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Numbers Don’t Lie

Men lie, women lie, but numbers don’t. You’ve probably heard it in a rap song or acceptance speech before. I overheard it while having drinks with a friend at Drinkstory at the W Hotel. I perked up when I heard a group of people talking about a woman who “smashed the homies” (i.e. slept with friend of a lover). One of the guys, who was clearly a statistician or something, actually broke down the probability of this woman’s “magic number” being higher than theirs.

I am always highly amused how that old double standard works when it comes to this kind of thing. That whole “lady in the street, freak in the bedroom” mantra all but disappears if a man decides (for whatever reason) that the lady/freak has a number that puts him on edge.

I believe we all have our own personal beliefs, morals, and values when it comes to our magic numbers. Some of us judge people by them and others simply just worry about what the person’s behavior is present day. What is the bottom line for you? When we get in to our sexual past, what do the number of partners really mean to you?

How worried do you get about the number of people your date has slept with? Do you ever wonder how high or low the number is?

Have you ever felt like it was a deal breaker kind of thing?

Do you believe there is cause for concern when someone asks your magic number?

440 comments Add your comment

Lady J

January 27th, 2010
8:57 am

Good Morning as I gather my snacks for this one….yall showed out yeterday and reading the rest was just that folk just needed an outlit and MIA was that…..lol!!! Happy Hump Day as we discuss humping!!!!:)

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:06 am

My number is four and I am not ashamed of that. Two marriages, one faux marriage and a relationship. While I was dating my only concern with the number thing was were these relationships or just sleeping around with whomever just because. However what was most important is how the person was living at the time they were a relationship potential for me.

It’s not abnormal or unthinkable that a grown man over the age of 25 would have more than 3 sex partners. Neither is it for a woman. We are adults. If a person is not mature enough to accept the fact that a person they are wanting a relationship with had other relationship before them they should not be dating.

Numbers high or low, it’s all up the person that is interested to decide what they can or cannot live with.

And you know how the saying goes. Don’t ask a question you are not prepared to hear the true answer of.

ImAPeach404

January 27th, 2010
9:10 am

Morning!

All it takes is one time to get “The Ninja” so, numbers aren’t an issue to me.
I don’t believe that what you’ve done in the past necessarily means thats what you’re doing in the present. Hell… I used to be wild but I’m not anymore. Who I was when I was 23 is no where near who I am at 33.

In my current situation – the guy I’m seeing now has been married for the last 13 years… I’ve been single. I’m quite SURE my #’s are higher than his.

Lady J

January 27th, 2010
9:12 am

It’s not abnormal or unthinkable that a grown man over the age of 25 would have more than 3 sex partners. Neither is it for a woman. We are adults. If a person is not mature enough to accept the fact that a person they are wanting a relationship with had other relationship before them they should not be dating.

Numbers high or low, it’s all up the person that is interested to decide what they can or cannot live with.

And you know how the saying goes. Don’t ask a question you are not prepared to hear the true answer of.

@ Raqi with that awesome post that sums up this blog LMAO I gave you a a round of applause….my thoughts without typing it with my errors!!!! Get it Ms Raqi!!! I agree 10x over!!!!!:)

Just Being Me

January 27th, 2010
9:13 am

[i]… I used to be wild but I’m not anymore. Who I was when I was 23 is no where near who I am at 33.

In my current situation – the guy I’m seeing now has been married for the last 13 years… I’ve been single. I’m quite SURE my #’s are higher than his.[/i]

Ditto.

I had some really *ahem* “busy” college years. My 20s were quite “busy” too. I had low self-esteem and a poor self-image.

Nowadays, I’m mature and I value my body a lot more. I know who I am and I know what I’m worth, so I don’t give it up like that. My “current situation” has been married for 13 years (newly divorced) and he was faithful. So I’m sure my numbers are way higher than his.

Just Being Me

January 27th, 2010
9:14 am

Ok, not sure how to italicize on here… :-)

Cemeeli

January 27th, 2010
9:16 am

Majic number???

Ummm, it only takes 1 to get that package sooo….

only takes one

Morning.

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
9:17 am

And you know how the saying goes. Don’t ask a question you are not prepared to hear the true answer of.

How about just don’t ask a stupid question? Because this ranks up there with the worst of them for me. It’s nobody’s business. Besides, it only takes one slip up with the wrong person to change your life forever. Plus, what’s a high number for one might be low or normal to another.

Questions concerning health are fair, absolutely. Other than that, what’s the need to ask that question? That one stupid question is not enough to discern a person’s morality.

I already know how this is going to go today on the blog. The usual male bloggers will come on talking about how women lie about everything anyway. So if you feel that way, why ask the question, dummy? SMH

I’ll probably lurk on this topic today, or at least until it changes later.

Lady J

January 27th, 2010
9:17 am

to me it is how you deal with the numbers as you grow….do you continue to be free just bc, if you fronting that physical is cool and want more to get your rocks off will that be halted, is it really important to do the crew bc they are all cute and single, just applying the numbers I say vs how many….feedback please…lol

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:17 am

I agree Peachy. I would imagine your guy is mature enough to know that during his 13 years of marriage a single person could have had 3 long term relationships. Or not. So it’s all up the individuals involved.

LoveLife411

January 27th, 2010
9:20 am

I could careless how many you’ve been with as long as 1) you are disease free 2) you are no longer “out there” when we meet 3) not dragging around the body baggage and 4) not brining or creating any drama.

Cemeeli

January 27th, 2010
9:22 am

@ Just Being Me

a regular blogger i’m swiss is normally here to post the cheat sheet for the bolding, italics, and emoties…but he’s been out. His wife is Haitian, i hope all is well with them and the family…

this might be the link; http://karaokebus.tzo.com/blog_formatting.txt

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:22 am

LadyJ, only grown folks dare sit at the grown up table. The immature eats with the kids.

DreamsMaterialize

January 27th, 2010
9:22 am

Morning
Most people don’t really want to know how many people their partner has been with. If you’re with me and ONLY me, then we’re good. If a chick asks me my number, I say it doesn’t matter. What’s the point really? What is that really telling you about me?

Lady J

January 27th, 2010
9:23 am

true indeed Raqi!

abc

January 27th, 2010
9:27 am

A chick will never tell you the truth about how many men she’s had, so why bother asking? One exception to that is a friend of mine with a number of around 100. She’s my friend, but her casual approach makes her a slut. I’d never say that to her face; I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings, and it doesn’t have much to do with our friendship. It certainly contributes to her lack of relationship. Even though she’s beautiful and charming, she’ll probably wind up alone.

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
9:28 am

A chick will never tell you the truth

See what I mean?

DreamsMaterialize

January 27th, 2010
9:28 am

The immature eats with the kids.
Nope. The immature eat in the corner by themselves. Can’t have them around the kids that I’m grooming to eventually be mature. lol

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 27th, 2010
9:28 am

Numbers are touchy, but I never ask because honestly you really aren’t going to get the truth anyway so no need to ask idle questions. The theory that I heard and that I go with is whatever number she says, I multiply it by 3.

Cemeeli

January 27th, 2010
9:31 am

abc – I notice you have a battle with women being truthful to you. May i ask …Did the wifey, share her number? Have you asked?

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
9:35 am

Hey Sister Cee!

Will put up special prayers for Swiss’s inlaws.

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:35 am

abc, I agree with the part about relationships. That was a bigger concern for me. Just because a person is not a virgin does not mean they are not a virgin when it comes to relationship. Engaging in sexual intercourse does not a relationship make.

LoveLife411

January 27th, 2010
9:36 am

@ abc,,, how old is you friend.

While I wouldn’t clock anyone else’s number, 100 FOR ME PERSONALLY would be extreme and I’d really need to examine why so many.

I’m usually torn if I should include in my count the one-nighter, of which I’ve only had one and the Not So Goods (a few) LOL :) Ok, now I’m starting on my list… I forgot the number, but it is more than 3.

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:37 am

LOL DreamsMaterialize.

Lady J

January 27th, 2010
9:39 am

lovelife411 I feel ya!:)

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:39 am

And I do not agree that every woman lies about her number. My number is 4. I am not ashamed of that. If it was higher I wouldn’t be ashamed of that either. Hey if you are not mature enough to own up you shouldn’t be doing it. One thing that is true about life is our decisions often come with consequences. You should consider those before you engage.

Be grown up about it.

ImAPeach404

January 27th, 2010
9:39 am

@Just Being Me… ummmm… what part of town your new divorcee stay in??? Lol!

abc

January 27th, 2010
9:40 am

Cemeeli, ALL men know that women fabricate as a way of life. I don’t have to dig out all those links to research again, do I? As far as numbers disclosure, I don’t do it. It doesn’t lead to anything productive. I’ve disclosed to the friend I mentioned, but generally don’t bother with anyone else.

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
9:43 am

It doesn’t lead to anything productive.

I totally agree here, abc.

Melo

January 27th, 2010
9:45 am

Good morning!

Uall skirting the qstion..Is the number an issue with uall..YES or NO….

First, i neva asked those kinda qstions str8 up to a chic..but i did ask around about her….I neva dated stranger strangers per see…i scouted them from people who knew them and proceeded on those grounds…

We were talking about Character yesterday and Sexing AND Character are issues that are intertwined…..
If shes perceived to be a slut or we go out and in all probability,there is always somebody or more in the room that sexxed the woman…We gotta a problem…

If u choose to date blindly and disregard everything else that has happened in her recent past,thats on you but i aint like that…i want to know and there are clever ways of getting some nugget of information without flouting her privacy issues.

And Ofcourse Im with abc, no woman will ever tell u that..Some man may…but most chics neva ask anyway coz if they like the dude,they have that ” gerly pressure” and “competition” thang working against them pissing the dude off.So they dont ask.

But Due Diligence is a must!

If u dont,dudes will be laughing at u,behind ur back!

Coz u married/dating the village slut.

Merninng!

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:48 am

The number issue and the concern for it should be the thing that make us as people not be so quick to jump into something that we are not sure of. If you care that someone may frown on your number make different choices. If you are okay with where you are then continue to do as you have.

There is a guy out there that may think a woman that has had 2 partners is a slut. And there is a guy out there that is okay that a woman has had 20 before him. In this world it all in the eye of the beholder.

CMS

January 27th, 2010
9:48 am

Why don’t some women count one night stands or the dude that completely sucked in their overall number? Its not like it didn’t happen. If one is all it takes to get an STD it doesn’t matter if the sex was good.

LastManStanding

January 27th, 2010
9:50 am

I don’t care about the numbers of partners as long as you’re healthy and have a healthy mindset. If you got high numbers cause you were looking for love, then keep moving cause obviously you conflicted. However, if you respect yourself and enjoy that type of company with others, then hell, we should get along just fine!

Its the folks with the high numbers of RELATIONSHIPS that scare me. If I meet a 35 year old woman, I’d rather her have had 25 partners than 10 relationships. Now that’s scary!!

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:50 am

LastMan, you said something interesting. What do you feel makes a relationship a relationship?

PRINCESSNIK

January 27th, 2010
9:51 am

I’ve never had a guy i was actually dating ask me my “magic number” nor have i asked any of them. My concern is when was the last time you were tested and what were the results, my second concern is if we are not in a “committed” relationship how many other chicks (if any other chicks) are you screwing.

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
9:55 am

i want to know and there are clever ways of getting some nugget of information without flouting her privacy issues.

Exactly Melo – there are plenty of ways to find out about a person’s character. Asking about some arbitrary number is just ridiculus.

If u dont,dudes will be laughing at u,behind ur back!
Coz u married/dating the village slut.

Suppose she’s not a slut anymore, Melo? Reformed sluts need love too, LOL!!

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
9:56 am

CMS, I don’t get the not counting the bad lays and one-nighters either. If there was penetration it’s a done deal. Just because it was quick or you didn’t orgasm does not mean intercourse did not happen. That’s about like being “a little” pregnant. Either you are pregnant or you aren’t. And just because the baby may not have been born or you gave it up after birth does not mean pregnancy did not take place.

It is what it is.

Cemeeli

January 27th, 2010
9:58 am

Hi kimmie.

I really would like to read how the ‘majic’ number for men judging women is any different than them judging a woman based on her being emotionally attached to several men. From the topic a few days ago a few men said they’d be more repulsed at her “emotionally attached”, than her having xyz sex partners, in her past.

And if a person has had 2, 4, 12, 25 or 100 partners in their past…i think once you let one a person inside you (for the women) and “sticking” (for the men)…you’ve pretty much open yourself to the other sex partners that person’s been with.

That is why i’m repulsed at cheaters…And yeah, i’m going to use Tiger as an example…though, i hope he and family comes through this okay…considering the kids on top, aside of his behavior.

How many do they say he was with?…Now if all of those women had other “casual”, or serious partners…how many times did he have sex with his wife during that time? So yeah, he subject her to aaaaallll those people and their “stuff”.

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
10:00 am

Raqi – To your 9:56 – Suppose there was no pentra, but you “serviced” quite a few without going all the way. Do those add to your count? You could have done quite a bit of messing around, but only went all the way with 1. So your “number” is actually low if you’re not counting those other encounters, but some may still consider you of lower moral character.

So “numbers” don’t really tell much, that’s why it’s all so silly to me.

Leggs

January 27th, 2010
10:01 am

@loveLife411 ~ your 9:20 says it all.

@DreamsM ~ you have me laughing already.

@Raqi ~ you preaching, as usual!

DreamsMaterialize

January 27th, 2010
10:03 am

whatever number she says, I multiply it by 3.
M the Nobel committee is looking for you so they can give you the prize. They were astounded by the ground-breaking, scientific accuracy of your theory. lol

LoveLife do you really think 100 is astronomical? Let’s take a 35 year old man. Suppose he was a late bloomer and started having sex at 18. If he had sex with two women each year, his number would be 34. If he had sex with a woman every three months, it would be 68. A different one each month, 204. If a dude is going hard, he might be sexing a different chick each week. His number would be 884.

East Point's Own

January 27th, 2010
10:04 am

I don’t care about the number, but I do care about: 1.Any diseases that she has had/does have 2. I want to know if she has been with anyone I know, not that I would not be with her if she has been with people I know, but I would not want to be in the room with two people who have a history together that I do not know about & I don’t need to have my homies telling me about my woman before she tells me about their past together. 3. I would want to know if she has any children, I have come across several women lately with children that they are not raising which makes me wonder why that is the case.

http://hispointofview.com

Cemeeli

January 27th, 2010
10:05 am

abc – So i take it you didn’t ask your wife her number?

Oh, i get it that YOU think women lie…or shall we say you believe what you want, or you base your beliefs off those “researched” links that you solemnly enjoy. Or…or…a woman does tell you and just do not accept that, or rather relate to her as lies no matter what?…ummm becuase that’s what hurt, you’re use too?

LastManStanding

January 27th, 2010
10:05 am

@ Raqi IV

If it’s a relationship in her mind, then I consider it a relationship because she’s the only I’m trying to figure out. Now I know if a woman is about 35, aint no way she done had ten good relationships…..this little process helps me figure out if she healthy in the mind or not. It also lets me know the likely hood of her slashing my tires, cause trust me, she done been there before.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 27th, 2010
10:05 am

@DreamsMaterialize

LOL you trying to start already huh? Anyway, that’s just my personal view.

Ladies, what does a guys number say about him to you?

Guy’s, whatdoes a woman’s number say about her to you?

Let’s be honest and keep it 100!

kimmie

January 27th, 2010
10:05 am

Dreams – Now you KNOW it’s a different standard for men & women, you KNOW that!

ImAPeach404

January 27th, 2010
10:07 am

Where she go??? I’m trying to figure some ish out!

Melo

January 27th, 2010
10:09 am

Reformed sluts need love too

@Kimmie

agree,there is smeone for everybody in the marketplace..

junk bonds, i dont touch,too risky! :lol: but some see good returns in them..

I really would like to read how the ‘majic’ number for men judging women is any different than them judging a woman

@CEE

This issue of sex and sluts is as subjective to men as is the choosing of men based on physicalities is to women…U think the fat and short guys u pass over for trimmer and tall ones are thrilled by ur actions?? :lol:

Everybody looks out for their own interests,including u females..

Why is ur number different?

SexyCool - Still Feeling Good

January 27th, 2010
10:09 am

My number is not your business. Period. And if you ask, you’re lame as fck.

Raqi IV

January 27th, 2010
10:09 am

kimmie, you have a good point. In the big picture it all matters. How far beyond just kissing do most as people count as someone having engaged. It’s up to those involved.