talked to him last night about the 50/50 and how he makes more money than me and maybe he should be paying more of the bills. He looked at me and said are you crazy?? We are not married!! It’s time for me to go…I think I know why his first wife left him now…. she made more money than him and she was taking care of him. She was fat as well. Then she lost weight and decided she could do better… I see this now…
Dan
January 28th, 2010
11:20 am
@Brat – it is; but misguided in my opinion.
@For Real
Me either (on both questions)
kimmie
January 28th, 2010
11:20 am
Melo – Like your 11:02
I’m not getting deep into this whole “balance” discussion, but I will mention something that I’ve heard several successful couples say. Folks like to quote that things should be 50/50 or each person should be giving 100% all the time. Neither are just not possible. There will be certain times where things will be 70/30, 10/90, 0/100, 60/40, etc. It will ebb and flow. Each side will put in the “extra”, so that things are 100. One person may be too tied up with a work project to give that 50% they usually give to chores around the home, so the other pitches in a little more during that time. One is ill and bedridden, so the other has to do everything. One loses their job in a 2-salary household, so the other has to hold it down for awhile.
That’s what a relationship should be – a partnership, have each other’s back. When one has to carry much of the load themself ALL THE TIME, that’s where the issues come in.
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
11:20 am
@ glad2 I meant lucky fo me
that is no better it sounds like you didn’t care but i think i understand what you meant
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:20 am
@ThirdWheel
When yo say she was fat as well do you mean fat as well as you or fat along with making more money than him? #imjustsayin
Raqi
January 28th, 2010
11:22 am
ForReal, I disagree. You can give 100% in many areas. Giving 100% is just fulfilling a promise or an obligation.
If I promise you I am going to empty your trash every day, “weather” permitting, and I do so, I am giving 100%.
If I agree with Dan that I will rake his yard every other day, weather permitting, and I do so, I am giving 100%.
And if I am obligated to Infamous to make him an egg sandwich every other Sunday afternoon, weather permitting, and I do so, I am giving 100%.
Fulfilling all of my promising and obligations as agreed is giving 100% of me.
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:22 am
@ czBrat… proud new grand-auntie!
naw thats confidence as a man. If i put her out I would feel like less of a man to myself, I wasn’t worried about pleasing her. Chivalry is when you tryin to be nice to a woman but i was just makin sure I could still look at myself in a mirror without hearing my daddys voice but like I said it all worked out.
Leggs
January 28th, 2010
11:24 am
@Glad ~ literally laughed out loud!
@3Wheel ~ you already know what to do!
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
11:24 am
Wow – sorry for your loss Gladd.
ThirdWheel
January 28th, 2010
11:28 am
She was overweight but bringing home the most money too. I think she took care of him
GladToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
11:29 am
@Luvbug
what loss? I said I got to keep the house
2CPTG......"won't be ova til that big guhl from decatur sang!"
January 28th, 2010
11:29 am
’sup y’all…..interesting comments, thus far…..whens it over? when all y’all do is fvck and fight…
who gets the house? depends….shorties involved? then the noble thing would be to let her have it…..no shorties? now we got issues….Leggs, I can understand where your ex is comin from….hell, why is “new” dyck trynna reap the benefits of another man’s hard work? If he had his shyt together, you’d be moving in with him! Akin to what I said yesterday about these lame dyck ass men…..da hell is up with dudes movin in with females……get/have yo own shyt……A female cain’t neva tell me to “get out!”….all she can say is “go home”! Cause best believe I’mma have mine!
czBrat... proud new grand-auntie!
January 28th, 2010
11:30 am
kimmie luv that 11:20. that’s just truth … plain and simple.
kimmie
January 28th, 2010
11:35 am
2C – See my 10:11 – reposted some gems Melo dropped about dudes moving in with women.
Thanx czBrat, just call em like I see em. Anything else is okey-doke.