The Tipping Point
It is so easy to get stuck in a relationship that is not going anywhere. Trust me, it happens all the time, even when you have said that you aren’t “dating just to be dating”. Somehow complacency sets in, red flags get ignored, and before long you both reach your tipping point.
When a new romance reaches its tipping point, one or both of you are faced with choices to make. You can communicate and express your needs and desires to redefine your connection, or you can cut your losses and move on.
The tricky part (to me) is figuring out when to salvage the relationship and when to chuck the deuces and move on. When there are no major hurdles for you to cross, shouldn’t you want to work out personality clashes?
Is it possible that reaching a “tipping point” is just another relationship milestone to reach? Don’t some couples go through it and come out stronger than they were before?
Have you ever dated someone and things were going “alright”, but just got a little stagnant? How did you figure out if you would invest more time and effort? How do you know when it’s worth putting in the work?
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427 comments Add your comment
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 28th, 2010
10:04 am
Third – Get yourself together. Are you fat also? If so you cant trip on him if youre not in shape. Just work on getting yourself together because me reading you fro the beginning I have read self esteem issues with this chick.. Your self depricating tortured humor is not funny. Please understand you can be happy content and secure with yourself but it starts with you. Pick yourself up look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful.. Start right there and people will start to notice the change.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 28th, 2010
10:06 am
@INFAMOUS
“However I do know this.. When its time to go you will know. You will know.”
Good point. It’s funny because we all know the obvious reason’s when it’s time to go; she put her hands on you, she cursed your mom out, you saw her kiss another guy or switch numbers in your face, etc…
But what are some of the passive aggressive sign’s that it’s time to go?
I think the passive aggressive times that its time to go are when she is real combatitive and disrepectful. Once the respect is gone, it is gone so you have to check it. That’s the first sign and if it progresses past this, then it is on us if we are still staying.
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 28th, 2010
10:06 am
Of course he’s lazy, he has no incentive to be otherwise, especially if he has no ambition and self-motivation of his own.
Cosign but also to add he didn’t have the impetus to get up,get out and get sumthing b/c he had/has YOU….so if he already has someone cleaning after him and giving him mone(among other things) then he’s thinking why change….change for what? You must know your self worth…cause you’re worth more Third. You can hear this all day long but until YOU internalize it,believe it and manifest it….it means nothing.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
10:07 am
Awww dayum I feel a Mary J. Blige song coming on……
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
10:08 am
PRINCESSNIK – Mechel’le …with the apostrophy L-E…does that qualify as bouge-ghetto? I can imagine her arguing people down about the way they spell it…in her high voice.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:09 am
and i didn’t give him a reason of our demise. he grown. he can figure it out on his own why he single.
czBrat... proud new grand-auntie!
January 28th, 2010
10:09 am
GM All!
my head rules by 52%, because this heart will get me in trouble. so true Professor i’ve not been the same since my divorce, and i’m afraid the s/o’s have had to deal with my being logical about relationships (more so than romantic). oh well. what keeps things from being stagnant is sharing. always sharing your thoughts and plans. knowing that, for the most part, the two of you remain on the same page and working together as a team toward whatever goals and aspirations you may have.
GladdToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
10:10 am
I knew it was over when I looked at her, planning to ask her to get me some juice but accidentally said “I don’t want to be married anymore.” I felt so horrible, I wanted to cry, but them my lovely wife said “Me either but I didn’t want to say it first so I could keep the house. How soon can you leave?”
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2010
10:11 am
I don’t think he is seeing anyone else by the way because he is very lazy
Whenever you come up with reasons why your guy isn’t cheating, that’s when he is. You think because you don’t want him, no one else will. If he’s not stroking you, he’s stroking someone. Believe it or not, there’s a chick out there who appreciates him exactly the way he is, good or bad.
kimmie
January 28th, 2010
10:11 am
3rd Wheel – Exerts from Melo, January 15 – Yeah, he does drop gems sometimes!
My only advice to chics, i dont care how much u luv him,dont let a dude come live in ur house/apartment or sign on his lease.Let his brother,his friends etc do that.Let him be a man and hustlke on his own without burdening u with his responsibilities be4 u are even married.
The moment u chics realize that,thats when ur men are gon to be real standup dudes!
That advice applies even if you don’t want to get married
YEP..IF u gon to be committed to him,he needs to think thru aome things in advance…credit,saving etc…coz he wants to have a gerl for keeps..
Let a man be a man and let him demonstrate that thru action rather than u bailing him out on tricky stuff!
My young cousin was jailed one time,back home over a thang he neva did.
we kept that on the low low and none in the fam got wind of it and we got himn out as boys.
Ur man must do likewise,wake up everday gon to work,food on the table,aprtment is looking good,his wheels are decent and there is food in the home and he asks u for nothing except to put some on the stove for him!
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
10:11 am
@ Luvbug i would def qualify that as bouge-ghetto, i think that was in the early stages of “created” names LOL
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:15 am
@thirdwheel
think of three reasons why you should stay. if you can’t come up with at least three, well . . .
a must for me: selfless, i’m #2 (only if he has kids), care about my happiness.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:17 am
@GladdToBeBad
dayum!
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
10:17 am
One time for Melo, January 15!
Ur man must do likewise,wake up everday gon to work,food on the table,aprtment is looking good,his wheels are decent and there is food in the home and he asks u for nothing except to put some on the stove for him!
I wholeheartedly agree with that, If he maintaining on his own, and i’m maintaining on my own…..should we decide to take the next step and get married it should technically be all good.
I will never ever let another dude that is not related to me move into my space nor will i move into theirs! NO DEAL, it only took me 3 months to realize i had been right all my few years of adulthood with the no-cohabitation rule.
czBrat... proud new grand-auntie!
January 28th, 2010
10:18 am
But what are some of the passive aggressive sign’s that it’s time to go? indifference.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
10:19 am
“i’m #2 (only if he has kids)” – What about God? His job? His mamma? You can’t be #1 or #2 everyday. It ain’t possible.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 28th, 2010
10:20 am
Glad2 – That was funny
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 28th, 2010
10:20 am
Awww dayum I feel a Mary J. Blige song coming on……
You sure do….ThirdWheel gurl when this is said and very much DONE you’ll be Just fine….fine…fine.
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
10:20 am
I knew it was over when I looked at her, planning to ask her to get me some juice but accidentally said “I don’t want to be married anymore.”
Now that’s coldblooded…also…just curious – is the GLADD in your moniker just a coincidence or the reason for the divorce?
Barack Obama
January 28th, 2010
10:21 am
I say that if things get stagnant, bring out the vibrator. That worked for Michelle and I.
Leggs
January 28th, 2010
10:21 am
@ThirdWheel ~ time to go find your true 4th Wheel. You don’t have a man so don’t fret too much over leaving. When a man is as insensitive as yours appear to be, that should be your fuel to get the heck out of dodge. Take your power back and do right by yourself!!
Sassy Me....I'm soo ready :-)
January 28th, 2010
10:22 am
Take your power back and do right by yourself!!
Okay?!
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:22 am
@For Real
gotcha! and noted.
@Kimmie
you just described a Alpha Male. a must for me. a take charge kinda man! love it.
Professor
January 28th, 2010
10:22 am
@3rd Kimmie, Melo did drop a gem that day and it applies to this situation.
@SlimOne…thanks for sharing I feel you on that especially when you are young and in love, and start changing and growing. Your post hit home…I have an ex that always talks about “us.” I finally told him that I am not the same little girl he knew, but a grown azz woman with hopes and dreams. We are so far apart as it relates to life and goals…I would not have him now! BTW there is nothing wrong with him he is a cool dude, but he would be better off with someone else and so would I.
GladdToBeBad
January 28th, 2010
10:22 am
Yeah, that was a good broad, I miss her sometimes. Sho is lonely is this big a$$ house
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 28th, 2010
10:23 am
@3rd Wheel
“….I don’t think he is seeing anyone else by the way because he is very lazy. He likes to watch movies all the time and eat. But I could be wrong…”
Who knows 3rd. Alot of times people gravitate towards people like them good or bad. Maybe he is not seeing anybody or maybe he is just in a routine with you.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
10:23 am
Glad2 – Dayum!!! That’s some funny ish!!
Peace of Mine – (Marriage + House)/Divorce = Quit Claim
kimmy
January 28th, 2010
10:23 am
Hi,
The tipping point is if you continue to argue about the same thing over and over again. There will always hurdles the question is is it the same hurdle. If you argue about something important to you and there is no progress then maybe that person is not for you. It is okay to make reasonable sacrifices for the sake of your relationship, but everyone has things that are important to them and essential to a successful relationship so roll out if your needs are not being met and further more if your partner doesn’t seem to care. Wow….That opened a wound.
For Real
January 28th, 2010
10:25 am
Awww hell naw “KimWhy” and “KimEye”!!! Somebody do something!!
Dan
January 28th, 2010
10:27 am
Yeah 3rd wheel, the standard rule applies here:
“Men like sex”;
and if he isn’t getting it from you, he’s getting it from somewhere.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:28 am
@GladdToBeBad
ummm. question. whose house was it? both of yours? if yes, why in da heyo are you there? was this a mutual agreement?
*breath Beautiful*
Melo
January 28th, 2010
10:28 am
even when you have said that you aren’t “dating just to be dating
uall everywhere with the topic but that there is what WD is talking about..a relationship that aint going nowhere,not necesarily where u have arguments per se but the one like Slim’s maybe,where things may even be ok..but there is no progression..to the next logical step!
Good morning!
Luvbug
January 28th, 2010
10:32 am
Yeah, that was a good broad, I miss her sometimes
Okay, I’m gonna assume coincidence unless you tell be otherwise.
Raqi
January 28th, 2010
10:32 am
ForReal, I agree but how is there balance if it’s not equal. The support or fulcrum can be strong as ever but if everything teeters to one side there is no balance. And for me equality in creating balance does not mean I cook one day and he cooks the next. Or I change the poopy diaper this morning and he changes it tonight. Or we both pay equal halves of the bills. Equality in creating our balance is seeing the needs and we both contributing according to our strong points. It’s equal when both are giving 100% in their strongest areas.
Now even in that, that’s where you better make sure before even getting into a relationship as what your needs are that you want the other person to fill and “value” that you put on it.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 28th, 2010
10:33 am
Beauty – Why shouldnt he be there? The woman is just not entitled to the home.. Jesus!
kimmie
January 28th, 2010
10:34 am
But what are some of the passive aggressive sign’s that it’s time to go?
M dot – These are the ones that some folks have trouble recognizing, especially when you are “in it”. And they are the things that will drive you crazy too!LOL!! Have you trying to rationalize the unrationable – well maybe if I just hang in there, maybe he/she had a bad day, maybe he/she just needs a little push, he/she isn’t SO bad, etc!
Professor
January 28th, 2010
10:35 am
Hey czBrat! congrats on the new baby….
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:37 am
@DK
let’s say they both own the home. a man will leave and allow her to stay. that to me is a man. *shrug*
if you’re saying otherwise ———->
Dan
January 28th, 2010
10:41 am
@Angie
If it isn’t a community property state, he’s under no obligation to leave, neither is she.
At the end of a relationship, it’s not about ‘man’/'woman’ it’s about “mine” and “yours”; and may the best person win.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:41 am
*The woman is just not entitled to the home* and i didn’t say this. you’re a man, act like one!
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:43 am
@Dan
it’s obvious that you two miss my point. it has nothing to do with the law or court.
ThirdWheel
January 28th, 2010
10:44 am
I just want to thank everyone for their advice. It has really given me something to think about. As for the sex part he told me that sex was overrated and not the most important thing in the relationship. He calls me a horn dog…. So I don’t think he is getting it from somewhere else. Yes, I am fat but I am working on that issue as well. Also my cousin was telling me that since we live together and he makes the most money that he should be contributing more to the household until I get on my feet. What do you think about that? Right now everything is 50/50 and I am struggling…
Dan
January 28th, 2010
10:45 am
@Angie
I understand your point; I just don’t agree.
Unless their are children involved, no way I’m just giving up my home for some misguided notion of chilvary. At the point we decide we don’t want one another, I have no further ties (unless kids are involved).
Professor
January 28th, 2010
10:46 am
uall everywhere with the topic but that there is what WD is talking about..a relationship that aint going nowhere,not necesarily where u have arguments per se but the one like Slim’s maybe,where things may even be ok..but there is no progression..to the next logical step!
…now that is the truth…Slim did mention a relationship not going anywhere and I thing For Real may have asked a question or two to get things on track. I think most of us are trying to offer a little advice and kind words to third wheel, though.
Leggs
January 28th, 2010
10:46 am
@Raqi ~ I like words and had to look up fulcrum. Never heard of it. Tks.
Beautiful ♥
January 28th, 2010
10:48 am
*As for the sex part he told me that sex was overrated and not the most important thing in the relationship*
yea, it’s time to bounce!
Cemeeli
January 28th, 2010
10:48 am
and now there are like 6 people living in a double-wide
Where are those rib sanmmiches WillieD? That is mos def a rib sandwhich moment.
hahahaha…oh naw!
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2010
10:50 am
For Real, Raqi Balance does not mean equality, it means equilibrium. Equilibrium depends on the center of mass of the fulcrum in relation to the torques (rotational forces) being applied. Equilibrium only means that one set of forces doesn’t overwhelm another set, not that they are equal.
Beautiful
If they bought the house together, then they should SELL it together.
czBrat... proud new grand-auntie!
January 28th, 2010
10:50 am
Thank you! Thank you! Professor. i couldn’t be any happier if it were my own grandchild
PRINCESSNIK
January 28th, 2010
10:51 am
@3rd wheel Also my cousin was telling me that since we live together and he makes the most money that he should be contributing more to the household until I get on my feet. What do you think about that? Right now everything is 50/50 and I am struggling…
Suze Orman recommends that you add both incomes to deterimine the total household income, then determine what your percentage of the total household income is, if its 40% you pay 40% of the household bills.
Now don’t jump all over me this is not my idea, just passing on…….